Monster-sized. You try to address Dracula's hygiene issues. And don't even get me started on the Phantom of the Opera. Really, just read this book.

    That's one take on Frisco Pigeon Mambo, an uproarious new comic novel by C.D. Payne, author of the cult classic Youth in Revolt: The Journals of Nick Twisp.When a flock of alcohol- and tobacco-addicted lab pigeons are liberated in San Francisco, our feathered heroes turn the whole city topsy-turvy. They dance into bars, stick up liquor stores, spy on socialites, swipe a van full of cats, and even dodge a murder rap.Meet the leader who's convinced he's human because "it would be too absurd to name a pigeon Robin". Will Robin and his pals find their way back to Berkeley? Will they survive the next 15 minutes without a cigarette?Along the way, these swashbuckling outlaws team up with Freud-quoting parakeet on the lam from a mental health clinic, a pigeon-devouring falcon with a sudden interest in religion, a halibut-wielding sea gull with a knack for shoplifting, and more. Soon they have a price on their heads, cops on their trail, beer on their breath, and amour on their minds.Not since Hitchcock unleashed "The Birds" has California witnessed such mischief from the skies. But prepare for a surprise or two as the notorious "Killer Pigeons" undergo a dramatic transformation.Described by the author as "America's great pigeon novel", Frisco Pigeon Mambo is now in development as a Twentieth-Century Fox animated film, to be produced by the Farrelly brothers ("Something About Mary", "Me, Myself & Irene"). Foreign rights to the novel have been sold so far to Germany (Droemer) and the Czech Republic (Jota).Frisco is being published simultaneously with Revolting Youth: The Further Journals of Nick Twisp. Thislong-awaited sequel to Payne's first novel continues the comic misadventures of the "world's most dangerous teen diarist".

    Well, one voice. It's the voice of his dog. Not that it's a real dog, Danny's mother would never let him have a real dog, so Danny made up one for himself. And a fine big dog it is too, with a waggy tail and a nice cold nose. Danny was going to call it Princey, but the dog told him its name was Demolition. So that's what Danny calls it.And the dog's told him other things too. Like how to adjust the bar-code reader in the shop where Danny works so that he can read the lines on people's palms and Danny can see what they're thinking. And which small ads in the comic books to send off to, so Danny can become irresistible to women, bend others to his will, gain vital inches and fear no man living.No, Danny's not sad and lonely any more. Danny's barking mad.Robert Rankin has been described variously as 'Funnier than Aleister Crowley, more dangerous than P.G. Wodehouse' (Cardinal Cox, EP Magazine), 'The drinking man's H.G. Wells' (Midweek) and 'An irregular genius' (David Profumo, The Daily Telegraph). His 13th novel is a nightmare journey to hell and back (with only a brief stop at a Happy Eater to use the toilet). Where Natural Born Killers and Silence of the Lambs merely dipped their toes in terror's icy water, Rankin boldly takes his lurex sock off and really puts his foot in it.

    Kick Me is a nostalgic trip for the inner geek in all of us.

    A town where nearly all of the volunteer firemen are named Jim, where The Dirty Shame—the only bar in town—refuses to serve mixed drinks (too much work), where the locals hate the newcomers (then again, they hate the locals, too), and where the town softball team has never even come close to having a winning season. Until now.Rachel Flood has snuck back into town after leaving behind a trail of chaos nine years prior. She’s here to make amends, but nobody wants to hear it, especially her mother, Laverna. But with the help of a local boy named Jake and a little soul-searching, she just might make things right.In the spirit of Empire Falls and A League of Their Own, with the caustic wit of Where’d You Go, Bernadette thrown in for good measure, Richard Fifield’s hilarious and heartwarming debut will have you laughing through tears.

    From the office TGIF (the overgrown frat boy in the office who always says “party”) to the Lieberal (a Democrat with Republican sympathies), from Uncle Tomatoes (Italians who hate The Sopranos) to Cherohonkees (white Baby Boomers who dress like Native Americans), each profile offers a detailed description of everything from sex appeal and favorite pick-up lines to popular names and habitats. The result is both a brilliant parody and thorough outing of just about every neurosis, attribute, and personality type there is.

    Meet Miss Misinformation, Swami Gourami, and Gladiola Gloppe (and her Soup Shoppe), and delight in a backwards poem, a poem that ever ends, and scores of others that will be changed, read, and loved by readers of every age. Whether you begin at the beginning or just open the book at random, you won't stop smiling.“Prelutsky’s a natural rhymester. He has a keen sense of what tickles kids.”—Kirkus Reviews

    'Revolution on Canvas' presents another collection of poetry from some of the country's most popular indie-rock bands, including Deftones, Fall Out Boy, Armor For Sleep, and Say Anything.

    It is the story of Chauncey Gardiner - Chance, an enigmatic but distinguished man who emerges from nowhere to become an heir to the throne of a Wall Street tycoon, a presidential policy adviser, and a media icon. Truly "a man without qualities," Chance's straightforward responses to popular concerns are heralded as visionary. But though everyone is quoting him, no one is sure what he's really saying. And filling in the blanks in his background proves impossible. Being There is a brilliantly satiric look at the unreality of American media culture that is, if anything, more trenchant now than ever.

    Meet the 38 stones man who has never flown before and stands fat chance of ever doing so. The man who thinks his distinct Turkish looks won't go down very with the locals in the Greek half of Cyprus. The passenger who wants to enjoy the flight with his inflatable rubber woman sat on his knee. The man who suspects his false teeth may have been stolen by one of the cabin crew. Meet these delightful people plus many, many more, and enjoy the funniest read you'll have had for ages. If you enjoyed the Henry Root Letters you'll love Dear Air 2000..

    Mediocre at best.”—Donald Trump, 1989A NEW YORK TIMES BEST SELLER!He tried to warn us. Ever since the release of the first Trump-for-President trial balloon in 1987, Doonesbury’s Garry Trudeau has tirelessly tracked and highlighted the unsavory career of the most unqualified candidate to ever aspire to the White House. It’s all there—the hilarious narcissism, the schoolyard bullying, the loathsome misogyny, the breathtaking ignorance; and a good portion of the Doonesbury cast has been tangled up in it.  Join Duke, Honey, Earl, J.J., Mike, Mark, Roland, Boopsie, B.D., Sal, Alice, Elmont, Sid, Zonker, Sam, Bernie, Rev. Sloan, and even the Red Rascal as they cross storylines with the big, orange airhorn who’s giving the GOP such fits.Garry Trudeau is the “sleazeball” “third-rate talent” who draws the “overrated” comic strip Doonesbury, which “very few people read.” He lives in New York City with his wife Jane Pauley, who “has far more talent than he has."

    The #1 New York Times bestseller--and basis for the 2004 film from Touchstone Pictures starring Lindsay Lohan--is now reissued with a striking new cover.