Unfortunately, that was before two dudes wielding high-tech gadgets made off with both his kegs and his brother. Now Clyde has to hunt down his sibling with only his most trusted lackey along to help. Will he manage to recover both his beer and Dougie? Will they survive the night as they unveil the mysterious secret of the kidnappers? Will the Earth be destroyed thanks to their bumbling incompetence? Probably that last one, but you’ll have to read it to find out.

    This work is packed with original contributions from Stephen Fry, Alan Davies, Jo Brand, Bill Bailey and other regular guests on the show, with games to play at home, puzzles, cartoon strips, mini-encyclopaedias, how-to diagrams and masses of QI facts. If you want to read Julian Clary's poetry about the Queen, Roger Law's musings on flatulent kangaroos, or have often wondered how you might make a waterproof apron out of a whale's foreskin, your Christmas gift dilemma has just been solved. Warning: very silly indeed. Will offend dullards, whales and parents in no particular order.

    I wonder how many cats have died because of this confusion.Fact: The most germ-laden place on your toilet isn't the seat or even the bowl--it's the handle.The solution: Don't flush. Let the next guy worry about it.There are "just the facts"--and then there are just the facts that will frighten the bejeezus out of you. And thanks to this little gem of a bathroom book, you'll never look at the world the same way again, without, er, dry heaving a little bit.From the sneaky fish that can swim up our genitals to the E. coli bacteria lurking in the very water we drink, disturbing phenomena are everywhere we turn. Educational, entertaining, and undeniably horrifying, this book isn't guaranteed to help you, um, go to the bathroom, but it's certain to make your time there more...informed.

    Discusses Gurdjieff's spiritual teachings, offers a brief profile of the philosopher, and assesses his influence on the modern world.

    Can sit naked in front of book without fear of radiation 9. Reader not distracted by Dave's awful haircut 8. Can be readily enjoyed in Amish households 7. If you fall asleep while reading the book you won't wake up to fat weather guy wishing Happy Birthday to one hundred-year-olds 6. Can use your imagination to picture lists being read aloud by handsome actor George Peppard 5. Origami! Origami! Origami! 4. Can be enjoyed by inmates who have lost their TV privileges 3. Carrying book around proudly announces to rest of world, "I can read large print!" 2. Easier to shoplift than 26-inch Trinitron Stereo Sony 1. Any book is better than Dave's TV show

    Written by a Telegraph and Guardian journalist and self-confessed running nut, this smartly packaged and brilliantly knowing miscellany details entertaining, real-life runners' stories (being overtaken by a kid/OAP or getting lost while training) and takes a humorous look at the mistakes runners make (wearing a brand new pair of trainers for half marathon or getting so pumped by your morning run you have arguments with everyone at work).

    It made him laugh." Cindy McCain "This book is funny, moving and inspirational. I read some of it and had to get him on my radio show." Christian O'Connell, Absolute Radio Breakfast Show DJ "So honest, uninhibited, down-to-earth and readable despite the difficult subject. The best non-fiction book I have read in a very long time.....and I strongly recommend it." Peter J "Hilarious and moving in equal measures. What a brave man!" David Reuben "Adam Blain manages to be funny, poignant and inspiring describing with heart breaking honesty his journey so far, beginning with a diagnosis no one ever wants to face." RG A must-read memoir about coping with cancer Description Adam is a middle aged father of three. Completely out of the blue, and for no reason other than sheer dumb chance, he was diagnosed with a rare and aggressive brain tumour. Adam has endured radiotherapy and chemotherapy which were preceded by major brain surgery to remove the tumour - helpfully described by his surgeon as being the size and shape of a pear. Using the blackest of humour, this book charts Adam's journey from normality to having a disease regularly described as a “death sentence”. How will he cope with the treatment? How will his relationship with family and friends be affected? Most important of all, how will his hair come through this? Quite simply, it is the funniest book so far this year about brain cancer. Warning - this book is intended for mature audiences due to the subject matter and use of strong language.

    

    Dominic Holland is this 'celebrity' dad - a professional stand-up comedian and author. He has appeared on television many times including The Royal Variety Show and Have I Got News For You. He has had his own award winning BBC Radio Four series, The Small World of Dominic Holland. A published author, journalist and writer for other famous comedians... So no slouch himself then. But his eldest son, Tom, played Billy in BILLY ELLIOT THE MUSICAL in London's West End and then was cast in the leading role of Lucas in the film, THE IMPOSSIBLE, now on general release in cinemas worldwide. As well as stand-up comedy, fortunately for this story, Dominic Holland has also taken a crack at Hollywood with his writing and compared to his son, with very contrasting results. Tom flies back and forth to LA to accept and give out awards while his dad still treads the boards and in smaller and less salubrious venues that most egos could bear. "How tom holland eclipsed his dad" is an extraordinary true story and a complete fluke. Without a drama lesson in site, let alone a stage school, how a young boy gets himself long listed for an Academy Award and gets to meet and mix with Hollywood's glitterati is an interesting tale on its own - but the story is hilarious when set against the endeavours of his dad. Written with great affection by a dad who is much more proud than he is bemused, this book will appeal to any parent who wants their kid to prevail and to any kid who casually dreams of becoming a star themself.

    From the office TGIF (the overgrown frat boy in the office who always says “party”) to the Lieberal (a Democrat with Republican sympathies), from Uncle Tomatoes (Italians who hate The Sopranos) to Cherohonkees (white Baby Boomers who dress like Native Americans), each profile offers a detailed description of everything from sex appeal and favorite pick-up lines to popular names and habitats. The result is both a brilliant parody and thorough outing of just about every neurosis, attribute, and personality type there is.

    The Joke and Its Relation to the Unconscious explains how jokes provide immense pleasure by releasing us from our inhibitions and allowing us to express sexual, aggressive, playful, or cynical instincts that would otherwise remain hidden. In elaborating this theory, Freud brings together a rich collection of puns, witticisms, one-liners, and anecdotes, which, as Freud shows, are a method of giving ourselves away.For more than seventy years, Penguin has been the leading publisher of classic literature in the English-speaking world. With more than 1,700 titles, Penguin Classics represents a global bookshelf of the best works throughout history and across genres and disciplines. Readers trust the series to provide authoritative texts enhanced by introductions and notes by distinguished scholars and contemporary authors, as well as up-to-date translations by award-winning translators.

    Through his unconventional wisdom and singular storytelling, Simon Doonan is the ideal instructor to help readers find – and then flaunt – their own creative style and vision. With provocative wit, he walks us through every aspect of our lives: fashion, socializing, love, work, decor, and family, sharing case studies, quotations by cultural icons and practical tips.Illustrated with amusing vintage and contemporary photographs, some lifted from the Doonan family album, How to Be Yourself is an inspiring, joyful and entertaining survival guide – a literary GPS that promises to transport you away from your phone and back to yourself.

    His preferred medium is the spoken word, and his audience has been limited to hard-bitten reporters and hard-core watchers of C-SPAN. Just as The Iliad and The Odyssey were spoken aloud by many bards, in many variations, before Homer captured them on paper, the Rumsfeld improvisations have finally met up with their perfect editor/enabler. Hart Seely, coeditor of O Holy Cow! The Selected Verse of Phil Rizzuto, uncovers the gems hidden within hundreds of hours of Rumsfeld commentary, in the form of Zen verse, haiku, sonnets, lyric poetry, and free verse. In addition, Seely's sharp sleuthing has uncovered two thematic collections: Rumsfeld's Songs of Myself, and Nine Poems on the Media. The result is a hilarious and irreverently revealing book both by and about one of the world's most powerful men.

    Packed full of zingers and hilarious illustrations, if this doesn't put a smile on your face, nothing will. What's not to like:The other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my dressing room. I didn't know what to make of it. I'm against hunting. I'm actually a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox. I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one. Black holes. I don't know what people see in them. So I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first.' He went 'Baah' and I went 'Moo'. He said 'You're closest.' Velcro. What a rip-off. Black Beauty. He's a dark horse. I've got a sponge front door. Hey, don't knock it.

    Back in six months whatever you do. Or three days, like last time.' Camilla Long on Nigel Farage'You're as ugly as a salad.' Bulgarian insult'I'm going to beat him so bad he'll need a shoehorn to put his hat on.' Muhammed AliThere's no pleasure like a perfectly-turned put-down (when it's directed at somebody else, of course) but Matthew Parris's Scorn is sharply different from the standard collections. Here are the funniest, sharpest, rudest and most devastating insults in history, from ancient Roman graffiti to the battlefields of Twitter. Drawing on bile from such masters as Dorothy Parker, Elizabeth I, Donald Trump, Groucho Marx, Princess Anne, Winston Churchill, Nigel Farage, Mae West and Alastair Campbell - which form an exchange between voices down the ages - Scorn shows that abuse can be an art form. This collection includes extended literary invective as well as short verbal shin-kicks. Encompassing literature, art, politics, showbiz, marriage, gender, nationality and religion, Matthew Parris's sublime collection is the perfect companion for the festive season, whether you're searching for the perfect elegant riposte, the rudest polite letter ever written, or a brutal verbal sledgehammer.