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Fifty-one Shades: A Parody (First Three Chapters) by Andrew Shaffer
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The Shadow Girl
Misty Mount - 2017
Most teenagers feel unnoticed and unseen, but for Zylia, it's something much worse. She's disappearing from this world and doesn't know how to stop it. At times, she's not sure she wants to. Until she stumbles across a family mystery surrounding the disappearance of her great-aunt Angelica years earlier. During her quest to unravel the mystery, Zylia discovers she's able to cross the boundary and enter the "in between" world. Now, it's up to Zylia to save herself before she's trapped "in between" forever.
Eidos: A Search for Home
Michael J. Krym - 2013
With no grown-ups around to take care of them, the other kids simply spend their days drinking Silly Juice while playing meaningless games without a care in the world. But unlike them, she has never felt like she has truly belonged. It is not until Harmonia discovers a secret like none other that her life changes forever. For on the far side of the sun sits a planet like none other, a place called Eidos. Joined by runaways from Sky, along with the infamous Captain Jessi and her makeshift crew, they set off across the endless seas of space.Yet before they can reach Eidos, a long journey awaits young Harmonia and her friends. Between a broken planet, a maniacal woman bent on bringing them back, and the sheer boredom, they have a long journey ahead of them. But in the end, Harmonia just might find a place she can finally call home.
66 Metres
J.F. Kirwan - 2016
A killer’s eyes. Nadia knew that on the bitterly cold streets of Moscow, she could never escape her past – but in just a few days, she would finally be free.Bound to work for Kadinsky for five years, she has just one last mission to complete. Yet when she is instructed to capture The Rose, a military weapon shrouded in secrecy, Nadia finds herself trapped in a deadly game of global espionage.And the only man she can trust is the one sent to spy on her…
Holly's Inbox
Holly Denham - 2006
It's her first day as a receptionist at a City investment bank and, with no cooperate front-of-house experience, Holly is struggling to keep up. Add to this her mad friends, dysfunctional family and gossipy colleagues, and Holly's inbox is a daily source of drama, laughter, scandal and even romance. But Holly's keeping a secret from everyone - and the past is about to catch up with her...
Feeling Lucky
M.S.M. Barkawitz - 2021
Others are only too real in this modern-day thriller set amid the chaos of a global epidemic and a cultural uprising that set the world ablaze. She's Lucky one day-Jackie the next. Actress or con artist? Avenging angel or gold-digger? Hunter or prey? Straight or lesbian? Black Lives Matter activist? Only she knows the truth. Or does she? Controversial? No doubt. And all the while-the pandemic kills.
This is Where I Leave You
Jonathan Tropper - 2003
There is, however, one conspicuous absence: Judd's wife, Jen, whose affair with his radio- shock-jock boss has recently become painfully public. Simultaneously mourning the demise of his father and his marriage, Judd joins his dysfunctional family as they reluctantly sit shiva and spend seven days and nights under the same roof. The week quickly spins out of control as longstanding grudges resurface, secrets are revealed and old passions are reawakened. Then Jen delivers the clincher: she's pregnant...“Often sidesplitting, mostly heartbreaking...[Tropper is] a more sincere, insightful version of Nick Hornby, that other master of male psyche.”—USA Today NOW A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE STARRING JASON BATEMAN, TINA FEY, JANE FONDA, AND ADAM DRIVER
White Girl Problems
Babe Walker - 2012
But her "problems" have landed her in shopping rehab--that's what happens when you spend $246,893.50 in one afternoon at Barneys. Now she's decided to write her memoir, revealing the gut-wrenching hurdles she's had to overcome in order to be perfect in every way, every day. Hurdles such as: - I hate my horse. - Every job I've ever had is the worst job I've ever had. - He's not a doctor, a lawyer, or a prince. - I'll eat anything, as long as it's gluten-free, dairy-free, low-carb, low-fat, low-calorie, sugar-free, and organic. In an Adderall-induced flash of inspiration, Babe Walker has managed to create one of the most enjoyable, unforgettable memoirs in years.
Once in a Blue Year
Michael D. Durkota - 2015
Dan is receiving a medical discharge from the navy. With nowhere else to go, he heads to the home of his good friends Nathan and Heather. Trevor is a true submariner. But due to an incident involving Nathan, here he stands, stunned, watching all the girlfriends and wives wiping away their tears as the sleek silhouette of his ship glides stealthily down the river. A rich, multilayered coming-of-age story, Once in a Blue Year follows the two young men through their struggles to discover who they are, each navigating their romantic relationships and coming to terms with the dramatic event at sea that forever altered their lives. "In this lyrical debut novel, the lives of two U.S. Navy men take dramatic turns after they’re cut from a submarine mission during the Gulf War… Debut author Durkota writes a remarkable narrative centered on the afflicted mindsets of his Navy men… And while Durkota’s work often feels like a thriller, it’s more of a psychological study in which the characters, like flashes of lightning, are wonderfully alive for a very short time." — Kirkus Reviews"Durkota's plot is inspired, and his writing is accomplished and vivid... Once in a Blue Year is most highly recommended." - Readers' Favorite"The story is well-written with a lyrical style that borders on poetry at times... Really anyone who appreciates excellent writing will enjoy this one." - Online Book Club
Dark Horde Rising
Iain Hope - 2015
Once the Elder races ruled all the northern lands and their knowledge and power were legend. What calamity befell them, none now know. Centuries on and the north is a land where fell beasts and evil creatures roam unchecked, save in one place, the Wildlands of Darylor. Here mankind has slowly begun to explore and settle where once the Elder ruled, and within those lands, built amidst the ruins of a lost Elder city, lies the College of Magic. Inside, mankind seeks to rediscover the lost magics of old, but in secret one man desires the power to rule all and will stop at nothing to achieve his dream. Meanwhile, in the city of Shandrilos, in the shadow of the College of Magic, a groups of friends come together. Jon 'Bear' Madraig, fighter and mage, and his best friend the roguish swordsman and knight, Darin of Kenarth come to meet old friends and relive past adventures. The master mage, Arkadi Talcost and the beautiful druid, Rebba Korran, seek only to relax and enjoy some time away from the demands of their work and the College. For these friends, this is merely a reunion. However, for Zara Halven, the notorious Whore of Ostia, and for the monk, Garon Vale, the visit to Shandrilos is more; for one it is a chance for redemption and for the other it is a test of faith. Yet for the last of the friends, the visit to Shandrilos is the most important of all. For the huntress, Nat Bero it is a chance for forgiveness... and for revenge. These friends will be caught up in events that will change their lives forever, for the secret behind the destruction of the Elder is about to come to light... "The fate of all can be decided by the actions of one who the gods guide to the right place at the right time. Do not underestimate the power of even the lowest to affect the paths of the mighty..." The words of the seeress, Ry'Ina White Eyes If you are a reader of epic fantasy this is what you are looking for. If you liked Terry Brook's Shanara novels, Raymond E. Feist's Midkemia books, Harry Potter, Game of Thrones or Lord of the Rings then this is a book for you. In the same vein as the Wheel of Time and akin to the gaming fantasy of the Dragonlance books, Dark Horde Rising will propel you into a detailed new world of magic and mystery while introducing you to a whole range of new and interesting characters.
Man Hands
Sarina Bowen - 2017
I don’t want to party or try to move on. I just want to stay home and post a new recipe on my blog: Brynn’s Dips and Balls.But my friends aren’t having it. Get out there again, they say. It will be fun, they say. I’m still taking a hard pass. Free designer cocktails, they say. And that’s a game-changer. Too bad my ex shows up with his new arm candy. That’s when I lose my mind. But when my besties dare me to leap on the first single man I see, they don't expect me to actually go through with it.TOMAll I need right now is some peace and quiet while my home renovation TV show is on hiatus. But when a curvy woman in a red wrap dress charges me like she’s a gymnast about to mount my high bar, all I can do is brace myself and catch her. What follows is the hottest experience of my adult life. I want a repeat, but my flying Cinderella disappears immediately afterward. She doesn’t leave a glass slipper, either—just a pair of panties with chocolate bunnies printed on them. But I will find her.
Finding Hope in the Darkness of Grief: Spiritual Insights Expressed Through Art, Poetry and Prose
Diamante Lavendar - 2018
It is a Pandoras box of emotions, situations, opportunities, and failures, all wrapped into a package we call life. Nobody is immune, but everyone has the opportunity to grow tall or wither like a flower in harsh light. Its completely up to us how we choose to respond. Finding Hope in the Darkness of Grief is a gleaning of insights from artist Diamante Lavender. For her, life has been a long, difficult road, but it has taught many poignant lessons. Her poetry collection is an exploration of the human soul, a traversing of situations that life throws at us. Diamante has always been intrigued by the ability to overcome and move on to bigger and better things. She writes to encourage hope and possibility in those who read her stories. If she can help others heal, as she has, then Diamantes work as an author and artist will have been well spent. She believes that everyone should try to leave a positive mark on the world, to make it a better place for all. Writing is the way that she is attempting to leave her markone story at a time.
Love, Chloe
Alessandra Torre - 2016
You hate girls like me. The privileged blonde who skips her Ivy League classes when she's had too many Soho martinis. The one draped on the asshole's arm because he drives a Bugati and screws like a champ.I was that girl. I loved being that girl. Then, my door was broken in. Literally. And in that moment? Everything changed.
The Time of My Life
Cecelia Ahern - 2011
Inside is an invitation – to a meeting with Life. Her life. It turns out she's been ignoring it and it needs to meet with her face to face.It sounds peculiar, but Lucy’s read about this in a magazine. Anyway, she can’t make the date: she’s much too busy despising her job, skipping out on her friends and avoiding her family.But Lucy’s life isn’t what it seems. Some of the choices she’s made – and stories she’s told – aren’t what they seem either. From the moment she meets the man who introduces himself as her life, her stubborn half-truths are going to be revealed in all their glory – unless Lucy learns to tell the truth about what really matters to her.
The Frog Prince
Elle Lothlorien - 2010
Sort of."It was his pheromones that did it. With one sniff, sex researcher Leigh Fromm recognizes that any offspring she might have with the mysterious stranger would have a better-than-average chance of surviving any number of impending pandemics.But when Leigh finds out that the handsome “someone” at her great aunt’s wake is Prince Roman Habsburg von Lorraine of Austria, she suddenly doubts her instincts—not that she was intending to sleep with the guy. The royal house of Habsburg was once completely inbred, insanity and impotency among the highlights of their genetic pedigree. (The extreme “bulldog underbite” that plagued them wasn’t called the Habsburg Jaw for nothing.)It doesn’t matter that his family hasn’t sat on a throne (other than the ones in their Toilette) since 1918, or that Austria is now a parliamentary democracy. Their lives couldn’t be more different: Roman is routinely mobbed by paparazzi in Europe. Leigh is regularly mocked for having the social skills of a potted plant. Even if she suddenly developed grace, charm and a pedigree that would withstand the scrutiny of the press and his family, what exactly is she supposed to do with this would-have-been king of Austria who is in self-imposed exile in Denver, Colorado?
All Dreamers Go to America
Ana Ingham - 2009
Niko Salazar, a carpenter from Malta, is frustrated with his life. He makes an impetuous and life-changing decision-travel to America to find the love of his life, Ms. Parker, an American psychologist who recently visited his village. But Niko's wanderlust and heart-lust take him on a serendipitous and hilarious journey. This Mediterranean dreamer finds Saratoga, New York, Ms. Parker's hometown, a snow-ridden wonderland. Not to mention the fact that Ms. Parker is not returning any of his phone calls. Niko will go through some extraordinary experiences and meet a collection of charismatic characters while searching for his love-a Iroquois woman, a retired Vietnam vet, and an idealistic filmmaker-all dreamers searching for their own destiny. Will Niko find his Ms. Parker or will his dream of love and America be transformed into an unimaginable possibility? Ingham's novel is a delicious and mischievous romp with characters that come to life. Her sharp, observant voice makes a subtle, social and amusing commentary on the complexities of life, love, and the never-ending pursuit of happiness.