And you’re not getting any more sleep.Second in the Sh!t No One Tells You series, in The Sh!t No One Tells You About Toddlers Dawn Dais tells it like it is – again – offering real advice for parents of growing children. Filled with tips, encouragement, and a strong dose of humor, The Sh!t No One Tells You About Toddlers is a survival handbook for parents on the edge.Chapters include:You Suck at This. It’s not just your imagination.Walking Is Hard. Bruising is considerably less difficult.Remember When You Judged Other Parents? Prepare to eat your words, with a side of karma’s a bitch.Restaurants Are Battle Zones. Spoiler Alert: You are not the victor.Kids Get Sick. Then everyone gets sick.This Childhood Will Be Televised. Hello, camera phones.Your TV Has Been Hijacked. By things with very high-pitched voices.Coming from one empathetic parent to another, the tips in this book are real, clever, honest, and designed to make life with a terrible two- or three-year-old a little bit more manageable. Hilarious, helpful, and handy, this book will be appreciated by any parent who has asked: “Why didn’t anybody warn me that unconditional love would be so much work?”

    With a 24/7 news cycle reporting that the polar ice caps are melting, hurricanes are swirling in the seas, wars are heating up around the world, and the job market is in a deep freeze, it's tempting to feel that the world is falling apart. But awesome things are all around us-sometimes we just need someone to point them out.The Book of Awesome reminds us that the best things in life are free (yes, your grandma was right). With laugh-out-loud observations from award- winning comedy writer Neil Pasricha, The Book of Awesome is filled with smile-inducing moments on every page that make you feel like a kid looking at the world for the first time. Read it and you'll remember all the things there are to feel good about. The Book of Awesome reminds us of all the little things that we often overlook but that make us smile. With touching, warm, and funny observations, each entry ends with the big booming feeling you'll get when you read through them: AWESOME!

    Dave Barry's Bad Habits won't rot your teeth, cause your insurance premiums to go up, or make your kids go cross-eyed if they sit too close to it. It will, however, make you laugh so hard your middle actually moves (the best exercise, and possibly the only kind you'll be interested in after forty). Here, preserved for all time, are Barry's profoundest musings on such topics as how to get kids to stop smoking (eliminate tenth grade), what to do if your car is making loud noises (turn up the radio), and a solution to the battle of the sexes (let the men do housework, say, for the next six thousand years to even things up). Together they serve to expose the little insanities of everyday life and assure us that we're not completely alone in a world gone mad.

    For more than 33 million viewers, the Emmy Award-winning television show has become a Thursday night ritual. Even though the show has ended, Jerry Seinfeld's distinct brand of humor can still be yours.In his #1 New York Times bestselling book, SeinLanguage, Jerry Seinfeld has captured on the page his views on topics ranging from Raisinettes to relationships, from childhood to cop shows, and from parents to power suits. This must-have book for all fans--and who isn't a fan?--remains available in both paperback and hardcover.

    The response from other parents was overwhelming. With Things I've Said to My Children, Ripperger has assembled around 80 of the funniest, weirdest, and most amusing sayings and paired them with full-color, designed images that bring these outrageously hysterical quotes to life. Covering the essential parenting topics like food, animals, don'ts, and of course, bodily functions, Things I've Said to My Children is a light-hearted illustrated reminder of the shared absurdity of parenthood. Especially for those parents who've ever found themselves uttering some variation of the line, "Please don't eat the goldfish crackers you've put in your butt."

    From its beginnings in a carpenter's workshop and the development of the first plastic brick, to the group's current position as an international brand, a timeline highlights key moments in LEGO® history. Fascinating facts on every significant LEGO® product line, theme park, video game, artwork, competition, club, collectible and more combine with images from the LEGO Group's photo archives-many seen here for the first time-and inspiring ideas on how to make a variety of things from just a few bricks. Packaged in a beautiful slip case with cutting-edge design, this two-volume set also features Standing Small-a 96-page book celebrating the minifigure. LEGO, the LEGO logo, the Brick configuration and the Minifigure are trademarks of the LEGO Group. ©2009 The LEGO Group.

    But the dot, though perfect in every way, only had eyes for a wild and unkempt squiggle. All of the line's romantic dreams were in vain, until he discovered...angles! Now, with newfound self-expression, he can be anything he wants to be--a square, a triangle, a parallelogram....And that's just the beginning!First published in 1963 and made into an Academy Award-winning animated short film, here is a supremely witty love story with a twist that reveals profound truths about relationships--both human and mathematical--sure to tickle lovers of all ages.

    It’s time that everybody relaxed and took a moment to enjoy the simple pleasures, but we also appreciate it’s easier said than done. That’s why we’ve enlisted the help of an expert to guide you along the path to peace. Meet your mentor: Brian the sloth.

    The new attitude of expectant moms is one of cheerful anticipation, optimism, and pride in their changing bodies. The Joy of Pregnancy reflects this positive spirit by emphasizing what's normal, fun, and even funny about pregnancy. In a lighthearted and encouraging tone, Tori Kropp helps mothers- and fathers-to-be concentrate on the miracle of pregnancy and birth rather than on possible complications. The month-by-month format provides the essential information that expectant parents crave: how the baby is developing, how the mother's body is changing, how to prepare for birth and baby, and the pros and cons of various pregnancy-related choices and issues. Tori's tone is reassuring, nonjudgmental, and often humorous. Questions and answers from her online community Stork Site®, highlighted tips, and facts make the text fun to read as well as informative. With this book by their side, expectant parents will be prepared to take an active role in ensuring a healthy, happy, and truly joyful pregnancy.

    Demetri's first literary foray features longer-form essays and conceptual pieces (such as Protagonists' Hospital, a melodrama about the clinic doctors who treat only the flesh wounds and minor head scratches of Hollywood action heroes), as well as his trademark charts, doodles, drawings, one-liners, and lists (i.e., the world views of optimists, pessimists and contortionists), Martin's material is varied, but his unique voice and brilliant mind will keep readers in stitches from beginning to end.

    With thoughtful personal introductions written by Caroline herself, and beautiful new original artwork by award-winning artist, Jon J Muth, this collection is sure to become a family favorite for years to come.

    Written by Walter Hoving, former chairman of Tiffany's of New York, it is a step-by-step introduction to all the basics, from the moment the meal begins (It is customary for the young man to help the young lady on his right to be seated) to the time it ends (Remember that a dinner party is not a funeral, nor has your hostess invited you because she thinks you are in dire need of food. You're there to be entertaining). In addition to the essentials about silverware, service, and sociability, it includes many of the fine points, too--the correct way to hold a fish fork, how to eat an artichoke properly, and, best of all, how to be a gracious dining companion.Concise, witty, and illustrated with humor and style by Joe Eula, this classic guide to good table manners has delighted readers of all ages for more than 50 years.

    Gackley creates hysterical parodies of children’s book covers from more innocent times. Many of these original books focus on life’s lessons, joys, and curiosities. Gackley cleverly takes the books’ classic covers and turns them into unforgettable, edgy, politicaly incorrect parodies that speak to the bad little kid in all of us. With a catalog of children’s book titles like Peeping Tommy Goes Cougar Hunting, Cousin Milky Is Lactose Intolerant, and The Blind Child’s Picture Dictionary, this collection will have readers in stitches. A fun read for parents, grown-ups, and kids-at-heart everywhere, Bad Little Children’s Books leaves no bad joke unmade.

    Have you ever wondered how expensive a jar of honey would be if a minimum wage for bees applied, or whether a dog cares what's on television when they sit next to you?This book pairs the sweet and sad facts of animal life with their imagined thoughts and reactions.

    . . Tonight ScreamFree Parenting is not just about lowering your voice. It’s about learning to calm your emotional reactions and learning to focus on your own behavior more than your kids’ behavior . . . for their benefit. Our biggest enemy as parents is not the TV, the Internet, or even drugs. Our biggest enemy is our own emotional reactivity. When we say we “lost it” with our kids, the “it” in that sentence is our own adulthood. And then we wonder why our kids have so little respect for us, why our kids seem to have all the power in the family. It’s time to do it differently. And you can. You can start to create and enjoy the types of calm, mutually respectful, and loving relationships with your kids that you’ve always craved. You can begin to revolutionize your family, starting tonight. Parenting is not about kids, it’s about parents. If you’re not in control, then you cannot be in charge. What every kid really needs are parents who are able to keep their cool no matter what.