It’s having a real live child.If you are the kind of mom who shapes your kiddo’s organic quinoa into reproductions of the Mona Lisa, do not read this book. If you stayed up past midnight to create posters for your PTO presidential campaign, do not read this book. If you look down your nose at parents who have Domino’s pizza on speed dial, do not read this book.But if you are the kind of parent who accidentally goes ballistic on your rugrats every morning because they won’t put their shoes on and then you feel super guilty about it all day so you take them to McDonald’s for a special treat but really it’s because you opened up your freezer and panicked because you forgot to buy more frozen pizzas, then absolutely read this book.I Want My Epidural Back is a celebration of mediocre parents and how awesome they are and how their kids love them just as much as children with perfect parents. Karen Alpert’s honest but hilarious observations, stories, quips and pictures will have you nodding your head and peeing in your pants. Or on the toilet if you’re smart and read it there.

    

    After seven months of pouring my heart, soul and guts into something so demanding and so intense, this was the moment of truth. We were one of the most watched Congressional campaigns in America and everyone “knew” Super Tuesday was just a stepping stone to get to November. Then the finality of the words came. Second place. The end of the road.Sean Feucht never backed down from a challenge and running for US Congress was no exception. From birth, there was a call on his life to dream about the impossible, and then partner with God to see miracles come about. From going to the darkest corners of the earth to starting a world-wide prayer and worship movement, Sean has been brazen as he resolutely pursues the call of God on his life.Sean poignantly shares the deep losses in his life and how God showed up inexplicably to always show Himself to be faithful and good. In Brazen, he shares a vulnerable story of trust and how God always shows up even in your darkest hour and seemingly greatest loss. Be inspired to see your circumstances in a new way.

    The bloke can write. He rhapsodizes about heroin better than anyone since Jim Carroll. With the flick of his enviable pen, he can summarize childhood thus: ‘My very first utterance in life was not a single word, but a sentence. It was, ‘Don’t do that.’... Russell Brand has a compelling story." — New York Times Book ReviewThe gleeful and candid New York Times bestselling autobiography of addiction, recovery, and rise to fame from Russell Brand, star of Forgetting Sarah Marshall and one of the biggest personalities in comedy today.Picking up where he left off in My Booky Wook, movie star and comedian Russell Brand details his rapid climb to fame and fortune in a shockingly candid, resolutely funny, and unbelievably electrifying tell-all: Booky Wook 2. Brand’s performances in Arthur, Get Him to the Greek, and Forgetting Sarah Marshall have earned him a place in fans’ hearts; now, with a drop of Chelsea Handler’s Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang, a dash of Tommy Lee’s Dirt, and a spoonful of Nikki Sixx’s The Heroin Diaries, Brand goes all the way—exposing the mad genius behind the audacious comic we all know (or think we know) and love (or at least, lust).

    The location of Earth has been lost for nearly as long. Through a series of incidents a single man has stumbled upon clues to the location of this fabled world and begins a quest to find the lost Man Home. His actions trigger consequences beyond his understanding or control.

    Scally kid from Kirkby turned multiple European Cup winner. Adopted Geordie. Liverpool legend and scorer of arguably Anfield’s most famous goal. Kevin Keegan’s trusted right-hand man at Newcastle United. And partial to a pint or five and a punt on the horses. Now, for the first time, the 1980 PFA Player of the Year and Football Writers’ Footballer of the Year lifts the lid on his successes at Liverpool, the near misses at Newcastle, controversies he found himself caught up in and the famous players he shared a dressing room with. It’s a roller-coaster tale spanning more than half a century that takes McDermott from the high-rise flats of his home town to the pinnacle of European football; from the booze and banter of a Merseyside social club to the madness of a matchday dugout. A read every bit as thrilling as his FA Cup wonder goal against Tottenham, McDermott’s long-awaited autobiography will appeal to Kopites and Toon fans alike, plus football followers intrigued about one of the most colourful characters in the game. Like the man himself, Terry Mac: Living For The Moment is cheerful, entertaining and straight to the point.

    Her brother has always been cruel but there is something even darker going on within his house. Terrified and yet determined not to sit idly by whilst her brother enacts his plan, Violet forces herself to intervene. The handsome gentleman is none other than the Duke of Abernyte and Violet finds herself beginning to lose her heart, even though she knows such a thing can never be.Matthew is quite certain that his time at war will help him with his responsibilities back in London. But when he finds himself dizzy and powerless, he can only rely on the aid of one mysterious young woman for help. Unable to recall her face, Matthew does all he can to discover her. When his interest in Lady Violet seems to drive her away from him even further, Matthew is certain she knows something important. Will his determination push her too far? And can he permit himself to open his heart to her, despite the danger?

    The individual books in this series have accumulated a total of over 1,800 5-star reviews. Heroic and not so heroic men and women plus their loyal Artificially Intelligent allies fight and die to prevent humanity's extermination at the hands of a shockingly xenophobic alien race. But is there something more going on here than just an irrational alien race lashing out without provocation? One man's uncontrollable, precognitive visions lead him to believe that humans and the xenophobic aliens are just pawns in a much larger conflict and the real stakes are nothing less than the future of all life in the galaxy. If he can use his visions to keep humanity alive long enough, he may be able to figure out the mystery before it's too late. This Omnibus edition also includes sample chapters of the Synchronicity War universe stand-alone novel The Retro War. You can read Part 1 of the Sync War series for free to try it out before buying this ebook. All 4 parts are also available as audiobooks from Audible.com. Genre categories: Space fleet, galactic empire, space opera, alien invasion, first contact,time travel

    What was waiting in the backseat as a hospital security guard moved a patient's vehicle? If you lost your new Littmann, to what extremes would you go to get it back?In this edition, we have weird ideas patients had about sex and reproductive health, hear more from school nurses, and thank our lucky stars we weren't on THAT shift.

    A century later—with the average human living three times longer than before First Contact—the Earth became overcrowded, and mankind found itself completely dependent on the technologically advanced aliens known as the Proxy 

Now, three hundred years after First Contact, the Earth is so overpopulated that governments have taken control of everything. The wealthy have all they can dream of, but for most people, life has become a grueling marathon of constant work for lifetimes that stretch over two centuries in length. When Nick Nichols and his friends—fresh out of high school—strike out into the work force, they quickly find the twelve-hour shifts, six days per week of hard labor unbearable. When their first paychecks reveal a mere pittance for their toil, the friends know that something must change. 

The Proxy Military Corps (PMC) is the only way to escape the crowded conditions on Earth. Every Space Marine who agrees to fight for the Proxy and completes their five-year enlistment period is given free transport to Elysium, a Goldilocks planet perfect for human colonization. But all reports of Elysium come solely from the aliens, who alone hold the key to interstellar travel. The Proxy jealously guard their technology—so without the aliens’ help, mankind is trapped in the solar system. While the only hope for a better life is by joining the PMC, enlistment carries its own hazards and uncertainties; no one who joins the PMC ever returns to Earth. Most people believe the promises of the PMC are all lies used to lure the gullible to their deaths. Elysium, they say, is just a fantasy—and fighting for the Proxy is seen as a betrayal of the human race. But for those brave enough to face the perils of the galaxy beyond our solar system, the PMC might just be their best chance for having a life worth living. 

Dragon Team Seven is the first book in a new military space opera by prolific author Toby Neighbors. Join Nick and his friends as they experience the trials and rewards of military life in space. With realistic characters navigating their way through a vast galaxy that you’re sure to find exciting, this action-packed novel promises to be a new favorite. It’s richly imaginative, fast-paced, and surprising. If you’re ready to be swept away into a world that you’ll never want to leave, Dragon Team Seven is for you.

    Each One Dirtier And Rougher Than The Next… SMITH I want her. Plain and simple truth. I want her. I want to push inside her. I want to grip her hair and tug her scalp and lick her bared throat. I want to tie her wrists and ankles to my bed, make her helpless, weak, begging for me. I want to leave my marks on her, bruise that delicate flesh, have her sore and aching after I ravage her. But my cravings are most definitely too dark for her. I’m not the white-picket-fence kind of guy, and I can’t let myself start thinking otherwise. I should stick to the kind of women I’m used to, the kind who are fine with one night. Aubrey deserves love, real love, the kind of love I’m incapable of. The problem is she’s all I want. I know I can only destroy her. But I can’t stay away. AUBREY I try to pretend that I’m not aware of the tattoos covering him. That I’m not aware of the muscles of his arms and legs. I try to pretend my core doesn’t tighten in response to his raw masculinity, pretend I don’t want him to push me up against the wall and have his way with me. I’m so attracted to him I can barely focus. He thinks I’m naive, and maybe he’s right. Am I really so naïve as to think that maybe what Smith and I are doing is different? Or is this just me being blind? Sometimes I can see every emotion on his face. Other times, I can’t tell a thing he’s thinking. I’m plagued by doubts, yet also trying to convince myself that I know what I know. I’m not just a random woman to Smith. There’s more between us than that. What that “more” is, I don’t know. But it’s there. Either that, or he’s the world’s greatest actor. Because the emotion in our last kiss was so strong it almost blew me over. If I’m wrong about him, it will shatter my heart, break me into a million pieces. The only thing worse would be walking away… Aubrey’s standing there, lips swollen, breath panting, eyes heavily lidded. She’s so innocent but so primed for me. I could probably take her upstairs to my apartment, spread her wide and plunge deep inside her. But I can’t do that. Because she deserves better than me. I can’t ruin her. The Becket Boys: The Complete Series, contains: SMITH (The Beckett Boys, Book One) by Olivia Chase JAX (The Beckett Boys, Book 2) by Olivia Chase ASHER (The Beckett Boys, Book Three) By Olivia Chase JAMISON (The Beckett Boys, Book Four) by Olivia Chase ZACK (The Beckett Boys, Book Five) by Olivia Chase HUDSON (The Beckett Boys, Book Six) by Olivia Chase HALE (The Beckett Boys, Book Seven) by Olivia Chase AXEL (The Beckett Boys, Book Eight) by Olivia Chase

    Instead of darling and compliant rosy-cheeked children and an adorably tolerant husband ready to go along with zany shenanigans, most women are faced with: kids who view family outings with all the enthusiasm of hardened inmates forced to bust rocks in roadside Alabama and a man who would trade every last one of her kooky ideas for a just a teeny little bit more sex and a hot meal on the table at six.Sheri Lynch, co-cost of radio's syndicated Bob & Sheri, is a superb humorist of modern marriage, mores, and motherhood. Her Hello, My Name Is Mommy decoded the pitfalls of pregnancy and trials of new motherhood. Be Happy or I'll Scream taps into the wackier, even more wonderful world of family and husband management, kid-raising, and sanity maintenance in the face of it all. Her take on what life is really like inside a marriage-as opposed to what it looks like on the holiday card version of same-will ring both wacky and true to any woman who was ever foolish enough to dream of the perfect marriage and family.

    Then she met Aaron, a charismatic art director and her kindred spirit. They made mix tapes (and pancakes) into the wee hours of the morning. They finished each other’s sentences. They just knew. When Aaron was diagnosed with a rare brain cancer, they refused to let it limit their love. They got engaged on Aaron’s hospital bed and married after his first surgery. They had a baby when he was on chemo. They shared an amazing summer filled with happiness and laughter. A few months later, Aaron died in Nora’s arms in another hospital bed. His wildly creative obituary, which they wrote together, touched the world.Now, Nora shares hysterical, moving, and painfully honest stories about her journey with Aaron. It’s Okay to Laugh explores universal themes of love, marriage, work, (single) motherhood, and depression through her refreshingly frank viewpoint. A love letter to life, in all of its messy glory, and what it’s like to still be kickin', It’s Okay to Laugh is like a long chat with a close friend over a cup of coffee (or chardonnay).

       For nine seasons Rainn Wilson played Dwight Schrute, everyone's favorite work nemesis and beet farmer. Viewers of The Office fell in love with the character and grew to love the actor who played him even more. Rainn founded a website and media company, SoulPancake, that eventually became a bestselling book of the same name. He also started a hilarious Twitter feed (sample tweet: “I'm not on Facebook” is the new “I don't even own a TV”) that now has more than four million followers.   Now, he's ready to tell his own story and explain how he came up with his incredibly unique sense of humor and perspective on life. He explains how he grew up “bone-numbingly nerdy before there was even a modicum of cool attached to the word.” The Bassoon King chronicles his journey from nerd to drama geek (“the highest rung on the vast, pimply ladder of high school losers”), his years of mild debauchery and struggles as a young actor in New York, his many adventures and insights about The Office, and finally, Wilson's achievement of success and satisfaction, both in his career and spiritually, reconnecting with the artistic and creative values of the Bahá’í faith he grew up in.

    . . but rarely acknowledging.Filled with insights and observations that instantly ring true—and could have come only from Nora Ephron—I Remember Nothing is pure joy.