Now for the first time, li'l ol' me shines front-and-center in a book of my very own! A Book of Jean's Own! features all-original, never-before-published material, and if that wasn't impressive enough, marks the very first Onion book by a solo writer! Historical, huh? My book is sure to find an eager audience among The Onion's ten-million-strong readership. Wait, ten million people? I had no idea! Frankly, that scares me a little. We're not in Kansas anymore, Toto! (Oh shoot, I should have put that hilarious phrase in my book!)A Book of Jean's Own! also marks a departure from past Onion books in that it isn't crammed with headlines and articles in teeny-weeny print! Instead, I write about the stuff that really matters: shopping, chocolate, part-time jobs, and hot Hollywood hunks! Whether you read my book on the bus, the beach, or the toilet, you're guaranteed to find something to chuckle at and deeply relate to!Among the many nuggets of fun:* I tell you the Twenty Things That Are Better Than Sex! * For the first time ever, you learn my maiden name!* I spill the secrets of my scrumptious chocolate-loaded desserts, such as Ooey Gooey Choco-Cocoa-Mocha Cupcakes With Raspberry Filling And Coconut-Cream Cheese-Cola Frosting!* Acquire valuable, real-world tips on coping with a job you dislike, getting through those rough teenage years, and styling a Jean hairdo of your very own!* Get a giggle out of my doodles and overdose on the words of wisdom that are my Jean Proverbs!* You've heard of pity parties—get my tips for throwing your very own self-pity party!* Check out my own cure for the blues, the Plush Jamboree!* Witness my nervous breakdown while writing this book (well, writing is hard, after all!)* Also for the first time ever, Hubby Rick speaks! (Spoiler: It's not entirely in grunts!) * Lots of exclamation points! (And phrases in parentheses!)I'm sure every single one of those ten million readers will buy my book! And who knows? They just may find something in it that will help them lead happier and better lives!

    Instead of hiding from national ridicule, Coach Pete Carroll embraced the pain and used it as an opportunity to teach his ultra-competitive team about the quality he inspires the most in people: persistence. Pass Judgment is a poignant portrait of grit, an inside look at the Seahawks' taxing 2014 journey to the Super Bowl, the bond it restored, the heartache of losing and the arduous process to recover. How do you live with the worst error of your life? This is the story of how a proud team, led by a relentless coach, digested failure.Jerry Brewer is a sports columnist for The Washington Post. Before joining The Post in June 2015, he worked for The Seattle Times, where he wrote opinions about the entire Seattle sports scene for nearly nine years and chronicled the Seahawks' rise to NFL prominence under Pete Carroll. Before Seattle, he worked at The Courier-Journal in Louisville, Ky., The Orlando Sentinel and The Philadelphia Inquirer. He has received awards for his work from numerous journalism organizations, including the American Association of Sunday and Features Editors, Associated Press Sports Editors, Society of Professional Journalists, Best of the West and National Sportscasters and Sportswriters Association. He lives in Arlington, Va., with his wife, Karen, and sons, Miles and Austin.Cover design by Adil Dara

    Come see the changes that have taken place since the last time we visited with them. Kids have gotten older, there are new members of the clan to meet, and new accomplishments to cheer. It’s always been said that life is what happens while you’re busy making plans, and this applies even to the members of Kaid’s mix-matched clan of shifters. In this novella, lovers of Avaleigh’s Boys will find a slice of life from each character and their families. Are you ready to visit with some old friends for a little while?

    The result was a classic column full of Bombecks signature wit and warmth. Now the beloved column that has hung on hundreds of refrigerator doors has been cheerily illustrated and designed as a handsome gift book, Eat Less Cottage and More Ice Cream. In it, Bombeck gently reminds us of what is really important in life: If I had my life to live over again I would have waxed less and listened more.I would have cried and laughed less while watching television . . . and more while watching real life.But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute of it . . . look at it and really see it . . . try it on . . . live it . . . exhaust it . . . and never give that minute back until there was nothing left of it. . . . Long-time fans of Erma Bombeck will be thrilled to have this favorite column in the form of a beautiful keepsake. Readers discovering Bombeck for the first time will become fans instantly. Eat Less Cottage and More Ice Cream offers wisdom to inspire all of us.

    How much do you know about farts?Did you know it would take just nine farts from every person on earth to power an atomic bomb? That fish farts nearly triggered a war against Russia? That female farts smell worse? No? Then you need this book!Did you know that inhaling farts is healthy, yet people fart after death? That you can get a job as a professional fart smeller? That farting is illegal in Africa but polite in South America? Heard any ancient Babylonian fart jokes lately? No? Then you need this book!Do you know the fartiest animal on earth? The fartiest food? Know how many farts you inhale on a cross-country flight? Can farts power astronauts through space? You don’t know? Then you need this book!Do you secretly think farts are not only funny, but fascinating? Then you absolutely need this gas-powered encyclopedia of fun and flatulent facts! Makes a perfect gag gift or bathroom read.Crack open a can of beans and become an expert in the windy and wacky science, history, and art of musical gas!

    Celebrated in particular for his “Charlie Murphy’s True Hollywood Stories” skits, featuring hilarious renditions of Rick James and Prince, Murphy now recounts many of the actual stories that inspired these popular sketches in vivid and comical detail in Doing Time: The Making of a Stand-Up Guy. With his flare for storytelling and his distinctive and fearless voice, it’s no wonder that Charlie Murphy has been the subject of many featured stories in numerous magazines, including GQ, Essence, Rolling Stone, and he was recently listed as one of the Hottest People to Watch in Entertainment Weekly’s “Must List.” Featuring outrageous misadventures as part of his younger brother Eddie’s entourage, and hysterical encounters with numerous celebrities, Doing Time: The Making of a Stand-Up Guy is a fascinating and wildly funny chronicle from one of the most talented comedians today.

    She's got problems though when bits of her ex-husband turn up in different places and the slimy DI Savage seems to be bending the evidence to link her to the death. Add the fact that she's being pressured into taking a ‘job’ by hard-nosed Vera Devlin from the estate and having to work in a topless bar to make ends meet and you can see she's up against it. Desperate to extricate herself from the mess she breaks into her old marital home to find the diary of her dead husband, except that his mother has taken up residence and arrives back early from bingo… Set against a backdrop of Northern council estate life, this fast paced, humorous novel exemplifies the problems caused by poverty, piles and unruly children, think Jeremy Kyle meets the Thorn Birds and you won't be far wrong!

    They quickly become friends and form the No Sweat Pants Allowed - Wine Club. This newly found alliance brings about some humorous escapades, a few tears, and a bond so strong no man can break as they try to cling to the past and finally step out of their comfort zones to find a happiness they thought they'd never feel again. Discover Elaina Samuels, Tawny Westerfield, Stephanie Mathews, and Grace Cordray.

    But, like butterflies must first be caterpillars, becoming a big boy or girl doesn’t happen overnight.In this funny rhyming story for children aged 3 to 7 years old, children will laugh at the illustrations and the extremes that our little dragon friend goes to, as he tries to breathe fire for the first time. After trying so hard with no luck at all, he meets a wise owl who tells him that his Mom has all the answers. This humorous story was created with the intention of helping young children to understand that life is magic. But, just like real magic, you never really know when it will happen!

    

    also, that way, he can relive everything I've put him through.This is my book!It's a journey filled with laughter (mine), tears (Elliot's) and even romance (hello, Georgina!), and goes from a childhood in sunny Bridgend to ten million followers across the world.There's also exclusive pranks, spitball targets (of Elliot's face, obviously), comic strips, guides to creating your own videos and much more.Now, if you're sitting comfortably, follow me into my wonderful world and Elliot's journey... Sorry Bro!(To make the most of the interactive pages in this eBook, take screen grabs from your device, print them out, and enjoy!)

    Turns out I needed a power tool arsenal… Nancy Myers is having a hard time. She’s broken-hearted, homeless and unemployed. And she’s just turned forty. But Nancy has a secret weapon. Desperation.Relying solely on her finely-honed ability to make stuff up as she goes along and the battery life of her cordless drill, she’s determined to make a fresh start (one that on no account features men of the falling-in-love-with variety).After purchasing a rural property on a whim at the foot of the Southern Alps in New Zealand, Nancy attempts to settle into country life. She finds the vista of the mountains healing. She also finds a tall, dark and gumbooted stranger (who proves to be therapeutic in other ways).But when she discovers her precious view is about to be taken away, Nancy faces a hard choice. Should she play saboteur to protect her own happiness, even if it means losing the man who just might possibly be the key to it?Maybe her fresh start is actually a false start. Or maybe she’s learning a thing or two about how to be a kick-arse, self-reliant woman.

    What a way to kick off the holidays. Brandon earned every inch of the phallic surprise on his car, but that doesn’t mean Fate cares. You see, she and I have been battling for years. Things are looking up, though. I scored a break, and community service is my only punishment. After that, I’d be free and clear, right? Not. Volunteering at the first responders’ holiday party should have been a breeze. All I had to do was dress like an elf for the night. I could do that. But that would have been too easy. Why? Because I’m Juni Mullen, and poor life choices and I are best friends. What’d I do now? Let’s just say Juni was doing a lot more than kissing Santa Claus.And the man playing him? My brother’s best friend.Yeah, I know.If you need me, I’ll be in the tub with a bottle of wine. XOXO Juni

    Most people think it’s Frisbee football played barefoot and without boundaries. Those people are wrong. Ultimate is a sport played by 824,000 people a year in North America—more than korfball, lawn darts, lacrosse, and curling combined. Ultimate is so popular that it even has rules that are sometimes followed.This book will provide you with complete and total knowledge of the Ultimate game.THIS BOOK INCLUDES:-- The Eight Ultimate Player Types-- The 42 Most Common Nicknames-- 28 Near-Useless Throws on the Field-- How to Name Your Ultimate Team-- Where to Play Ultimate Without Being Mocked-- How to Score at an Ultimate Party-- Useful Playing Tips from Experts of the Game PLUS: HOW TO PLAY ULTIMATE IN EIGHT EASY STEPS – AN ILLUSTRATED GUIDE -- Can I play Ultimate with a mustache?-- Where do Ultimate babies come from?-- How can I become an Ultimate champion without practicing?-- What is “throwing Fire”?-- How can I survive a shark attack?  About the author:Pasquale Anthony Leonardo IV has covered numerous championship Ultimate tournaments since 1997 and was the Media Director for the 2006 World Junior Ultimate Championships. In 2005 he co-wrote Ultimate: The First Four Decades, which was reviewed in Sports Illustrated and featured on ESPN’s live talk show "Cold Pizza." He also writes screenplays. He lives in Brooklyn, New York and/or somewhere out West.

    I always read the description first because, you know, I won’t read just any old thing. So I read the description for this book and thought it looked okay, so then I read the online sample and laughed so hard that a little bit of pee came out. Okay, a lot of pee came out. ALRIGHT! I PEED SO MUCH I HAD TO CHANGE MY PANTS! There, are you happy now? It’s funny, okay? And it isn’t all about vomit and farts either (okay, a lot of it is about vomit and farts, but what’s wrong with that?)*Every Monday at school, Reggie writes an essay that begins with “On the weekend…” WARNING: You might want to have a spare pair of undies handy while you read about Reggie's weekends.*