What I found was that she hadn't kept some of it. She had kept all of it - every bus ticket, postcard, school report - from the moment I was born to the moment I finally had the confidence to turn round and say 'Why is our house full of this shit?'Sadly, a recycling 'incident' destroyed the bulk of this archive. This has meant two things: firstly, Dear Reader, you will never get to see countless drawings of wizards, read a poem about corn on the cob, or marvel at the kilos of brown flowers I so lovingly pressed as a child. Secondly, it's left me with no choice but to actually write this thing myself.This, my first ever book, will answer questions such as 'Is Mary Berry real?', 'Is it true you wear a surgical truss?' and 'Is a non-spherically symmetric gravitational pull from outside the observable universe responsible for some of the observed motion of large objects such as galactic clusters in the universe?'Most of this book is true. I have, of course, amplified my more positive characteristics in an effort to make you like me. Thank you for reading.

    Telling a tall tale. Placing a tall order. Tall, dark, and handsome. And, of course, let’s not forget the proverbial “tall drink of water”. This bothers Mara Altman, and not only because she’s five-foot-zero, but also because her experience as a journalist, humorist, and essayist has led her to challenge assumptions about human existence. Altman’s most recent book, Gross Anatomy: Dispatches from the Front (and Back), was a 2019 finalist for the Thurber Prize for American Humor, and wittily dissected long-held assumptions about our bodies for the deeper truth. Her conclusion: There is greatness in our grossness.In her Audible Original A Short Drink of Water, Altman challenges the assumption that taller is better. Her journey to empower those at the short end of the stick (and why is it always the short end?) delivers a hilarious and heartfelt look at the differences between tall and short and how people seek to narrow them both physically and psychologically. You’ll meet people of every size and opinion in this deeply reported and richly comical ride through a world where every inch counts.

    All 144 passengers and six crew members were killed. In the ensuing days, a picture of the flight’s harrowing final moments began to emerge. Shortly after reaching cruise altitude, a 27-year-old first officer named Andreas Lubitz locked the captain out of the cockpit, took control of the plane and deliberately caused its descent. In Fatal Descent, journalist and aviation expert Jeff Wise travels to Lubitz’s hometown in Germany and pieces together a definitive and haunting portrait of the killer and the system he betrayed, revealing in heart-pounding detail how a lifelong super-achiever like Lubitz could have committed such an unthinkable act, what actually happened inside the cockpit, and whether current airline regulations leave us vulnerable to similar attacks in the future.Jeff Wise is a science journalist specializing in aviation and psychology. He is the author of the bestselling Kindle Single The Plane That Wasn’t There, about the disappearance of Malaysian Airlines Flight 370. A licensed pilot of gliders and light airplanes, he also has stick time in powered paragliders, trikes, World War II fighter planes, Soviet jet fighters, gyroplanes, and zeppelins, as well as submarines, tanks, hovercraft, dog sleds, and swamp buggies. A contributing editor at Travel + Leisure magazine, he has written for New York, the New York Times, Time, Businessweek, Esquire, Details, and many others. His Popular Mechanics story on the fate of Air France 447 was named one of the Top 10 Longreads of 2011. His last book was Extreme Fear: The Science of Your Mind in Danger. A native of Massachusetts, he earned his Bachelor of Science degree at Harvard and now lives in New York City with his wife and two sons.Cover design by Kerry Ellis.

    "What happens when we die? Does the light just go out and that's that—the million-year nap? Or will some part of my personality, my me-ness persist? What will that feel like? What will I do all day? Is there a place to plug in my lap-top?" In an attempt to find out, Mary Roach brings her tireless curiosity to bear on an array of contemporary and historical soul-searchers: scientists, schemers, engineers, mediums, all trying to prove (or disprove) that life goes on after we die.

    Guaranteed.   Let award-winning comedy troupe Kasper Hauser transport you into the sublime universe that is SkyMaul, where Banana-ganizers and Reality-Canceling Headphones coexist with Crack Pipe Chess Sets and Llamacycles. More than just a catalog parody, SkyMaul explodes with razor-sharp wit, boundless creativity, and a keen eye for the absurd. This smart, edgy satire will earn your laughter again and again.

    We are a bombarded generation: Facebook, billboards, Twitter, Instagram, taxes, newspapers, watches monitoring our sleep, apps that read our pulse, terrorism. There's such an onslaught to the senses these days it's a marvel any of us manage to get out of bed. I love bed. While we are overwhelmed and confused by the miasmic cloud of information, there are those that seek to take advantage: there are parking fines, hate Tweets, Nigerian email scams and Christmas newsletters from old school friends about their ugly kids. And just as we're getting round to doing something about it, we're distracted again. I, Joe Lycett, comedian, wordsmith, and professional complainer, am here to help. During my short life of doing largely nothing I've discovered solutions to many of life's problems, which I impart to you, dear Reader. Containing a centurion of complaint letters to unsuspecting celebrities, companies and anyone brave enough to clog up my phone, as well as illustrations, one-liners , jokes and life hacks, this little gem offers you a collection of tips and advice* for all manner of modern woe. By the time you have finished reading this book you will have learnt how to: - Reverse a parking fine - Manipulate the tabloid press - Navigate social media - Respond to hate mail - Out-weird internet trolls - Contest a so-called ripe avocado - Send the perfect Christmas newsletter - Defeat ISIS - Take down multi-national companiesAND MUCH, MUCH MORE! Joe Lycett x * If you are looking for guidance with taxes, quitting smoking, moving house, love, divorce, education, healthcare or anything actually important may I recommend speaking to friends or family members and not consulting a book by a comedian who eats halloumi at least twice a day.

    Stan Powers finds himself at a crossroads. Poised to take the last step in his unlikely ascent to the top of conservative talk radio, his conscience may not let him. Set amid the backdrop of "the most important presidential election of our lifetime," Powers - as the most influential voice in Tampa's hotly contested I-4 Corridor - holds the key to Florida, and therefore the Oval Office. His on-air attacks singlehandedly put an abrupt end to the top candidates' main competitors in the primaries, and now he is in the singular position to influence who wins the highest elected office in the world. Will he continue playing the game according to his cynical advisors, or listen to his own conscience and drop an even bigger bomb than expected? With a story that could have been ripped from the headlines, deeply developed characters and interconnected plotlines, and one of the most shocking and rewarding denouements you'll ever experience, this is the perfect political thriller for today's America.

    Hilarious, horrifying and heartbreaking, this diary is everything you wanted to know – and more than a few things you didn't – about life on and off the hospital ward. As seen on ITV's Zoe Ball Book Club This edition includes extra diary entries and a new afterword by the author.

    Johanna Morrigan, fourteen, has shamed herself so badly on local TV that she decides that there’s no point in being Johanna anymore and reinvents herself as Dolly Wilde—fast-talking, hard-drinking Gothic hero and full-time Lady Sex Adventurer. She will save her poverty-stricken Bohemian family by becoming a writer—like Jo in Little Women, or the Bröntes—but without the dying young bit.By sixteen, she’s smoking cigarettes, getting drunk and working for a music paper. She’s writing pornographic letters to rock-stars, having all the kinds of sex with all kinds of men, and eviscerating bands in reviews of 600 words or less.But what happens when Johanna realizes she’s built Dolly with a fatal flaw? Is a box full of records, a wall full of posters, and a head full of paperbacks, enough to build a girl after all?Imagine The Bell Jar written by Rizzo from Grease. How to Build a Girl is a funny, poignant, and heartbreakingly evocative story of self-discovery and invention, as only Caitlin Moran could tell it.

    Powered by Amy’s charming and hilarious, biting yet wise voice, Yes Please is a book full of words to live by.

    HEY, U UP? tackles all the milestones of relationships today—both glorious and embarrassing— with sections ranging from “How to Ask Someone Out After You’ve Slept with Them” all the way to “Establish Your Family as the Christmas Family by Turning Your Significant Other Against Their Own Parents.” In addition to the laugh-out-loud essays, lists, questionnaires, and even flowcharts further enliven the pages.

    It was a flawed plan.'No Shame is a very funny, candid and emotional ride of a memoir by one of our most beloved comedians. The working-class son of a coach driver, and the youngest member of the Noel Coward Society, Tom Allen grew up in 90s suburbia as the eternal outsider.In these hilarious, honest and heart breaking stories Tom recalls observations on childhood, his adolescence, the family he still lives with, and his attempts to come out and negotiate the gay dating scene. They are written with his trademark caustic wit and warmth, and will entertain, surprise and move you in equal measure.

    Nina Stibbe's Love, Nina: Despatches from Family Life is the laugh-out-loud story of the trials and tribulations of a very particular family.

    From the street slang that was once known as 'going country' - it sees powerful drugs gangs supplying outside of the capital through an underworld 'emerging markets enterprise', using children as young as 12 and vulnerable men and women to do their dirty work.Teens whose bereaved relatives assume they led ordinary lives, who tell us they were 'good kids', suddenly end up stabbed to death with no seeming motive. At night, on a usually quiet suburban street, a massive knife fight erupts and two kids end up on life support. Their parents tell the news they weren't in a gang ... What is really going on?

    The perfect Christmas gift for the incurably curious* 'Funny and fascinating . . . it's really rather brilliant.' ZOE BALL'Made me chortle.' DERMOT O'LEARY'Fantastic . . . I loved it.' STEVE WRIGHT'The best trivia book of the season.' THE SPECTATOR 'Mind-blowing.' DAILY MAIL 'Genuinely interesting.' POPULAR SCIENCE Which lottery numbers should I pick?Is it true that we are made entirely of stardust?Can dogs tell the time?Why do songs get stuck in my head?If Rome wasn't built in a day, how long did it take?How do you wash a raspberry?What is the most expensive thing on Earth?Where is last Wednesday?These are just a few of the questions put to the QI Elves by the listeners of BBC Radio 2's The Zoe Ball Breakfast Show. In their brand new book, you'll learn their fascinating and frequently hilarious answers.From spiders to stinging nettles, bees to boy bands and twins to thermal undies, you'll wonder why these questions hadn't occurred to you before - but you'll never forget the answers and will want to share them with all your friends.Includes an introduction by Zoe Ball.PRAISE FOR THE QI ELVES' PREVIOUS BOOK FUNNY YOU SHOULD ASK . . .'QI have outdone themselves!.' ALAN DAVIES'A cracker of a book.' SUE PERKINS'Genuinely useful and endlessly fascinating.' THE SPECTATOR 'Hilarious.' DAILY MAIL For more from the team behind QI's hit TV show check out the QI FACTS series of books, @qikipedia and listen to their weekly podcast at nosuchthingasafish.com or visit qi.com