Okay yes, all that stuff too, but I'm not talking about that right now. The government has also been lying to us about space aliens. Aliens have landed on the National Mall and are asking to speak with the President of the United States. For the sake of the planet, diplomat Michael Wallenson is tasked with keeping them away from Donald Trump at all costs. Will Michael succeed? Or will these heavily armed, easily offended aliens succeed in reaching our leader? Building the border dome, coal-powered missiles, and the true identities of the men in black - all in Take Us To Your Trump, another hilarious satirical comedy from author Andrew Stanek.

    Maloney delivers a heartpounding tale as fast, cold, and sleek as a 9mm bullet . . .FOR DUTY AND HONORThe unthinkable has happened to operative Dan Morgan. Captured by the Russians. Imprisoned in the Gulag. Tortured by his cruelest, most sadistic enemy. But Morgan knows that every prisoner has a past—and every rival can be used. With the most unlikely of allies, Morgan hatches a plan. To save what’s important, he must risk everything. And that’s when the stakes go sky-high. Dan Morgan’s got to keep fighting. For duty. And honor. And even certain death . . .

    It only hits the news in times of mishap but behind the scenes of this hugely popular and vibrant city are hundreds of ex-pats living the dream of a life in the sun.John Kean’s hilarious book, ‘Lost Wife, Saw Barracuda – True Stories from a Sharm el Sheikh Scuba Diving Instructor’ is an inside fly-on-the-wall look at the ups and downs of swapping the rat race for a life in Sharm el Sheikh. It is frank, honest and gripping in sometimes epic proportions, but the humor and magnetic appeal of Sharm el Sheikh and Egypt shines through every time in this beautifully written true story.Over a decade, this mild-mannered, ex-stockbroker has been chased by aggressive sharks, had a 737 airliner drop from the sky into the sea, broken four bones, been arrested three times and finally, blown up by terrorists. On the plus side, Sharm el Sheikh’s outstanding natural appeal, year round sun and amazingly talented and friendly community of Egyptian and ex-pat residents has made it a home from home, free of the stresses of everyday life in Europe.Unlike other fly on the wall or ‘inside’ books, John actually takes you along with him for the ride. His accounts are genuine, highly informative and very funny. Turning tragedy and mishap into humor is the book’s strength and you’ll find a laugh on nearly every page.The story is heavily upstaged by the comical antics of five, highly entertaining characters coming to terms with neutral buoyancy, hangovers and Egyptian taxi drivers. The legendary exploits of the latter are awarded an entire chapter where we’re introduced to, Airbag, Sharm el Sheikh’s worst driver and in contrast, Joseph, who takes up the offer of a job swap, gives John his taxi and becomes a scuba diver for the day!The most dramatic chapter of Lost Wife, Saw Barracuda is the vivid, minute-by-minute account of dive staff involvement during the Sharm bombings in July 2005. This rare civilian insight of a grand scale terrorist attack shows the human cost of those caught up and the tremendous resolve of unlikely rescuers in preventing further loss of life.Despite occasional tragedy, Lost Wife, Saw Barracuda is a positive book that will thrill and entertain, portray scuba diving as an engaging and enjoyable sport and show readers the brighter side of Sharm el Sheikh and Egyptian life. Anyone can read and enjoy this wonderfully funny story.

    It's a place where pioneers rewrite their future, or end their days…for better or worse. In the spirit of Bret Maverick, Cat Ballou, Kwai Chang Caine, and James West, The Weird Wild West blends western grit with the magical and mysterious unknown that waits beyond the next horizon.With thrilling stories by Jonathan Maberry, Gail Z. Martin, John Hartness, RS Belcher, Diana Pharaoh Francis, Misty Massey, James R. Tuck, Robert E. Waters, David Sherman, Tonia Brown and many more, you've hit the Mother Lode!“Abishag Mary” by Frances Rowat. © 2015 Frances Rowat.“Blood Tellings” by Wendy N. Wagner. © 2015 Wendy N. Wagner.“Ruin Creek” by Gail Z. Martin and Larry N. Martin. © 2015 Gail Z. Martinand Larry N. Martin.“Via Con Diablo” by Bryan C. P. Steele. © 2015 Bryan C. P. Steele.“Rattler” by R. S. (Rod) Belcher. © 2015 R. S. (Rod) Belcher.“Rocky Rolls Gold” by David Sherman. © 2015 David Sherman.“Son of the Devil” by Jonathan Maberry. © 2015 Jonathan Maberry.“Mungo Snead’s Last Stand” by Robert E. Waters. © 2015 Robert E. Waters.“Frank and Earnest” by Tonia Brown. © 2015 Tonia Brown.“From Parts Unknown” by James R. Tuck. © 2015 James R. Tuck.“Sundown” by Liz Colter. © 2015 Liz Colter.“Fifteen Seconds” by Scott C. Hungerford. © 2015 Scott C. Hungerford.“Redemption Song” by John Hartness. © 2015 John Hartness.“Grasping Rainbows” by Diana Pharaoh Francis. © 2015 Diana Pharaoh Francis.“The Faery Wrangler” by Misty Massey. © 2015 Misty Massey.“Haven” by Ken Schrader. © 2015 Ken Schrader.“Eighteen Sixty” by Faith Hunter. © 2015 Faith Hunter.

    After all, what’s he going to be able to do about it? He’s just this guy, stuck in a small town, pinned there by a load of student debt and a stalled writing career. Oh, and a wicked case of writer’s block.Or at least he was, until a dragon showed up in his bedroom. At midnight. Quoting Freud and muttering about the space-time continuum.So of course, Ian must Make a Choice and decide whether he wants to follow the dragon back into the Connectome and find his muse again, or stay in a house that surely wants to kill him, one repair bill at a time.Follow Ian on a rollicking adventure, where he finds out that he can make a difference. And that some things are worth fighting for.Even if all you have is a can opener.

    He has, however, been a disappointment to his family in several ways: In appearance he is insignificant looking both in face and figure; he went to the University of Florida instead of Harvard where his forbears had been mainstays of the varsity crew for generations, and he studied agriculture instead of pointing himself toward a career in banking, bonds, or law. To say the least he is not apparently the stuff from which heroes are fashioned.As an agricultural expert specializing in fruit farming, Arthur becomes a Peace Corps volunteer and is assigned to the Republic of San Marco in the Caribbean. This weak-chinned Don Quixote soon acquires his Sancho Panza in the person of a rascally eleven-year-old boy, Pepe, who makes a bargain to be paid 400 pesos each time he saves Arthur's life. (The payments mount alarmingly!)The island's dictator thinks he can use Arthur to obtain military supplies with which to wipe out the band of guerillas in the hills who oppose his corrupt dictatorship. Failing in this the dictator decides to murder Goodpasture and cause an international incident by blaming it on the guerillas. This, he reasons, will bring the U.S. in to help stamp out the rebels.This plan also backfires (with Pepe's help, of course) and Goodpasture is taken prisoner and when they see he is a harmless eccentric he is appointed chief cook for the guerillas. From then on Arthur's life becomes a series of misadventures through which he moves serenely and from which he generally emerges unscathed (again with Pepe's assistance) until he surprisingly finds himself the guerillas' leader.Following one of the funniest bloodless revolutions imaginable Arthur Peabody Goodpasture ends up as Arthur el Gavilan, the new dictator of San Marco. "His strength was as the strength of ten because his heart was pure."

    Twenty-five years later, he was sedentary and rapidly gaining weight. Hello Couch, meet Potato. It was time for a change, for both his body and his mind. Determined to start moving again, Scott climbed on a bicycle one summer afternoon and started pedaling. By the end of the driveway, he was gasping for breath. A year later, Scott was still trying to stay upright on a mountain bike when he watched Ride The Divide, a movie about an event so daunting, so exhilarating, so tough that few attempt it. But Scott couldn’t stop thinking about it. The Tour Divide, a nearly 3000-mile mountain bike race along the spine of the Continental Divide, was his new dream. Known as one of the toughest races in the world, the Tour Divide is an unsupported off-road event. If your tire is flat, you fix it. If you run out of water, you must find more. If you’re caught in the middle of nowhere, exhausted and blurry-eyed? Find a spot to nap amidst nature and try not to bother the Grizzlies. Starting from zero, Scott trained for two years while maintaining a busy family life and career. Scott was preparing for the ride of his life. In June of 2013, he climbed on that bicycle again, this time to race against 167 other people from all over the world on a trek that would take him from Canada to Mexico in 22 days. Captured through Scott’s vivid words and wondrous illustrations, this is the tale of one man’s quest to break free of the typical life and conquer his wildest dream.

     And yes, I do realize that I can’t seem to stop these irrational (and slightly impure!) thoughts about Max—Max, my best friend. And I know it’s a risk. You’re right! And I’ll probably never make a move but I so wish that I could get just one kiss from those lips…maybe that would stop the madness once and for all. Anyway, that’s not likely so… Regardless, I’m gonna meet THE one. If Blue never shows up, I’m on a mission to find my Mr. Right and this time I won’t stop until I do. Cross your fingers and say a prayer for me, okay?

    (The Continental Divide Trail is scarier.) There, she faced the icy winds of the Mojave Desert and the brutal heat of the snowless High Sierras, the choking smoke of Oregon and the vicious marmots of Washington. Rabid is a semi-fictional account of the weird and wonderful world that Libby found on the Pacific Crest Trail, a world where time is measured by distance from Mexico, where poop is a casual conversation topic, and where hikers are stalked by the worshipful followers of their trail blogs. Darkly humorous, Rabid tells of the beautiful, high-energy, technology-permeated, sometimes-overcrowded, modern thru-hiking experience.

    5,000 words (16 pages).For Bafion, there is no farther to fall. Once a banneret, officer, and gentleman, he is none of those things now. He is a swordsman who has slipped through the cracks of society and is eking out an existence as a thug for hire.Bafion is presented with the opportunity to reclaim some of what was lost to him, but to do so will mean facing part of his past that he would rather forget.The Swordsman of Tanosa is a swashbuckling fantasy short story set in the same world as the Society of the Sword trilogy.

    

    THE YEAR OF SAYING YES by Hannah Doyle will make you dirty-laugh, feel warm and fuzzy, and rediscover life's magic - all thanks to one little word: yes. Fans of Lindsey Kelk, Mhairi McFarlane and Lucy-Anne Holmes, you're in for a real treat. The first of four exclusive part-serialisations of THE YEAR OF SAYING YES by Hannah Doyle.Dear ReadersIt's drizzling outside, which totally matches my #currentmood. Pigs in blankets, all the mince pies and a festive Baileys or five are distant memories. You know the drill - it's January. Everyone's banning booze (terrible idea) or cutting carbs (impossible). To add to the misery pile, my plans to seduce the man of my dreams at the stroke of midnight flopped spectacularly. I'm Izzy. I don't just need a New Year resolution, I need a whole new life. And I need YOU. My dreary life is about to get a total makeover - it's my 'Year of Saying Yes'. And this is where you come in. It's up to you to #DareIzzy. I'm saying yes to your challenges, no matter how nuts, adventurous or wild they are. The sky's the limit - I'm at your mercy, readers! Wish me luck. I have a feeling I'm going to need it. LoveIzzy x Don't miss Part 2 of Izzy's adventure, where Izzy is challenged to ask a total stranger for his number, pose naked for a life drawing class and, wait for it... perform at Glastonbury!

    But when the world gets weird, there's no one who's better to have on your side...Is a renegade dragon harassing the men laying the rails of the great railroad? Are headless Indian spirits driving you from your land? Is that volcano threatening to destroy your settlement? Then Mad Amos is the man for you.Plus, two new, never-before-published stories in the Mad Amos canon:NEITHER A BORROWER BE: When a horse thief sets his sights on stealing Amos' faithful mount Worthless, he gets more than he expects...for Worthless isn't exactly an ordinary horse...THE PURL OF THE PACIFIC: Mad Amos takes to the high seas on a whale of an adventure and thwarts a vengeful South Pacific island shaman at his own game...Ten delightful stories of dragons, jackalopes, snake-oil salesmen, iron horses, and, of course, the incomparable Mad Amos Malone from the incredible imagination of world-class storyteller and bestselling author Alan Dean Foster!

    Harold also has beef with Shawn’s father, William Henry Harrison Middle School football coach Sam Farmer. So when Harold finds out his mother has been secretly dating Coach Farmer, he is understandably upset. And when Coach Farmer proposes to his mother at an all-you-can-eat buffet, it’s understandable when he completely flips. Fortunately Harold has an ally on his side… the school bully himself, Shawn. Like Harold, Shawn realizes a merger of the Farmer and O’Connell clans will completely obliterate his standing as the most popular guy in school. Harold and Shawn form an unholy alliance and strive to stop the wedding from heck. This task is easier said than done, however. Coach Farmer and Ms. O’Connell are deeply in love, and they’re not breaking up without a fight, no matter how many times Harold and Shawn sabotage their wedding plans. But that’s not what troubles Harold the most. What he is most troubled by is the fact that, as he and his former nemesis spend more time together, they are slowly yet surely becoming friends. At William Henry Harrison Middle School, the school bully and the school nerd becoming best buds is like a lion singing Kumbaya with a zebra. Will Harold and Shawn succeed in their dastardly plot to stop their parents’ wedding, or will they allow their emerging friendship to blossom and throw their schools’ social order out of whack? The School Bully Is My Brother is a simultaneously hilarious and sweet take on middle school life. It should appeal to any kid who must deal with bullies. Likewise, it should appeal to the bullies out there who like to dish out torment (and hopefully convince them that nerds and geeks aren’t all that bad). Think of it as Modern Family meets Diary of a Wimpy Kid. This novel is unique in that it features characters of different races, religions, sexual orientations, and socio-economic backgrounds, and most kids (and adults) will appreciate the books’ message of inclusiveness.

    It includes the following titles: Pain in the Aasimar Cocky LitRPG Taint Team Rusty Mom Bone The Wang is the Hardest Part Cross My Fart and Hope to Die If you've already purchased all of these books, there is nothing new for you here. If you haven't yet purchased any, you can save a few bucks by buying this collection. If you've only purchased some of these already, you'll have to do some math.