The bookstore or library is half full of that kind of crap. What you're holding here is a collection of quips and observations with a refreshingly gloomy, sometimes twisted, always funny take on life. Or lack thereof.With illustrations by renowned artist Brian Andreas, this book is a glimpse inside the humorously askew mind of a writer whose witticisms have been featured on NPR, printed onto t-shirts, performed on stage in Germany, and posted online at the Washington Post, Wall Street Journal, and New York Times. He's been named one of the top funniest people on Twitter by the likes of Maxim, MSNBC and Mashable.

    The New Yorker offers a signature mix of reporting and commentary on politics, international affairs, and the arts, along with fiction, poetry, humor, and cartoons. Founded in 1925, The New Yorker has received more National Magazine Awards than any other magazine. Notable work in recent years includes coverage of the war on terror by George Packer, Jane Mayer, Lawrence Wright, Steve Coll, and Seymour M. Hersh; reports from the front lines of the Middle East by Jon Lee Anderson, Dexter Filkins, and Wendell Steavenson; Malcolm Gladwell on "the tipping point"; Anthony Lane on movies; James Wood on books; Elizabeth Kolbert on the environment; Atul Gawande on health care; fiction by Jonathan Franzen, Edwidge Danticat, Zadie Smith, and Haruki Murakami; humor by David Sedaris and Andy Borowitz; and cartoons by Roz Chast.

    His hilarious syndicated newspaper column and numerous best-selling books have sparked the kind of adulation that's often reserved for rock stars or world leaders. His wit cuts right to the core of life's absurdities.In My Teenage Son's Greatest Goal in Life Is to Make Me Feel 3,500 Years Old and Other Thoughts on Parenting from Dave Barry, Dave shares his hopes, fears, and insights about his own stint as a father. Most people make babies out to be very complicated, but the truth is they have only three moods: Mood One: Just about to cry. Mood Two: Crying. Mood Three: Just finished crying.

    He seeks conversions, not just votes. This Spotlight Story from TIME explores the Gospel of Bernie Sanders.

    Just when you think you do know everything there is to know about Walt Disney World, here comes Jim Korkis with a new book full of stuff you won't easily find anywhere else. From the theme parks and resorts to "beyond the berm", this is the Disney that Disney forgot.Coming on the heels of the bestselling original Secret Stories, Korkis has declared no secret off limits in this new volume. Delving into his treasure trove of lore compiled over the decades from sources both inside and outside the Disney company, and from official Disney documentation long since lost or destroyed, Korkis mainlines the most potent blend of mouse tales this side of Main Street, USA, including: Haunted mahjongg, mermaid statues, handprints, and rock stars: a VIP tour through the back roads of Hollywood Studios The hidden narrative of Liberty Square, and why Ye Olde Christmas Shoppe is much more than meets the eye The Native American mythology behind the totem poles at Disney's Fort Wilderness Lodge Where to find vestiges of Roger Rabbit Toontown at Hollywood Studios, and why Roger himself isn't there Plus, Florida theme parks that never were, Disney's aborted airport, Snow White's secret house, the Mickey Mouse tax, and dozens more NO DECODER RING REQUIRED!

    They did not talk about their mom's extended absences or why their dad put Scotch tape on the backdoor frame. To cover up the chaos, they kept their clothes neat and got good grades. But when they were teenagers, an arson fire destroyed their home and killed their parents. Rumors were thick that summer that smart, angry, fourteen-year-old Lisa set the blaze. Then, adult powers they did not understand squelched the investigation. As teenagers accustomed to keeping silent, they packed up and moved on.Forty years later, Leigh, the oldest, decided it was time to find out who killed their parents. She obtained copies of the police and fire investigations and began unwrapping the past. This memoir is the story of that investigation as Leigh tried to piece together the truth, but found more lies instead. With the help of her sisters, Leigh was able to reconstruct much of what happened to them in the beach towns around Atlantic City in the early 1970s. After the fire, one sister turned to heroin and another to alcohol; Leigh became Miss Atlantic City. Then, one by one, they each moved to California and shut the door on their past, even though they privately wondered whether one of them killed Frank and Nancy Overton. It's funny. They never wondered whether one of their parents was trying to kill them.

    He had a beautiful new girlfriend and sudden prosperity as an author. But when he adopts an orphaned infant mouse, his world is turned on its head. The mouse comes to symbolize everything left unresolved in his life — his relationship with his divorced parents, his fear of family and commitment, and his inability to feel true happiness and love. By turns hilarious and moving, Mishka Shubaly’s latest Kindle Single captures the journey we all take in life — from being loved, to giving love. Cover by Adil Dara.

    Presents practical, Buddhist-based guidelines to achieving happiness in romantic relationships through a series of inspirational quotes complemented by thematic watercolors and divided into three sections that explore the concepts of illusion, reality, and life.

     Do you constantly get anxious about your health and seek reassurance? Have you found yourself analysing every single sensation in your body? Are you spending time on the internet always looking for answers? Do you have heart palpatations that make you think you're having a heart attack? Does that impending heart attack give you a panic attack? Are you still not dead? You can rest assured it's not just you! Philip Martins was once a hypochondriac and has survived, among other things, cancer, motor neurone disease, meningitis, multiple sclerosis and having been bitten by a mosquito once, malaria. In this book he tells you how he got through his years of health anxiety, provides some anecdotes of his crazier times to cheer you up and gives you some tips all in the hope that it can bring a little relief to help you realise you're not alone. If you have health anxiety and are looking for something to relate to then this is the book for you.

     Men are weird and can behave like apes. A man can change his mind overnight and lose interest, just like that. I wrote this book to share the hard truth with you, so you can 'see' and understand why he does what he does. You’ll learn: - What goes on inside a man’s mind…and how attraction works for him - The 7 dangerous mistakes most women make with men - How you can use his “animal brain” to create natural and lasting attraction - What makes men cheat or look at other women - The 3 characteristics every man looks for in a woman - How to make him think “she’s mine, I want her!” - The one big mistake that instantly makes him lose physical attraction - What makes men seem emotionally unavailable - The crucial difference between emotional and physical attraction - and much more. Are you ready to go inside the male mind?

    But new science reveals fat isn't what's hurting our health. This Spotlight Story from TIME explores America's antifat obsession and how it is impacting our health.

    Lewis Gordon Pugh recounts his action-packed life, including his SAS training and his swim at the North Pole. He takes examples from his own life to show how we can all achieve our goals.

    writes with humor, dripping Southern charm that you can’t miss.” (The Greenville Examiner). A collection of short stories from the author of Sean of the South, and Lyla. Columnist, humorist, and novelist, Sean Dietrich, is known for his commentary on life in the American South. In his newest work, Small Towns, Labradors, Barbecue, Biscuits, Beer, and Bibles, he delivers a set of quirky tales filled with smiles and a hefty dose of heart.

    First responders share unique baby names, we hear stories about clueless newbies, bitter veterans, and patients with good intentions but bad ideas. We also hear more about the not-so-happy side of this industry. Grab a blanket, a mug of hot chocolate, and cozy up in front of the fire to catch up with submissions from people like you!

    Broadway actress Sharon Wheatley reveals an authentic and personal look at the damaging physical and emotional effects of childhood obesity.