In this book you will find the funniest 288 of them (with a few all-new funny pages squeezed in just because we couldn’t help ourselves). That’s page after page after page of laugh-out-loud dumb jokes, dumb jocks, toasts, pranks, kings, kittens, caboodles, and, of course, poorly translated kung-fu movie subtitles—such as. "It took my seven digestive pills to dissolve your hairy crab!” So whether you like your humor witty or witless, light or dark, or silly or sublime, you’ll laugh until your head explodes. Chortle at…Dumb crooks: The robber who ran face-first into a wall because he forgot to poke eye holes in his pillow case.Witty wordplay: If Snoop Doggy Dogg were to marry Winnie the Pooh, his name would become Snoop Doggy Dogg Pooh.Flubbed headlines: "British Left Waffles On House Floor”Quirky stars: Billy Idol’s concert rider demands he have one large tub of I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter in his dressing room.Job Lingo: If you hear an E.R. doc mention a "VIP,” be on the lookout for a "Very Intoxicated Patient.”Comedian quips: "I wonder if deaf people have a sign for "Talk to the hand.’” --Zach GalifianakisSputtering sportscasters: "If only faces could talk.” --Pat SummerallAnd much, much more!

    Find out where to go with Kauai Trailblazer, a comprehensive guide to everything the island offers. For family travelers and independent adventurers, this completely revised new edition offers hundreds of top spots to hike, snorkel, kayak, surf, and mountain bike, plus four historic and scenic driving tours. A directory lists restaurants, campgrounds, accommodations, and local outfitters, free hula shows and farmers' markets. You'll also find information about local flora, weather, and a glossary of Hawaiian words and place names. Maps and photos illustrate the text.

    Whenyou upgrade to Extra Class, you gain access to the entire Amateur Radio frequency spectrum. Ues this book to ace the top-level ham radio licensing exam. Our expert instruction will lead you through all of the knowledge you need to pass the exam: rules, specific operating skills and more advanced electronics theory.

    And who better to compile one than Lily Chin—the author of four hugely popular knitting and crocheting manuals, a veteran teacher, and one of the fastest crocheters in the world?Lily Chin's Crochet Tips & Tricks compiles more than 75 of her best techniques—some collected from her regularly sold-out classes, many more never seen before—into one comprehensive, pocket-size guide. This book is filled with simple solutions to every crocheter's pet peeves, as well as nonstandard approaches to some of the biggest crocheting bugaboos. At the end of it, you'll be left with one satisfying question: "Why didn't I think of that?!"

    Owner and designer Hadley Fierlinger shares her lovingly crafted collection of hand-knitted, heirloom-quality garments for infants and toddlers aged six months to three years. From caps, cardigans, and mittens to booties, bonnets, and blankets–each pattern features delicate period details hearkening back to the 1930s, ’40s, and ’50s while offering modern comfort and a contemporary preference for natural and organic yarns. This is a delightful gift for mothers-to-be, grandmothers, godmothers, aunties, and others, offering a full range of keepsake projects at proficiency levels for beginner, intermediate, and experienced knitters.

    Throughout years society has come to believe that our level of IQ will determine the success of a person's life. However, in recent years psychologist have found new insight by studying successful people. The results have been surprising because what determines a person's life success is not IQ but rather EI. Emotional Intelligence (EI) is the foundation of living a successful and meaningful life. People who succeed in life have a tremendous awareness of their emotions. Inside this book, you will be on the path of living a life that includes the followingEmotional MasteryAwareness of your own emotions and othersEffortlessly redirecting your emotionsA deeper connection with the people you loveDo not allow your emotions to take over your life and instead master the art of your emotions today!

    The dolls are 3.5 inches (9 cm) tall.Materials required:3.00 mm hook;DK, Light Worsted yarn;Polyester fiberfill;Tapestry needle;5 mm black beads for eyes : 2 beads for each doll;Needle and black thread for attaching eyes.

    Each breed profile includes a photograph of the animal and information about its origin and conservation status, as well as the weight, staple length, fiber diameter, and natural colors of its fleece. This is a great primer for beginners, and a handy guide for anyone who loves working with fleece.

    More comprehensive than ever before--and now 1,000 pages--this revised edition describes the insider dynamics at hundreds of U.S. and Canadian publishers, with hundreds of names and specialties for book acquisition editors. Nearly 200 of the most powerful literary agents reveal invaluable tips, as if they were having a private conversation with a special friend. With detailed information on what to do (and what not to do) to break the code, break down the walls, and get that first book, second book, or thirtieth book published, bought and read, Jeff Herman's Guide is the go-to source for writers everywhere.

    

    Robert J. Darling organizes President Bush's trip to Florida on Sept. 10, 2001, he believes the next couple of days will be quiet. He has no idea that a war is about to begin. The next day, after terrorists crash airliners into the World Trade Center towers and the Pentagon, Maj. Darling rushes to the president's underground chamber at the White House. There, he takes on the task of liaison between the vice president, national security advisor and the Pentagon. He works directly with the National Command Authority, and he's in the room when Vice President Cheney orders two fighter jets to get airborne in order to shoot down United Flight 93. Throughout the attacks, Maj. Darling witnesses the unprecedented actions that leaders are taking to defend America. As Vice President Cheney, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, and others make decisions at a lightning pace with little or no deliberation, he's there to lend his support. Follow Darling's story as he becomes a Marine Corps aviator and rises through the ranks to play an incredible role in responding to a crisis that changed the world in 9-11-01: The White House: Twenty-Four Hours inside the President's Bunker.

    Mind-Body techniques that will help a patient: feel calmer before surgery, recover faster, have less pain after surgery, strengthen the immune system, use less pain medication, and save money on medical bills.

    Surrender all of your notions about barbecue. Forget everything you've ever learned about cooking with charcoal and fire. It is all wrong. Get it right with the "Five Easy Lessons" program, which includes over 130 recipes and step-by-step instructions for setting up and cooking low and slow on a Weber Smokey Mountain, an offset smoker, or a kettle grill. This program is guided by a singular philosophy: Keep It Simple, Stupid. Do exactly as Gary says, don't even think about opening the lid before it's time, and you will learn:What gear you do and, more importantly, don't needExactly how to start and maintain a proper fire (without lighter fluid)All about marinades, brines, and rubsTo use your senses and trust your instincts (instead of thermometers)How to make delicious, delicious barbecue The perfect how-to guide for beginner and expert alike, Low & Slow will take your barbecue skills to the next level.

    Carter's unpopularity helped Republicans win seats in the House and gain control over the Senate for the first time in over 20 years. The Reagan Era had begun, ushering in a generation of conservative power. Democrats blamed Carter for this catastrophe and spent the next decade pretending he had never existed. Republicans cheered his demise and trotted out his name to scare voters for years to come. Carter and his wife Rosalynn returned to their farm in the small town of Plains, Georgia. They were humiliated, widely unpopular, and even in financial debt. 35 years later, Carter has become the most celebrated post-president in American history. He has won the Nobel Peace Prize, written bestselling books, and become lauded across the world for his efforts on behalf of peace and social justice. Ex-presidents now adopt the Carter model of leveraging their eminent status to benefit humanity. By pursuing diplomatic missions, leading missions to end poverty and working to eradicate disease around the world, Carter has transformed the idea of what a president can accomplish after leaving the White House.This is the story of how Jimmy Carter lost the biggest political prize on earth--but managed to win back something much greater. Jordan Michael Smith is a contributing writer at Salon and the Christian Science Monitor. His writing has appeared in print or online for the New York Times Magazine, Washington Post, The Atlantic, Slate, BBC, and many other publications. Born in Toronto, he holds a Master's of Arts in Political Science from Carleton University. He lives in New York City. www.jordanmichaelsmith.typepad.com.Cover design by Adil Dara.

    Here, Lisa Lloyd explores the different qualities of handspun yarns and presents projects that show them to their best advantage. Each of the 26 projects shows the finished item knitted with both a handspun and a commercial yarn.