While outrageously false, these hilarious “facts” unearth deep truths about Canadians and their culture. For the over 200,000 people already following on Twitter, @stats_canada is a daily source of the funniest Canadian parody. Now, in their first book, Stats Canada satirizes everything from history, culture, and language to sports, entertainment, politics, weather, and much more. With all-new features, graphs, maps, and other illustrations, Stats Canada has all the laughter you’ve come to expect, with only 10% recycled content! 35% of advice given in any Home Hardware does not come from an actual employee 67% of Canadians own summer snow pants 32% of Canadians can’t spell “tuque” but own at least four 56% of Manitobans are convinced they’ve travelled to the future when visiting other provinces 79% of Canadian teens don’t want to wear their winter coat, it’s not even that cold out 100% of Canadian hockey players give it 110% every game 65% of Canadian Instagram accounts include an artsy photo of a Tim Hortons cup Disclaimer: The official Statistics Canada has taken no issue with the content of this book. They were too polite to object.

    Half of the essays are brand new, the others are all reworked and rewritten, based on pieces that were originally published in Golf Digest. Often biting, usually cranky, always hilarious and surprising—this is Dan Jenkins at his best, writing about the sport he loves the most.      "I've always wanted to do something for the golfer who has everything. I thought about a suede golf cart, or maybe a pair of cashmere Footjoys. Then I settled on writing this book." So begins Dan Jenkins's latest—and funniest—collection of golf essays. The book consists of thirty-eight essays, all of them, as Dan says in the first essay, are "literally throbbing with opinion."     In this book Dan delves into the greatest rounds of golf he's ever seen; the funniest things said on a golf course; the rivalries on tour and in the press box; the game's most magical moments—and its most absurd. Unplayable Lies is an ode to the game Jenkins loves. But it is Dan Jenkins, so nothing—even the game of golf—can escape his wrath, his critical eye, or his acerbic pen. The best way to describe it is to turn the book over to Mr. Jenkins:      In "Titanic and I"—probably the most hilarious and surprising essay in the book, telling true stories of Titanic Thompson: gambler, golf hustler, accused murderer, legendary storyteller—Dan explains how Titanic would win a wager by saying he could knock a bird off a telephone wire: "Titanic would drop a ball on the ground and take out his four-wood, waggle it, and pretend to aim at the bird on the wire. When some sucker would bet him he couldn't do it, Ti would pull out a gun he carried and shoot the bird off the wire."     In "The Greatest Rounds": "Show me a man who doesn't know what Arnold did in the last round of the '60 U.S. Open at Cherry Hills, and I'll show you a soccer fan in Paraguay."     This is a perfect follow up to His Ownself. It even has an Introduction by Sally Jenkins, one of the country's top sportswriters and Dan's own darling daughter.

    Traver recounts the story of a mysterious "dancing fly, " speaks pointedly about "kiss-and-tell" fishermen, debunks fly fishermen as the "world's greatest snobs, " lets us in on the fishing story Life missed, and takes us along on his strangest fishing trip. We meet the unforgettable Danny McGinnis, guide, and other choice characters and events from his anything-but-ordinary fishing trips. Traver even has some new angles on women anglers and does a free piece of tongue-in-cheek literary sleuthing into Ernest Hemingway's story "Big Two-Hearted River."There's enough trout magic here to rub off on every reader -- man, woman, or child -- as Robert Traver weaves his inimitable storytelling spell. Trout Magic is a marvelous catch of wit, wisdom, and anecdote sure to delight everyone who enjoys a master storyteller who just happens to write here about his wonderful world of trout fishing.

    

    This book contains 400 question covering all eight of the Harry Potter movies. Questions range from Siriusly easy to Riddikulusly difficult. There's also a round of tiebreakers to settle any disputes. Will you score 10 points for Gryffindor or will you Slytherin to last place?

    This crafty revision of English vocabulary posits that Platypus should signify “to give your cat pigtails;” that Flemish should mean “rather like snot;” and that Celtic is in fact a prison for fleas. With nearly 600 new definitions, this side-splitting resource pushes the boundaries of the English language to riotous new limits.

    It was also prophesied that this night would witness the return of Emperor Kellanved, and there are those prepared to do anything to prevent this from happening…Ian C. Esslemont co-created the world of Malaz with his friend Steven Erikson, and Esslemont’s Novels of the Malazan Empire are set in the same world as Erikson’s Malazan Book of the Fallen.Other Tor books by Ian C. EsslemontPath to Ascendancy Dancer’s Lament Deadhouse Landing Other books in the world of Malaz by Steven Erikson Malazan Book of the Fallen Gardens of the Moon Deadhouse Gates Memories of Ice House of Chains Midnight Tides The Bonehunters Reaper’s Gale Toll the Hounds Dust of Dreams The Crippled God The Kharkanas Trilogy Forge of Darkness Fall of Light Walk in Shadow* At the Publisher's request, this title is being sold without Digital Rights Management Software (DRM) applied.

    Everyone dismisses her long-term dream to live in Italy as another ‘mad hippy whim.’ While she’s busy planning other people’s happy endings, grief, eviction and debt nip at her heels. Trying to stabilise her life as an entrepreneur in the middle of an economic crash is almost impossible.When her landlord suddenly doubles the rent, Rosie is left with no choice but to pack up her family, two dogs and possessions into a 20-year-old camper van and head off in search of her own happy ending in sunny Italy.She soon discovers integrating into life in a new country isn’t as easy as it looks on TV, especially when the language is a minefield of accidental sexual innuendo. And trying to buy an abandoned villa in Umbria from eight crazy cousins with a longstanding family battle bubbling under the surface doesn’t make it any easier. While Rosie is determined to create the perfect life for her family in Italy, despite a hurricane, a raucous family dispute and a little thing called a global pandemic to top it all off, she begins to realise that the Italian dream may be too big for her. Will she ever get to live her rosy life in Italy? Or has she bitten off more than she can chew?

    In spades.We ask that when you pore over this glorious work you spare some thought for the humble cartographers and surveyors who made journeys into the darker corners of our metropolis - no less dangerous than the wilds of Skund or Bhangbhangduc. To some the only memorial is the map you now possess. Others, in their quest for knowledge, paid the highest price that scholarship demands, which is to say, a day off in lieu.And so we dedicate this map and these accompanying words to the officers, councilors and members of the Merchants' Guild and to all who will find in its pages paths yet to tread and places yet to explore within the magnificentbwonder that is the city of Ankh-Morpork.

    Unfortunately they have no real resources, no good plans, and no idea what the hell they're doing. What they do have is an army of foul-mouthed monkeys who want them dead, a beautiful woman who wants some answers, a sex-crazed tribal chief, a caffeine-addicted demigod who wants to be worshipped, and a telepathic skull who just wants a little excitement. Through nonstop comedy and good old-fashioned adventure these guys are facing some long odds but do Ron and Willy give up? No they don't. They get down to business. Monkey Business.

    No one is actually compatible with anyone else/ we just all get swept away by lust or, deafened by the thrashmetal tick of the biological clock, shut down all critical facilities. Part 1 of Darkside Zodiac in Love is "I'm Your Venus," which is all about the planet of L.O.V.E. and Libra and Taurusthe signs it rules directlyand the havoc they can play in our lives. Part 2 shows how love hurts all the way around the zodiac. It identifies the cheaters, describes how members of each sign conduct themselves on dates and perform in bed, and provides compatibility charts and blinddate guides. Darkside Zodiac in Love will help readers take a cold, hard look at all the shabby tricks, manipulations, lies, and cruel intentions each sun sign tries to hide. It won't mend a broken heart, but it will tell readers who they are compatible with and who is likely to murder them in their sleep! It also tells readers what conniving, twotiming, icyhearted little love rats they really are, but then nothing comes for free, does it?! * Snarky, snarkywe all take love too seriously and astrology not seriously enough.

    Packed full of zingers and hilarious illustrations, if this doesn't put a smile on your face, nothing will. What's not to like:The other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my dressing room. I didn't know what to make of it. I'm against hunting. I'm actually a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox. I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one. Black holes. I don't know what people see in them. So I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first.' He went 'Baah' and I went 'Moo'. He said 'You're closest.' Velcro. What a rip-off. Black Beauty. He's a dark horse. I've got a sponge front door. Hey, don't knock it.

    Poems, sketches, cartoons, short prose pieces and doctored photos.

    Written by an all-around tech guru and the coauthor of Windows 8.1 For Seniors For Dummies, it cuts through confusing jargon and covers just what you need to know: navigating the interface with a mouse or a touchscreen, customizing the desktop, managing printers and other external devices, setting up and connecting to simple networks, and storing files in the Cloud. Plus, you'll find helpful instructions on sending and receiving email, uploading, editing, and downloading pictures, listening to music, playing games, and so much more.Whether you're upgrading to the new Windows 10 operating system with the hopes of keeping in touch with loved ones via webcam or instant messenger, viewing videos, or simply making your life more organized and streamlined, all the guidance you need to make the most of Windows 10 is at your fingertips.Customize the desktop and set up a simple network Connect with family and friends online Work with apps like a pro Safely protect your data, your computer, and your identity With large-print format for text, figures, and drawings, there's no easier way to get up and running on the new Windows operating system than with Windows 10 For Seniors For Dummies.

    You may find it for free on the web. Purchase of the Kindle edition includes wireless delivery.