The Story of Awkward


R.K. Ryals - 2014
    If you are looking for a narrative without emotion, without regrets, and without mistakes, this is definitely the wrong story. This is by no means an uncomplicated tale about uncomplicated people. It is by no means sweet or light. This story is ugly. This story is complicated. This story is emotional. This story is tragic. In short, this story is about being awkward. Peregrine Storke is an artist with an odd sketchbook full of pictures she’s drawn since she was a child. It is a book full of strange sketches and awkward characters, for there is no better way to hide from bullying and life than to create a world of your own. With a stroke of her pencil, she has given life to a spectacled princess, a freckle-nosed king, a candy loving troll, a two-horned unicorn, and a graceless fairy. At nineteen, Peregrine leaves her home, her sketchbook, and awkwardness behind. But what happens when something goes wrong in the world of Awkward? Trapped inside of her complex realm with the bully she thought to leave behind, Peregrine discovers there is nothing worse than falling for your own villain.

Double Dare


Rhonda Nelson - 2000
    Sheltered by her overbearing father, Louisa has years of catching up to do and can think of no better person than gorgeous Sam Rawlins to show her. Is she ready for the time of her life? Hell, yes.Ordinarily unflappable adventure guide Sam Rawlins makes his living showing the wealthy how to have fun, but nothing in his experience could have prepared him for the "adventure" Louisa Honeycut asks for. He might be showing Louisa the time of her life, but the quirky little snack-cake heiress is soon turning Sam's own life upside down...and perversely, he likes the new vantage point.

Free Gift with Purchase


Jackie Pilossoph - 2012
    Emma's always been the party girl, Laura, the hardworking doctor. But now, the two have something in common. Both are newly single and trying out the dating scene after marriage.Emma's a widow and a single mother with a guilty secret she can't let go. Laura's husband just dumped her for one of four women he's been sleeping with. A dispute over the house forces Laura to move in with her sister and that's when the fun begins.Go on some dates with these 42 and 44 year-old adorable sisters who are both looking for love and your jaw will surely drop! Laura's mixed bag includes Dan, a selfish womanizer, Ari, a stalker, and Tim, a compulsive liar. For Emma there's gorgeous, sexy Preston, a self-proclaiming "fun guy," beautiful Alice, who's a lesbian, and a string of Matts who go from bad to worse. Then there's separated, charismatic, wealthy Luke Sullivan. Luke's carrying some baggage, but he makes Emma's heart stop every time he appears.Free Gift With Purchase is a book about two sisters who have always seen things from an entirely different perspective, but who as women in need of each other learn to consider that instead of judging, looking through each other's eyes might make their lives a lot richer. In other words, when you buy into opening your heart and believing in yourself, you might just end up with a Free Gift With Purchase.

The Memory of a Salt Shaker


Bernard M. Cox - 2012
    “The Memory of a Salt Shaker” first appeared November 2011 in issue 15 of Up the Staircase Quarterly and was nominated by the editorial staff for the 2012 Million Writers Award.Cover designed by Sabine KraussPhoto by Robyn Oliver

The Dirty Parts of the Bible


Sam Torode - 2007
    Tobias is obsessed with two things: God and girls. Mostly girls, of course. But being a Baptist preacher's son, he can't escape God. When his father is blinded in a bizarre accident (involving hard cider and bird droppings), Tobias must ride the rails to Texas to recover a long-hidden stash of money. Along the way, he's initiated into the hobo brotherhood by Craw, a ribald vagabond-philosopher. Obstacles arise in the form of a saucy prostitute, a flaming boxcar, and a man-eating catfish. But when he meets Sarah, a tough farm girl under a dark curse, he finds out that the greatest challenge of all is love.

The Seven Steps to Closure


Donna Joy Usher - 2012
    Things go from bad to worse when she discovers that, not only is her ex-husband engaged to her cousin - Tash, the woman he left her for - but that Jake is also running for Lord Mayor of Sydney.Desperate to leave the destructive relationship behind and with nothing to lose, she decides- with encouragement from her three best friends - to follow the dubious advice from a magazine article, Closure in Seven Easy Steps.The Seven Steps to Closure follows Tara on her sometimes disastrous- always hilarious - path to achieve the seemingly impossible.

Darkblade Avenger: Defenders of Legend Omnibus 1


Andy Peloquin - 2019
    But playing by the rules won’t silence the beating of hell’s blackest hearts… 3 immersive novels. 1,000+ pages of demons and dark reckonings. The Hunter spills blood to quiet the voices in his head. With his cursed dagger by his side, the feared assassin vows his ruthless gift will only strike down the wicked. So when dark enemies trick him into taking an innocent life, he unleashes the full force of his rage. Devastated by his irreversible actions, he won’t stop until he dismantles the evil syndicate that deceived him. With each traitorous criminal he cuts down, the more determined he is to expose the secrets of the killing blade that torments his mind. Will the truth set him free or seal his eternal damnation? Darkblade Avenger: Defenders of Legend Omnibus #1 is a boxed set containing three action-packed epic fantasy novels. If you like graphic battles, sprawling settings, and quests for redemption, then you’ll love Andy Peloquin’s thrilling series. Buy Darkblade Avenger to watch an assassin get his revenge today!

You Are Dead.


Andrew Stanek - 2015
    (Sign Here Please) is a madcap comedy of truly ludicrous proportions. After Nathan Haynes dies, he discovers that the afterlife is run by straight-laced bureaucrats, but when he refuses to sign his 21B he is punted back to life in his insane home city of Dead Donkey. He can't rest easy, though - the bureaucrats are out to get him and they will put his papers in order, no matter the cost. Will our hero die (again)? Will the bureaucrats trick him into filling the proper forms in? Will Nathan ever get to do his laundry? Find out in You Are Dead. (Sign Here Please)!

The Shameful Diary of a Hopeless Romantic


Suzi Case - 2011
    She wants to write a bestselling children's book, lose weight and fall in love before she hits 30. Unfortunately nothing seems to be going according to plan and she finds herself in the middle of a love triangle and signed up for a marathon when she can't even run a mile. What's a girl to do but write about it of course?

Blazing Trouble


Jenna St. James - 2019
    James.When Trinity Falls' Most Eligible Bachelor, fireman Caleb Travers, strikes a bargain with reporter Katherine "Kat" O'Malley, neither one is prepared for the sparks that fly. Now if only they could convince their grandmothers--long-time rivals--to butt out of their fake relationship. Between two black eyes, a gang shootout with real weapons, and a jealous ex-girlfriend, Katherine O'Malley sets out to prove she's badass enough to nab Trinity Falls' Most Eligible Bachelor. Not like he's going to need much convincing...pact or no pact. But when Kat is faced with having to risk her heart and go all-in with Caleb, will she be able to take that leap of faith? Or will she decide, instead, to walk away and let her heart crash and burn?

Undermajordomo Minor


Patrick deWitt - 2015
    He is a compulsive liar, a sickly weakling in a town famous for begetting brutish giants. Then Lucy accepts employment assisting the majordomo of the remote, foreboding Castle Von Aux. While tending to his new post as undermajordomo, he soon discovers the place harbours many dark secrets, not least of which is the whereabouts of the castle's master, Baron Von Aux. Thus begins a tale of polite theft, bitter heartbreak, domestic mystery, and cold-blooded murder.Undermajordomo Minor is an ink-black comedy of manners, an adventure, and a mystery, and a searing portrayal of rural Alpine bad behaviour, but above all it is a love story. And Lucy must be careful, for love is a violent thing.

What in God's Name


Simon Rich - 2012
    For as long as anyone can remember, the founder and CEO (known in some circles as "God") has been phoning it in. Lately, he's been spending most of his time on the golf course. And when he does show up at work, it's not to resolve wars or end famines, but to Google himself and read what humans have been blogging about him. When God decides to retire (to pursue his lifelong dream of opening an Asian Fusion restaurant), he also decides to destroy Earth. His employees take the news in stride, except for Craig and Eliza, two underpaid angels in the lowly Department of Miracles. Unlike their boss, Craig and Eliza love their jobs -- uncapping city fire hydrants on hot days, revealing lost keys in snow banks -- and they refuse to accept that earth is going under. The angels manage to strike a deal with their boss. He'll call off his Armageddon, if they can solve their toughest miracle yet: getting the two most socially awkward humans on the planet to fall in love. With doomsday fast approaching, and the humans ignoring every chance for happiness thrown their way, Craig and Eliza must move heaven and earth to rescue them -- and the rest of us, too.

Redtooth


Brian Rathbone - 2011
    Be careful what you put in your ears...In this humorous short story, a trip to the pawnshop sends Bob Hanks on an unexpected adventure.Also from this author: The World of Godsland fantasy seriesThe Dawning of Power trilogy (Omnibus Edition available)Call of the HeraldInherited DangerDragon OreThe Balance of Power trilogy (Omnibus Edition available)RegentFeralRegal

Across the Creek


Jeremy Asher - 2012
    An unlikely childhood romance between a poor boy and a wealthy girl began the day Jesse decided to do the impossible and cross the creek. A love was born, one that would become their shelter, protecting them from the storms of their lives, until the day Jesse witnessed his mother’s murder, forcing him to leave his childhood home…and first love. Ten years later, life has finally gotten better for Jesse. He has a loving family, a charming pet shop to run, and one semester left before graduating with a degree in architecture. Everything is great, until the day fate intervenes and his long-lost love walks into his shop and back into his life.Sarah, engaged to a budding attorney, is struggling to keep everything together. Her father, diagnosed with terminal cancer, is running out of time. Sarah races to build their dream business while planning her wedding in time for her father to walk her down the aisle.Their brief encounter starts a series of events that neither Jesse nor Sarah expects. After a decade of running, Jesse is now forced to face the demons from his past, while Sarah has to choose between her handsome attorney and her first love. Just when they think love has given them a second chance, Jesse is faced with an impossible decision, one that will change their lives forever.Across the Creek is the first in a 2-book series. Beneath the Willow is the second.

Better Off Dead


H.P. Mallory - 2013
    Killed in a car accident before it’s her time to go, Lily learns that the hereafter isn’t exactly what she hoped it might be. First, there’s AfterLife Enterprises, the company responsible for sorting out the recently dead and sending them on their way to the Kingdom, (aka happily ever after,) or to the Underground City, (not so happily ever after.) Learning that Lily’s death was indirectly their fault (her guardian angel, Bill, was MIA during her accident and was one of their employees,) Afterlife Enterprises offers Lily the chance to live again. But, as with most things involving the afterlife, beware the fine print. Most notably, Lily will have to become a soul retriever, venturing into the bowels of the Underground City to retrieve souls that were mistakenly sent there by Afterlife Enterprises during a Y2K computer glitch. Second, there’s angel Bill. As if risking her second life in the Underground City wasn’t enough, Lily’s guide to the Underground is none other than her incompetent, alcoholic, womanizing guardian angel, Bill, the antithesis of anything wholesome. With only Dante’s Inferno and Bill to help her in her quest, Lily’s future isn’t looking bright.Finally, there’s the legendary bladesmith, Tallis Black. As Scottish as his kilts and heavy brogue, Tallis Black is a centuries-old Celt who, for reasons only known to him, offers to train Lily and act as her escort into the depths of the Underground City. Dark, brooding and definitely dangerous, Lily knows she shouldn’t trust Tallis, but she also can’t deny her attraction to him. Between soul retrieving in hell, dealing with Bill and trying to figure out what’s in it for Tallis, Lily wonders if maybe she would’ve just been better off dead.