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Did You Read That Review?: A Compilation of Amazon's Funniest Reviews
Amazon Reviewers - 2014
Witty and unexpected, this collection of customer reviews is sure to show you a new, hilarious, and completely candid side of Amazon products and reviews you never knew existed.
Checking Inn
Emily Harper - 2013
Make sure the caterers don't serve devil's food cake to the Christian Women's Alliance- check. Tell my mother that having a séance to get rid of any unwanted spirits in the kitchen during dinnertime is not okay- check. Send a friendly reminder to all staff that the pens are colour coded for everyone's enjoyment, and therefore it is not a good idea to put them all in one jar in order to spice things up as was anonymously suggested- check. But, when an acclaimed hotel critic dies at the Inn, just before she's about to publish a scathing review that would ruin the business, Kate's life and checklists are thrown into disarray. And it doesn't help matters that the detective assigned to the case is messy, unorganized, and too charming for his own good. Now Kate has to prove her innocence and save her Inn, or else the only thing that she'll be organizing is the prison's next bake sale.
The Dog Got It All
Robert McCullough - 2015
Phipps is “one of those rescues who are all the rage these days,” an upscale Manhattan dog with a rich owner, a great dog walker and an idyllic New York lifestyle. But his world is turned upside down when his owner, Angie DeSoto, suddenly passes from pancreatic cancer. The good news is that Angie leaves her millions to Mr. Phipps and he finds himself temporarily in the care of Devin McCloud, his dog walker and best bud. The bad news is that her adult children, a contentious clan at best, are furious about being left out in the cold, money-wise. And there's more. According to the terms of the will, Mr. Phipps and his millions will go to one of Angie's progeny, specifically the one best qualified to take care of him. After a brief trial period in which each one takes the dog, their efforts will be judged by a panel of dog experts – a famous, Cesar Millan-style dog trainer, a pet psychic and a renowned behaviorist. To further complicate matters, love will strike on several fronts as Mr. Phipps tells his story and his fate unfolds in this charming canine romantic comedy that reads like a date night version of "Marley and Me".
Gary's Children (Shingles Book 2)
Rick Gualtieri - 2018
Gary Handler has issues. His boss hates him, his mother hounds him, and his cat thinks he’s an idiot. But that’s okay because Gary’s got the perfect solution to all of life’s troubles: a porn site subscription and his right hand.Sadly, all habits grow old, even the fun ones. Gary soon finds himself at the doorstep of a creepy old pawn shop where he buys a used adult novelty toy to spice up his one-man sex life.Pity for him that it’s cursed by the angry spirits of all the “kids” he’s flushed down the toilet. Needless to say, hairy palms are about to become the least of his worries.----------Jack on, jack off ... with the Jacklight in book 2 of Shingles, the horror comedy series that’s not for those with faint hearts or weak bladders.
Union Station 1, 2, 3: Three Book Bundle
E.M. Foner - 2017
EarthCent's diplomats are learning on the job - but the galaxy doesn't come with instructions. Get a running start on the funny and heartwarming Union Station series with a three book bundle at the special introductory price. Kelly Frank is EarthCent's top diplomat on Union Station, but her job description has always been a bit vague. The pay is horrible and she's in hock up to her ears for her furniture, which is likely to end up in a corridor because she's behind on rent for her room. Sometimes she has to wonder if the career she has put ahead of her personal life for fifteen years is worth it. When Kelly receives a gift subscription to the dating service that's rumored to be powered by the same benevolent artificial intelligence that runs the huge station, she decides to swallow her pride and give it a shot. But as her dates go from bad to worse, she can only hope that the supposedly omniscient AI is planning a happy ending.
Second from Last in the Sack Race
David Nobbs - 1983
Born into poverty, saddled with a born loser and parrot-strangler for a dad, short sighted and ungainly, young Henry Pratt doesn't exactly have a head start in life.But in David Nobbs's brilliantly funny evocation of a Yorkshire boyhood, unathletic and over-imaginative little Pratt proves he can stick up for himself with the stoic good nature of the great British underdog
Achewood volume 1: A Momentary Diversion on the Road to the Grave
Chris Onstad - 2002
Also includes a collection of interviews, recipes and a short story by Ray. 187 pages.[http://www.achewood.com]
Mrs Caldicot's Cabbage War
Vernon Coleman - 2002
The novel has been filmed with Pauline Collins as Mrs Caldicot and John Alderton as the nursing home owner. This is the first Mrs Caldicot novel. (The second, which continues the story, is Mrs Caldicot's Knickerbocker Glory.) Both book and film have been widely praised. The Times described it as `Funny and poignant'. The Daily Express called it a `fairytale comedy'. The Daily Telegraph called it `Funny and poignant and socially relevant'. Cinema audiences stood and cheered at the end when the film was shown. The first of the books and films to see life through the eyes of the older citizen. `Mrs Caldicot's Cabbage War made me laugh out loud. Dr Coleman's lightness of touch and direct prose are all that one could wish for.' - Maxwell Craven in the Derby Evening Telegraph `Vernon Coleman really captures the personality of Mrs Caldicot. You'll be hooked and won't be able to put it down.' - Newton Abbott & Mid Devon `Understated British classic.' - Express and Echo `Funny and thought provoking novel.' - Western Morning News 'Funny and poignant...about a woman who decides to fight back, transforming the lives of those around her.' - The Times '...typically understated British classic.' - Express & Echo 'Humour, pathos and sympathy.' -Evening standard 'Witty, poignant and beautifully written' - Western Mail '...a little British comedy with a big heart.' Financial Times The author, Vernon Coleman, is a qualified doctor who has written over 100 books - many of which have appeared on bestseller lists. His books have sold over two million hardback and paperback copies in the UK and been translated into 24 languages. There is a list of his other novels on his Amazon author site. Bestselling non-fiction books include Bodypower. He is also the author of How to Stop Your Doctor Killing You. What the papers say about Vernon Coleman: Coleman is a very funny writer - This England Vernon Coleman writes brilliant books - The Good Book Guide No thinking person can ignore him - The Ecologist A godsend - Daily Telegraph Superstar - Independent on Sunday Compulsive reading - The Guardian His message is important - The Economist His advice is optimistic and enthusiastic - British Medical Journal The man is a national treasure - What doctors don't tell you Its impossible not to be impressed - Western Daily Press Outspoken and alert - Sunday Express Marvellously succinct, refreshingly sensible - The Spectator Probably one of the most brilliant men alive today - Irish Times King of the media docs - The Independent Britain's leading medical author - The Star Britain's leading health care campaigner - The Sun The patients' champion - Birmingham Post The doctor who dares to speak his mind - Oxford Mail He writes lucidly and wittily - Good Housekeeping etc etc
London Irish
Zane Radcliffe - 2002
One of them has to get out. For good...It is the summer of 1999. Bic (half-Irish, half-Scots) is eking out a living selling crêpes to the hordes descending on Greenwich market. With one severed ear, two bizarre deaths and the arrest of his dog for civil disobedience, Bic's year hasn't exactly been going to plan.But when raven-haired Roisin takes the stall opposite his, things seem to be looking up - if Bic can just get past her over-protective brothers. That is, until Bic wakes up the-morning-after-the-night-before, in his clothes, in Edinburgh, to find he's the UK's Most Wanted Man - on the run and with fourteen murders to his name... 'Very fresh, very funny' COLIN BATEMAN'A huge and exciting plot...I loved the twist at the end' Goodreads'Great story and full of humour' Goodreads
The Truth About Archie and Pye
Jonathan Pinnock - 2018
Burgess himself will die tonight in an equally odd manner, leaving Tom with a locked case and a lot of unanswered questions. Join Tom and a cast of disreputable and downright dangerous characters in this witty thriller set in a murky world of murder, mystery and complex equations, involving internet conspiracy theorists, hedge fund managers, the Belarusian mafia and a cat called µ.
Spanish Journals - The Posthumous Diary of an Expat: Part One - Integration
A.R. Lowe - 2012
Ernest Postlethwaite was a man embarking on a new life. No longer for him the routine and drudgery of the commuter... The first part of Ernest Postlethwaite's groundbreaking journal charters the course of a man on a mission to achieve cultural and linguistic integration in a small village in southern Spain. This unadulterated manuscript will bring tears to the eyes of the most hard-hearted amongst us, as we follow his footsteps into the great unknown. - 'This diary, written by my late husband, Ernest Postlethwaite, has been published expressly against his wishes, but with the full and hearty endorsement of my family and friends.' - From the introduction by Pamela Postlethwaite, Javea, Spain, December 2012 "I was captured from the first page. We've all come across expats like this, and Lowe brings together all the laughable elements into one hysterical character, Ernest. This parody of the expat diary genre had me laughing out loud. I can't wait for part two to come out. It reminded me most of Alan Ayckbourn plays in the 1980s (when I was a stage manager), and listening to the audiences leaving ... "Oh that ghastly character, wasn't he JUST like our neighbour / uncle / colleague?". They ALWAYS knew someone just like the dreadful people in the plays - they just never realised it was themselves. Let these posthumous "diaries" be a warning to expats everywhere - read it, enjoy it, and make sure it isn't about you!" - Tamara Essex review. ***** 'Part Two - Invasion' and 'Part Three - Consolidation' now available. ***** (This is a fictional diary.)
The Bad Mother's Wedding
Suzy K. Quinn - 2020
Dreams of rose-covered cottages, rolling pins and two parents living with their own biological child were well and truly shattered.But now Juliette is engaged to her childhood sweetheart, Alex Dalton, and everything is looking up. Juliette can’t wait to marry Alex and live happily ever after at the Dalton Estate.The trouble is, Juliette isn’t the only one getting married this year. Her ex-partner, Nick, is getting married too and is trying his hardest to sabotage Juliette’s wedding day. Plus, there’s the small matter of the global Covid-19 pandemic.Will Juliette get the wedding of her dreams? Or will Nick succeed in ruining yet another wedding day?Wednesday 24th JuneAnother meeting with our wedding planner today – this time about party favours.Cressida showed us cute little hangover kits, personalised wine glasses, mini champagne bottles, chocolate truffle boxes, watches, toiletries, all sorts. There was even a monogrammed rum and Coca Cola can and a little treasure chest of sugared almonds, should we choose a Caribbean destination wedding.When Nick and I got married, all we thought about was drink, food and the church, in that order.Who knew there was so much sparkle and magic in the wedding world?Perfect for Jill Mansell and Unmumsy Mum fans. Can be read as a stand-along novel or as part of the series. Download this Kindle Unlimited comedy as part of your subscription.Editorial Reviews for Suzy K Quinn‘Suzy K Quinn is the literary equivalent of hot chocolate …’ – Liza Foreman, New York Times journalist'Suzy K Quinn is a born storyteller' -- Erin Kelly, bestselling author of He Said, She Said.'I read Suzy’s latest novel in one sitting, with a break for sleep. This does not usually happen. It's a terrific read.' -- Fay Weldon, author of the Lives and Loves of a She Devil.'Unputdownable. I was completely absorbed.' -- Julia Crouch, author of Cuckoo'A seriously skilful page turner ... don't read it on the beach unless you want sunburn.' -- Kate Harrison, author of The Secret Shopper's RevengeThe writing is skilful and vivid and the tension doesn't let up. Suzy K Quinn is one to watch.' -- Julia Gregson, author of East of the Sun“Funny, real, honest, and raw—this is an excellent book about the roller-coaster that is being a mum.” —Charlene Wedgner“Books like this, books that share honest and realistic experiences are a breath of fresh air.” —Diary of a Book Mum“I just love its honesty/real-ness and the way it ends on such a high note helped me to realize what a privilege it is to be a parent.” —Busy Mama Book Club“The reason I loved this book so much was the honesty of it! Unlike other parenting books nothing is sugar coated! This is Motherhood!! You will find yourself relating to almost everything she writes!” —B Club Betty“Would highly recommend this book for anyone looking for a fun and honest read about parenting.” —Em Digs Books“It’s funny, it’s quick, short chapters, all of these things are really important, easy read, when you’re a sleep deprived new mother. I really wish I had it when I was a new mum five years ago.” —The Motherload Book Club“A real breath of fresh air and a massive reality check for when you’re trying to be the perfect mum.” —Mrs Cooke’s Books“Had me in fits of laughter…I really do applaud Suzy for being so honest …She really does tell it like it is, which is that parenthood is a challenge but it’s totally worth it!” —Kirsty’s Book Buying AddictionAbout the AuthorSuzy is a bestselling British fiction author. Her books have sold nearly 1 million copies and been translated into nine different languages.
Eating Bitter (The Randall Lee Mysteries)
Charles Colyott - 2015
This time there are no suave, wise-cracking good guys, no humorless, drug-addled bad guys. The story I want to tell you is all about how I learned to sleep at night, to close my eyes without seeing cold places and dead eyes… how I dragged whatever was left of me up out of the dark, finally. That’s the story I want to tell, because that’s the story I need to hear. I want to know how it ends..."Returning to normal life after his dark days in the depths of the Jianghu hasn't been easy for Randall Lee. With big changes coming in his future, though, Randall offers to help rehabilitate an injured friend, only to find that the need for healing goes far deeper than he ever expected. Bridging the events of Jianghu and the upcoming Randall Lee Mystery, The Art of War, Eating Bitter is a quiet story of resilience and perseverance, punctuated with Randall's trademark humor and self-deprecation.
The Niece of His Highland Enemy
Alisa Adams - 2021
Laird Fergus Brodie has just suffered a terrible and unexpected defeat, but even so, he can not leave a poor lass helpless.Fergus takes Moire, who is half-conscious, with his ship across the Highlands to the Isle of Skye, where his clan resides. When they settle in, Fergus feels like he has a scared animal in his room who can trust no one! Fergus is torn by his defeat, and taking care of Moire works as a therapy; If the lass can recover from her horrible past and forget the pain, maybe he can forget the man who caused him so much anger and shame.But as the days go by, the word revenge echoes louder and louder in his head, and the name of “Ronald Campbell” burns his soul like hellfire. Trying to focus his thoughts elsewhere, as Moire is getting better, he tries to learn more about her. The girl has lost her parents and does not know where most of her siblings are, but Fergus admires that she is still vigorous. All she has now, Moire says, is her uncle and protector, Ronald Campbell...As soon as Fergus hears that Moire is one of the Campbells, he makes unholy thoughts. The lass deserves nothing but rest and safety, but what if he can use her to get close to Laird Campbell and get his revenge? This will be a huge risk, but Fergus is prepared to die rather than disappoint his people and live his life in shame. He only promises not to harm Moire in the process.The two begin the journey back to Moire’s home, but Fergus is not prepared for what he will encounter. The Campbell clan is suffering under the rule of Ronald, and Fergus feels that he must take this man down not only for his clan but also to save the Campbells too. The only problem is that he is now caring for the lass too much, and fate will make him decide between completing his plan and saving Moire.