after a cleaner unplugged his cryogenic freezing machine by accident, Detective Inspector Capstan wakes up to find that he's been in a state of suspended animation for over four hundred years. As he's forced to adjust to life in the future he finds himself reinstated as a policeman, and together with the great great great great grandson of his former subordinate, Sergeant Dewbush, he's put on the case of a missing cow.

    I am Brandon Thighmaster. Monk. Hero. Inspiration. I enjoy crunching, squats, looking at myself, looking at other people looking at myself, and long walks on the beach. I also do adventures and stuff, and I guess you can read about them here. But enough about you, let's talk about me. Brandon Thighmaster."

    Learn more about Peter, Lois, Meg, Chris, Stewie, Brian, and friends than you can shake a stick at -- or, in Brian's case, shake a martini at!There's a ton of insider stuff too:Commentary from the show's creator, producers, writers, and voice-over artists, including thoughts about those guys at Fox who did the unthinkable (like canceling the show) ...and then the unheard of (like bringing it back to the network!)Behind-the-scenes jokes and pranksSubtle things you may have missedAnd lots moreIt's all here -- Family Guy, uncanceled, unbanned, and uncensored!It's a must-have for all Family Guy fans.

    Now I know why my dog likes her better. 2. I wish this were the worst thing she’d ever told me. About the book In “The Warlizard Chronicles”, Warlizard tells the tales of a misspent youth, from the story of his “dog-gasmic” ex-fiancée to the logic of serving as a German linguist in Iraq. The stories are light, fast-paced, graphic, and not remotely safe for work. You have been warned. Reader feedback: - “You tell all women that story? You should wash out your mouth!” - “I think I could listen to your stories for hours.” - “So you owe your marriage to the people who brought down the world trade center?” - “I have nothing else I can add or ask, except MORE STORIES.” - “Holy s**t. I wish I was you.” - “You slept with another man's wife and then lied to him about it, and can say with a straight face it was the right thing to do?” - “Godda***t, I spewed out laughter too loud at work, now I have to leave because everyone knows I'm not doing s**t. F*** this is hilarious, and disconcerting, at the same time.” - “He is the most interesting man in the world.” - “I feel like a failure reading these stories, they're awesome.” - “Your life experience makes me feel good. You good sir are somewhat of a new idol of mine. Nothing much you can do about that. Have a good day sir.” - “Warlizard doesn't always drink beer, but when he does, he prefers Dos Equis.” - “I just can't wrap my mind around the fact that not only a story like this exists but that a Reddit regular would be living it. And it kinda has this enthusiastic ‘and then it happened...’ moments in it that kinda style like you'd write fiction on the go.” - “This guy is either the most creative man in the world or the most interesting man in the world. Either way...”

    In this mock autobiographical collection his mischievous drawings capture life's anxieties and ambitions from the mundane to the surreal. Here, at last, is The Truth about beer, doctors, shadow puppets, lunch, dolphins, boredom, and supernatural forces. Seductively strange and addictively amusing, this edgy little book welcomes the uninitiated and rewards the faithful.

    At the perpetual age of 650, this is really no longer an option. The Full Moon Event Paulie Vergen is a Vampire living the daily grind of life until a fateful day when a newly infected Werewolf landed on his doorstep. All Paulie wanted was peace and quiet, but life didn't often seem to care about his plans. He's now faced with helping the poor Werewolf navigate through the Underworld in order to find the help that he needs. Bob the Zombie Bob is a Zombie who was just going about his business when a band of thieves stole his hand so that they could make a batch of Elfagra in the Upperworld. While it's bad enough that they've stolen Bob's hand for such a purpose, it comes to the Zombie's attention that if the bad guys use the wrong technique it could cause a cosmic rift that will spell the real death of Bob...not just the long, drawn out one that's part of being a Zombie. Gappy's Gadgets Gappy Whirligig is an industrious Gnome who has yet to reach the Age of Tinkering. In a flash, Gappy's life flips upside down, leaving him to make the decision to either strike out on his own or become a 42-year-old foster child. Gappy demonstrates his industrious spirit as he leaves Hubintegler's rules and regulations behind and instead seeks to make his mark in the seedy town of Planoontik.These stories get their influence from Terry Pratchett's Discworld, Robert Asprin's Myth Adventures, Monty Python, and countless other comedic mediums. This omnibus edition includes the first four books in the Tales from the Land of Ononokin series. You'll get wizards, vampires, werewolves, dwarves, elves, gnomes, orcs, ogres, giants, gorgans, humans, trolls, zombies, and more ... and it's all set in a fantastical world that will keep you giggling for weeks.

    She is there to avenge the mistreatment of her best friend, Zara. Simon begs for mercy, claiming he has no knowledge of anyone called Zara. What has happened to Zara to create such an extreme reaction from her best friend?Kiss My Name follows the lives of several characters from childhood in the 1980s to adult life in the twenty first century. As several of them gather in Blackpool, for a Stag Do and a Hen Do, mayhem ensues. Has Simon cheated on his wife to be and will he make it to the church at all?

    Now that her youngest has flown the nest, Ann finds herself at a loose end. Until, that is, she is put forward for the Kilsudgeon Tidy Towns Committee. Yet all is not neat and tidy in Kilsudgeon. There are strange sightings of people who aren't local driving 4x4s with a yellow reg, a man bun requesting kefir in the restaurant and a quad bike at a funeral.What does this have to do with rumours of a brand new television series to rival Game of Thrones? And what will it all mean for Kilsudgeon's newly proposed town park? A lot, as it happens.As the town begins to fill up with the film crew, extras and a Hollywood star who is fond of the drink, everyone welcomes the chance to make a few bob and to finally get enough broadband to send an attachment.Or nearly everyone. Harmony is threatened when the newcomers seem to be doing more damage than good and the last straw is when Ann’s pride and joy - a floral arrangement in a boat - is trashed. She’s about to discover what it means to go viral…'Warm-spirited, funny, dark when it needs to be, and – most importantly – underwritten by a scalpel-sharp ear for how Irish people really speak…O’Regan never gets it wrong' Sunday Business Post'Ann Devine brings a smile to the face of rural Ireland…O’Regan satirises small-town Ireland with both affection and deadpan wit' Sunday Times'This book captures something warm and wholesome … it feels indulgent and reminds the reader of home. Prepare to laugh and grimace at the antics of the Irish Mammy' Irish Times'Everybody knows an Ann Devine ... It's hard to write a book that's funny the whole way through, consistently funny with belly laughs ... but Colm has done that' Áine Toner, Ireland AM'Laugh-out-loud' Irish Daily Mail'O’Regan taps into the wild, weird and woolly' RTÉ Guide

    But now, Bianca needs a favour, and the only man she can turn to is her ex-husband. He's already broken her heart once. Can she trust him again? ALL SHE WANTS FOR CHRISTMAS The widowed Lady Elizabeth Sanderson is no longer interested in men. Her life is ordered, calm and boring: just the way she likes it. So why can't she stop thinking about billionaire bad boy Antonio Casacelli, and the way his body seems to call to hers? THE TYCOON'S CHRISTMAS CAPTIVE The last thing Marcos Casacelli needs is a ward to babysit, especially not one as spoiled and indulged as the Hollywood starlet Kat Van Buren.Kat's not just running from any scandal or heartbreak, though. Her life is at stake, and the one man who can protect her seems to hate her with a passion. THE SHEIKH'S CHRISTMAS MISTRESS Charlotte Faber falls head over heels with The Sheikh Malik Desara the moment she sees him. She thinks he loves her, too, until he propositions her... to be his mistress! How can she accept? How can she refuse?

    In this raffish, hilarious, scathing yet often surprisingly humane collection, Gill applies his unmatched wit to the largest and smallest issues of our time. Whether you're struggling to satisfy your other half, having a crisis over your baldness, don't like your daughter's boyfriend, or need the definitive rules on shorts, leather jackets and man-bags, AA Gill has all the answers - but you'd better brace yourself first.

    Guaranteed.   Let award-winning comedy troupe Kasper Hauser transport you into the sublime universe that is SkyMaul, where Banana-ganizers and Reality-Canceling Headphones coexist with Crack Pipe Chess Sets and Llamacycles. More than just a catalog parody, SkyMaul explodes with razor-sharp wit, boundless creativity, and a keen eye for the absurd. This smart, edgy satire will earn your laughter again and again.

    Or not. No, definitely not, because the grim reaper's lost his job. He's been stripped of his scythe and banned from reaping. The angel of death has officially fallen, and he's crash-landed at 24/7 Demon Mart.It doesn't take long for DeeDee, Lloyd, and Kevin to figure out that living with the angel of death isn't easy. Lost souls. Angry exes. Ancient curses. Will the grim reaper ever get his afterlife together? The outlook is not so good.The reaper isn't the only angel who's out of sorts. Lloyd's devilish boss Faust hasn't been the same since a tentacle monster spit him out of an alternate dimension, and his ex-girlfriend tried to start the zombie apocalypse. And Angel eight ball? He's having a hell of a time juggling a terrible new boss and saving Lloyd from eternal damnation.As unreaped souls stack up and the specter of death looms larger, what's the Demon Mart crew to do? Find out in this grim reaper comedy.

    Uh uh. No.This can’t be happening.Griffin Keith is absolutely not sitting behind my boss’s desk.He’s certainly not looking at me like he’s just won a decade-old rivalry.And I definitely don’t find him just as unbelievably sexy as I did back in our college days.…I guess today must be Opposite Day.So this is what I get for company loyalty, huh?Working my butt off for eight years, I've made it all the way to vice president.But now the business is going under and look who’s stepped in to pick up the pieces.Yeah, that’s right.The cockiest billionaire in Manhattan real estate.The one guy in this city who can get under my skin with a single smirk.The tyrannical, egotistical hunk I spent all of college in hateful lust with.Just. My. Luck.I know Griffin’s only keeping me around to get his kicks in.Once he’s bored playing with me, I’ll be fired faster than you can say "Hate you very much".What’s my plan? Well, I don’t have one… yet.But you’d better believe that I’m not taking this — or anything! — lying down.College may be far in the past, but Griffin is obviously ready to pick up right where we left off.And I say bring it! Bring everything you got!Just, um, don’t bring up our little mistake during Welcome Week. That can stay in the dorm room closet where we left it.Like smart, feisty heroines and hunky, alpha heroes clashing (then kissing) in an office setting? Then look no further! Every book in Hunky Bossy Billionaires can be read as a standalone. No cheating, no cliffhangers, and, of course, HEA all day, every day!

    When the festivities are interrupted by an urgent call from her employer, she heads straight to London with Tippy in tow only to discover that her great-great-aunt Euphegenia has left her a final bequest—and a mysterious mission. Christmas is a time for magic and miracles and Sugar will need both if she’s to succeed in her quest. This charming Christmas cozy mystery is the third book in the Sugar Martin Vintage Cozy Mysteries set in post-WW2 England.

     The widowed Lady Elfrida has achieved the impossible. She’s ensured her twelve-year-old son has become king, despite the gruesome murder of his predecessor and half-brother. While many blame the king’s mother, she looks to two rival noblemen as the real perpetrators. Even with the reappearance of an unwelcome enemy on England’s shores, Viking warriors, who attack and threaten the safety and security of England, and specifically, the young king, the two noblemen are far from resigned to Lady Elfrida’s power. As her son takes the final steps to become king in actions as well as name, she’s increasingly isolated by the deaths of allies and the scheming ways of others, including the king. Resentful of her continuing influence, Lady Elfrida faces banishment from Court with both fierce determination and acquiescence. The King's Mother is the first part in a new trilogy. Suggested reading order: The Mercian Brexit (short story and prequel) The First Queen of England The First Queen of England Part 2 The First Queen of England Part 3 The King's Mother