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The Maze Bummer: A Parody of The Maze Runner by Steve Lookner
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The Eagle and the Tiger
Tim Davis - 2015
The deceptive, crooked path that led him to today began a few months back. Born and raised in Baltimore, Maryland, nineteen-year old Fleming was a professional baseball pitcher with the Chicago White Sox. His successful first year in the minor leagues was waylaid when he received his draft notice. Through a series of misadventures, he ended up enlisting for four years in an elite unit called the A.S.A. or Army Security Agency; the army’s equivalent to the N.S.A. or the National Security Agency. Once in the army, Fleming learned that the recruiter had manipulated him with a host of untruths. Then, to his dismay, he learned that the army had lost his orders and he was placed in an infantry unit. Once in Vietnam, Platoon Sergeant, Levine questioned Fleming and dragged out of him the sad story of how he had enlisted for four years and ended up in an infantry unit. He became the butt of the platoon’s jokes and underwent vicious ribbing by the other platoon members. That day, the platoon was ordered back to their base camp: L.Z. English. Before leaving, they endured a mortar attack and then a ground probe. Fleming’s foxhole mate was critically wounded. Fleming did everything he could to save the man but his wounds were too severe and he died in Fleming’s arms. Repulsed by the ordeal, Fleming was left wondering if he could endure a whole year of this. Twelve-year old Van Phan Duc and his two friends twelve-year old Hoi Anh Vanh and Dan Tri Quang lived happily in their village until the day a N.V.A. invaded and forced them to join their struggle and fight the invading Americans. They were then assigned to a Viet Cong unit where they met Sergeant Chi, the man who would train them to be soldiers for the revolution and lead them into battle. Three American soldiers had been captured. Chi ordered the three boys to participate in brutally torturing the Americans. Dan embraced the torture and it turned him into a brutal fighting machine, much to Chi’s satisfaction. On the other hand, Hoi was repulsed by the events and a part of him died that day. He performed the torture but it wasn’t to Chi’s satisfaction. Van, a devout Buddhist, was also repulsed. He realized that life, as a soldier was three hundred and sixty degrees opposite of Buddha’s spiritual path. The 173rd’s area of operations was the Central Highlands. The 173rd’s home base was in and around the town of Bong Son, but they patrolled all over the province of Binh Dinh. For the next few months, Fleming and Van’s units met on numerous occasions. The first time they engaged each other in combat was in a simple ambush that lasted only two minutes. Both men were left repulsed by the carnage that could take place in only two minutes. Right after the ambush, Fleming’s company was deployed in a battalion-sized operation located in the Dak To mountain range. It was an area where numerous North Vietnamese soldiers infiltrated into South Vietnam from neighboring Cambodia and Laos. Fleming’s company was dropped into an area far from Dak To and the men were forced to march (hump) to their final destination. During the trek, they had to carve their way through impenetrable jungle and cross leach infested rivers to reach their destination, all the while suffering under Vietnam’s oppressive heat. Van’s Viet Cong unit was sent to the Dak To mountain range to do battle with Fleming and his company. Months passed with Van and Fleming’s units constantly meeting. Both men had similar personalities. Both men overcame their initial shock at war’s brutality and became highly competent soldiers who bravely fought the enemy. Both men were ultimately made into squad leaders. Both men continued to hate the war, yet were entrapped in the insanity that was war. They both recognized what war was—a brutally insane series of events where lives were lost and where dreams died.
Used Aliens
M. Sid Kelly - 2013
When a flying saucer crashes into his fishing hole, Jimmy tries to use the stranded survivors to jump-start his TV career. This first contact isn't accidental though. The Galactic Pool's saddest excuse for a politician has committed sabotage while plotting to rule Earth. And he's about to find out what happens when you mess with Earthlings.*81,000 words with a courteous 0.0149% F-word rate*There are sex scenes, but they are strictly telepathic. (sorry)
Driven to Distraction
Stuart Bone - 2016
Apparently it’s fine for Scrimshaw Travel to make last minute amendments to the holiday without incurring any penalties or reducing the price in any way. That’s what the indifferent courier tells him on day one of the tour as she arrives in a clapped-out, old coach being driven by a partially-sighted driver. With the spa hotel replaced by a rundown guest house staffed by a neurotic manager, decrepit waitress and under-sexed, Italian waiter there doesn’t appear to be much of the brochure-described holiday left. Thank goodness for Angela, the rather lovely woman Derek pals up with on the journey down. She might just make the trip bearable. If only the other members of the group would leave them alone long enough to get to know each other, but Derek has always had the ability to attract the eccentric characters to him and he can’t escape them. Still, perhaps they’ll surprise him as he learns about their lives and secrets as they move from one hilarious excursion to another. And maybe Angela will provide one or two surprises herself. Driven to Distraction is a fun romp through the English countryside with characters finding love and friendship while travelling at twenty miles an hour. (Well, it is a clapped-out, old coach).
Monkey Business
Landon Crutcher - 2016
Unfortunately they have no real resources, no good plans, and no idea what the hell they're doing. What they do have is an army of foul-mouthed monkeys who want them dead, a beautiful woman who wants some answers, a sex-crazed tribal chief, a caffeine-addicted demigod who wants to be worshipped, and a telepathic skull who just wants a little excitement. Through nonstop comedy and good old-fashioned adventure these guys are facing some long odds but do Ron and Willy give up? No they don't. They get down to business. Monkey Business.
Antioch (The Sword of Agrippa #1)
Gregory Ness - 2014
Join a controversial scientist in exile on a journey through a near future ruled by cyber mobs and a violent ancient past he confronts when he closes in on dark energy discovery. 400 pp. debut multi-genre dystopian sci-fi mixed with historical fiction and elements of alchemy and mysticism that trace back to ancient Egypt.Book Viral, Feb 27, 2017"Antioch is, in every sense of the word, a masterpiece and epic beginning to what will undoubtedly be an epic series and one you must certainly add to your reading shelf. It is recommended without reservation."First Goodreads review of 2nd edition:"Antioch, by Gregory Ness is a masterful piece of writing. I had the opportunity to read an earlier version of this book published in 2014. I considered it a good book at that reading, but now, having just read the 2016 edition, I rate this book as excellent! Without spoiling this beautifully done story, it takes us back and forth between the present, which is some years ahead of contemporary times, and thousands of years into the past, and then rolls us back and forth in an ever-consuming tale between now and then. The detail and imagery laced into the text about ancient Rome and Egypt, as well as Persia and Turkey, and their cultures and people, animates them, as if the reader is walking the stony streets of Alexandria. There is a beautiful love story which transcends time, depiction of brutal wars and great power struggles between Rome, Egypt and others – and the perspective of how Julius Caesar was, as a man, and a leader, makes the history books seem shallow in design. But what really makes this story shine is the way the author draws us into the world of our memories, of past lives we have lived, and the scientific dialogues and intrigue which are unfolding in the now, and how, all of this ties into the grand story which we are reliving thousands of years before when Pharaohs were the most powerful rulers on Earth, when Caesar and his armies marched into Egypt and when the infamous Cleopatra had the two most powerful nations of that time, in the palm of her hands. Antioch makes you think about the nature of who we really are, about the veracity of having lived countless past lives, about the scientific import of a tiny organ in our brain – a portal which not only allows us to interact with the world around us, but quite possibly, is also the very link to our immensely distant past. An entertaining, gripping, beautifully written and highly insightful piece of work."
The Dulwich Horror and Others
David Hambling - 2013
P. Lovecraft, this stylish new collection of adventure stories fizzes with wit and invention. They can be enjoyed separately, but read them in one sitting and the pieces fit horribly together into a larger and more terrible nightmare. †These tales constitute David Hambling’s initial foray into the realm of Lovecraftian fiction. The fertility of imagination, the crisp character delineations, and the smooth-flowing prose that we find in these seven tales leave us wishing for more of the same, and Hambling will no doubt oblige in the coming years. For now, we can sit back and relish a brace of stories that not only evoke the shade of the dreamer from Providence, but which that dreamer himself would have enjoyed to the full. —S. T. Joshi(from his foreword)
Genesis Earth
Joe Vasicek - 2011
He only studied planetology to satisfy his parents, two of humanity's most brilliant scientists. But when they open a wormhole to an alien planet—one emitting a signal that can only be a sign of intelligent life—he soon becomes caught up in the mission to explore it. His sole mission partner, Terra, doesn't care nearly as much about the science as he does, though. The child of a bitter divorce, she sees the mission as a chance to escape from the expectations of others. Before they can work out their differences, a mysterious alien ship begins to hunt them down. Alone, twenty light-years from the nearest human being, they must learn to open up and trust each other—but how can they do that when they can't even agree why they're there? As Michael struggles to keep the mission from falling apart, he is forced to reexamine his deepest, most unquestioned beliefs about the universe—and about what it means to be human. GENESIS EARTH is a 70,000 word (200-250 page) Young Adult Science Fiction novel.
Penguins Can't Fly: +39 Other Rules That Don't Exist
Jason W. Kotecki - 2015
We knew this instinctively as kids, but somehow forgot on the way to adulthood. We got busy and overwhelmed, started valuing things that don't matter, and learned to follow the rules that don't even exist:hate mondaysonly celebrate when the calendar gives you permissiondon't make a messdon't play hookyhide your weirdnesshide your wrinklescare what other people thinkFollowing these so-called rules is a terrific way to stress you out, sap your energy, and ensure a boring life. But there's a better way. In his enlightening book, author and artist Jason Kotecki uncovers some of the most useless rules so you can shift perspective and start seeing the world with wonder once again.It's time to stop living by someone else's rules. Your life is a story, and a short one at that. Make it a good one.
No Regrets
Bernard O'Keeffe - 2013
He’s had a bad year. Sarah, his wife of nearly twenty five years, has walked out on him to move in with Colin. Perhaps they simply grew apart, perhaps the magic was no longer there, or perhaps, as his friend Jerry suggests, Rick has become boring. This nagging thought, together with too much beer on New Year’s Eve and shock at the sudden death of his college friend Alex, leads Rick to a New Year’s resolution… To make the most of the time he has left, and show himself and his old friend Jerry that he is not boring, he will undertake a peculiar challenge: for a whole year he will accept every invitation that comes his way. Any invitation. No excuses. No regrets.
Call Me Pomeroy
James Hanna - 2015
But Pomeroy plays by his own set of rules. He may be on the dole, but he’ll tip his breakfast waitress $20 just for being nice to him, even if it means he has to sit an extra hour on the street corner to make ends meet. He’s a skirmish-loving, dumpster-diving, ego-starved crazy who thinks that he can sing and that all women are in love with him—or should be. His parole officer, an Hispanic woman who tells Pomeroy he’s off-base and he 1) won’t become a rock star, 2) needs to find a decent job, and 3) would be better off if he stayed out of trouble, is totally exasperated by him. But Pomeroy is his own man, takes no advice, and has more wisdom that we’d like to admit. You may find yourself laughing when you shouldn’t. (“A good strong piss is better than sex. Lasts longer too.”) May find his egocentric opinions politically incorrect. ("There ain't a dyke alive ol' Pomeroy can't turn straight.") But don’t blame yourself if you start rooting for this anti-hero, you’ll have a lot of company. (Note: Adult language and situations.)
Imperfect
Claire Fraise - 2015
Not a good home, but at least there she can find food and shelter for her sisters, Lily and Tory.To the powerful Making Perfect corporation, however, the Slump is a gold mine, a source of unending test subjects. Once a month, squads of company officials invade the ruins to capture orphans for their facilities. What happens to the kids they take is unclear—none of them ever return.Then Summer herself is taken.Forced into a series of grueling experiments, she soon discovers that Making Perfect’s ultimate goal is far darker than anything she imagined. As she fights to get back to the Slump and her now-defenseless sisters, she begins to understand why once you enter Making Perfect, you never get out.
Wage Slave Rebellion
Stephen W. Gee - 2014
It's a world of danger and excitement, and Mazik Kil'Raeus is . . . a door-to-door salesman. Though a skilled spellcaster, Mazik couldn't get a good job out of college, and now he's stuck in a dead-end one he hates. Along with his friends, Gavi Ven'Kalil (waiter at a local bar) and Raedren Ian'Moro (apprentice healer . . . it's not as glamorous as it sounds), Mazik is not happy with the way his life is going. Frustrated with boring work, selfish bosses, and wasting their lives for meager pay, the three friends decide to do something crazy—they're going to become monster-slaying adventurers. Not that it will be easy. With a consortium of powerful guilds determined to keep people like them out, they'll have to wow everyone to make it. That's when they set their eyes on a difficult quest: stopping a group of kidnappers who have been terrorizing their city for months. But when the kidnappers turn out to be acolytes of a power-hungry god, the quest transforms into an explosive battle that rampages across the city. The three friends are in over their heads, and nobody expects them to come out on top. That's an adventure they relish. After all, it's better to risk uncertainty and death now, than to accept mediocrity and die without ever having lived. WAGE SLAVE REBELLION combines the fantasy adventure of The Hobbit with the pulse-pounding combat of a Marvel action movie. It's medieval sword & sorcery meets urban high fantasy, in a tale about refusing to accept limits and living life to its fullest, no matter what anyone else has to say. WHO SHOULDN'T READ THIS BOOK: Anyone who doesn't like stories with drinking, cussing, fighting, or killing likely won't enjoy this book. The main characters are adults, and they live in a dangerous world; they act accordingly. Anyone who prefers their books serious or grimdark may be disappointed. This book has adult themes and situations, but above all else it's intended to be fun. If that doesn't sound like something you would enjoy, this book may not be for you. WHO SHOULD READ WITH BOOK: Anyone looking for an action-packed, fun-filled fantasy adventure. If you enjoy friendly banter, thrilling heroics, and tons of explosions, this book is for you. If you like stories with a certain lightness of tone which eschew angst in favor of punching problems in the face, this book is definitely for you. And if you've ever loathed your job or dreamed about going on adventures with your best friends, this book was written with you in mind. Want behind-the-scenes info, sneak peeks, and to be the first to learn about sequel announcements? Sign up for the author’s email list at www.stephenwgee.com. You’ll get a free prequel short story when you sign up. NOW AVAILABLE: The exciting sequel to WAGE SLAVE REBELLION and the second book in the FIRESIGN series. Join Mazik, Gavi, and Raedren as they continue their adventures in FREELANCE HEROICS.
Daddy 3.0: A Comedy of Errors
Rob Armstrong - 2016
This new stay-at-home dad will give everyone a run for their money—plus a lot of laughs. This isn’t where Nick Owen thought he would be by this point in life. He used to be a busy web programmer. Now he spends most of his energy trying to stop his three-year-old twins from playing in a dirty sand pit. Nick thinks of himself as Daddy 3.0, a stay-at-home-dad—but he just wasn’t programmed for this.He must navigate a new world of jungle gyms and playdates while supporting his surgeon wife. He tries his best to be there for the twins, but he can’t stop making a mess of things. He’s just about nearing the end of his rope when the Swing Incident happens. The Swing Incident, spoken of in hushed tones around Nick’s New York City apartment building, has caused the resident queen bee, nicknamed “Supermom,” to declare him an enemy for life. No matter what Nick does to get back into Supermom’s good graces, he fails spectacularly.Now Nick’s going to have to learn to fight fire with fire and become the best superparent on the block. This hilarious new book by Rob Armstrong chronicles one man’s journey into the world of modern fatherhood—one botched haircut, playground fight, and dirty diaper at a time.
The Timeweaver's Wager
Axel Blackwell - 2016
Eight years ago, Connie Salvatore was savagely murdered here. Glen has spent his life seeking redemption, haunted by the knowledge that he might have been able save her. The time has come to let go of his past and move on with his life. But as he prepares to do so, an old friend offers Glen the redemption he has always sought – a chance to relive that horrible night and change the past. All he has to do... is die.
Herald Square
Jefferson Flanders - 2012
When Dennis Collins arrives at Madison Square Garden for the Friday night fights, he is on top of the world. His career as the man-about-town columnist of the New York Sentinel is on the upswing; his beloved Brooklyn Dodgers are contending for the pennant; and a lover who had jilted him years ago has unexpectedly agreed to drinks and dinner at the Stork Club. Collins is sure that his luck has turned for the better.But at the Garden his closest childhood friend, Morris Rose, approaches him for help. Rose asks Collins to safeguard microfilmed documents that he says will prove his innocence in a State Department loyalty investigation. Out of friendship, Collins reluctantly agrees to hold the microfilm for a week.When Rose disappears from the scene, and FBI agents begin asking hard questions, Collins must solve a puzzle that somehow involves his friend, a shadowy former OSS officer, and a beautiful refugee, Karina, with a troubled past.When Collins discovers that both American and Soviet operatives desperately want the documents he is holding, he is drawn into a twilight struggle between intelligence agencies that will challenge his loyalties and test his courage.Rich with historical detail, Herald Square tells a story of intrigue and deception, of ordinary people propelled into a dangerous, clandestine world where duplicity reigns and any misstep can have dire consequences.