(Brought to you by the famed Dweezel and Pallie.)"[A] funny and clever little book... I like this version even better than the original story."Chytach18, Reviewer for OnlineBookClub.org"An amazing story, and hilariously funny to boot, perfect for kids and adults alike!"Angela, Amazon UK reader"It made me laugh. Grossed me out. Then makes you laugh some more."Thelma Coots, Amazon reader"One word : FUNNY! A new way of reading Snow White"Isienie V., Amazon reader*****Take your expectations for a fairy tale and throw them out the window! A noble prince? Lame. A humble princess? What a loser! A happy ending? You wish. This eBook is way better than all that. It will make you giggle, laugh, and ask for more. Either that, or it will make you scream for it all to stop. The only way to know is to read it. Download "Lily White and the Horrible Dwarves" now!The Funny Stories for Kids series, written/recorded by Dr. Dexter Dweezel and Professor Parnassus Pallie, is an ongoing effort to make fairy tales less crappy. "Lily White and the Horrible Dwarves" is the first in this series, with more to come.**Note: This story is not for babies. It can be crude, and has jokes about butts, poo, and drunk people. It also has a bit of cartoony violence. There is no swearing or sexual activity. If this story had a MPGG rating it would probably be PG, and would be comparable to a modern episode of the Simpsons.**

    Following the deaths of his wife and baby, he has lived with unresolved guilt and grief, and it is tearing him apart. One rainy day, Megan Thomas literally bursts into his kitchen - and into his life. Before long, their relationship becomes more than employer and housekeeper. Under her gentle, compassionate influence things begin to change, and he starts to come to terms with his past. When Megan's temporary secondment is over, the extent of his dependence and affection becomes apparent. He loves her and wants her back. But will she want him and all his accumulated baggage cluttering up her life? If not, what then? The prospect of living the rest of his life without her is a prospect he cannot contemplate. He would rather die.

    Without the moon's balancing effect, evil forces grow bold, and warfare, sickness, and chaos threaten life itself. Hearing the prayers of desperation that ride on the violent winds, the ancient wizard Randor Miithra, servant to the elf-gods, takes it upon himself to mend the world he has sworn to protect. The task will not be an easy one, though, for the wizard, too, has begun to feel the effects of the world's imbalance. As Randor struggles to maintain some semblance of his powers, he meets a secretive band of colorful characters from all walks of life, drawn together by a common goal: to find the stolen moon, whatever the cost. It does not take Randor and his motley company long to see that someone or something does not want the moon returned to the heavens. The road is perilous...the stakes have never been greater...will they find victory...or will they only find their deaths?

    Now that Jessie and her mom are living with her grandma, she finds out the split up of her parents is more complicated than she thought. Living in a retirement community is not how she wanted the summer before her junior year to start. Things begin to look up when she is reintroduced to Caleb, the boy that saved her life one summer at the beach. Caleb is no longer scrawny and nerdy, he is now tall, dark and handsome. The instant he shook her hand, she felt warm vibrations running through her veins. They soon learn what it means to be bound to one another. Fate is more than responsible for their meeting and their future together.This book is appropriate for young teens and people of all ages. Remember what it was like to kiss for the first time, or what it was like to fall in love. This paranormal romance will keep you on the edge of your seat with humor, romance, and determination. Fall head over heels for Caleb and Jessie.

    In the old world, home was only a quick hour and a half drive away. But now that cars and fuel are a thing of the past, nothing is quick, and it's certainly not easy.It's not even safe.Can Tamra and her children survive this dangerous journey? Was her hometown affected by these devastating attacks against the US? Are her parents even alive?Unending Havoc, Book 1 of Montana Mayhem, is the highly anticipated follow-up story to the bestselling Havoc in Wyoming Christian Futuristic series, which follows societal collapse from a small-town perspective. Featuring engaging scenarios, riveting action, and flawed yet strong and complex women, the Montana Mayhem series is perfect for fans of Mark Goodwin, Jamie Lee Grey, and Kyla Stone.Download today and discover why readers love this twist on the Post-Apocalyptic genre!The Montana Mayhem series can be described as “Cozy” Apocalypse and contains no profanity, gratuitous sex scenes, or overly detailed gruesome death scenes.

    Alone for the first time in her life, at a new school in a new town, Ava finds herself sorting through unfamiliar and unsettling feelings with a secretive yet beautiful boy, Ari. After an unconventional start to their relationship, Ava becomes intensely absorbed by her love for Ari, and with his help and the help of his family, she discovers who she really is – a Fate descended from Atropos. She learns that the Greek mythology she grew up reading is not truly a myth after all and that she is the key in an ancient war- the only weapon her new family has to survive.Will she be able to separate her heart from her destiny? Is she willing to kill to protect those she loves?

    But for many years the family have been unable to keep their side of the bargain and have fallen into decline. Miren's grandmother is determined to restore their glory, even at the price of Miren's freedom.A spellbinding tale of dark family secrets, magic and witches, and creatures of myth and the sea; of strong women and the men who seek to control them.

    But when an ambitious rival seizes power, she and her mother are banished to a nowhere province on the far edge of the Northern Sea. It is here, in the drafty halls of the Ruen-Dahr, that Talia discovers family secrets, a melancholy boy with a troubling vision of her future, and a relic that holds the power of an ancient Star. On these shores, the eerie melody of the sea is stronger than ever, revealing long-forgotten tales of the Goddess Rahn. The more dark truths that Talia unravels about the gods' history--and her own--the more the waves call to her, and it may be her destiny to answer.

    On the eve of the Dokimí ceremony, which will determine if she is worthy of the crown, Sera is haunted by a strange dream that foretells the return of an ancient evil. But her nightmare is forgotten the next day as she diligently practices her songspell; eagerly anticipates a reunion with her best friend, Neela; and anxiously worries about Mahdi, the crown prince of Matali, and whether his feelings toward her and their future betrothal have changed. Most of all, she worries about not living up to her mother's hopes.The Dokimí proceeds, a dazzling display of majesty and might, until a shocking turn of events interrupts it: an assassin's arrow wounds Isabella. The realm falls into chaos, and Serafina's darkest premonitions are confirmed. Now she and Neela must embark on a quest to find the assassin's master and prevent a war between the mer nations. Their search will lead them to other mermaid heriones scattered across the six seas. Together they will form an unbreakable bond of sisterhood as they uncover a conspiracy that threatens their world's very existence.

    Prince Everard’s father spent the boy's youth forging the prince into a warrior. Upon the king’s death, however, Everard realizes he’s lost himself somewhere along the way, and in his pain, makes a decision that brings a dark curse upon both him and the great Fortress that has so long guarded the people of Destin. The prince's sin doesn’t simply affect those of his citadel, however. Isa, the daughter of a local merchant, has suffered the prince’s hasty temper before, and it changed her life forever. When Everard’s final outburst cuts off his people’s source of protection with the curse, he demands that she, a crippled commoner, come to help him break it. All the while, Destin’s northern enemy crouches at the foot of the Fortress’s mountain, waiting for the right moment to capture the stronghold that has stood for a thousand years. With the freedom of Destin at stake, can both Everard and Isa find ways to move beyond their brokenness and hatred for one another, not only to break the curse, but to find love as well? Or will they and their beloved kingdom remain under darkness forever?

    A girl of the isolated Four-Legs Clan, all she knows about the King's elite Water Dogs is that they leash wicked creatures called daevas to protect the empire from the Undead. But when scouts arrive to recruit young people with the gift, she leaps at the chance to join their ranks. To hunt the monsters that killed her sister.Scarred by grief, she's willing to pay any price, even if it requires linking with a daeva named Darius. Human in body, he's possessed of a terrifying power, one that Nazafareen controls. But the golden cuffs that join them have an unwanted side effect. Each experiences the other's emotions, and human and daeva start to grow dangerously close.As they pursue a deadly foe across the arid waste of the Great Salt Plain to the glittering capital of Persepolae, unearthing the secrets of Darius's past along the way, Nazafareen is forced to question his slavery—and her own loyalty to the empire. But with an ancient evil stirring in the north, and a young conqueror sweeping in from the west, the fate of an entire civilization may be at stake…

    She is planning to attend State in the fall, with her boyfriend Mitch, and has her life all planned out. The only problem is that life has an entirely different plan for her. Excerpt: Dragging my feet as I walk, I leave my room and head downstairs to face the firing squad. I step into the kitchen and my parents stop mid sentence and look at me. It’s a weird feeling, almost like I’m a toy that is being inspected for faults. They are trying to decide if I pass and get to move on with my existence or I fail and get tossed to the bottom of a trash bin. Dad motions for me to take a seat across the table from him. My mom gets up and stands at the sink, looking out the window. I can already tell this isn’t going to be good. I hang my head and wait for it to begin. “Where were you?” I swallow and turn to my dad. He looks disappointed, but compared to the look on my mother’s face, he looks calm and collected. I shouldn’t be surprised, he’s always been the one who steadies the ship when the waves start. “I… I went to Mitch’s house.” My mom starts to cry. I instantly feel bad, even though I’m not sure why my sneaking out would cause her to be upset emotionally. I get that she’s mad, however, this is not the response I was expecting. Why would me going to Mitch’s house make her cry? It really makes no sense. My dad lets out a deep sigh and drums his fingers on the table. “What were you doing there?” I wrestle with telling them the truth. They are going to be pissed either way. Maybe I should just tell them about State. I take a deep breath and ready myself, emotionally, to deal with the slew of questions and judgment that is sure to follow.

    rather Adin Shepard was the hottest guy in school before he graduated a couple of weeks ago. Now it's summer vacation and she's not sure when she'll get to see him again. Until he shows up at her surprise seventeenth birthday party. Cue saliva glands--it's time to drool.But her giddiness is cut short when her guardian delivers an emotional blow, telling Legacy her mother hadn't died when she was baby, but that she'd left for Legacy's protection all those years ago. After the initial shock, she expects some story about how her mother was in the Witness Protection Program or something else just as crazy, but when she's told that her mother is a Greek Goddess and that Legacy is changing into one too, she thinks her guardian needs a trip to a mental hospital. Legacy a goddess? Um, yeah. Right. And her BFF is the Easter Bunny.While trying to make sense out of something that was impossible to believe, Adin asks Legacy out on a date. She is thrilled that her fantasy might become a reality, but when she meets the new guy in town, River, she discovers everything isn't always as it seems, and the legacy she wants just might not be the legacy she is destined to have.

    But what Isis discovers is something other than a menacing entity.The human-like creature offers Isis assurance that he is not a figment of her imagination. Unwilling to accept his avowal, Isis sets his words to contest by asking the entity to prove himself—a dare, he readily welcomes.It is in her dreams that Isis innocently stumbles upon the silent existence of the divine lineage of those that man has long forgotten.In a quaint town, deep in south Texas, this story leads Isis onto the path of impermissible love and captivating life-changing truths. Isis Martin's journey is sure to leave any reader ravenous for more.

    Her toes start tingling and she has a few minutes to find a secret haven where she can disintegrate and appear in another time and place. While “across the line,” her training and skills are put to the test as she completes a mission that will change history for the lucky few her father has selected. Gemma's parents are adamant that secrecy is paramount to her family’s safety. If people knew what they were capable of, they could be "used and abused", as her mother always says. Afraid she might accidentally utter the truth and break the ancient oath of her people, Gemma spends her school days as a loner. Only one thing can throw her sheltered life askew... Harrison Granger.Harrison never expected to talk to the strange Hart girl, but after a brief encounter he can't stop thinking about her. He begins a campaign to chisel away her icy veneer and is met with unexpected consequences. As he slowly wins this girl over, he enters a surreal world that has him fighting to keep his newfound love and his life.