Forget "Having It All": How America Messed Up Motherhood--and How to Fix It


Amy Westervelt - 2018
    After filing a story only two hours after giving birth, and then getting straight back to full-time work the next morning, journalist Amy Westervelt had a revelation: America might claim to revere motherhood, but it treats women who have children like crap. From inadequate maternity leave to gender-based double standards, emotional labor to the "motherhood penalty" wage gap, racist devaluing of some mothers and overvaluing of others, and our tendency to consider women's value only in terms of their reproductive capacity, Westervelt became determined to understand how we got here and how the promise of "having it all" ever even became a thing when it was so far from reality for American women. In Forget "Having It All," Westervelt traces the roots of our modern expectations of mothers and motherhood back to extremist ideas held by the first Puritans who attempted to colonize America and examines how those ideals shifted -- or didn't -- through every generation since. Using this historical backdrop, Westervelt draws out what we should replicate from our past (bringing back home economics, for example, this time with an emphasis on gender-balanced labor in the home), and what we must begin anew as we overhaul American motherhood (including taking a more intersectional view of motherhood, thinking deeply about the ways in which capitalism influences our views on reproduction, and incorporating working fathers into discussions about work-life balance). In looking for inspiration elsewhere in the world, Westervelt turned not to Scandinavia, where every work-life balance story inevitably ends up, but to Japan where politicians, in an increasingly desperate effort to increase the country's birth rates (sound familiar?), tried to apply Scandinavian-style policies atop a capitalist democracy not unlike America's, only to find that policy can't do much in the absence of cultural shift. Ultimately, Westervelt presents a measured, historically rooted and research-backed call for workplace policies, cultural norms, and personal attitudes about motherhood that will radically improve the lives of not just working moms but all Americans.

In Her Own Sweet Time: Egg Freezing and the New Frontiers of Family


Rachel Lehmann-Haupt - 2009
    Women are making massive strides in gender equality, edging out men as the new majority in the workforce. But, because of their brief window for childbearing, this also means a drastically shifting paradigm for motherhood and family planning. In this 2nd edition, Lehmann-Haupt has updated the inspiring, honest account of her own efforts to reconcile modern love with modern life with the latest medical research. In Her Own Sweet Time will resonate with a generation of young women who want it all—career, family, and the perfect partner— but haven’t yet figured out how it all fits together. Join Lehmann-Haupt as she interviews women and travels the world to explore and understand the new frontiers of family.

Love Works Like This: Moving from One Kind of Life to Another


Lauren Slater - 2002
    Slater, career-oriented and willfully autonomous, charts her own personal journey and decision-making process, starting with a list of the pros and cons, about having a child. The cons are many, the pros only one: “learning a new kind of love.” But what will that love look like? How does one reconcile the needs of the self with the demands of others? How do couples go from the dyad that is a marriage to the triad that is a family? And how can Slater adjust to losing precious control of her own carefully developed life?Slater’s complex biological and psychological history also lies at the core of this unique and yet strikingly universal story. One of the first people ever to take Prozac, she chronicles the impossibly conflicting advice regarding pregnancy and antidepressants, and explains the rationale behind her eventual decision to stop taking the medication during her first trimester. This is Slater’s first encounter with self-sacrifice, and for her a crossroad at which modern medicine and basic human love meet. Love Works Like This is a richly written book by “an enormously poetic and ebullient writer” (Elle magazine), an author who writes with “beauty and bravery” (Los Angeles Times Book Review) about falling in love, about growing into the ability to put someone else’s life ahead of your own, and about the rich rewards we can draw from the courage to exchange one kind of happy life for another.

Into The Rip


Damien Cave - 2021
    Having covered the war in Iraq and moved to Mexico City with two babies in nappies, he and his wife Diana thought they understood something about the subject.But when they arrived in Sydney so that Cave could establish The New York Times's Australia Bureau, life near the ocean confronted them with new ideas and questions, at odds with their American mindset that risk was a matter of individual choices. Surf-lifesaving and Nippers showed that perhaps it could be managed together, by communities. And instead of being either eliminated or romanticised, it might instead be respected and even embraced.And so Cave set out to understand how our current attitude to risk developed - and why it's not necessarily good for us.Into the Rip is partly the story of this New York family learning to live better by living with the sea and it is partly the story of how humans manage the idea of risk. Interviewing experts and everyday heroes, Cave asks critical questions like: Is safety overrated? Why do we miscalculate risk so often and how can we improve? Is it selfish to take risks or can more exposure make for stronger families, citizens and nations? And how do we factor in legitimate fears and major disasters like Cave has covered in his time here: the Black Summer fires; the Christchurch massacre; and, of course, Covid?The result is Grit meets Phosphorescence and Any Ordinary Day - a book that will change the way you and your family think about facing the world's hazards.

Real Moms: Making It Up As We Go


Lisa Valentine Clark - 2015
    I spray-painted them and tried them out for three hours at church where they held up perfectly. I felt pretty good about myself. “Suckers who buy gold shoes when they could just spray-paint them,” I thought, congratulating myself for my frugality and my foresight for testing them out.As moms, we improvise. We get along. We make things word. And we make a lot of things up as we go along because, let’s face it, no manual is ever going to cover all the bases a real mom needs to touch. But if laughter and perspective and a renewed energy to face the day are what you’re after—if you too are a “real mom”—this is the book for you!

For the Love of Scott!


Jo Hamilton - 2011
    She taught her family how to read Scott’s medical chart and to ask pointed questions, no longer leaving his care to the medical professionals who had overdosed him with drugs to the very brink of death in less than three days.“Jo, you have to tell people what they’ve done to me. You have to tell them!”pleaded her little brother, as he lay writhing in agony.In “For the Love of Scott!”, the author recollects her family’s poignant story of love, bewilderment, and lingering frustration when faced with catastrophic medical mistakes. Read the experiences of Scott Hamilton’s family members as they struggle through a storm of horrific medical errors that could have been prevented and recognize what you need to do when someone you love is faced with life-threatening circumstances created by health experts.It took Jo 27 years to put this heartbreaking event down on paper. Writing opened old wounds and required hours of research and documentation. It forced her family to relive a chapter in their own lives that they desperately wanted closed. Yet, they rallied together to help Jo with her mission to keep that promise.To help further her goals, Jo Hamilton will be donating a portion of the proceeds from the sale of her book, to the 1984 Olympic Gold Medal Winner, Scott Hamilton's foundation, The Scott Hamilton CARES Initiative. The Scott Hamilton CARES Initiative was created to help with cancer research, support cancer patients and their families, and find a cure cancer.

Pregnant Then Screwed


Joeli Brearley - 2021
    Her work is invaluable, from setting up a vital lifeline for women to learn about their rights on maternity discrimination, to the frontlines of the Covid-19 crisis, where she battled for women not to be left out of the picture altogether.' - Laura BatesImagine suddenly being sacked from your job. After spending years building your career, it’s all taken away in just one moment. Why? Because you told your boss you are pregnant.    This happened to Joeli Brearley. And she quickly realised she wasn’t alone - 54,000 women a year are forced out of their job because they dared to procreate, and three quarters of working mothers face workplace discrimination. And this was before the pandemic, with its never-ending cycle of extraordinary childcare challenges and overt pregnancy and maternity discrimination, resulting in a tsumani of mothers exiting the labour force.   Pregnant Then Screwed is an expose of the unscrupulous work practices and antiquated systems that we’ve been conditioned to accept and a toolkit for how to challenge them. It’s full of practical advice to help you navigate systemic barriers when they slap you in the face.  Whether you’re a mother who is sick of being sidelined, undermined, and underpaid. A ''stay at home'' mother who wants to work but can't. A future parent who is scared that having children will affect your career. An employer who wants to get the best out of its parent employees, or you simply want a stronger, fairer economy, Pregnant Then Screwed is a compelling manifesto for change and a call to arms for all women.

Now My Heart is Full: A Memoir


Laura June - 2018
    It wasn’t a thought she was used to having. Laura was in second grade when she realized her mother was an alcoholic. As the years went by, she spiraled deeper, becoming borderline abusive, and by the time of her death a few years before Zelda’s birth, the two had drifted apart entirely. In Now My Heart Is Full, Laura June explores how raising her daughter forced her to come to terms with her own mother’s tragic legacy and recognize the connective tissue that binds together the three generations of women. She also confronts the complicated place that women’s drinking often occupies and interrogates the culture of drinking that surrounds our ideas of motherhood, reflecting on her own decision not to drink.In beautiful and irreverent prose, she describes how coming to grips with the fact that Zelda would never know her grandmother, while trying to be the best mother she could be, forced her to reevaluate her own mother, who tried her best to raise her children while struggling with addiction. By confronting the day-to-day frustrations of new motherhood she exposes how, even a generation later, we still do not have the language to fully discuss the change that a woman undergoes when she becomes a parent. And only by experiencing the pain and joy of it herself is she able to make peace with her mother’s memory at last and find that, to her surprise, the two have more in common than she ever knew.

Expecting: The Inner Life of Pregnancy


Chitra Ramaswamy - 2016
    When Chitra Ramaswamy discovered she was pregnant, she longed for a book that went above and beyond a manual; a book that did more than describe what was happening in her growing body. One that, instead, got to the very heart of this overwhelming, confusing and exciting experience. Expecting takes the reader on a physical, emotional, philosophical and artistic odyssey through pregnancy. A memoir exploring each of the nine months of Chitra's pregnancy, Expecting is a book of intimate, strange, wild and lyrical essays that pay tribute to this most extraordinary and ordinary of experiences.

World Peace: The Voice of a Mountain Bird


Amit Ray - 2011
    Life was beautiful but war devastates everything. The story runs through her joy, pain, anguish, struggle and wisdom. For most birds life is simply eating, drinking and raising their chicks. This bird finds a higher purpose which turns to a mission in her life. Through the nightmare of war, she comes to the realization that she needs to do something for healing the soul of humanity. With the help of her guide Yashir, she follows her dream to spread peace on earth. This is a fable about the healing and raising the human consciousness on earth for peace on our planet. We are not helpless, each of us has a role and the story shows us the way.

Forgiving The Unforgivable


Sherry Johnson - 2013
    Pregnant and married at the age of 11 to cover-up this horrible tragedy she shares how she overcame it all to be a successful business woman, mother and friend. This is a must read for anyone who suffer with forgiven people who have abused you as well as stopping the cycle of abuse in your life.

Hilariously Infertile: One Woman's Inappropriate Quest to Help Women Laugh Through Infertility.


Karen Jeffries - 2018
    It is a comedic, self-deprecating, look into the harsh, scary, and often sad world of infertility. Hilariously Infertile will make you laugh out loud while wishing you could have a glass of wine with the author and discuss how you relate to her story is. The author pokes fun at the infertility world, with jokes, such as, equating the constant gynecological exams to her sluttiest days in college, and wondering if her husband will be home in time to stick it (the IVF ass shot) into her butt.We follow the author's journey from trying to conceive on her own, discovering she is infertile, getting pregnant, and then doing it all again for her second child. The entire journey is marked with uproarious scenes that any woman who has ever been to the gynecologist can identify with. At times, the author's candor will surely lead the reader to conclude that the outlandish stories cannot be true. But they are, all of them.Included in the journey is a chapter on being a new mom. This chapter is funny and real. It does not boast about being a parent, to those who still may be on that path; rather, it speaks candidly about the adjustment to a new life that the author worked hard to achieve, via fertility treatments, and yet still was not ready for.There is no filter for the author of Hilariously Infertile. This book tells it like it is, from sex, to infertility, to being a mother and a wife. If you have thought it somewhere deep down inside, this book says it aloud.

The Calm Birth School: The Practical Guide For Modern Mamas to Create a Calm, Positive Hypnobirth


Suzy Ashworth - 2016
    The Calm Birth School teaches and supports modern women (and their families) how to create calm and positive birth experiences that make them want to shout from the rooftops for all the right reasons. This comprehensive how-to guide will teach you all you need to know about hypnobirthing without morphing you into a new-age hipster. You’ll learn: The science and psychology behind why you don’t have to give birth in agony. How to work with your body and breath, defying the birthing horror stories you’ve heard and allowing your body to do what it was designed to do. A total mindset overhaul that will not only create a calm, positive birth but which will also empower you in every area of your life.Breathing techniques to enable you to deal with any stressful situation calmly and effectively: before and during birth, and beyond.Exactly what you need to do to enjoy every step of your pregnancy and birth, whether things go according to plan or not.So if you are a control freak; if you’re scared out of your mind about giving birth; if you believe in your body but do not want to waft a joss stick around your lady parts… This book is for you. With lots of juicy bonuses like birth preferences planners, a confidence building Mp3, practice schedule and lots more included you'll have everything you need to create the positive birth experience you deserve. Suzy Ashworth is a pregnancy coach, hypnotherapist and psychotherapist with two children and a growing bump. She has a passion for showing women exactly why they can and should believe in themselves, empowering them to create mind-blowing birth experiences.

Don't Make Me Come Up There!: Quiet Moments for Busy Moms


Kristen Welch - 2010
    But she needs it. She needs the moment to refocus and refresh her soul. She needs the inspiration to find God in the mess and the mundane that often defines her. She craves the solitude of a moment with the Master to quiet the storms. She needs to laugh and remember why she loves being a mom.Don't Make Me Come Up There! is filled with inspirational and hilarious true-life stories and reflections written by a very human mom. Moms will recognize themselves in the pages of this book written for real, everyday mothers who know what it's like to catch vomit with one hand while starting a load of laundry with the other (and never confusing the two!). The fifty-two reflections encourage moms to revel in the everyday beauty of their lives and grow closer to God through it all."I couldn't help thinking of the last time my children had scattered up the stairs and disappeared into a quiet abyss. Initially, I thought they were just delighting in one another's company, holding hands, and making paper daisies. But that thought lasted for 1.2 seconds before I snapped out of my delusion only to discover my oldest giving her brother a "haircut" and my youngest smearing soap all over the bathroom. . . " from the book

My Practices of Mothering: the things I actually do to enjoy mothering tinies


Sarah Bessey - 2014
    And a few years ago, I began to write through the stuff that I do (or try to do) to enjoy the day-to-day life with a houseful of tinies. Three years later, it remains one of the most popular series of posts I've ever done at my blog. And now it's an e-book. The book isn't about "advice" or making a one-size-fits-all version of motherhood. It certainly isn't about heaping more guilt or or unattainable standards on anyone. Mothering is very, very hard work. It's constant. It's tiring. I've found that mothering tinies exposed the parts of my heart that I could keep politely hidden from general society. It could break me in the morning, but by evening, I would feel like I've never been more fulfilled or happy in my life. It can also be monotonous (that’s something not too many people will tell you – me? I’ll tell you.) And do you have any idea how many loads of laundry a family of five can generate? (Hint: EPIC AMOUNTS OF LAUNDRY.) But the truth is: I enjoy mothering. I enjoy it a lot. In fact, I love this which surprised me. Even the daily quotidian rhythms of it are good, good, good. I even enjoyed those years when I couldn't leave the house without someone sympathetically commenting "Wow, your hands are full." Not because I have it all figured out and do things right all of the time (I don’t). Not because I’m the best mother in the world (I’m not). Not because my tinies are absolutely perfect and the gold standard of childhood (they’re not - trust me). And not because every day is filled with rainbow-and-unicorns-and-cupcakes (I wish). No, the reason I enjoy mothering tinies on the day-to-day grind is mainly because I do this stuff. And it helps me. I call them Practices because that’s what us Christians have often called spiritual disciplines, but really they’re just things I do over and over again, kneading them like yeast into my life. Everyone has their own "practices." Most of mine come from my own parents but then I picked up a few others from books or friends or mentors. And my practices may not work for you and your family. After all, this is just what worked for me, right then, in that season. As my tinies grow up, my practices shift and change and evolve, as they should. Your own practices will do that, too.