And one very annoyed world.Based on the ingenious Sir Michael Twitter account, How to (Almost) Make Friends on the Internet is the funniest book you'll read this year.Whether it's offering his services as a Karate Lawyer or Funeral DJ, devising the world's worst plan to get a free haircut, or trying to buy a blue bucket that may or may not be for sale, Michael just wants to connect with people.The only problem is that people are slightly less enthusiastic about connecting with him, and the results are utterly hilarious.Warning: you'll never think about adding someone called Michael to a group chat the same way ever again.

    When the medical community can offer no answers, they turn to their Catholic Church. The Archbishop a prominent hawk in the war on Satan is more than willing to help the Wagners. Though in precarious health ( His bypasses had bypasses ), he always knew The Evil One would show up on his watch and he s now ready to send in the exorcists. But first, the Church has to determine whether Little Billy Wagner is demonically possessed. Enter the handsome Father Leopold Mackenzie. Father Leo wants to be a priest. He believes God wants him to be a good priest. He aspires to return to a parish in Bolivia where he spent many happy days in his favorite llama-wool sweater and was accepted by the kind Boliviano parishioners. To make this happen, he just needs to do a good job on the Billy Wagner matter and keep the lovely Veronica Fields, from the parish s conversion class, far away from him and in moments of weakness not think of ways to make her his rectory mate. Father Leo visits the Wagners and soon determines that Little Billy is clearly possessed, but, the question is, by what? Knowing an underlying medical cause must first be ruled out, Father Leo starts gathering information and medical reports and hires the famed Jesuit psychiatrist, the dhoti-wearing Father Caspar Wieland, MD/PhD/SJ. Meanwhile, the Archbishop gathers his exorcism team (including bringing in ex-special forces Monsignor Krebs, despite his handling of the exorcism in The River City Delirium Tremens Burro Incident ) and prepares to make the case to the Vatican to get the authority to send in the exorcists. Can Father Leo stop a Rush to Exorcism before it s too late? Or is Little Billy demonically possessed, and by trying to stop the exorcism, is Father Leo allowing Satan and his legion into America s heartland?

    Originally published by Palliard Press.

    With illustrations by Tony Ross, this re-issue is sure to delight.A tale about an extremely unconventional vampire. This tale of laughter and ghoulish horror for seven and eight year-olds is sure to delight. Here, Eric Morecambe’s customary humour is employed for a young audience.

    Their plan? Drive across the infected United States to a cabin in the Colorado Rockies without a scratch, but their trip takes a complicated detour in the middle of Nebraska when they find Kaylynn, a girl who can handle a baseball bat better than Jeremy can hold a .45 Beretta. And when they stumble into a sanctuary, Jeremy soon learns that Kaylynn is stronger than she looks—a deadly secret lies inside her. After the radio picks up a distress call from Kansas City about a possible cure, Jeremy’s parents go with a team to investigate. They never return. The only way to find their parents is for Jeremy and his sister Jewel to rely on a dangerous girl who might just turn on them at any moment.

    Make sure the caterers don't serve devil's food cake to the Christian Women's Alliance- check. Tell my mother that having a séance to get rid of any unwanted spirits in the kitchen during dinnertime is not okay- check. Send a friendly reminder to all staff that the pens are colour coded for everyone's enjoyment, and therefore it is not a good idea to put them all in one jar in order to spice things up as was anonymously suggested- check. But, when an acclaimed hotel critic dies at the Inn, just before she's about to publish a scathing review that would ruin the business, Kate's life and checklists are thrown into disarray. And it doesn't help matters that the detective assigned to the case is messy, unorganized, and too charming for his own good. Now Kate has to prove her innocence and save her Inn, or else the only thing that she'll be organizing is the prison's next bake sale.

    His book, You’re Not Helping… is a collection of short comedy articles that guide you through his delightful, inventive, and often nonsensical take on everything from attention-seeking dolphins to home invasions by the The Barenaked Ladies. You’re Not Helping… blends both humor and heart in what literary critics around the world are describing as “technically a book.” Join the 10s of readers worldwide enchanted by Ryan’s unique brand of wit.Ryan Patricks lives in San Francisco via Philadelphia. He is an aspiring comedy writer and once saw John Cusack at a Jamba Juice. You can follow him on Twitter @Ryan_Patricks or you can choose not to, it’s totally up to you.

    During a routine check-up, however, her doctor claims she has just a week to live, news that proves to be quite inconvenient, seeing as the beloved sister has one ambition in life: to be the oldest person in the world. At last count, she was the fifth. However, never one to admit defeat, Sister Agatha concocts a bold Plan B. Dusting off her passport, she decides to leave Irish shores for the first time in her very long life, and using the few days remaining, plans to travel across three continents and meet the only four people whose birthday cakes boast more candles than hers. And then, one by one, she intends on killing them. What the media is saying: "Domhnall [has] some mind...When they say 'comic thriller', this book does what it says on the tin...There is so much in it to enjoy...It works really, really well." ~ Gerry Kelly, Late Lunch, LMFM Radio Interview: http://utv.vo.llnwd.net/o16/LMFM/2016... • • • "A laugh-out-loud, globe-trotting adventure that is wildly unique with an enormous amount of heart. And despite Sister Agatha being a considerable 118 years of age, the naughty nun still has more energy than a school playground! One of the year's best débuts." ~ Jennifer Zamparelli, presenter of 2FM's Breakfast Republic

    This irreverent little book gathers together some of the most peculiar and outrageous ways that people across the globe have met their untimely ends. Whether shocking or silly, these true stories are proof at least that the grim reaper has a strange sense of humour.

     So begins this epic cautionary tale of ambition and hubris. A bizarre mix of Lovecraft and hip-hop history, Kanye West—Reanimator reimagines the classic story "Herbert West—Reanimator" with everyone's favorite petulant genius cast in the titular role. In it, Kanye West attempts to reanimate a moribund hip-hop scene, only to come to the conclusion that his music is so powerful, it should be used to reanimate the dead. And who better to reanimate than those two legendary titans gone before their time—Biggie and Tupac? Hilarity and carnage ensue.

    (Except secretly you really do you masochistic, beastly person you.) Illustrated, painfully funny and drop-your-jaw ridiculous, this is trivia from the cesspit of time that you won't be able to stop reading once you start.*To aid childbirth.**They exploded it with 100 times too much dynamite and rained blubber down on unsuspecting people and buildings.***Decency prevents us from answering this one here. You'll have to buy the book to find out.

    The stories recounts the life of times of the hero Domrudhar in colonial India. The protagonist Domrudhar is portrayed as a dishonest man who rises from a lowly shop-assistant to a land owner.

    They unlock opportunities for wealth and travel, but also create incredible chaos--uprooting populations and blighting landscapes. Work on or around the rails leads to unwelcome discoveries and, in light of the Mythos, dire implications in the spread of the rail system as a whole. A certain path to uncovering unwelcome truths about the universe is to venture beyond our own "placid island of ignorance" and encounter foreign cultures. The Orient Express serves as the perfect vehicle for such excursions, designed as a bridge between West and East. Movement into mystery forms the central action for many stories in this volume. The only limitation placed upon writers for this collection was that their works somehow involve the Orient Express and the Mythos. The last warning whistle has blown, and we are getting underway. Have your tickets at the ready and settle in for a journey across unexpected landscapes to a destination that--well, we'll just let you see for yourself when you arrive. We promise this though: murder will be the least of your problems on this trip aboard the Orient Express!

    But are they? He is probably the only man who has ever requested the recipe for an airline’s lasagna or wanted to enjoy his flight with an inflatable rubber woman sat on his knee. Prepare to meet the man who must have his diet of stir-fried mulberry leaves accommodated and the man who left his false teeth on a flight and is sure he recognized them on a later flight—in a flight attendant's mouth. Ravenscroft's correspondence tackles travel annoyances like excess baggage charges alongside more surreal letters, such as the one starting out asking an Australian airline if they offer an authentic Australian experience (for instance, Australian cuisine or in-flight movies) which then moves on to the question of at what age a baby is safe from being swallowed by a dingo.

    Will the “School Gyrls” collaboration with the Archies be a chart-topping hit or a resounding dud?