Purchasers can download a free scanned copy of the original book (without typos) from the publisher. 1902. Not illustrated. Excerpt: ... The Fable of the Shower of Blows that Came Down on Paw TILLIE had been away for Three Months attending Madame Skagiac's School for teaching Young Ladies how to wither their Parents. She came home with a tan-colored Automobile and a good deal of Hat, looking as flip as a real Actress. The antique Hay-Maker who had been sending the Money greeted her with Open Arms. "Gal, I'm tarnation tickled to see you Hum again," he said. "How be ye?" "Oh, Papa!" she exclaimed, turning deathly Pale. "You have no Collar or Cravat and you are addressing me while in your Shirt Sleeves. Your Hair is parted on the wrong side. Your Vest is three years to the way-back, and to look at the Bag in your Trousers one would think that you were getting ready to make a Jump. You ought to wear Link Cuffs instead of the kind you have on, and, for mercy goodness sake, get yourself a pair of Button Shoes instead of those Scows. And if you expect to meet any of my Friends who are coming to see me during the Holidays, you will have to ring a few Changes on your Grammar, Pronunciation and Accent. When you saw me just now, you should have said, 'Matilde, I am indeed delighted to welcome you Home. I trust that you are enjoying good Health.' Brace up, Papa, Your Execution is very Lumpy." "Matilde!" he repeated. "Matilde!" She had buncoed the Family Bible and brought home a new Name. Moral: The Change may be effected in from six to nine Weeks. Worked Himself into the King-Row A YOUNG Man who was Jimming around in Society learned that among the Women of his Acquaintance the Olive stuffed with Red Peppers was more popular than the Gum-Drop. Up to that time he had been dealing in Gum-Drops. He had worked along on the Theory that my Lady Isabelle hankered for nothing but sugarcoated Compliments. All the othe...