Maybe you're thinking of having one. There might even be one inside you right now, draining nutrients from your system via a tube growing from its midsection. Or maybe you've already got one around the house, somewhere, and you're responsible for its continued survival. You're saddled with a helpless being whom you've agreed to house and feed and love with all your heart for the rest of your life, more or less.Either way, you're confused, you're frightened, and 911 won't take your calls anymore. But don't despair! Let's Panic About Babies! is here to hold your hand and answer some important, age-old baby-related questions, including:- How can I be sure I'm pregnant? (Torso swells gradually until baby falls into underpants.)- Did I just pee myself? (Yes.)- What happens if I have sex during my pregnancy? (Your baby will be born with a full, lush beard.)- How can I tell if I've chosen the wrong pediatrician? (He/she can't pronounce "stethoscope.")- How do I make sure my baby loves me back? (Voodoo.)From the moment they're created until the day they steal our cars, our babies demand center stage in our lives. So join Alice and Eden as they tell you (and your lucky partner!) exactly what to think and feel and do, from morning sickness to baby's first steps. They know everything!

    Filled with necessary and convenient advice that takes the reader from the first months of pregnancy and beyond, this indispensable book explains:- The safest ways to get the house ready for the baby - The best baby gear-from clothes to crib mattresses - Organic recipes for health-conscious breastfeeding moms - How to throw a green baby shower - The best solutions for storing breast milk safely - How to keep play areas safe from chemicals - How to handle the diaper dilemma: wash vs. toss - And much more!