Unfortunately, I didn't write it - my mum did. WTF!Let me tell you now that 98% of it is total lies. Actually, I'm pretty sure this book is illegal. So if you've bought it, you've basically supported a criminal. How does that feel?I think she's getting me back for my first day in this world when I mayyy have tried to kill her. She won't not be able to mention that . . . You might also find out about my first day at school, why my head is so massive, how I've always been a hit with the ladies and other things like that.You know, important stuff. Anyway, I found the book at the printer and you'll see I've corrected some of her most outrageous lies.So, you know, enjoy. Just remember only the bits that make me look good are true . . .

    Before purchasing, borrowing, or stealing this book, you should be aware that it contains the answers to some of those questions, such as the following:1. Who is Lemony?2. Is there a secret organization I should know about?3. Why does Lemony Snicket spend his time researching and writing distressing books concerning the Baudelaire orphans?4. Why do all of Lemony Snicket's books contain a sad dedication to a woman named Beatrice?5. If there's nothing out there, what was that noise?Our advice to you is that you find a book that answers less upsetting questions than this one. Perhaps your librarian, bookseller, or parole officer can recommend a book that answers the question, "Aren't ponies adorable?"

    But so far, all she has to show for her efforts is a single line in an ad for ugly Christmas sweaters and a degrading waitressing job. She lives in Brooklyn with two roommates - Jane, her best friend from college, and Dan, a sci-fi writer, who is very definitely not boyfriend material - and is struggling with her feelings for a suspiciously charming guy in her acting class, all while trying to find a hair-product cocktail that actually works. Meanwhile, she dreams of doing "important" work, but only ever seems to get auditions for dishwashing liquid and peanut butter commercials. It's hard to tell if she'll run out of time or money first, but either way, failure would mean facing the fact that she has absolutely no skills to make it in the real world. Her father wants her to come home and teach, her agent won't call her back, and her classmate Penelope, who seems supportive, might just turn out to be her toughest competition yet. Someday, Someday, Maybe is a funny and charming debut about finding yourself, finding love, and, most difficult of all, finding an acting job.

    

    His book, You’re Not Helping… is a collection of short comedy articles that guide you through his delightful, inventive, and often nonsensical take on everything from attention-seeking dolphins to home invasions by the The Barenaked Ladies. You’re Not Helping… blends both humor and heart in what literary critics around the world are describing as “technically a book.” Join the 10s of readers worldwide enchanted by Ryan’s unique brand of wit.Ryan Patricks lives in San Francisco via Philadelphia. He is an aspiring comedy writer and once saw John Cusack at a Jamba Juice. You can follow him on Twitter @Ryan_Patricks or you can choose not to, it’s totally up to you.

    She's got problems though when bits of her ex-husband turn up in different places and the slimy DI Savage seems to be bending the evidence to link her to the death. Add the fact that she's being pressured into taking a ‘job’ by hard-nosed Vera Devlin from the estate and having to work in a topless bar to make ends meet and you can see she's up against it. Desperate to extricate herself from the mess she breaks into her old marital home to find the diary of her dead husband, except that his mother has taken up residence and arrives back early from bingo… Set against a backdrop of Northern council estate life, this fast paced, humorous novel exemplifies the problems caused by poverty, piles and unruly children, think Jeremy Kyle meets the Thorn Birds and you won't be far wrong!

    Celebrated in particular for his “Charlie Murphy’s True Hollywood Stories” skits, featuring hilarious renditions of Rick James and Prince, Murphy now recounts many of the actual stories that inspired these popular sketches in vivid and comical detail in Doing Time: The Making of a Stand-Up Guy. With his flare for storytelling and his distinctive and fearless voice, it’s no wonder that Charlie Murphy has been the subject of many featured stories in numerous magazines, including GQ, Essence, Rolling Stone, and he was recently listed as one of the Hottest People to Watch in Entertainment Weekly’s “Must List.” Featuring outrageous misadventures as part of his younger brother Eddie’s entourage, and hysterical encounters with numerous celebrities, Doing Time: The Making of a Stand-Up Guy is a fascinating and wildly funny chronicle from one of the most talented comedians today.

    . .Turns out he's a starter and a closer."—Tim Kurkjian, ESPNAs a major and not-so-major league pitcher, Dirk Hayhurst has learned to master more than striking out batters. While waiting for his name to be called in the bullpen, he honed his gifts as a storyteller, one the New York Times calls the "best writer in a baseball uniform." In this often hilarious collection of adventures on and off the diamond, Dirk details the intricacies of pulling off an epic team prank, even if it's at his own expense; the art of creating the perfect professional baseball nickname; his comically ineffective attempts at writing romance novels; and the bizarre tale in which a bear gets punched in the face (yes, really). No matter how wild his story, Dirk proves once again he knows that it's all in the delivery."I find his writing both entertaining and thought provoking. . .unlike his fastball."—Ben Zobrist, Tampa Bay Rays All-Star "Dirk Hayhurst writes about baseball in a unique way. Observant, insightful, human, and hilarious." —Bob Costas"Hayhurst delivers an entertaining story for more than just sports fans."—Jordan Bastian, MLB.com"Hayhurst explains life in the minors and the major leagues like you've never read it before."—J. J. Cooper, Baseball America"Insight and humor from the pitcher's mound."—Businessweek51,300 Words.

    The story of a young man who finds himself somewhat unexpectedly a fine arts major in college, a fledgling sculptor in Chicago, a gadabout painter in Hoboken, and who eventually winds up a writer sometimes called "a born storyteller".The author of more than fifty books, Pinkwater now chronicles his own early life.

    The other big event of that year was the outbreak of the Second World War, but for the moment, that did not affect me.' In the first instalment of Clive James's memoirs, we meet the young Clive, dressed in short trousers, and wrestling with the demands of school, various relatives and the occasional snake, in the suburbs of post-war Sydney.

    Here is Erma Bombeck, laughing her way through childhood, marriage, motherhood, and celebrity status, even keeping her sense of humor as she battled terminal illness.

     "When I was young, it was my ambition to be one of the people who made a difference in this world. My hope is to leave the world a little better for my having been there. It's a wonderful life and I love it." Jim Henson "Yeah, well, I've got a dream too. But it's about singing and dancing and making people happy. That's the kind of dream that gets better the more people you share it with. And, well, I've found a whole bunch of friends who have the same dream. And, it kind of makes us like a family." Kermit the Frog, The Muppet Movie

    In this book, Grizzard turns his attention to his mother, and to all mothers, casting a loving, comic eye toward the most important and defining relationship of all.

    They said it couldn't be done, but somehow Alex Bell has managed to adopt and raise a family of children with special needs.

    Urzila talks candidly about her childhood with a great family, apart from her abusive dad, and about growing up in South Africa. She shares crazy but true tales about her OE, her move to New Zealand, coming out, getting married and having children, and her life in comedy. This is a great listen from one of our most loved and most popular comedians.