Explicit language warning but little erotic content. (11,000 words ~ 43 pages) First published in The Mammoth Book of Paranormal Romance 2 (2010).WARNINGContains confused lovelorn werewolves and very pretty ex-Goth mermen who are exclusively interested in each other. May also contain fish, Irish mafia, and a shocking lack of tea.

    The only things I’ve wanted from life are happiness and prosperity, and a little bit of love mixed in. The simple pleasures have always been enough for me. My life changed the night I went to help my friend. Misty was always getting into trouble, and I was always the one to save her. Dependable Danni was what she called me, but she was the closest I had to a family and I had to help her. Turns out I needed some help too, from a man who would go on to change my life. Some people won’t believe this story. Some will think it too strange. I’m not a princess, nor a knight, but I’ve seen a dragon live in the flesh. They’re beautiful, wonderful creatures, but there’s also a man behind the monster.

    Get paid to travel and write about it.Only no one told Jules that it would mean eating oily seabirds, repeatedly falling off a husky sled, getting stranded on a Mediterranean island, and crash-landing in Iran.The exotic destinations come thick and fast – Hong Kong, Hawaii, Huddersfield – as Jules navigates what it means to be a travel writer in a world with endless surprises up its sleeve.Add in a cast of larger-than-life characters – Elvis, Captain Cook, his own travel-mad Dad – and an eye for the ridiculous, and this journey with Jules is one you won’t want to miss.

    The only catch is that she has to look after a pet dog in exchange for board.She soon finds herself trying to juggle auditions, the demise of a long-term relationship and a blossoming fling, all whist hiding a sinister secret concealed within her suitcase.

    He's kind to animals, loves children and helps old ladies across the street. But when he gets a pencil in his hands, he becomes a menace. No subject is too taboo. From dead kittens, to Helen Keller, to organized religion, there's no subject he won't twist. Politically correct? Dan Collins doesn't know the meaning.You've never seen cartoons like this before. This definitely isn't the Sunday funnies. Hilarious, demented and guaranteed to have you clutching your navel between gasps for air. Once you get hold of this book, you'll be convinced that this guy needs serious help before he's doomed to an eternity in hell.Check out this collection of insane cartoons and see if you're as demented as Dan Collins. If you find yourself laughing hysterically at some of the most marvelously bent cartoons ever created, plan on joining him on his decent into the inferno.From an early age Dan was heavily influenced by revolutionary comic artists such as Robert Crumb, B. Kliban, Gahan Wilson and Sam Gross. Coming from small town Ohio to Ohio State University in the early, turbulent 70's was a cultural and political awakening for him that would have a lasting impact. The Vietnam War and the counter culture revolution were the back drop from which this small town choirboy 'innocent' would pen his creations. What emerged were some of the most off the wall cartoons ever drawn.

    Discworld is a flat planet, supported on the backs of four elephants, who in turn stand on the back of the great turtle A'Tuin as it swims majestically through space.

    This collection contains books 1-6 from the Dork Diaries series plus an interactive journal and a write-your-own-journal guide. Titles in this collection Dork Diaries: Tales from a not-so-fabulous life Dork Diaries: Party Time Dork Diaries: Pop Star Dork Diaries 3 1/2: How To Dork Your Diary Dork Diaries: Skating Sensation Dork Diaries: Dear Dork Dork Diaries: Holiday Heartbreak Dork Diaries: OMG! All About Me Diary

    She is addicted to the feeling of being on stage, looking out at expectant, up-turned mouths, waiting for the first laugh to hit. A first laugh that will not happen unless she creates it. But Brenda is clueless. The on-off girlfriend of a prolific comedian, it is only after she realises his best stage material consists of recycled versions of her own restless, smart-arsed energy that she begins to wonder whether she might be better off keeping her jokes for herself - and so she finds herself making her very first walk to the mark on stage in front of a bare brick wall, with just a spotlight and a PA system for cover, wondering what we all wonder from time to time: am I funny? A book as much about the thrill of performance as it is about what goes on when the microphone is switched off, Brenda Monk is Funny is a blackly humourous and devastatingly candid snapshot of the reality, the brutality and fragility of the comedy industry from an exciting new voice in fiction.

    Smella Rosepetal must find a millionaire husband to finance her baby’s heart transplant. She flies home to her deputy father’s ranch in Pitchforks, Texas, where she falls in love with Deadward Forest, a wealthy environmentalist vampire. When a deranged murderer is on the loose in Pitchforks, killing romance heroines, Deadward assumes Smella would be safer without him. Smella turns to her childhood friend, Snake Long, for comfort. But Snake doesn’t have the money to save her baby, so Smella places herself in peril in a desperate hunt for a rich husband. Time is running out for Smella’s baby, and she must escape from the Australian Outback and face down Flabio, an overweight and disgruntled, aspiring cover model, plus enraged vampire wives and their homosexual, vampire, cowboy husbands, a jealous were-gerbil, James Bond, a drunk rodeo clown and Smella’s strange boyfriend who wants to drain her blood, yet is repulsed by her smell. ROMANCE NOVEL—the unabridged, unauthorized comedic look at the bestselling vampire series that will leave you wondering who the hell ever believed vampires could “sparkle.” And you’ll laugh…all the way to the bathroom!

    Locked Room Mystery is dead! Can you work out the culprit in this witty short story?

    Sometimes we want to know more about our favorite characters. Where they came from, how they became who they are, their families, friendships, and past heartaches. These snippets of moments in time offer an inside look at the lives of our favorite THIRDS characters. Whether it’s first shifts, the forging of unbreakable bonds, or a night full of shenanigans, these stories are sure to enrich your THIRDS reading experience.** All royalties earned from THIRDS Beyond the Books are being donated to Big Cat Rescue.

    Some celebrities behave very, very badly. Andrew Manning is the man who picks up the pieces. And buries the bodies.One of celebrity’s back room boys, Andrew has spent twenty years repackaging and reviving celebrities whose careers have been overshadowed by scandal and is now the very special agent to a stellar list of stars.Shelley Bright, singer and fashion icon, wants a divorce from her secretly gay Premier League footballer husband. She asks Andrew to blackmail him, but Shelley has her own destructive secret. Reality TV star Joey Camp’s career goes into free-fall after he launches an expletive-laden attack on The Queen: Andrew resorts to extreme measures to save him. And Janey Jax, international Pop Goddess, what she wants is so twisted and sick that it makes Andrew’s flesh crawl…Meanwhile, Johnny, Andrew’s partner, begins a descent into “celebrity-induced psychosis.” There are voices in his head, and they tell him to kill celebrities. And as an ambitious, scheming paparazzi appears on the scene, things become even more complicated.

    So what’s the problem, I hear you cry? Gorgeous, naked man in my bedroom? Well, there’s the not-so-small, highly significant detail that he died six years ago. Yup. You read that right. And now he’s everywhere. I can’t even brush my teeth in peace. And did I mention that he never stops talking? I’ve missed him like crazy, every day of the six years he’s been gone. And with Christmas coming, the memories are even more acute. But this is getting beyond a joke. Ignoring a naked guy is a pretty tough task, especially when I’m the only one who sees him. So when he bops a complete stranger on the head with his dick in the middle of the coffee shop, I have to laugh. Anyone would, right? Except… there’s a look on the guy’s face that tells me he felt that. But… how could he? And now he’s looking at me like he’s expecting me to explain what just happened. Either he’ll call for the guys with the straitjacket… or this will be one of the most interesting conversations I’ve ever had….

    With a psychopath from his own time rising in the vile ranks of the Cable Street Unmentionables complicating things, Vimes has to ensure that history takes its course so that he will have the right future to go back to, and to keep his younger self alive."One of the funniest English authors alive" (Independent)

    (Can supply own time travel machine if required.)When Horace Tweed places an advertisement in a national magazine, the last thing he expects is to be commissioned to travel back through time in search of the long extinct Holey* Snail.But this isn’t just any old snail. The helix pertusa is possessed of an extraordinary and highly desirable property, and Horace’s quest leads him and his co-adventurers to Ancient Greece and a variety of near-death encounters with beings both mythological and not so mythological.Meanwhile, Detective Chief Inspector Harper Collins has her hands full trying to track down a secret order of fundamentalist monks whom she suspects of committing a series of murders – the same monks who are determined to thwart Horace in his... ...Quest for the Holey Snail. (* This isn’t a spelling mistake. The Holey Snail is so called because there are hundreds of tiny holes all over its shell.)PLEASE NOTE: Quest for the Holey Snail is not part of Rob Johnson’s Lifting the Lid series.