Those who still believe in them are often wildly misinformed. So what do you think will happen when Johnny McNormalpants finds himself face to face with a bloodthirsty vampire? Probably crap his pants, but then what? An informed citizen would know exactly what to do in this situation. If only there was some way to enlighten the public about this often forgotten subject, preferably in the form of a mock informative guide or something. From Matt Melvin, one of the creators of Explosm.net and the hit online comic Cyanide & Happiness, comes Dracula Is A Racist, the definitive guide to vampires, answering those gravely important questions that keep you up at night. . . Was Dracula really a racist?How do vampires do their hair if they don't have any reflection?Is it gross for immortals to be attracted to high school girls if they're stuck in a 17-year-old body?Was Sesame Street ever truly safe from The Count?Is dressing in all black and acting snobby toward everyone enough to fake being a vampire?Just how much more badass are vampires than zombies?Dracula Is A Racist is the essential vampire handbook that digs up all the dirt and backs it up with hard vampirical evidence. That's totally true. Really. Matt Melvin is a 25-year-old T-shirt aficionado and sideburn enthusiast. Along with three other dudes, he runs Explosm.net, a pretty awesome website full of awesome things. When not adding even more filth to the Internet, he enjoys criticizing and complaining about movies, listening to music and inventing obscure types of niche sexual acts. He currently lives in San Diego. He is very tall."

    In this ebullient collection, virgins escape from being sacrificed, witches refuse to be burned, whores aren't ashamed, and every woman gets a chance to be a radioactive cockroach warrior who snaps back at catcallers. Gwen E. Kirby experiments with found structures--a Yelp review, a WikiHow article--which her fierce, irreverent narrators push against, showing how creativity within an enclosed space undermines and deconstructs the constraints themselves. When these women tell the stories of their triumphs as well as their pain, they emerge as funny, angry, loud, horny, lonely, strong protagonists who refuse be secondary characters a moment longer. From "The Best and Only Whore of Cym Hyfryd, 1886" to the "Midwestern Girl [who] is Tired of Appearing in Your Short Stories," Kirby is playing and laughing with the women who have come before her and they are telling her, we have always been this way. You just had to know where to look.

    Included are two original stories, several rarities and out of print tales, as well as a few "best of the year" inclusions. Stephen Graham Jones is a master storyteller. What does happen after the people lights have gone off? Crack the spine and find out. With an introduction by Joe R. Lansdale.Stephen Graham Jones is the author of fifteen novels and five collections, and has some two hundred stories published. Stephen's been an NEA Fellow and has won the Texas Institute of Letters Award for Fiction and the Independent Publishers Award for Multicultural fiction. He's forty-two, married with a couple of kids, and lives in Boulder, Colorado.WINNER, Short Story Collection, THIS IS HORRORNOMINATED, Short Story Collection, BRAM STOKER AWARDSNOMINATED, Short Story Collection, SHIRLEY JACKSON AWARDS

    Bounds, and a reclusive islander shares his world with shape-changing selkies in Robert Holdstock's haunting tale The Silvering.Late-night office workers are menaced by hungry horrors in Ramsey Cambell's claustrophobic Down There, while the monsters of both Brian Lumley's The Thin People and Basil Copper's The Flabby Men share only a semblance of humanity. The King of the Monsters himself turns up in Godzilla's Twelve Step Program by Joe R. Lansdale, R. Chetwynd-Hayes' The Shadmock and Clive Barker's Rawhead Rex are genuinely new monsters, and the last monster-fighter and the last classic monster confront each other in Kim Newman's The Chill Clutch of the Unseen.If you like monsters, then there are plenty to choose from in this creature-filled collection boasting some of the biggest names in horror, fantasy and science fiction.Contents:Introduction: How to Make a Monster by Stephen JonesVisitation by David J. SchowDown There by Ramsey CampbellThe Man He Had Been Before by Scott EdelmanCalling All Monsters by Dennis EtchisonThe Shadmock by R. Chetwynd-HayesThe Spider Kiss by Christopher FowlerCafé Endless: Spring Rain by Nancy HolderThe Medusa by Thomas LigottiIn the Poor Girl Taken by Surprise by Gemma Files Downmarket by Sydney J. BoundsFat Man by Jay LakeThe Thin People by Brian LumleyThe Hill by Tanith LeeGodzilla's Twelve Step Program by Joe R. Lansdale.220 Swift by Karl Edward WagnerOur Lady of the Sauropods by Robert SilverbergThe Flabby Man by Basil CopperThe Silvering by Robert HoldstockSomeone Else's Problem by Michael Marshall SmithRawhead Rex by Clive BarkerThe Chill Clutch of the Unseen by Kim Newman

    Dick Award finalist* Locus Recommended Reading Here are 33 weird, wonderful stories concerning men, women, teleportation, wind-up cats, and brown paper bags. By turns whimsical and unsettling—frequently managing to be both—these short fictions describe family relationships, bad breakups, and travel to outer space.    Vukcevich's loopy, fun-house mirror take on everyday life belongs to the same absurdist school of work as that of George Saunders, David Sedaris, Ken Kalfus, and Victor Pelevin, although there is no one quite like him. Try one of these stories, it won't take you long, but it will turn your head inside out.Contents:By the Time We Get to Uranus (1998)The Barber's Theme (1995)Beatnicks with Banjoes (2001)Finally Fruit (1997)Pretending (2001)Mom's Little Friends (1992)No Comet (1994)There Is Danger (1993)Pink Smoke (2001)Season Finale (1995)The Sweater (2001)Home Remedy (1996)A Breath-Holding Contest (1991)Fancy Pants (2000)In the Refrigerator (2001)The Perfect Gift (1994)Message in a Fish (2001)Catch (1996)The Finger (1995)Rejoice (1999)My Mustache (1993)We Kill a Bicycle (1995)A Holiday Junket (1998)Giant Step (1994)Quite Contrary (1994)Doing Time (1992)The Next Best Thing (1998)Beastly Heat (1999)Ceremony (1991)Poop (2000)White Guys in Space (1996)Whisper (2001)Meet Me in the Moon Room (1998)

    They have become the monsters that best express the anxieties and fears of the modern west. This collection gathers together zombie works by Stephen King, Harlan Ellison, Robert Silverberg, George R. R. Martin, Clive Barker, Neil Gaiman, Joe Hill, Poppy Z. Brite, Laurell K. Hamilton, and Joe R. Lansdale. These brilliant minds, and The Living Dead, cover the many types of zombie fiction. Skyhorse Publishing, under our Night Shade and Talos imprints, is proud to publish a broad range of titles for readers interested in science fiction (space opera, time travel, hard SF, alien invasion, near-future dystopia), fantasy (grimdark, sword and sorcery, contemporary urban fantasy, steampunk, alternative history), and horror (zombies, vampires, and the occult and supernatural), and much more. While not every title we publish becomes a New York Times bestseller, a national bestseller, or a Hugo or Nebula award-winner, we are committed to publishing quality books from a diverse group of authors.

    Contents:In the PinesWhere the Summer EndsSticksThe Fourth Seal.220 SwiftThe River of Night’s Dreaming Beyond Any Measure

    Some of Howard’s best-known characters–Solomon Kane, Bran Mak Morn, and sailor Steve Costigan among them–roam the forbidding locales of the author’s fevered imagination, from the swamps and bayous of the Deep South to the fiend-haunted woods outside Paris to remote jungles in Africa.The collection includes Howard’s masterpiece “Pigeons from Hell,” which Stephen King calls “one of the finest horror stories of [the twentieth] century,” a tale of two travelers who stumble upon the ruins of a Southern plantation–and into the maw of its fatal secret. In “Black Canaan” even the best warrior has little chance of taking down the evil voodoo man with unholy powers–and none at all against his wily mistress, the diabolical High Priestess of Damballah. In these and other lavishly illustrated classics, such as the revenge nightmare “Worms of the Earth” and “The Cairn on the Headland,” Howard spins tales of unrelenting terror, the legacy of one of the world’s great masters of the macabre.

    Loring, "For the Blood Is the Life" by F. Marion Crawford, "The Room in the Tower" and "Mrs. Amworth" by E.F. Benson, "The Transfer" by Algernon Blackwood, "The Vampire" by Jan Neruda, "Four Wooden Stakes" by Victor Roman, and "An Authenticated Vampire Story" by Dr. Franz Hartmann. **Lightning Print On Demand Title

    But it,s totally worth it.In these supernatural stories by five of today's hottest writers—Melissa Marr (Wicked Lovely), Scott Westerfeld (Specials), Justine Larbalestier (Magic or Madness), Gabrielle Zevin (Elsewhere), and Laurie Faria Stolarz (Blue is for Nightmares)—love may be twisted and turned around, but it's more potent than ever on its quest to conquer all.From two students who let the power of attraction guide them to break the hard-and-fast rules of their world to the girl who falls hard for a good-looking ghost with a score to settle, the clever, quirky characters in this exciting collection will break your heart, then leave you believing in love more than ever.

    Now for the first time thirteen of these tales are collected here, including a wide range of stories from a diverse group of authors, some well-known, others anonymous or forgotten. Readers whose only previous experience with Victorian Christmas ghost stories has been Charles Dickens’s A Christmas Carol will be surprised and delighted at the astonishing variety of ghostly tales in this volume. “In the sickly light I saw it lying on the bed, with its grim head on the pillow. A man? Or a corpse arisen from its unhallowed grave, and awaiting the demon that animated it?” - John Berwick Harwood, Horror: A True Tale“Suddenly I aroused with a start and as ghostly a thrill of horror as ever I remember to have felt in my life. Something—what, I knew not—seemed near, something nameless, but unutterably awful.” - Ada Buisson, The Ghost’s Summons“There was no longer any question what she was, or any thought of her being a living being. Upon a face which wore the fixed features of a corpse were imprinted the traces of the vilest and most hideous passions which had animated her while she lived.” - Walter Scott, The Tapestried Chamber

    For soon after the death of the moon, black magic will summon the Elder Gods back into the world. And all manner of Players, both human and undead, are preparing to participate.Some have come to open the gates. Some have come to slam them shut.And now the dread night approaches – so let the Game begin.

    Parker, Tessa Gratton, Heidi Heilig, Julie Murphy, Mark Oshiro, Rebecca Roanhorse, Laura Ruby, Victoria “V. E.” Schwab, and Kayla Whaley.

    Now if only she weren't so distracted by the sexy vampire fighting by her side . . .A Forever Love by Pamela PalmerTrapped in Vamp City, Lukas has been unable to return to the beauty who stole his heart. But now that she's stumbled into his world, it will take every ounce of cunning he possesses to keep her alive.First Dates Are Hell by Amanda AristaValiance's first date in a hundred years is going great . . . until they're attacked in the parking lot and quiet, unassuming Esme turns out to be way more than she appears.Blood and Water by Kim FalconerBeneath the waves of San Francisco Bay lives a vampire race that wants nothing to do with the "landers" except to feed on them. But when Stellan sets eyes on Angelina, everything changes.

    “Signatures of the Dead” tells the story of the vampire massacre that made Jane Yellowrock a household name.And in “Cajun with Fangs,” Jane makes a new friend who turns out to have old enemies, and finds herself drawn into a vicious blood feud, fueled by dark magic and ancient grudges.