Packed with enough jokes to fill a whole new series, "Mock the Week: This Year's Book! "is a colourful riot of near-the-knuckle humour; the perfect gift for the show's devoted fans this Christmas. Categories include:UNLIKELY DICTIONARY DEFINITIONS: Fart (noun) - expulsion of trapped methane from the anus, possibly the funniest thing ever.UNLIKELY AGONY AUNT LETTERS: Dear Agony Aunt, I keep getting dangerous advice from hugely unqualified people - what do you suggest I do?CARDS YOU NEVER SEE IN A NEWSAGENT'S WINDOW: Child Minder Available - He may be small, but he's rock hard.UNLIKELY OBITUARIES: Died suddenly and peacefully on an electric chair at the New York State Penitentiary.UNNERVING THINGS TO HEAR IN A MEDICAL EXAM: 'So how bad is this premature . . . eeearrgh!'UNSUCCESSFUL JOB APPLICATIONS: You must hire me, before I kill again!

    At least that's how DJ sees it. He's always been the best at everything--sports, school, looking after his fatherless family--so climbing Kilimanjaro is just another thing he'll accomplish almost effortlessly. Or so he thinks, until he arrives in Tanzania and everything starts to go wrong. He's detained at immigration, he gets robbed, his climbing group includes an old lady and he gets stuck with the first ever female porter. Forced to go polepole (slowly), DJ finds out the hard way that youth, fitness level and drive have nothing to do with success on the mountain--or in life.DJ's adventures start in Jungle Land, part of The Seven Prequels and continue in Sleeper, part of The Seven Sequels.

    His gambling chip is a Golden Buddha containing records of vast oil reserves in the disputed land.But first, he'll have to locate - and steal - the all-important artifact. And there are certain people who would do anything in their power to see him fail . . .Sacred Stone:In the remote wastelands of Greenland, an ancient artifact possessing catastrophic radioactive power is unearthed. But the astounding find puts the world at risk.Caught between two militant factions bent on wholesale slaughter, Juan Cabrillo and his network of spies known as The Corporation must fight to protect the stone – and prevent the outbreak of World War III…

    Chosen by the Gods, he is thrust into a world he knows little about and must grow stronger to face powerful invaders from other worlds.

    You just boarded a flight to New York.There are one hundred and forty-three other passengers onboard.What you don’t know is that thirty minutes before the flight your pilot’s family was kidnapped.For his family to live, everyone on your plane must die.The only way the family will survive is if the pilot follows his orders and crashes the plane.Enjoy the flight.

    They share a love of drawing, the bottom rung on the cruel high school social ladder and a pathological fear of girls.  Then Eric reveals a secret: He doesn’t sleep. Ever.  When word leaks out about Eric's condition, he and Darren find themselves on the run. Is it the government trying to tap into Eric’s mind, or something far darker?  It could be that not sleeping is only part of what Eric's capable of, and the truth is both better and worse than they could ever imagine.

    unless it is vampires. It's the 4th of July and the nation is celebrating the United States' independence. Except someone dressed like George Washington has figured out a way to turn the revelers into mindless drones. Looks like a job for Maggie and Killian. A part of the Maggie MacKay: Holiday Special short story series. This stands independently from the main Magical Tracker series and can be read at any time and in any order. WARNING: This series contains cussing, brawling, and unladylike behavior. Proceed at your own risk.

    Just when he expects the cops to arrive, the phone rings. It’s Blair Mayo—the woman he bumped into—and she’s got the missing billfold.Brody will get it back, but only if he does her a favor: steal her late mother’s diamonds from her wicked stepmom. But when he gets to the house, he finds a gruesome crime scene—and a security camera. Brody knows he’s been framed.Back home, the terrified young man gets another call. The police won’t get the incriminating video footage, Blair says. Instead, her daddy, the notorious mobster Jimmy Latzo, will exact his own kind of revenge. Brody and Molly realize that they’ve become pawns in a mysterious game—one that involves a notorious enforcer named Lola Bear who brutally crossed paths with Jimmy Latzo twenty-six years before. . . a ghost from the past who is intimately connected to their lives.

    Fans of George MacDonald Fraser, Ian Fleming and John D. MacDonald will enjoy former Army Ranger turned covert agent Jake Fonko's globe-spanning adventures. Includes: Fonko in the Sun (Book 4), Fonko Bolo (Book 5) and The Mother of All Fonkos (Book 6) Fonko in the Sun (Book 4)- Grand Cayman 1983. When ex-Army Ranger turned soldier of fortune Jake Fonko is hired for a routine job in the Caribbean, the first day of his latest mission doesn’t turn out as planned, with a bloody bank robbery, a barroom shootout, multiple aerial dogfights and a chopper crash in the Jamaican jungle welcoming him to the idyllic islands. Stumbling into possession of highly sensitive financial documents from the BCCI, Jake finds himself pursued relentlessly by crooks, cartels, corrupt politicians and the CIA and KGB. If he wants to survive the beautiful climes, Jake must find a way out of a mess that's anything but routine. But with no passport and no backup, are Jake's training and ironic wit enough to survive the suffocating surveillance? Fonko Bolo (Book 5) - Philippines 1986. After Army Ranger trained soldier of fortune Jake Fonko barely survives a trip to Calcutta, he returns to his Malibu home to recover—only to find an old CIA associate knocking at his door. Communist Philippine rebels threaten critical US military bases in the region, as well one of America's staunchest allies: Ferdinand Marcos. Despite previous problems when working with the agency, Jake accepts the simple mission after being bribed and blackmailed, agreeing to put the communist rebels out of commission. But of course his mission isn’t really that simple—and so Jake must use his training, satirical wit and skills to prevent the rebels from seizing the country and escape the conflict alive. The Mother of All Fonkos (Book 6) - Kuwait 1990. When former Army Ranger turned freelance gun-for-hire Jake Fonko receives a cushy "consulting" offer in Kuwait City, he hops a plane and heads out for what he expects will be a relaxing four week stay. But soon after Jake lands, Saddam Hussein’s army blitzkriegs the city, trapping everyone inside. Jake's new job is simple: survive the chaos and escape Kuwait. But playing all the roles required to make it out of the desert alive will tax Jake's training and ironic wit to the breaking point - and Iraqi prisons are hardly hospitable to former American soldiers...

    Noon on January 20th—Inauguration Day—is only hours away. A flaw in the Constitution, and an even more flawed presidential succession act, have opened the door to disaster and Zorin intends to exploit both weaknesses to their fullest.Armed with a weapon leftover from the Cold War, one long thought to be just a myth, Zorin plans to attack. He’s aided by a shocking secret hidden in the archives of America’s oldest fraternal organization—the Society of Cincinnati—a group that once lent out its military savvy to presidents, including helping to formulate three invasion plans of what was intended to be America’s 14th colony—Canada.In a race against the clock that starts in the frozen extremes of Russia and ultimately ends at the White House itself, Malone must not only battle Zorin, he must also confront a crippling fear that he’s long denied, but which now jeopardizes everything. Steve Berry’s trademark mix of history and speculation is all here in this provocative new thriller.

    black ops warrior Will Slater never anticipated anything less than carnage when he made the decision to venture into war-torn Yemen. He wasn't looking for peace, hitting the road in a deliberate effort to find trouble. But he didn’t expect to have to call on his skill set so soon… A young Yemeni boy is dead, maimed by northern highland tribesmen in the Hadhramaut Valley. The act was intended to send a message to the remote mountain town of Qasam, ordering them not to interfere with the business of the tribes. Slater sets off into the mountains in pursuit of vengeance. It was supposed to be a simple act of vigilante justice, but what he uncovers spells disaster for hundreds of thousands of innocent lives… The boy was just the tip of the iceberg. From the foreboding caves of the Yemeni highlands to the bustling streets of inner-city London, Slater must fight tooth-and-nail to prevent an unspeakable horror, the likes of which the world has never seen before. WOLF is the first book in a pulse-pounding new series from best-selling author Matt Rogers. Read “The Jason King Series” and “The Jason King Files” for more hard-hitting thrill rides.

    He must also provide for her. His extraction from special operations at sea leads him to form a clandestine company. 'CHARLIE' helps Sam appease his desire for vengeance, to deal with his grief, and to cleanse his conscience of some of the questionable things he's seen and done. Until he's asked to do a job which throws their healing, and safety, into doubt.

    Every action fan knows it could only be the explosive big-screen blockbuster Die Hard. But before Bruce Willis blew away audiences as unstoppable hero John McClane, author Roderick Thorp knocked out thriller readers with the bestseller that started it all.A dozen heavily armed terrorists have taken hostages, issued demands, and promised bloodshed all according to plan. But they haven't counted on a death-defying, one-man cavalry with no shoes, no backup, and no intention of going down easily. As hot-headed cops swarm outside, and cold-blooded killers wield machine guns and rocket launchers inside, the stage is set for the ultimate showdown between anti-hero and uber-villains. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good fight to the death. Ho ho ho!

    This is no ordinary suicide but a symbolic act. And thanks to the media, it is witnessed by the entire world.But few understand it. For charity worker Kathryn Mann and a handful of others in the know, it is what they have been waiting for. The cowled and secretive fanatics that live in the Citadel suspect it could mean the end of everything they have built – and they will kill, torture and break every law to stop that. For Liv Adamsen, New York crime reporter, it begins the next stage of a journey into the heart of her own identity.And at that journey's end lies a discovery that will change EVERYTHING …SANCTUS is an apocalyptic conspiracy thriller like no other – it re-sets the bar for excitement and fascination, and marks the debut of a major talent in Simon Toyne.

    Settler wagons in their hundreds left the safety of the Cape Colony; generations on, their descendents are still fighting to keep a land they love...... "For that smallest of moments the two men stared at each other. Between them flew a hundred years, a thousand reasons. Ancient prophecies, the creak of wagons over rough ground and a woman's yearning for infinite horizons, the strengthening of one man's belief and the imminent death of another."From Rhodesia's final years, the clock turns back to the windswept, dusty streets of Kimberley’s infamous diamond fields. For Catherine Goddard and her son, Mathew, their decision to cross the Limpopo as part of a settler wagon train is one borne of desperation and a boy's need to be reunited with his father. For three months their ox-drawn trek wagon stands as their only defence against the African wilderness and the bloodlust of Lobengula Khumalo’s warring impis.Throughout the passage of a hundred years, three racially divided families are fatefully drawn together. Dynasties are shaped and smashed by kings, warrior chiefs and the indomitable lust for power and wealth by men like Cecil Rhodes and the perpetrators of Zimbabwe’s chaotic new order.From the latter part of the nineteenth century, Sons of Africa runs inexorably to the demise of Rhodesia’s white minority rule and the emergence of the new Zimbabwe.