Never in my wildest imaginings did I expect it would happen when I was on all fours vomiting my guts out beside a sugar cane field in far north Queensland on Mother’s Day.” And so begins another brilliantly funny instalment in the true and chaotic life of middle-aged stand up comic, Denise Scott. This time Denise is on tour through the back blocks and remote country towns of regional Australia with a bunch of young male comics on a tiny bus… Although old enough to be their mother, Denise in true form manages to keep up with the partying and outrageous behaviour (and many times leading it) on tour. However, although that tiny bus took her many miles away from her real life, life has a habit of catching up with you. It was mid journey on those long, long stretches of empty road that Denise confronts her own issues of ageing, motherhood, sex, intimacy, regret, and wearing your bathing suit in public.

    After all, what’s he going to be able to do about it? He’s just this guy, stuck in a small town, pinned there by a load of student debt and a stalled writing career. Oh, and a wicked case of writer’s block.Or at least he was, until a dragon showed up in his bedroom. At midnight. Quoting Freud and muttering about the space-time continuum.So of course, Ian must Make a Choice and decide whether he wants to follow the dragon back into the Connectome and find his muse again, or stay in a house that surely wants to kill him, one repair bill at a time.Follow Ian on a rollicking adventure, where he finds out that he can make a difference. And that some things are worth fighting for.Even if all you have is a can opener.

    She's got problems though when bits of her ex-husband turn up in different places and the slimy DI Savage seems to be bending the evidence to link her to the death. Add the fact that she's being pressured into taking a ‘job’ by hard-nosed Vera Devlin from the estate and having to work in a topless bar to make ends meet and you can see she's up against it. Desperate to extricate herself from the mess she breaks into her old marital home to find the diary of her dead husband, except that his mother has taken up residence and arrives back early from bingo… Set against a backdrop of Northern council estate life, this fast paced, humorous novel exemplifies the problems caused by poverty, piles and unruly children, think Jeremy Kyle meets the Thorn Birds and you won't be far wrong!

    He has, however, been a disappointment to his family in several ways: In appearance he is insignificant looking both in face and figure; he went to the University of Florida instead of Harvard where his forbears had been mainstays of the varsity crew for generations, and he studied agriculture instead of pointing himself toward a career in banking, bonds, or law. To say the least he is not apparently the stuff from which heroes are fashioned.As an agricultural expert specializing in fruit farming, Arthur becomes a Peace Corps volunteer and is assigned to the Republic of San Marco in the Caribbean. This weak-chinned Don Quixote soon acquires his Sancho Panza in the person of a rascally eleven-year-old boy, Pepe, who makes a bargain to be paid 400 pesos each time he saves Arthur's life. (The payments mount alarmingly!)The island's dictator thinks he can use Arthur to obtain military supplies with which to wipe out the band of guerillas in the hills who oppose his corrupt dictatorship. Failing in this the dictator decides to murder Goodpasture and cause an international incident by blaming it on the guerillas. This, he reasons, will bring the U.S. in to help stamp out the rebels.This plan also backfires (with Pepe's help, of course) and Goodpasture is taken prisoner and when they see he is a harmless eccentric he is appointed chief cook for the guerillas. From then on Arthur's life becomes a series of misadventures through which he moves serenely and from which he generally emerges unscathed (again with Pepe's assistance) until he surprisingly finds himself the guerillas' leader.Following one of the funniest bloodless revolutions imaginable Arthur Peabody Goodpasture ends up as Arthur el Gavilan, the new dictator of San Marco. "His strength was as the strength of ten because his heart was pure."

    

    Wake his kid brother Andy up, get tormented on the school bus by the cool kids, try to avoid them while in school. Except it's Field Trip Day to the Science Museum, and now he's stuck with the meanest kids in seventh grade all day! But then the bus breaks down, so he doesn't even get to do anything cool at the science museum. It's okay, because an industrial accident brings science to Todd and his friends in the form of a zombie apocalypse. When the bus driver abandons them in the middle of a zombie outbreak, Todd, his brother Andy, his best friend Tarik, and their tomboy friend Mikayla take shelter in the first place they can find - an adult novelty store. What can you find in an adult toy store to fight zombies? Well…let's just say that the field trip was pretty educational, even if the kids never made it to the museum! Shingles is the comedy horror series from the gang that brings you the Authors & Dragons podcast. Like the podcast, these books are rated Not Safe For Anything.

    Their hard won victory came from the aid of an alliance of aliens long at war with an aggressive force. With the aid of advanced technology, humanity retrofitted their surviving vessel. The Behemoth became a shield against any future incursions. Now a strange ship has arrived, heading straight toward Earth. As it is not answering hails, the Behemoth heads out to intercept. The operation is interrupted by other visitors from beyond the solar system. Outnumbered the Behemoth must fend off the invaders once again but this time, the stakes are much higher. Warfare: Rise Of Mankind Book 2 Barely recovered from a battle against an alien incursion, the Behemoth waits to see how the alliance wishes to leverage their discovery, the weapon code named Protocol Seven. When two warships arrive from their allies with an offer difficult to refuse, they find themselves leant out to travel outside the solar system to a secret research facility. But what was promised to be a milk run turns into something completely different. With limited resources and a new commander on board their companion ship, they must stay alive. Combined with a potential threat from within, the odds are stacked high against them. Only their ingenuity and the perseverance of the human spirit may keep them alive. Raid: Rise Of Mankind Book 3 Earth has nearly completed a second ship, a sister vessel to the Behemoth. This crowning achievement is hampered by a lack of a necessary element called Ulem, mined in deep space spread throughout Alliance space. The closest such station failed to deliver their goods. A lone security guard managed to deploy a simple message: PIRATES HAVE TAKEN THE STATION Turning to the Earth military council, the Alliance asks them to send the Behemoth to take back the station. In return, they will provide them with all the Ulem they need for two vessels and stay on to complete the construction of the ships. But the Behemoth has just finished a nasty engagement at a research facility and has not even returned home yet. Conflict: Rise Of Mankind Book 4 Disaster strikes The Behemoth, en route home after a successful mission liberating a mining facility from pirates, finds itself drifting in an uncharted sector of space. As the crew comes to, made ill by this jump drive malfunction, they spring into action to restore the ship to operational status so they can get home. However, they quickly find they are not alone. Surrounded by a native fleet of warships, they are viewed with suspicion as an alien force infringing on another culture’s space. They attempt to communicate but find themselves moving toward a conflict they do not want. The Behemoth may find themselves stuck in the far reaches of space with no hope of getting home. Pursuit: Rise Of Mankind Book 5 The Behemoth, has been selected to receive the honor of formally joining the alliance. As they prepare for the voyage and ceremony to come, not all are easy aboard the battleship. Clea An’Tufal, liaison aboard The Behemoth, wakes from a revelatory dream. Her first assignment ended in tragedy, the ship she served on was destroyed in a massive battle. Just before the final shot forced them to evacuate, she discovered a signal, an enemy secret that could change the tide of the war.

    Bridie O’Hara, a beautiful young girl, is torn away from her native Ireland by her father – a freedom fighter, turned traitor, when he has to flee the wrath of the Fenians. Violated by him she ends up in a correction convent. Her escape, and meeting up with Bruiser Armitage, a pimp, sets her fate. One man tries to save her, Will Hadler, a kind, hard-working miner, whose love for Bridie knows no bounds. His rescue of her brings her happiness, but the demons inside her never give her peace. When Andrew Harvey, master of Hensal Grange, takes a fancy to her it is the beginning of Bridie sinking back into degradation. Her daughter, Bridget pays the price. Unprotected by her drunken mother, Bridget suffers rape and the heartbreak of having to give up her child, Megan.Book Two: AN UNBREAKABLE BOND: It is 1913 and for Megan and her friend, Hattie, the time has come to take up their placements and make their way in the world. Megan’s path leads her to fall into a marriage with a man she does not love and at whose hands she suffers beatings and rape. With Hattie’s help she finally escapes, but her path crosses that of the beautiful, rich and powerful, Laura Harvey. It is Laura’s need to have her wish at any price that triggers an eruption of violence that brings Megan near to death and sends Jack, the man both Megan and Laura love to prison, for a murder he did not commit.Hattie’s path crosses that of paedophile, Lord Marley. She is raped by him and his companion. Her ten pound silence money buys her an abortion but her choices have gone and she is forced into a life of prostitution. It is when she stumbles across an evil, child sex ring and is determined to break it that she once more encounters Lord Marley and though she succeeds in her quest and gets her revenge, she pays a terrible price. Hers and Megan’s enduring friendship bring them through.Book Three: TOMORROW BRINGS SORROWSet in 1939 – 1959, As the world faces many changes brought on by war, Megan has found happiness with Jack, but the threat of Megan’s schizophrenic son Billy, still casts a shadow over them. His release is imminent and for Sarah, Jack’s daughter, this opens up a fate she cannot fight. With her love and respect for Billy eroded over the years as she came to realise he has an evil core, Sarah now lives in fear of him and what he will do if she refuses him. Forsaking her true love, she marries Billy in an attempt to protect those who are very dear to her, but love and hate will out and the consequences are devastatingThose consequences are compounded by the incestuous love between twins Theresa and Terrence Crompton and their taking of all they need from whatever source they please.

    Will is poor and determined to make something of himself; Chance is a gambler, determined to separate fools from their money. The two men are attacked by Comanches, and Will is so badly wounded that he can travel no further. He and Chance are forced to winter where they are, and by the time spring comes, they've decided to stay in Texas and make their fortunes there. Will painstakingly begins to catch the wild cattle that roam the brush, while Chance sets up a tent by the road where he sells whiskey to travelers and takes their money at cards.Settlers arrive, among them the beautiful Hope Sommerville. Will and Chance both fall in love with Hope, who will get pregnant by one man and marry the other. As the years pass, Will's handful of cows becomes a cattle empire, and Chance's tent becomes Kingdom, wildest town on the Great Western Trail. Will, Chance, and Hope face Indian attacks, war, the loss of children, and the lawlessness of the post-Civil War West. Will's love for Hope drives him to do great things, while Chance's love casts him into a vortex of self-destruction and crime, and Hope learns what true love really means. Then one shocking act threatens to destroy them all.Spanning the period from the Comanche wars to the coming of the railroad and the end of the great cattle drives, Texas Kingdoms is a saga of love and friendship and the limits to which people will go for each one.

     Crying Havoc The Five Kingdoms are in chaos. Armies march to war led by the Master of the Torr, a powerful wizard who will stop at nothing to bring Zollin, a young wizard from the northern kingdom of Yelsia, under his control. Meanwhile, a rogue sorceress is bewitching every man who sees her, each one pledging his life and death to her cause. She sends men north to find the young wizard and bring him into her army. As kings strive for greater power among the Five Kingdoms and magical beasts awaken across the land, Zollin, the Wizard of Yelsia, is nowhere to be found. Fierce Loyalty War! Kings have fallen and wizards battle magical creatures all across the Five Kingdoms. Zollin pursues his nemesis south, but he isn’t the only one focused on changing the Five Kingdoms. Offendorl, Master of the Torr limps home in hopes of regaining his former glory. Armies from Falxis and Ortis march toward Osla, intent on taking the wealthy kingdom’s treasures for themselves. King Zorlan dreams of conquering the Five Kingdoms and creating an Empire. And Gwendolyn the Sorceress Witch has returned to the tower of the Torr and taken her old master’s place. But will the feverish grasping for power reshape the Five Kingdoms for the better, or unleash something much, much worse? Dark Tide Evil in the Five Kingdoms has struck a devastating blow. A tide of evil rolls northward as a monstrous army moves across the land like a wicked plague, forcing the young wizard Zollin to race back to the frozen highlands in hopes of recruiting the magical races of dwarves, dragons, and giants to help fight the dark sorceress Gwendolyn’s horde. Brianna and what remains of her pride of dragons, returns to Yelsia to convince King Felix to take a stand with Zollin’s magical army, but not everyone sees the devastation of the other kingdoms as a threat. Farther south, Quinn and Mansel battle for survival against wicked creatures bent on sweeping them away. The Five Kingdoms stand poised on the cusp of darkness, and through it all Zollin and his friends must find a way to turn the tide of evil as the future of the Five Kingdoms hangs in the balance.

     Freed by a freak of nature after a century he is in modern-day Santa Monica and must navigate it--as an apparent 17-year old boy. How does an immortal shapechanger deal with being a teenager once again? Why, he must go to high school!

    The city lies under the dark cloud of the Troubles, and hatred fills the air like smoke. But Tony Macaulay has just turned twelve and he’s got a new job. He’s going to be a paperboy. And come rain or shine – or bombs and mortar – he will deliver…Paperboy lives in Upper Shankill, Belfast, in the heart of the conflict between Loyalists and Republicans. Bombings are on the evening news, rubble lies where buildings once stood, and rumours spread like wildfire about the IRA and the UDA.But Paperboy lives in a world of Doctor Who, Top of the Pops and fish suppers. His battles are fought with all the passion of Ireland’s opposing sides – but against acne, the dentist and the ‘wee hoods’ who rob his paper money. On his rounds he hums songs by the Bay City Rollers, dreams about outer space and dreams even more about the beautiful Sharon Burgess.In this touching, funny and nostalgic memoir, Tony Macaulay recounts his days growing up in Belfast during the Troubles, the harrowing years which saw neighbour fighting neighbour and brother fighting brother. But in the midst of all this turmoil, Paperboy, a scrappy upstart with a wicked sense of humour and sky-high dreams, dutifully goes about his paper round. He is a good paperboy, so he is.Paperboy proves that happiness can be found even in the darkest of times; it is a story that will charm your socks off, make you laugh out loud and brings to life the culture, stories and colourful characters of a very different – but very familiar – time.

     This picture book is packed with beautiful illustrations and is intended for little ones looking to read a book by their self for the very first time! Children's Book: Hannah And The Gnome for bedtime reading for children from 2-5, as well as independent reading for children 6-8 years. Do your children like beautiful picture books? Hannah And The Gnome is a sweet children's book written especially for you and your aged 2-8 children. The story is suitable as a read aloud book for preschoolers or a self-read book for beginner readers. Download your copy today! Take action today and download this book for a limited time discount! Tags: kids books, kids kindle books, kids kindle books, childrens books, childrens books for kindle free, childrens books by age 5-8, childrens books by age 9-12, kids reading, kids picture book, kids picture books free, childrens stories, childrens books for kindle free, childrens picture books, childrens picture books for kindle, childrens learning books, children book free, children book funny, children book series, children book collection, children book kindle unlimited, children book illustration, bedtime story books for kids by all ages, bedtime story preschool, bedtime story book, bedtime story free, bedtime story collection, kids poetry, beginner readers, beginner readers free, beginner readers children's books collection, bedtime story, values, growing up, friendship, illustration books, illustration for kids, fairy tales, fairy tales every child should know, fairy tales for kids, fairy tales for children, fairy tales for adults, fairy tales romance, fairy tales every child should know kindle edition, fairy tales every child should know free

    

    In the London office my new boss Victor tells me I shall be working in a regional office - and he wants me to drive there. I am to deliver Victor's shiny Jaguar: his pride and joy. The office is in Calcutta. This all sounds like fun to me. A month long holiday. How bad can that be I think and decide to invite my friend Douglas to come along for the ride. This will be a road trip to die for I tell him. Victor's P.A. Shirley is the all seeing eye. Nothing gets past here. I have to report in on my progress at key points on the route. Shirley is going to be watching me. 'If you so much as scratch it you're dead.' I laugh, what could possibly go wrong....? well just about everything. We were OK up till Trieste; then a goat got in the car - after that it was downhill all the way to Calcutta.