Being Dead Is No Excuse: The Official Southern Ladies Guide to Hosting the Perfect Funeral


Gayden Metcalfe - 2005
    Down South, they don't forget you when you've up and died--in fact, they visit you more often. But there are quintessential rules and rituals for kicking the bucket tastefully. Having a flawless funeral is one of them.In this deliciously entertaining slice of Southern life (and death), inveterate hostess Gayden Metcalfe explains everything you need to know to host an authentic Southern funeral. Can you be properly buried without tomato aspic? Who prepares tastier funeral fare, the Episcopal ladies or the Methodist ladies? And what does one do when a family gets three sheets to the wind and eats the entire feast the night before a funeral?Each chapter includes a delicious, tried-and-true Southern recipe, critical if you plan to die tastefully any time soon. Pickled Shrimp, Aunt Hebe's Coconut Cake, and the ubiquitous Bing Cherry Salad with Coca-Cola are among the many dishes guaranteed to make the next funeral the most satisfying one yet.

An Idiot Girl's Christmas: True Tales from the Top of the Naughty List


Laurie Notaro - 2005
    Welcome to Laurie Notaro’s Christmastime. In ten brand-new stories and three previously published favorites, Notaro shares the sidesplitting daily disasters of the holidays, like finding herself on emergency feminine product recon at midnight on Christmas Eve; surrendering to the inevitable Horrible Gift Parade by simply asking for holiday dish towels and giant white underpants from Sears; battling the morons in line at the Seventh Circle of Hell, otherwise known as the do-it-yourself craft store; and trying to live down her reputation as the Most Unfun Christmas Party Guest Ever, due to an unfortunate misunderstanding involving a fake overdose and emergency paramedics. So whether you find yourself at the Dull and Smart Party or the Raucous and Stupid Party this holiday season, you’ll always know where to find Laurie – just follow the chocolate trail over to the cheese platter. She’ll be the one dialing the cops.

The Onion Presents: Christmas Exposed


The Onion - 2011
    Christmas Exposed features more than one hundred shocking tales of Secret Santas, shopping mall mayhem, dysfunctional family dinners, and much, much more.

The Sweet Potato Queens' Book of Love


Jill Conner Browne - 1999
    Since the early 1980s, this group of belles gone bad has been the toast of Jackson, Mississippi, with their glorious annual appearance in the St. Patrick's Day parade. In The Sweet Potato Queens' Book of Love, their royal ringleader, Jill Conner Browne, introduces the Queens to the world with this sly, hilarious manifesto about love, life, men, and the importance of being prepared. Chapters include:The True Magic Words Guaranteed to Get Any Man to Do Your BiddingThe Five Men You Must Have in Your Life at All TimesMen Who May Need Killing, Quite FranklyWhat to Eat When Tragedy Strikes, or Just for EntertainmentAnd, of course:The Best Advice Ever Given in the Entire History of the WorldFrom tales of the infamous Sweet Potato Queens' Promise to the joys of Chocolate Stuff and Fat Mama's Knock You Naked Margaritas, this irreverent, shamelessly funny book is the gen-u-wine article.

I Haven't Understood Anything Since 1962


Lewis Grizzard - 1992
    But a lot's happened since then, and he's in the mood to discuss it all, in the inimitable style that's made him the most popular social commentator to tickle people AND tick them off. From being PC to watching MTV, from rednecks to black militants, from singing the praises of the South to sounding off on the problems of just about everywhere else, nothing and nobody escapes when Grizzard shoots from the lip...and hits the "nekkid" truth every time.

The Mediterranean Diet Weight Loss Solution: The 28-Day Kickstart Plan for Lasting Weight Loss


Julene Stassou - 2017
    No one knows this better than author and dietician Julene Stassou, who recommends the Mediterranean diet to anyone looking to leave fad diets behind for lasting results. Serving up mouthwatering recipes and weekly meal plans alongside realistic routines for losing weight, The Mediterranean Diet Weight Loss Solution is your go-to reference for a long-term lifestyle change. Not just another diet book to help you lose weight—The Mediterranean Diet Weight Loss Solution is a plan to keep it off.The Mediterranean Diet Weight Loss Solution includes: A 28-day meal plan to jump-start your weight loss with tips for food prep Over 90 guilt-free recipes with guidelines for portion control and nutritional information Exercise routines with training day schedules Illustrated charts to help you set your personal goals and track progress As Mark Sapienza, MD, says, The Mediterranean Diet Weight Loss Solution is a “simple yet actionable plan that so many of us, swept up in the chaos of everyday life, can on our own put to good use to lose weight and improve health.”Set yourself up to stay on track when you eat right and lose weight with The Mediterranean Diet Weight Loss Solution kick-start guide.

Grits Friends Are Forevah: A Southern-Style Celebration of Women


Deborah Ford - 2005
    GRITS Friends are Forevah shows you how to tell if you have true GRITS (Girls Raised in the South) friends in your life. Do you know what her nose looked like before she afixed her deviated septuma? Do you keep the secrets that even her husband doesnat know? Do you find yourself giggling with her though youare far too old to be behaving that way? From your first sorority rush to joining the local Red Hat society, and from long walks to long distance phone calls, a GRITS friend makes your victories sweeter, your laughter longer, and your pain gentler. Whether Deborah is talking about Instant GRITS (young girls), or Seasoned GRITS (women over sixty), childhood friends, newfound pals, sisters, mothers, or even BYOB (Be Your Own Best Friend), she has tips for keeping the laughs and love alive, GRITS-style.

In God We Trust: All Others Pay Cash


Jean Shepherd - 1966
    In God We Trust: All Others Pay Cash represents one of the peaks of his achievement, a compound of irony, affection, and perfect detail that speaks across generations.In God We Trust, Shepherd's wildly witty reunion with his Indiana hometown, disproves the adage "You can never go back." Bending the ear of Flick, his childhood-buddy-turned-bartender, Shepherd recalls passionately his genuine Red Ryder BB gun, confesses adolescent failure in the arms of Junie Jo Prewitt, and relives a story of man against fish that not even Hemingway could rival. From pop art to the World's Fair, Shepherd's subjects speak with a universal irony and are deeply and unabashedly grounded in American Midwestern life, together rendering a wonderfully nostalgic impression of a more innocent era when life was good, fun was clean, and station wagons roamed the earth.A comic genius who bridged the gap between James Thurber and David Sedaris, Shepherd may have accomplished for Holden, Indiana, what Mark Twain did for Hannibal, Missouri.

Don't Sleep with a Bubba: And Other White Trash Wisdom


Susan Reinhardt - 2007
    --Karin Gillespie"She's like a modern-day, southern-fried Erma Bombeck or Dave Barry."--BooklistAimed at anyone with a funny bone, these all new stories and essays by Gannett-syndicated columnist Susan Reinhardt tackle domestic life, particularly of the Southern persuasion, with sidesplitting observations and searing confessions. Reinhardt candidly lets readers into her world as she goes mano a mano with her Bubba of a husband--and occasionally her mother. From discovering she's getting a dreaded "front fanny" to revealing her husband's experiments with a Norelco shaver and their Pomeranian pooch, Reinhardt scrapes bare the bedrock truth about married life and love. She also poignantly shares her struggles with a depression that secretly plunged her downward and her reaction to the unexpected helping hands that pulled her up. Totally uncensored and blisteringly honest, Reinhardt is all heart--and a storyteller to savor and remember."So engaging. . .so honest. . .will make you laugh out loud."--The Asheville Citizen-Times"Like hanging out with your bluntest, most mischievous friend, the one who never fails to crack you up." --Chicago Sun-Times"Funny and touching. . .Reinhardt is not afraid to put it all out there."--The Pilot (N.C.)"Susan Reinhardt takes the naked, honest truth and sets it on fire in a blaze of laughter. . . will have you holding your sides the whole time." --Laurie Notaro, Autobiography of a Fat Girl"She can break your heart in one sentence and leave you laughing till you're breathless in the next." --Julie Cannon, True Love & Homegrown TomatoesSusan Reinhardt is a syndicated columnist and feature writer whose work has appeared all over the world in major newspapers such as the Washington Post, London Daily Mirror, Newsday, and other Tribune Media and Gannett publications. Reinhardt has won dozens of awards for her writing, including several Best of Gannett honors and a Pulitzer Prize nomination. A long-time volunteer fund-raiser for Hospice, the United Way, the American Lymphoma and Leukemia Society, the PTO and other worthwhile and not so worthwhile causes, Reinhardt is also a proud member of the Not Quite Write Book Club, a group of ten women who drink wine and pretend to act literary. A true Daughter of the South, Susan Reinhardt was born in South Carolina, was raised in Georgia, and currently makes her home in Asheville, North Carolina, the jewel city of the Blue Ridge Mountains. She has two adorable children and still calls her mama every night.

Belle Weather: Mostly Sunny with a Chance of Scattered Hissy Fits


Celia Rivenbark - 2004
    Bestselling Author of We’re Just Like You, Only Prettier and Bless Your Heart, Tramp Hang on to your hats! We’re in for some fiercely funny weather and crackling-sharp observations from Celia Rivenbark, of whom USA Today has said, “Think Dave Barry with a female point of view.” With her incomparable style and sassy southern wit, you’ll hear from Celia on:--The joys of remodeling Tara--How Harry Potter bitch-slaps Nancy Drew--Britney’s To-Do list: pick okra, cover that thang up--How rugby-playing lesbians torpedoed beach day--Why French women suck at competitive eating--The truth about nature deficit disorder--The difference between cockroaches and water bugs--The beauty of BedazzlersAnd much, much more! Whether she’s doing her taxes or extolling the virtues of Madonna’s mothering skills, Celia Rivenbark will keep you laughing until the very last page.

You Better Not Cry: Stories for Christmas


Augusten Burroughs - 2009
    With gimleteyed wit and illuminated prose, Augusten shows how the holidays bring out the worst in us and sometimes, just sometimes, the very, very best.You better not cry --And two eyes made out of coal --Claus and effect --Ask again later --Why do you reward me thus --The best and only everything --Silent night

Nuts At Christmas: A Christmas Calamity Caper: A funny, hilarious, laugh out loud, Christmas book! (The Shooting Star Series)


Simon Northouse - 2020
    get a Christmas tree! It's a simple enough task for any normal person. When he takes his three best friends along for the ride, Geordie, Robbo and Flaky... then nothing is simple... and no-one is normal.This Christmas it's different at the Harding house. They've invited their best friends and children to enjoy the festivities at their home in the heart of the Yorkshire Dales-at least, Will's wife has. Will is not entirely confident he can survive a week in close proximity to his dysfunctional friends.His wife has been asking him for days to buy a Christmas tree, but he insists a tree should only be brought into the house on the day before Christmas.As Christmas Eve arrives, it's time for him to get a tree.He sets off with good intent, with his best pals to lend a helping hand. However, heavy snowfall, the lure of English country pubs, and a disgruntled Lord of the Manor throw a massive spanner in the works. Add to that, Geordie's propensity for stupidity, Robbo's fondness for wacky-baccy, and Flaky's insufferable lecturing-well... what could possibly go wrong?Five adorable, innocent little children await their tree. Will it be delivered? And do they even care? The kids have one thing on their mind - Santa! However, the Santa which appears in the garden later that night is not the one they were expecting.Can Will and his pals save Christmas from becoming another disaster, or will it turn into a bleak mid-winter?Download now and find out!A feelgood Christmas read that will fill your stockings with laughter!A Shooting Star Series Novella

Wreck the Halls: Cake Wrecks Gets "Festive"


Jen Yates - 2011
    Cakewrecks.com receives over 4.6 million page views per month and is ranked one of the top humor blogs on the web.Award-winning blogger Jen Yates has focused on confectionery calamities at her popular Web site www.cakewrecks.blogspot.com since May 2008, while her debut book, Cake Wrecks: When Professional Cakes Go Hilariously Wrong, quickly climbed the charts to become a New York Times best-seller within weeks of its release. Now, Yates is back with Wreck the Halls, a fresh mix of fan favorites and plenty of never-before-seen holiday wreckage. From thankless Thanksgiving turkeys and confusing Christmas conundrums, to less-than-happy Hanukkah horrors and New Year's meltdowns, Wreck the Halls has an icing-smeared disaster for every occasion. With additional chapters on Black Friday, family communication, and navigating the murky waters of politically correct cake greetings ("Winter!"), Wreck the Halls combines Yates's signature blend of wit and sarcasm with the most hilarious frosting fails this side of winter solstice. Find sweet relief from the holiday madness (not to mention plenty of laughs) with Wreck the Halls.

Down Town: The Journal of James Aloysius Holcombe, JR. for Ephraim Holcombe Mookinfoos


Ferrol Sams - 2007
    And while the literary landscape of the rural South is peppered with great storytellers, few are as endearing as James Aloysius "Buster" Holcombe, Jr., the observant narrator of Sams's new novel.From Reconstruction, the first World War, the Depression, and World War II , to racial integration, land speculation, and economic boom, Buster Holcombe recounts the events that have shaped our country since the mid-nineteenth century through the eyes of the wide-ranging denizens of "our town." Down Town offers a panoptic history of the American South, carefully observed and skillfully presented by a native son.

The Thanksgiving Visitor


Truman Capote - 1967
    Buddy and his closest friend, his eccentric elderly cousin, Miss Sook--the memorable characters from Capote's A Christmas Memory--love preparing their old country house for Thanksgiving. But this year, there's trouble in the air. Full color illustrations.