Toddlers Are A**holes: It's Not Your Fault


Sopha King Tyerd - 2014
    Delve deep into the mind of these creatures and learn what makes them tick.

Excess Baggage


Judy Astley - 2000
    But as a penniless and partnerless house-painter with an expired lease on her flat and a twelve-year-old daughter, she could hardly turn down her parents' offer to take them on a once-in-a-lifetime trip to the Caribbean. She'd just have to put up with her sister Theresa (making no secret of preferring Tuscany as a holiday destination) and brother Simon (worrying that there might be some sinister agenda behind their parents' wish to take them all away) with their various spouses, teenagers, young children and au pair. In a luxury hotel, with bright sunshine, swimming, diving, glorious food and friendly locals, any family tensions should have melted away in the fabulous heat. The children should have been angelic, the teenagers cheerful, the adults relaxed and happy. But...some problems just refuse to be left at home.

Lucky For Me


Frank Robson - 2007
    A week from being put down he was adopted by Frank Robson and his partner, Leisa. From the start, the fluffy new member of the household proved an enigma, displaying a twelve-snort vocabulary, an ability to climb trees (the better to chase parrots) and a disdain for suburbia. In this full-blooded account of a friendship between man and dog, Robson puzzles on the sentient being who trotted into his life and taught him about survival, mateship and the joys of an independent spirit.

Don't Be a Dick, Pete


Stuart Heritage - 2017
    He is, in short, a model citizen. The favourite son.His younger brother Pete is quick-tempered, peevish and aggressively pig-headed and, for a while, known to his friends as 'Shagger'.But now, Stu has returned to his hometown to discover that Pete has taken his place. Practical and resourceful where Stu is not, Pete has become a shoulder to lean on. He is now undoubtedly the better son. And all at once Pete and Stu have to reevaluate their fraternal dynamic. It should be easy, but it isn't. Because, well ... Pete's a dick.Don’t Be A Dick, Pete is Stuart Heritage’s unconventional and laugh-out-loud biography of his brother. It is a hilarious examination of home and family; sons, fathers, fatherhood, sibling relationships and how hard it is to move on in a system that’s loaded with several decades of preconceived ideas about you.

Don't Forget to Call Your Mama...I Wish I Could Call Mine


Lewis Grizzard - 1991
    In this book, Grizzard turns his attention to his mother, and to all mothers, casting a loving, comic eye toward the most important and defining relationship of all.

Novels by Jasper Fforde: First Among Sequels


Books LLC - 2010
    Purchase includes a free trial membership in the publisher's book club where you can select from more than a million books without charge. Chapters: First Among Sequels, the Eyre Affair, Lost in a Good Book, the Well of Lost Plots, Something Rotten, the Big Over Easy, the Fourth Bear, Shades of Grey 1: the Road to High Saffron. Source: Wikipedia. Free updates online. Not illustrated. Excerpt: First Among Sequels is an alternate history, comic fantasy novel by the British author Jasper Fforde. It is the fifth Thursday Next novel, first published on 5 July 2007 in the UK, and on 24 July 2007 in the USA. The novel follows the continuing adventures of Thursday Next in her fictional version of Swindon and in the BookWorld, and is the first of a new four-part Nextian series. The title was originally announced, at the end of Fforde's novel The Fourth Bear, as The War of the Words. In order to save the future, undercover SpecOps investigator Thursday Next attempts to convince her son Friday to join the ChronoGuard. To complicate matters, she'll have to deal with renegade apprentices, ruthless corporations, and a sting operation from the Cheese Enforcement Agency. The title First Among Sequels was met with stiff resistance from Fforde's publishers because it had 'sequel' in the title, and it was felt that telegraphing the 'sequelness' of the book might be a bad move. It was decided, however, to capitalise on the fact that this was a series - a sort of 'Have you discovered Thursday Next yet?' approach to marketing. First Among Sequels is the first part of a new four-part Thursday Next series, which is reported to be continued with One of our Thursdays is Missing in 2009. The title is a parody of First Among Equals, which is the title of a best-selling Jeffrey Archer novel, but also comes from the English translation of the Latin phrase primus inter pares. It is traditionally used to describe the position...More: http: //booksllc.net/?id=602795

But Can You Drink the Water? (Droll, witty and utterly British)


Jan Hurst-Nicholson - 2010
    Laugh out loud as they encounter ‘crocodiles’ on the wall, strange African customs and unintelligible Afrikaans accents. Cringe with them as their visiting in-laws embarrass them in front of their new SA friends.If you enjoyed Educating Rita and Shirley Valentine you will recognise Mavis Turner.Set in the 1970s, But Can You Drink The Water? uses subtle observational humour with an underlying pathos to portray the upsets, hurt and changing family dynamics that emigration brings. (The story is based on a 13-part sitcom) ReviewWith a droll, witty, utterly British voice, this manuscript tackles playfully and sincerely the age-old fish out of water tale. What sustains this book, however, is the narrative voice, the dry and self-deprecating humor, and the ability of this author to tell a story simply and well. Publisher’s Weekly reviewer for the ABNA semi-finals.

People I Want to Punch in the Throat: Volume 3


Jen Mann - 2015
    This is a collection of original essays that can not be found anywhere else. Each volume is different and you never know what you'll find. They are an assortment of Jen's childhood memories, stories about her family, and rants about everything that make her punchy all told with her usual snarky take. Volume Three of this series includes 3 NEVER BEFORE SEEN essays: HEY DICK, WOULD YOU SEND YOUR MOM THAT PICTURE? LAURA INGALLS WILDER NEVER HAD A SIGNATURE LIPSMACKER FLAVOR MISSED MOM CONNECTION

Just Desserts


Sue Welfare - 1995
    Every time she chops up her delicious home-grown tomatoes she dreams of murdering her husband. Why can’t Harry just have an affair with a younger woman, and leave?Trouble is Harry has no intention of giving up his home comforts. Not when he’s been having his cake and eating it for years. Glamorous banker Carol accompanies him on business trips and the odd weekend away, but she too is beginning to think maybe life with Harry is growing stale.So who’s fooling who? Harry, happy in his illusion that he’s a sex god and all his women love him? Katherine and Carol, unlikely partners in Harry’s parallel lives? Against a background of gleeful coincidences, cute Cambridge cafes and the unexpected joys of unexplored freedom, the women decide that revenge is a dish best eaten cold.First published in 1999, Just Desserts takes us back to an era of shoulder pads and fax machines, and proves that when it comes to love and betrayal some stories are timeless.Pro

The Day Job: Adventures of a Jobbing Gardener


Mark Wallington - 2005
    He is going to change the face of British comedy.Unfortunately for the residents of north London, he's going to finance this dream by becoming a gardener.The result is The Day Job, an account of a year spent working in other people's gardens: people like Mrs Fleming who is convinced there is buried treasure in the bottom bed; Mr Walters who is trying to create a fascist state policed by gnomes in his well-guarded plot in Gospel Oak; Mrs Glover who is probably the most attractive woman living in Britain; and poor Mr Nugent, who likes to save his urine in jam jars and pour it over his compost.Over four seasons Wallington crosses Hampstead Heath from job to job. He survives brushes with the evil contract gardeners who keep trying to knock him off his bicycle. He strives to impress literary agent Herman Gapp who might represent him - depending on what sort of job he does on Gapp's Alpine Terrace. He even finds time to fall for a housecleaner-cum-actor named Helen, as he becomes part of a strange band of artistes, each with a day job of their own, all waiting for that first break.This is the story of long nights spent in the back room of a pub trying to write unsolicited scripts, and of much longer days spent trying to understand the British and their strange obsession with gardening.

Absolutely Smashing It


Kathryn Wallace - 2019
    Have you done your TEETH? HAIR? SHOES? Come on, come on, come on, we're going to be bastarding late again. No, I haven't seen Lego Optimus Prime, and nor do I give a shit about his whereabouts. Sam, will you stop winding your sister up and take this model of the Shard that I painstakingly sat up and created for you last night so that I wouldn't be in trouble with your teacher. I mean, so that you wouldn't be in trouble with your teacher. No, it doesn't smell of 'dirty wine'. Well, maybe it does a little bit. Look, Sam, I haven't got time to argue. Just hold your nose and get in the car, okay? AVA! TEETH! HAIR! SHOES!" Gemma is only just holding it together - she's a single parent, she's turning 40 and her seven-year-old daughter has drawn a cruelly accurate picture which locates Gemma's boobs somewhere around her knees. So when her new next-door neighbour, Becky, suggests that Gemma should start dating again, it takes a lot of self-control not to laugh in her face. But Becky is very persuasive and before long Gemma finds herself juggling a full-time job, the increasingly insane demands of the school mums' Facebook group and the tricky etiquette of a new dating world. Not only that, but Gemma has to manage her attraction to her daughter's teacher, Tom, who has swapped his life in the City for teaching thirty six to seven year olds spelling, grammar, basic fractions - and why it's not ok to call your classmate a stinky poo-bum...It's going to be a long year - and one in which Gemma and Becky will learn a really crucial lesson: that in the end, being a good parent is just about being good enough.

Nuclear Winter Wonderland


Joshua Corin - 2008
    Pulling into a highway rest stop, they are confronted suddenly by a lunatic nuclear terrorist who kidnaps Anna and leads Adam off in furious pursuit. Along the way he teams up with a dyspeptic ex-mob thug and a Spanish-speaking female clown, creating an oddball rescue squad that is soon busy dodging the police and defeating an army of shadowy opponents. The showdown comes at midnight on Christmas Eve—when Hollywood-style entertainment meets 12 nuclear missiles.

Did You Read That Review?: A Compilation of Amazon's Funniest Reviews


Amazon Reviewers - 2014
    Witty and unexpected, this collection of customer reviews is sure to show you a new, hilarious, and completely candid side of Amazon products and reviews you never knew existed.

You're Not Helping...


Ryan Patricks - 2014
    His book, You’re Not Helping… is a collection of short comedy articles that guide you through his delightful, inventive, and often nonsensical take on everything from attention-seeking dolphins to home invasions by the The Barenaked Ladies. You’re Not Helping… blends both humor and heart in what literary critics around the world are describing as “technically a book.” Join the 10s of readers worldwide enchanted by Ryan’s unique brand of wit.Ryan Patricks lives in San Francisco via Philadelphia. He is an aspiring comedy writer and once saw John Cusack at a Jamba Juice. You can follow him on Twitter @Ryan_Patricks or you can choose not to, it’s totally up to you.

Valvano: They Gave Me a Lifetime Contract, and Then They Declared Me Dead


Jim Valvano - 1991
    2 cassettes.