i really mean it! IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED AND BELONG TO ONE OF THE FOLLOWING GROUPS, PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS BOOK: SCOTTISH, WELSH, NORTHERN IRISH, IRISH CATHOLICS, COCKNEYS, CHAVS, UPPER CLASS ENGLISH TWATS, RELIGIOUS CHRISTIANS, MUSLIMS, JEWS, HOMOSEXUALS, RESIDENTS OF WATFORD, THE ACTOR ROBERT CARLYLE, THE WORKING CLASSES, THE UNEMPLOYED PUB GOING DOLE SCROUNGERS, THE AUTHOR'S FRIEND DANIEL SKELTON, REPUBLICAN AMERICANS, SOUTHERN STATES AMERICANS, CHRISTIAN MIDWEST AMERICANS WITH TRADITIONAL VALUES, ANY AMERICAN, TRANSVESTITES, SUPPORTERS OF THE ENGLAND FOOTBALL SQUAD, IRANIANS, EX PRESIDENT OF IRAN MAHMOUD AHMADINEJAD, SYRIANS, BASHAR AL ASSAD, WAYNE ROONEY, BELGIUMS, AGATHA CHRISTIE, THE FRENCH, YAHOO MESSAGE BOARD COMMENTATORS, SOUTH AMERICAN CRIME CARTELS, PRIESTS AND REVERENDS, THE WRITER OF THIS BOOK, PALESTINIANS, ARABS IN GENERAL, OLD YIDDISH MEN, THE FICTIONAL OLLAWONGA TRIBE OF DARKEST AFRICA, THE WRITER AND READERS OF FIFTY SHADES OF GREY, THE CHINESE AND TONY BLAIR. IF YOU BELONG TO ONE OF THE FOLLOWING GROUPS WHO HAVE HAD A MORE THAN CAMEO MENTION/APPEARANCE IN THE NOVEL, PLEASE READ THE BOOK WITHOUT FEAR OF OFFENSIVE STEREOTYPING: ITALIANS. If you have got this far, then allow me to enlighten you about a secret so great that the general public has no idea about but every government in the world knows and they are involved in a consistent cover up to keep the horrors from you.. What are the Ethereals? Some say they are the personifications of iconic and stereotypical energies given life by our collective beliefs and imagination. Others say they started as humans and evolved for much the same reasons given above. Both viewpoints have a basis in truth. A decade ago one of the most fearsome of these beings 'The Englishman,' was banished from our plane of existence by a weeping Tony Blair who cut the throat of a small child in a necromantic energy ritual to do so. With such a price paid, the question has to be asked ... just how serious a threat has arisen from the Ethereal world that the British government's only option is to bring back the Englishman to save us!!!! Set in 2012 in the lead up to the US election ... welcome to the twisted world of Mad Dog and The Englishman. WARNING: The following piece of hack work contains levels of swearing, depraved activity and violent situations sufficient enough to have Jihadi John puking up his guts.

    

    He and a small support crew have been cashing in on the video craze with phenomenal, hair-raising exploits for years.Their latest undertaking is way beyond anything they’ve ever done. It’s extremely dangerous and, worse, highly illegal. Never would Jackson have imagined those risks to be the least of his worries.After stumbling over the archaeological find of the century, Jackson and a local anthropologist suddenly find themselves transported to a different time and place. It’s a world of unbelievable sights, unimaginable marvels, and barbaric practices that violate all that is human. Despite treading lightly as they deal with this new reality, their intrusion results in unintended consequences for the world they left. Making it right is their top priority, along with surviving the ordeal. It may not be possible to do both.Can they clean up the mess they’ve made? Or will the attempt just make it worse?

    At least his wife, his students, and his community thought so. But when he dies to save the life of a stranger, Steve is sent to an afterlife reserved for the truly heroic: Valhalla.But the Norse realm of the dead isn’t anything like he expected. Valhalla is a school, the Gods are teachers, and Steve’s fellow students are his competition in the great games.Then there are the women...Ila, the beautiful but stoic warrior. Molly, the cutie with her heart on her sleeve. Idun, the blonde Goddess bombshell with a soft spot for poetry. And Twyla, the dwarven bartender who’s always brewing up a sexy good time.Now, Steve must find where he belongs. But in a place where everyone is a hero, he’ll learn that his greatest fight is with himself.Join Steve in a HaremLit adventure filled with romance, sexy goddesses, self-doubt, creative uses of a dorm’s common shower, exploding houses, copious amounts of food and beer, dresses that get wet or come off very easily, and plenty of sexy times.Afterlives Valhalla is rated R for adult themes, graphic violence, undefined relationships/harem, and explicit scenes. Reader discretion is advised.

    

    Communicating across the millennia, he and girlfriend Tori Morris, must battle with sinister forces to uncover a megalomaniac's plot to control the world with stolen time travel technology.

    Sale ends 6-13-15. Box set featuring the first four books in the nationally bestselling Legends of Regia fantasy romance series. [Contains adult themes, slavery, and torture. No graphic sex.] Forbidden Forest Shape Shifter/Elf hybrid, Forest lives by the sword, fighting for respect in a world that hates her for being a Halfling. Assigned a black ops mission in a time of war, Forest must protect her enemy, the vampire prince, Syrus. Through the danger, Forest and Syrus learn how thin the line is between love and hate. But it doesn't matter what they feel. Forest is forbidden. Forest Fire Banished to Earth. Hunted by the queen's assassins. Forest must fight to find a way back to Regia. Lonely and brokenhearted, she waits for Syrus to break through her banishment. Forest must face the horrifying truth of her father's identity and how her very existence is rooted in one of the Rune-dy's darkest secrets. Verdant A month after taking the throne, King Leramiun grows restless confined to the castle by his new responsibilities. After receiving reports about a mass grave in the forests, Leramiun makes a rash decision to investigate by himself. Instead of finding death, he finds Shi, a goddess of life. One stolen kiss…sets in motion the destruction of an entire race. Dark Soul The fate of Regia's new republic hangs in the balance as a new enemy arises, backed by a group of violent insurgents bent on destroying everything Forest has worked for. Desperate for intelligence about the terrorist group, Forest learns the leader wants not only to claim the throne, but also her life.

    Little did he know that the job that only he could do would end up having him looking after thousands of uploaded minds for what would amount to more than 10,000 years. Earth is one step away from a nuclear war, and Paradigm Alpha’s solution to saving what they can of humanity is to upload their brains to The Doomsday System. But while most of the minds would be stored while they sleep, Jeff doesn’t have that option. As the only one who can seem to be uploaded digitally and remain awake, he will be kept alive, as it were, in order to help humanity 10,000 years from now. However, thanks to time compression in the system, it will only be 1,000 years for him. Can Jeff survive mentally for that long? That is where The Doomsday System’s game might help. Join Jeff as he explores this unknown world from one end to the other for the next thousand years. However, there is one tiny little issue. The class the AIs gave him, Battlemage, which sounded so awesome at the time, is broken. He is a Battlemage who can’t seem to use magic as a normal Battlemage. This is safe for teens as there is no sex and no extreme swearing.

    What the what?! Is there really a secret treasure hidden in the school’s basement?! Based on Cartoon Network’s award-winning original series, Gumball and Darwin head back to school! It’s a brand-new collection of shorts and illustrations featuring everyone’s favorite mischief-makers.

    Unhealthy for Lyewax, at least.It’s not every day that violent earthquakes cause a rare and potent energy to leak from the planet's core. One that immediately kills over half the world's population while gifting the survivors with incredible powers.That energy is Cesmial. One of the most highly sought-after resources in the universe. Its sudden appearance has attracted attention.Enter the monsters. Huge, fearsome creatures with one purpose. Remove the Earth’s current occupants, so the Cesmial can be harvested.Humanity is on the back foot. They need heroes. They need leaders. They need Lyewax Vix. But he has more problems than you can poke a stick at. Embroiled in a game of cat and mouse with an unknowable enemy. Trapped in a loop of someone else’s making. If he can survive, then perhaps humanity has a chance too.

     My name’s Jack. I’m a relatively average guy working as an IT consultant. I had some interesting experiences as a soldier before I took up my current profession, but basically, I'm an average normal guy since then. It was pure dumb luck that I met a gorgeous woman on an airplane, and we hit it off. I’m usually seated next to the fat, talkative guy, sweating alcohol out of his pores. Instead, I got to sit next to an exotic beauty, and she decided to be my companion for the day. You can’t make this stuff up! It all started with that ‘truth stranger than fiction’ scenario, and yet...that is the least crazy thing about everything that followed in my life after that day. Beings of myth and legend exist. No, really! If you ever read about fantastic beings in a fairy tale or myth, the odds are they exist - or they are based on something equally fantastic. I always enjoyed reading about them, but never dreamed they existed. What really twisted my noodle is that apparently, I am one. Hold onto your knickers, while I tell you about this crazy ride I’m on. WARNING: This story is an adult fantasy for mature folks. As such, this story includes unusual interpretations of myth and legends, faerie violence, descriptions of genitalia, descriptions of sexual activities, mixing of US, UK, and Indian idioms, panamorous relationships, harem relationships, romance, bromance, BFFs, cursing, bathroom selfies, off-beat humor, eating food while naked or partially naked, drinking, going to the bathroom, the insurance industry, the IT consulting industry, and many other things that might possibly offend someone in our judgemental society. If you are offended by any of those things, then go forth to enjoy life elsewhere. I wish you the best. If you’re not dissuaded, then...

    A suggestion by a friend.His eventual pension and what he plans to do with it.A purchase.Specifically in the village of Haven and the plot of land reserved by the Kingdom.After a lifetime of fights and scuffles, its time for something new.Time to be...A farmer

     Double-Sided Magic I am Levy Michaels. Once my kind were the hunters—now we are the hunted. Supernaturals are out of the closet but I have to stay hidden because of the type of magic I possess. I’m a Legacy. It sounds like the title should come with reverence, a trust fund, or at the very least a cool backstory—instead it comes with a death sentence. I have to hide in plain sight and pretend to be just human. I’m pretty good at it. I live a simple and somewhat normal life, and I work in antique acquisitions. Everything’s going fine until a dangerous and enchanted dagger that was once in my possession is stolen. I didn’t think things could get any worse until I woke up next to a dead shifter, fae, and mage, without any memory of the past twenty-four hours. Considered guilty of murder by most of the magical community and humans, I must work with Gareth, the sexy and dangerous leader of the Supernatural Guild. If he’s as good as rumored, it’s only a matter of time until he discovers the truth about me—then being found guilty of murder is the least of my worries. Obsidian Magic The only thing standing between me and death is my secret. I’m a Legacy—a secret I’d planned on taking to my grave. Gareth, the enigmatic leader of the Supernatural Guild, knows it, but can I trust him to keep it? When mysterious deaths occur as a result of magic that mimics my own, I no longer have to worry about Gareth exposing me – it will be one of my own that does. Another Legacy is causing the chaos, and I’m forced to hunt my own kind. It seems simple, but we’ve existed for as long as we have because we’re better hunters than prey. I’m forced to work with Gareth to clear my name and find the Legacy responsible. Not only is my secret about to be revealed—so is his. Gareth is much more dangerous than I expected. Is he my friend or my enemy? Renegade Magic Secrets have consequences—and so do truths. I’ve been outed as a Legacy and there’s nothing I can do but deal with the aftermath. I thought I could handle it—I was wrong. The city is in chaos, and I have more enemies than allies. Some that I once called allies have quickly become my betrayers. Just when I didn’t think things could get any worse, Conner resurfaces and he’s ready to make everyone pay. Especially me. He’s the least of my worries: a supernatural assassin has been brought in to kill all the Legacy—and he’s good at his job. One by one we are being killed off. Gareth, my only true ally, has his own problems dealing with another group that is set on ridding the world of supernaturals. Unless I can get the assassin before he gets me and Gareth can stop an organization bent on xenophobic destruction, we don’t stand a chance in hell of surviving this. Rogue Magic No one said life was going to be easy, but mine just keeps getting harder. My best friend has been abducted by a madman who seems to have returned from the dead with the sole goal of seeking revenge against me. She’s my friend, but she’s also essential in finding a cure for a virus that has the potential to destroy the supernatural world.

    They're also the children of powerful Fae. A Fae warrior, a Werewolf, and a Wizard, they're the EAB's newest Demon Hunter Unit. On the surface, their mission is simple. Hunt Demons and creatures that threaten the humans. But not every Demon or Vampire is a threat, and they'll have to weave their way through the hidden society that most humans never see.When a simple burglary leads them to a powerful Witch and a Duke of Hell, they realize they're on to something big. A long-lost Grimoire might be the catalyst that starts the Apocalypse, and unfortunately, it's already in her hands.As lead agent, Jay will have to follow the trail and stop the Witch that has the Grimoire before she can complete the spell. Along the way, he'll have to pull his new team together and learn a few things about himself he never knew. No one ever said it would be easy, but Jay's got a few tricks up his sleeve of his own, and a team that's unstoppable by his side. Fae: Generations is the first book in the new Heirs of the Vegas Fae Series.