i really mean it! IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED AND BELONG TO ONE OF THE FOLLOWING GROUPS, PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS BOOK: SCOTTISH, WELSH, NORTHERN IRISH, IRISH CATHOLICS, COCKNEYS, CHAVS, UPPER CLASS ENGLISH TWATS, RELIGIOUS CHRISTIANS, MUSLIMS, JEWS, HOMOSEXUALS, RESIDENTS OF WATFORD, THE ACTOR ROBERT CARLYLE, THE WORKING CLASSES, THE UNEMPLOYED PUB GOING DOLE SCROUNGERS, THE AUTHOR'S FRIEND DANIEL SKELTON, REPUBLICAN AMERICANS, SOUTHERN STATES AMERICANS, CHRISTIAN MIDWEST AMERICANS WITH TRADITIONAL VALUES, ANY AMERICAN, TRANSVESTITES, SUPPORTERS OF THE ENGLAND FOOTBALL SQUAD, IRANIANS, EX PRESIDENT OF IRAN MAHMOUD AHMADINEJAD, SYRIANS, BASHAR AL ASSAD, WAYNE ROONEY, BELGIUMS, AGATHA CHRISTIE, THE FRENCH, YAHOO MESSAGE BOARD COMMENTATORS, SOUTH AMERICAN CRIME CARTELS, PRIESTS AND REVERENDS, THE WRITER OF THIS BOOK, PALESTINIANS, ARABS IN GENERAL, OLD YIDDISH MEN, THE FICTIONAL OLLAWONGA TRIBE OF DARKEST AFRICA, THE WRITER AND READERS OF FIFTY SHADES OF GREY, THE CHINESE AND TONY BLAIR. IF YOU BELONG TO ONE OF THE FOLLOWING GROUPS WHO HAVE HAD A MORE THAN CAMEO MENTION/APPEARANCE IN THE NOVEL, PLEASE READ THE BOOK WITHOUT FEAR OF OFFENSIVE STEREOTYPING: ITALIANS. If you have got this far, then allow me to enlighten you about a secret so great that the general public has no idea about but every government in the world knows and they are involved in a consistent cover up to keep the horrors from you.. What are the Ethereals? Some say they are the personifications of iconic and stereotypical energies given life by our collective beliefs and imagination. Others say they started as humans and evolved for much the same reasons given above. Both viewpoints have a basis in truth. A decade ago one of the most fearsome of these beings 'The Englishman,' was banished from our plane of existence by a weeping Tony Blair who cut the throat of a small child in a necromantic energy ritual to do so. With such a price paid, the question has to be asked ... just how serious a threat has arisen from the Ethereal world that the British government's only option is to bring back the Englishman to save us!!!! Set in 2012 in the lead up to the US election ... welcome to the twisted world of Mad Dog and The Englishman. WARNING: The following piece of hack work contains levels of swearing, depraved activity and violent situations sufficient enough to have Jihadi John puking up his guts.

     While attempting to save the lives of his fellow orphans he manifests a magic like power. He soon learns that using this power comes with a great risk to his own life. A beautiful sorceress, clad all in black, soon arrives with an offer to adopt him and teach him how to properly wield his powers. Once they leave, he learns that the sorceress is really the leader of a group of adventurers, and they're not the type of heroes that he has ever read about in books. They’re the kind that steal, get drunk, rob graves, loot tombs, and shoot people in the back. They basically only do what they need to in order to have a really good time. Badger is wondering what type of tale has he gotten into, because he has never read a story quite like this one!

    Little do they know that the unsuspecting, yet odd-looking turtle, is a fiend in disguise. The town bully, Victor Lockett, kidnaps the reptile and finds out he’s made a terrible, terrible mistake! The turtle is now on the loose and the killings begin. Elmer Jacks, the pet shop proprietor, finally reveals the true identity of the turtle to the two boys. He says there is an old scroll that was lost which holds the answer to the cursed tortoise and can revert it back to human form. Charlie’s pretty neighbor, Sunni Russell, joins them on their hunt for the beast. With her help, they search the Internet for the answer to the reversal of the curse. But will they find it? And most importantly, if they find the turtle, will the special words on the scroll even work?

     Waking up decades after the superpowered apocalypse would be bad enough if he still had a body. What can Solomon possibly do when he’s nothing more than a brain in a dusty old jar? Explore and upgrade the Facility, abandoned long ago by mysterious scientists, now run by a bored AI. Harness the power of mutated post-apocalyptic fauna for his own gain. Turn it all against the Survivors out there who want what he has. What he earned. Gain allies. Defeat foes. And then maybe rule this ravaged world … whatever he can salvage of it. All from inside the fortress of his monster-guarded, trap-ridden dungeon. Maybe he’ll need to create some soldiers to serve him. Only, all the other male brains have been destroyed, and the Facility can’t create full human bodies yet. Would it really be so bad to create powerful animal-human hybrids for his female brains? Does it help if they’re sexy as they are lethal? Well … it doesn’t hurt. *** BOOK TWO IS OUT NOW!

    Can a widow and a wagon master find true love too? A Sweet Western Romance from #1 Best Selling Author Emily Woods Emma is a widow who is just looking to start a new life with her children. After spending his life delivering other people’s dreams, Jeremiah hopes to find love and settle down himself. Can they overcome adversity and find love on the Oregon Trail? Finding Love Again is a clean western romance from #1 Best Selling author Emily Woods. If you like clean, historical fiction about women who risk everything to find love, you will love this sweet romance! Download Finding Love Again and get lost in another sweet western romance today. Always FREE on Kindle Unlimited

    She is determined to hold things together for herself more so then for her children. What will happen when she loses everything. Who will the girls have to depend on besides each other. Ronnie learns a shocking truth from her mother and is given a decision to make. Will she make the right or wrong decision and at what cause. Find out the answers when reading this ghetto twisted tale.

    

    By chance, she meets Ameer. He’s everything that she wants but doesn’t need. Married to not only the streets but to a woman as well. Sophie’s sees that Ameer is trouble from the start, but she can’t seem to stay away from him. Ameer slides into Sophie’s life and changes things instantly. Some for the better and some for the worse. With an enemy determined to take Ameer and his family out trouble falls onto Sophie and the ones he loves. Ameer has a plan and good intentions but getting to the finish line is going to be a lot harder than he thought. All he wanted to do was hold Sophie down. Will he be able to have the new woman and new life, or will he succumb to his old one?

    But they just cannot seem to find a cake that's big enough for elephants. The elephants need to find a way out to arrange a cake for their friend's birthday.'The Elephants and the Chocolate Cake' is the story of three lovable characters that solve a problem by thinking out of the box. The story is easy to follow and the lovely, bright illustrations keep children engaged to the story. The book has all the right elements that children love - a birthday, a huge chocolate cake, and some cute elephants!The book also starts off with a subtle hint to the readers that while everybody is slightly different from one another, they can be great friends and care for one another.Perfect for children aged 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6.

     A short story by A.L. Jambor When Meg’s sister dies, she is devastated. The last of three children, Meg misses her siblings and has never felt so alone. She’s an author, but her emotional state hinders her ability to write, and she can’t sit in front of her computer without trembling. A trip to Port Revere, MA recalls memories of the summers spent there with her family when she was a girl, and Meg decides to buy the Christmas Cottage, an abandoned little house on a bluff near town. She refurbishes it, and with the help of her nephew Zack, starts to come out of her shell. But then the holidays, a time for families and celebrations, arrive, and Meg must again face her loneliness, and guilt over something she can't forgive herself for – she wasn’t there when her sister died and never had a chance to say goodbye. With the cottage almost completed, Meg has one last thing to do; she has to find out if her plumbing is up to snuff, and arranges for a plumber to visit the cottage. On Thanksgiving Day, she is sipping a cup of coffee when someone knocks on the door. She looks out the window and sees an old man, an old truck, and an old dog. Lettering on the truck announces that Angus O’Malley, Plumber Extraordinaire, is standing on her doorstep. What she doesn’t know is that Angus is on a mission and that his appearance heralds the beginning of something wonderful, and the best Christmas Meg has ever had. The Little Cottage by the Sea was formerly published as The Christmas Cottage. The content has not changed. It is a short book of 20,000 words.

    Get into the spirit of the season with this quick read!

    Mommy Can I Have A Puppy? is a choose-your-own adventure book to help parents & children decide if a pet is right for their family, based on teachings from the Bible.

    At least his wife, his students, and his community thought so. But when he dies to save the life of a stranger, Steve is sent to an afterlife reserved for the truly heroic: Valhalla.But the Norse realm of the dead isn’t anything like he expected. Valhalla is a school, the Gods are teachers, and Steve’s fellow students are his competition in the great games.Then there are the women...Ila, the beautiful but stoic warrior. Molly, the cutie with her heart on her sleeve. Idun, the blonde Goddess bombshell with a soft spot for poetry. And Twyla, the dwarven bartender who’s always brewing up a sexy good time.Now, Steve must find where he belongs. But in a place where everyone is a hero, he’ll learn that his greatest fight is with himself.Join Steve in a HaremLit adventure filled with romance, sexy goddesses, self-doubt, creative uses of a dorm’s common shower, exploding houses, copious amounts of food and beer, dresses that get wet or come off very easily, and plenty of sexy times.Afterlives Valhalla is rated R for adult themes, graphic violence, undefined relationships/harem, and explicit scenes. Reader discretion is advised.

    Well ‘next’ might be exaggerating it a little. A sale would be more appropriate. Each night I’d return home and let out a bunch of expletives that would make my dog blush. I was often in a foul mood. Then after 10 years of struggle I discovered, developed and implemented a bunch of real estate marketing strategies which I am going reveal in this book that saw my income virtually double in one year. After 2 years of using these real estate lead generation skills my income shot up another 50%. The word soon got out that I had discovered a way to make ‘easy’ (no such thing) real estate sales. Real estate referrals became my method of operation. Companies were approaching me to move camps. In fact one company placed me on a $200,000 package to help boost sales. The strategies worked for me and they’ll work for you. This book is for real estate sales people, real estate agents or brokers who are totally overwhelmed with the complexities of selling real estate. It’s for agents seething with frustration at their pathetic sales. And it’s also for successful real estate agents wanting to take their real estate career to the next level. You have two obstacles from making a killing in real estate sales: 1. You have no idea what business you are REALLY in. Most real estate sales people think that they are in the real estate business to assist people with their real estate buying, selling, leasing or managing needs.While partly ‘true’ unless you have a real estate lead that wants to buy, sell, lease or manage a property through you, you have no business. PERIOD. 2. A belief that you are ‘Gods’ answer to all things real estate.Let’s face it. Real estate agents are an egotistical bunch. How often do you see advertisements stating “Billy Blogs – No. 1 For XYZ Real Estate” or “Cheryl Champion – Top Real Estate Marketer, Mars Tribune” Who gives a toss. The public certainly don’t and nor should you especially if you are a newbie just getting started. With my real estate lead generation tips you’ll soon be the ‘king’ or queen’ of your local area. My real estate lead generation strategies are by no means complete. But they are a good start in raising you from the depths of despair to making you the champion agent you so rightly deserve to be. Here’s my appeal to you. Believe in yourself. Believe in your real estate career. Follow my suggestions. Implement those that appeal to you and be consistent. These real estate lead generation strategies take time but they have helped me sell over $400 million of real estate. They will work for you to.

    Little does he know that his life is about to change. The Empire is at war. The forces of Emperor Rau are struggling against the forces of the King Kastav. Just when it appears that the Empire is getting the upper hand, a new threat emerges from the Kingdom. The Imperial Mage, once thought of as the perfect soldier, is up against a new threat: Royal Priests. These priests are infiltrating and decimating the Imperial forces, seemingly at will. Marko is thrown into the war. He finds himself caught up in the intrigue, politics and violence of this desperate battle. How can a mere child survive in this world? Marko discovers a latent talent that few possess. He has magic! But is there enough time for him to learn it in order to survive and protect his friends?