Most dads say a lot of sh*t. But unfortunately, what they say is usually not even worth writing down. Thats because they have about as much wit as a sack of flour. Justin Halpern's dad is the rare exception. His dads sh*t is funny because it is just so stupid and ridiculous. This book is both a parody and a tribute to the book Sh*t My Dad Says. This book is a carefully selected collection of things that dads most definitely would never say, just because these sayings are actually clever, witty and smart.

    But are they? He is probably the only man who has ever requested the recipe for an airline’s lasagna or wanted to enjoy his flight with an inflatable rubber woman sat on his knee. Prepare to meet the man who must have his diet of stir-fried mulberry leaves accommodated and the man who left his false teeth on a flight and is sure he recognized them on a later flight—in a flight attendant's mouth. Ravenscroft's correspondence tackles travel annoyances like excess baggage charges alongside more surreal letters, such as the one starting out asking an Australian airline if they offer an authentic Australian experience (for instance, Australian cuisine or in-flight movies) which then moves on to the question of at what age a baby is safe from being swallowed by a dingo.

    An Ivy League graduate who grew up on Park Avenue takes his first job at the most sensational tabloid newspaper in New York City - and soon finds himself writing promotional stories about a cash giveaway contest intended to keep the paper alive! Jack Stone is not your everyday reporter, and his real education doesn’t begin in earnest until he hooks up with streetwise photographer Vinnie Corcora to do stories about the contest winners - a cast of characters who bring new meaning to "your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.” It’s a wild ride that defies expectations and stereotypes, and along the way Jack earns a Ph.D in the human condition - while learning the true meaning of love, loyalty and friendship.

    In 1963, 13-year-old Sam Callahan and his tart-tongued, divorced, misbehavingmother, Lydia, must cope as best they can after they are banished to the hicktown of GroVont, Wyoming, by Lydia's Southern gentleman father.

    For the grieving youngest sibling, Lacey, life is about to come crashing down as a deep secret is revealed. The fall-out affects every member and they struggle to regain the happy family unit they once shared. Each of the siblings, take the reader on a journey as they try to come to terms and learn to handle this huge revelation.

    Benjamin Pruitt plans to repair the town’s buildings before retiring to a solitary life. Sarah Campbell longs for freedom since her long task as caregiver has ended.Can Benjamin and Sarah piece the tattered remnants of their lives into a beautiful design to warm their waning years?Melinda Evaul and her husband enjoy traveling the back roads of North Carolina and Tennessee where rural culture and history are preserved through a unique art form—Quilt Barn Squares.Come follow her adventures along the Quilt Trails of America in this series of novels.

    As she dives headfirst into a dangerous case with a handsome new partner, Morgan is forced to dig deeper into her own family’s past. Can she solve the case or will she only unearth more mysteries? The Haunting Of Bechdel Mansion One couple must unearth the secrets of a small-town murder before it's too late. A young couple from the city move to a small town, looking for a fresh start. They soon find their dream house in an old Victorian mansion and everything seems perfect, that is, until they experience strange supernatural occurrences linked to an unsolved mass murder from forty years ago. Unearthing the secrets buried within the mansion won't be easy. Can they solve the mystery in time, or will they face the same doomed fate as the tenants who came before them?

    Modern-day Prince Adrian of Monaforte has a most old-fashioned problem: his demanding mother wants him wed to her best friend’s daughter, the hard-partying Serena. When his refusal falls on deaf ears, Adrian decides it’s time for him to slip away from his gilded cage and figure out his life, all on his own. As luck would have it, event photographer Emma Davison, weary of a revolving door of lost-cause men and tired of her outsider-looking-in career, is in need of her own escape clause, just in time to help a wayward prince in need. And she soon discovers that sometimes a girl’s gotta sweep a prince off his feet.For any girl that’s ever held out hope that some day her prince would come…or better yet, hoped that some day she’d come to him.

    The police claim the death was of natural causes, but the knitters aren't buying it. If the police won't do any investigating, then they will!Get all three adventures of the Gray-Haired Knitting Detectives series in one bundle. The bundle includes Murder, Mystery & Dating Mayhem, Jack Gets His Man, and Love in the Time of Murder.Murder, Mystery & Dating MayhemA middle-aged widow gangs up with her gay best friend and a posse of gray-haired wannabe detectives to solve a murder. Maybe she should have stuck to speed dating? "a lot of fun to read. The characters are a hoot!!" "sweet, light and hilarious and kept you guessing!" "sure to put a smile on your face"Jack Gets His ManJack's life is awesome even if his ex is being a pain, but then his smoking hot new bookkeeper discovers things at his store aren't actually as they seem. Jack's bestie and the Gray-Haired Knitting Detectives jump at the chance to solve Jack's problems. Will Jack catch a thief or find love? "I ate this book up like a grubby little kid." "expertly worded and pretty funny suspense story with a romantic touch."Love in the Time of MurderWhen Dee's ex is murdered, she's the number one suspect. The Gray-Haired Knitting Detectives aren't about to let one of their own get sent to the slammer and jump at the chance to search for the true killer. "totally scrumptious cozy mystery" "This fun and witty whodunit will have you laughing till the very end."Buy now to join the Gray-Haired Knitting Detectives on all of their adventures.

    She's got problems though when bits of her ex-husband turn up in different places and the slimy DI Savage seems to be bending the evidence to link her to the death. Add the fact that she's being pressured into taking a ‘job’ by hard-nosed Vera Devlin from the estate and having to work in a topless bar to make ends meet and you can see she's up against it. Desperate to extricate herself from the mess she breaks into her old marital home to find the diary of her dead husband, except that his mother has taken up residence and arrives back early from bingo… Set against a backdrop of Northern council estate life, this fast paced, humorous novel exemplifies the problems caused by poverty, piles and unruly children, think Jeremy Kyle meets the Thorn Birds and you won't be far wrong!

     Americans are angry and divided along party lines. They’re tired of the endless wars, high gas prices, and high unemployment. They’re tired of the graft in DC and on Wall Street. They’re tired of being spied on and herded like cattle into the prison industrial complex. Like in years before, they’re certain that, this time, their guy will change everything. The Republican and Democratic saviors make their promises, and the true believers swoon, but domestic terrorists aren’t buying what these politicians are selling. Truck driver George Chapman is in the right place at the right time to foil an assassination attempt on one of the most influential men in politics. Some might say the reluctant hero was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Some might say it was a false flag. Nonetheless, his fifteen minutes of fame grows because of his extraordinary gift. Will he use his gift and newfound fame to unite the country or to tear it apart? A revolution is coming. Which side are you on? Adult language, content, and sexual violence.

    Released from the magic pokey and paroled with limited power is enough to make any witch grumpy.However, if you throw in a recently resurrected cat, a lime-green Kia and a sexy egotistical werewolf, it’s enough to make a gal fly off the edge.Not to mention a mission…with no freaking directions.So here I sit in Asscrack, West Virginia trying to figure out how to complete my mysterious mission before All Hallows Eve when I’ll get turned into a mortal.The animals in the area are convinced I’m the Shifter Whisperer (whatever the hell that is) and the hotter-than- asphalt-in-August werewolf thinks I’m his mate.Now apparently I’m slated to save a bunch of hairy freaks of nature?If they think I’m the right witch for the job, they’ve swallowed some bad brew.

    So are we.Sick of the entire unlife of vampires?Yeah. So is Vince Hammond.Unfortunately, Vince is in it up to his (wait for it) neck. Because Vince is a young vampire hunter who lives with his vampire hunter mother in an entire community of vampire hunters, who in turn are part of a cult of vampire hunters going back all the way to the French Revolution, which many believe to be an uprising of the poor against the rich but was actually a massive purging of vampires from the French nobility (hence the guillotine; way more efficient than shoving stakes into their hearts.)And here's Vince's major problem: he's a vampire. But he dare not "come out of the coffin," as it were, and reveal his true nature, because his mother will literally kill him. And if she doesn't manage it, she has lots of friends and neighbors to help make sure that happens.So instead Vince has to keep his head down and hunt his own kind while making sure not to actually kill them since, for the most part, vampires are law-abiding citizens who drink from eagerly volunteering "Wanna V's" hoping for their own shot at the night life. But when some out-of-town hunters show up with a very personal connection to Vince, his two worlds are going to collide in a way that may wind up forcing Vince to run for the hills...assuming he can get far enough away before Mom hunts him down.Part 1 of 2

    Contents:The Railways Up on Cannis (1959)The Subways of Tazoo (1964)The Pen and the Dark (1966)Getaway from Getawehi (1969)The Black Hole of Negrav (1975)

    She has never actually destroyed any planets, but getting to choose your own title is one of the few perks you get when you work against your will for an evil Octopus Overlord.In an attempt to regain her freedom, Kirian defies her tentacled boss and secretly saves Ari, the human she is supposed to kill. Can the two of them and a band of misfits join forces to thwart the Neon Octopus Overlord? And can a revolutionary rock song from an illegal grunge band save a planet?