A must-have book for any quilt or craft library." --Denyse Schmidt (author of Denyse Schmidt Quilts). . . My approach to quilting is an approach for true beginners. I don't like triangles, circles, hexagons, diamonds, rhombuses, or any shape that makes measuring a chore. (Can we stop right here and ponder the word rhombus? Man, that word is hilarious.) In this book, every project is designed using only squares and rectangles. Why just squares and rectangles? Because straight seams are easy to stitch!Craft a modern quilt with independent quilt-maker Boo Davis, whose fun, slightly quirky designs take quilts into new graphic territory. Using only simple shapes like rectangles and squares you'll see robots, skulls, alarm clocks, and owls come to life as fabulous, full-size quilts. With 10 charming quilt patterns, and 15 eye-popping patchwork projects perfect for afternoon or weekend crafting, Dare to Be Square Quilting reinterprets quilt traditions such as basket weave, rail fence, and housetop designs in a bold new way. With advice on color and fabric selection, and an extensive how-to section on quilting, Davis teaches the fastest, simplest, and most reliable methods modern quilting has to offer.Dare to make a quilt that's funny, fabulous, and from the heart . . . Dare to be square!

    As you might imagine, he gets a lot of letters in response to his often iconoclastic views. As you might not expect, he writes a lot of letters, too. Now Rooney has collected the funniest, wisest, and most interesting of his letters, spanning several decades and addressing issues both momentous and trivial. He responds to complaints from viewers; he corresponds with old friends; and he writes to his children about the things he cares about most. Variously caustic, hilarious, and sage, these unfailingly entertaining letters reveal not only Rooney the iconoclast but Rooney the American Everyman. Sincerely, Andy Rooney is Andy Rooney at his best-and a wonderful gift book that will make readers chuckle and think twice.

    Considered one of American’s most brilliant writers by the journalism community, this long-awaited book debut presents Labash at his very best. A latter day Leibling, Labash’s collection will take its place alongside books by writers such as Calvin Trillin and P.J. O’Rourke..• A unique voice that’s well-connected: Labash’s well-informed insights, self-deprecating wit, and provocative candor feature regularly in The Weekly Standard and have also appeared in Washingtonian Magazine , American Spectator , and on Slate.com. Extremely well-liked and respected, his media contacts are many and varied. He has declined invitations to appear on everything from HBO Sports to Meet the Press —but is finally willing to make the rounds. As LA Weekly wrote after his Detroit piece, “it’s not new to give props to Matt Labash.”.• Remarkable collection: Full of wit, insight, and a trenchant grasp of the American scoundrel, Labash’s masterful profiles of men on the nation’s fringe—Pirate Kingfish Gov. Edwin Johnson, The Right Reverend Dr. Al Sharpton, Dirty Trickster Roger Stone—are published alongside devastating pieces on such dead or dying cities as Detroit and New Orleans; work celebrating such joyous, but overlooked pockets of American culture as Revival music and Rebirth Brass Band; and scathing, hilarious briefs on the nation’s great phonies—Michael Moore, Louis Farrakhan, Donald Trump to name a few..

    From small closets to large studios, you'll see real examples of what makes an efficient, functional, and inviting quilting space. You'll identify what's causing the clutter, learn how to turn it into a more creative zone, and find more time to do what you love-quilt!"

    29 pages of chapter summaries, quotes, character analysis, themes, and more – everything you need to sharpen your knowledge of Naked. This detailed literature summary also contains Topics for Discussion and a Free Quiz on Naked by David Sedaris.

    It's teeming with savages, thugs, angry toddlers, and disgruntled clowns. And every one of them is secretly mulling a scenario that ends with them kicking you square in the junk. What do you do if you want to take on The Batman and live to brag about it to your kids? What do you do if a rabid alligator picks a fight with your little sister? What do you do if the beloved star of "Forrest Gump" tells you to "shut the hell up" in front of a huge crowd?You read this book. It offers simple, effective instructions for beating up zombies, robots, co-workers—anything. The only limits are your imagination... and your habit of not following through on things, and possibly your uncoordinated, at times comically frail body.

    Anita Renfroe pulls no punches as she gives women an ultimatum: hilarity or insanity? Take a look at the sorts of things that could drive a person crazy if they just weren't so funny!

    But independent of the Python team, Jones has been writing columns targeting the Anglo-American response to September 11. His wit and venom are particularly focused on the messianic vernacular of Bush and Blair and the semantics of the "war on terror." As Jones writes, "What really alarms me about President Bush's ‘War on Terrorism' is the grammar. How do you wage war on an abstract noun? ... How is ‘Terrorism' going to surrender? It's well known, in philological circles, that it's very hard for abstract nouns to surrender." Terry Jones's War on the War on Terror proves that in times of high political anxiety, humor and irony are most potent antidotes to the spin emanating from the White House and Downing Street.

    This book shows novice and expert quilters alike new ways of planning, designing, and constructing contemporary quilts. The Modern Quilt Workshop takes you through every step of making a quilt, encouraging you and challenging you along the way. YouÆll learn basic principles of quilt design, as well as new technical skills that will make your quilts more beautiful, more durable, and more fun to make.Never before published, these breathtaking patterns were created to help you learn specific design and technical skills. Want to learn how to piece circles flawlessly? Need to fine-tune your color choices? Confused about how to choose quilting patterns? Follow the step-by-step diagrams and youÆll be mastering new design concepts and innovative techniques with each new project.Each of the 15 quilt projects shows the level of difficulty, lists the skills youÆll learn, and shows how each quilt might look in different color combinations.Design tips in each chapter teach you what to look for in fabrics, or options for how to quilt the quilt.Measurements and yardage requirements are provided for 4 sizes, from baby quilts to bed quilts.Cutting templates, and tips for using them, are included.A thorough section on quilt construction and assembly helps even the first-time quilter learn the basics of cutting, piecing, aligning seams, thread color selection, choosing batting, quilting, and binding. Beginning quilters will love the simple, yet sophisticated, patterns that can turn a pile of cotton fabric into a work of art. Advanced quilters will hone technical and design skills, as well as master new techniques, such as improvisational piecing and working with sophisticated color palettes.Whether you wish to create a treasured family heirloom or a beautiful gift for a friend, these unique patterns will inspire you to try something new.

    From nicotine gum addiction to lesbian personal ads to incontinent dogs, Possible Side Effects mines Burroughs's life in a series of uproariously funny essays. These are stories that are uniquely Augusten, with all the over-the-top hilarity of Running with Scissors, the erudition of Dry, and the breadth of Magical Thinking. A collection that is universal in its appeal and unabashedly intimate, Possible Side Effects continues to explore that which is most personal, mirthful, disturbing, and cherished, with unmatched audacity. A cautionary tale in essay form. Be forewarned--hilarious, troubling, and shocking results might occur.

    Note: These texting fails contain profanity, not for children.When are people going to learn that autocorrect can't be trusted? With FAILS like these, we actually hope that's not for a long time.This book complies 101 of the funniest, most viral and cringeworthy autocorrect screenshots to date.Guaranteed to put you on the floor laughing!

    We all know one! They like to groan and grumble, offering their own commentary on the shortcomings of modern life. Whether it is queues at the supermarket, the state of the health system, the price of a pint these days, the hairstyles of teenagers, or the number of Maltesers you actually get in a bag, there is always something that will get their goat. 'The Grumpy Old Git's Guide to Life' is a hilarious celebration of all these grumps, how to identify one, what exactly they find so irritating and why we find their rants quite so amusing.

    We promise to make you laugh and give you that much needed break in the middle of all the crazy.We have partnered with the most talented bunch of moms and dads to bring you the best, the funniest, and the most outrageous stories to get you from girth to birth.Are you having strange cravings? Have you asked yourself what in the hell is happening to my body? Have strangers touched your belly? If you've answered yes to any of these questions then this is the book for you! Prop up your cankles, grab a bowl of your favorite ice cream covered in olives and have a laugh with our crew. Things are about to get real.

    A world-class designer and extraordinarily skilled quilter, Jinny Beyer demonstrates everything from threading a needle to piecing perfect points. Beginning with the basic running stitch, quilters quickly move on to joining two, then four patches, making stars and compasses, setting in pieces, and stitching curves. With each new skill, quilters are invited to begin the next section of a quilt designed especially for beginners—encouraging a “sew-as-you-learn” approach with each of the 10 quilting projects. The quilting stitch is simply and clearly explained, and detailed photographs illustrate how neat, even lines of stitching are achieved.

    User-friendly and visually exciting, the contents are first divided into three sections: Blocks, Negative Space, and Borders. Then, to make it even more accessible, the Blocks section is further organized by five shapes: Squares, Triangles, Circles, Diamonds, and Hexagons. With an illustrated index, 70 free-motion quilting designs, crystal-clear instructions, and gorgeous full-page photographs, this is the go-to resource you'll want handy before starting any quilting project.