A job that involves a body. A body wrapped in duct tape found hanging from the goal posts at the end of the football field. You Killed Wesley Payne is a truly original and darkly hilarious update of classic pulp-noir, in which hard-boiled seventeen year-old Dalton Rev transfers to the mean hallways of Salt River High to take on the toughest case of his life. The question isn't whether Dalton's going to get paid. He always gets paid. Or whether he's gonna get the girl. He always (sometimes) gets the girl. The real question is whether Dalton Rev can outwit crooked cops and killer cliques in time to solve the mystery of "The Body" before it solves him.Sean Beaudoin (Going Nowhere Faster, Fade to Blue) evokes the distinctive voices of legendary crime/noir authors Dashiell Hammett and Jim Thompson with a little bit of Mean Girls and Heathers thrown in for good measure. It'll tease you, please you, and never ever leave you. Actually, that's not true. It's only a book. One that's going to suck you in, spit you out, and make you shake hands with the devil. Probably.

    He has manifested the seven spells required to earn the rank of Journeyman Magicker, but few of his spells are useful enough to earn coin, and when he does manage to find work, he is often paid in farm produce.His life is simple, ponderous, and unexciting.Then, almost miraculously, he manifests an eighth spell: Beautiful Woman, come forth!And this is when his troubles truly begin.Potatoes, Come Forth! is a fantasy novel of 89,400 words or approximately 357 pages.

    Farts: A Spotter's Guide will help you pinpoint he (or she) who dealt it every time. This hilarious book identifies the habitat, range, voice, and "field marks" of tencommon wind breakers, from the gentle hiss of the Silent-but-Deadly to the rip-roaring flatulation of the Seismic Blast. The attached battery powered fart machine reproduces each emanation in accurate sound. Grossly hip illustrations by the Fudge Factory'syes, you read that rightTravis Millard depict the offenders and offendees in brilliant detail. Printed on durable card stock, this is pure, unbridled entertainment for the giggling child in all of us. Let 'er rip!

    In the seventy years since, his wit (and the occasional ‘gaffe’) has continued to endear him to the nation, as he travelled the world taking his unique and charmingly British sense of humour to its far-flung corners. Hailed as a god by a tribe in Vanuatu, the Prince has had his fair share of brickbats from the media nearer home, but his outspokenness never fails to raise laughs – and eyebrows.From notorious one-liners to less newsworthy witticisms and from plain speaking to blunt indifference, the Prince does what we all wish we could do now and again – forgets polite conversation and says what he thinks. In the year in which the Prince has stepped down from his royal duties, this joyous and timely book celebrates his wry humour and supremely wicked wit.

    If you or someone you know is discontented, distressed, or downright disturbed, maybe the Great White North is right for you, eh. But how much do you really know about Canada? Can you do a job that Canada needs (do you play hockey, drill for oil, or make poutine?)? Can you identify the best Canadian province for your lifestyle (lots of tundra or just some tundra?)? Can you master the proper pronunciation of "sorry"? What strange wizardry is the Canadian government? Is maple syrup acceptable substitution for currency? At long last, How to Move to Canada can help make your vague threat into a cold Canadian reality. This book is also full of activities such as: Color the flag of your new homeland Match the strange Canuck dialect with their local definitions And more! PLEASE NOTE: This is a humor book. It won't really help you emigrate. Rather, it's a subversive mix of real information on the Great White North plus a hilarious look at all the reasons why you won't like it there any better — and why they probably won't have you anyway.

    A big one she can't ever reveal without compromising her father.Jon Garretson also has a secret. The undercover cop moves into an apartment above prime suspect Rane Smith's home. He's on the trail of justice, but he's also helping his brother get payback.Jon discovers Rane is not who she seems to be, and that the drug lord Jon's working to take down also has Rane in his sights.Complicated past relationships keep Rane from revealing any truths, even when she's beginning to trust Jon. Then she learns he's been deceiving her - that he's really an undercover cop – and that trust is shattered.Fighting a desperate battle on three fronts, Jon must protect Rane, win back her trust, and build a case against the powerful drug lord.Jon's fallen for the stubborn beauty. He'll put his life on the line to keep her safe, and hopes his heart is the only casualty.Parts of this story have been previously published.

    

    

    She was fired by one, which is why she has created her own executive training program—helping heartless bosses become more human. So Taylor shocks even herself when she agrees to coach Bennett Wade, the cutthroat exec who got her unceremoniously canned. She’d love to slam the door in his annoying but very handsome face, but the customers aren’t exactly lining up at her door. Plus, this extreme makeover will give Taylor the golden opportunity to prove that her program works like a charm.HE WANTS TO BUY IT.Bennett Wade is many things—arrogant, smug, brusque—but trusting isn’t one of them. Women just seem to be after his billions. So when he hires Taylor Reed, he has no desire to change. Bennett is trying to win over the feminist owner of a company he desperately wants to buy, but something about the fiery Taylor thaws the ice around his heart, making Bennett feel things he never quite planned on. And if there’s one thing Bennett can’t stand, it’s when things don’t go according to plan.They are a match tailor-made for trouble.

    It’s about how bringing up kids can be a tough business, but we’re all going through the same things, and it’s easier if we can have a good laugh about it. The book covers a range of themes relevant to modern parents, from pregnancy and potty training to school, sex, and nits. There are fun features like Sex Positions For Parents, quizzes such as Did Our Husbands Really Say That?, and Scummy Mummy Life Hacks.

    Telling three interconnected stories taking place on the same day, two weeks after events in "The Foul Mouth and the Mancy Martial Artist" this novel is a can't miss for fans of THE KING HENRY TAPES. Spending equal time with Tyson Bonnie, Eva Reti, and King Henry Price himself, KING HENRY AND THE THREE LITTLE TRIPS shows the fallout from the Days of Supernatural Exhibit in both the personal cost for our characters and the political cost for supernatural organizations worldwide as fear of the Curator spreads to even the Asylum itself. Read as Tyson Bonnie escorts Vicky Welf to the Coyote Nation compound, find out if Eva Reti can survive the anima experiment inflicted upon her, and follow King Henry as he returns to the Asylum seeking Plutarch's help. The queue for the "Foul Mouth and the Pit of No Return" roller-coaster begins here! THE KING HENRY TAPES Book 1 - "The Foul Mouth and the Fanged Lady" (released) Book 2 - "The Foul Mouth and the Cat Killing Coyotes" (released) Book 3 - "The Foul Mouth and the Troubled Boomworm" (released) Book 4 - "The Foul Mouth and the Headless Hunny" (released) Book 5 - "The Foul Mouth and the Mancy Martial Artist" (released) Book 5.5 - "King Henry and the Three Little Trips" (released) Book 6 - "The Foul Mouth and the Pit of No Return" (forthcoming)

    Could she pick her destiny, Vivian would choose adventure in the rolling hills, endless afternoons in the dusty garden, and a husband who speaks to her heart; no matter what his income might be. One magical evening at Almack’s - London’s most exclusive club - Lady Vivian runs into the dashing Lieutenant Sawyer Cook and discovers that her future is not so set in stone. Romance ensues, scandals are wrought, and real identities are revealed. Trapped between duty and longing, Lady Vivian must come to grips with the very notion of fate. Lady Vivian is a 70.000 word clean and wholesome Regency-era romance novel. It makes the first volume of Almack's Assembly Rooms. Each book of the series can be enjoyed as a stand-alone, or read as a collective. Garuenteed to make you chuckle!

     For one night. And then she left to LA to become a rockstar. My Clark Kent appeal wasn’t enough to keep her around, but she missed out. After graduating law school and becoming the alpha male jack-ass type that she always loved, I returned the favor. One more night of passion, but it was my turn to break her heart. Every whisper against my skin, every moan from her lips haunted me for years and years. What the hell had I done? Was it so fucking important to be right? To repay heartbreak with heartbreak? All these years later and her band is in bankruptcy, and I’m on the wrong side of the courtroom. Winning is everything to me, but I already played the game and lost against her. I can’t do it again, especially not when I find out she’s a single mom with a pretty little girl. A little girl that looks – Just. Like. Me. No way she’s been keeping our baby a secret from me all these years. If so, the final joke has always been on me. She was, is, and will always be - My One and Only. Every good girl deserves a bad boy. ~ Weston

    Darryl and Wanda MacPherson, the struggling parents from the popular syndicated comic strip Baby Blues, share their insights into that scary venture: parenthood! Part of the Little Books series.

    Do geeft book.' And we is like, 'OKay. Whatevers. Just pays us monees.'Den dey is say, 'Make book about frensheep.' And we is like, 'But we ees hate evrybodies.' ANd dey is go, 'But dat make most monees.' So we is like, 'Okay. We expert.'"And experts they are, as they show in such an endearing expression of care as, "If you is have a beeg butt, frend sometime honesst and say, 'you have beeg butt.'"Named Best Comic Strip of the Year by the National Cartoonists Society in 2004 and 2007, Pearls Before Swine has a devoted fan following of crockydiles and humans alike.