Short story from "If it bleeds".

    

    There was a gross woman named Rebecca who was sunbathing all naked and she was fat. Douglas walked up to her and said, "I need to poop". "Okay, Rebecca replied, "I like poop". Douglas squatted down over the fat sunbathing lady and went poop. The poop sat there on Rebecca's boobs, looking like a weiner...."Why are we here?", Douglas cried as poop came out his weiner in a long thin strip, it was weiner-poop, which is the grossest poop of all.The peepee got on the woman's leg and she screamed, pooping out her boobs.And so when the pee got mixed with the poop it smelled like a butt.And the poop and the pee lived happily ever after.

    Because of an unhealthy relationship with the bottle, he’s ruined his reputation as one of the South’s preeminent commissioned metal sculptors. And his desperate turn to ice sculpting might’ve led to a posse of angry politicians on his trail. With the help of his sane and practical potter wife, Raylou, Harp understands that it’s time to return to the mig welder. Yes, it’s time to prove that he can complete a series of twelve-foot-high metal angels—welded completely out of hex nuts—for the city of Birmingham. Is it pure chance that the Elbow Boys, their arms voluntarily fused so they can’t drink, show up in order to help Harp out in a variety of ways? And why did his neighbor smuggle anteaters into desolate Ember Glow? Is it true that there’s no free will?

     For Annie and Will, who have left their marriages to be together, the future is fraught with the complications of starting over. Both have left pieces of themselves behind: For Annie, it is the husband and friend she has known since childhood; for Will, it is the five-year-old daughter he adores. And for the Korean-born Sungae, one of Annie's English-as-a-second-language students, it is a search for the words that will help her resolve the sorrows of her tragic history. As Sungae struggles with the new language and with her memories, her story unfolds in ways that will have profound consequences not only for Sungae, but for Annie, Will, and their former spouses. A lyrical and deeply moving novel about love, loss, and language-and about confronting life's tough choices-The Language of Good-bye "weaves a wonderful story [about] letting go of the past and moving forward into the future" (Gail Tsukiyama, author of The Language of Threads).

    Gillett, Ph.D.• The Efficiency Expert by W. R. Thompson• Second Helpings by George R. R. Martin• Random Sample by Heidi Heyer• On Gaming by Dana Lombardy• Siblings by Larry Powell• Diabetes and Rockets by G. Harry Stine• Béisbol by Ben Bova• The Darkling Plain by P. M. Fergusson• Biolog: P. M. Fergusson by Jay Kay Klein• The Reference Library by Thomas A. Easton •   Review: Artifact by Gregory Benford by Thomas A. Easton •   Review: Cuckoo's Egg by C. J. Cherryh by Thomas A. Easton •   Review: Skinner by Richard S. McEnroe by Thomas A. Easton •   Review: Blood Music by Greg Bear by Thomas A. Easton •   Review: A Coming of Age by Timothy Zahn by Thomas A. Easton •   Review: Trumps of Doom by Roger Zelazny by Thomas A. Easton •   Review: The Fall of Winter by Jack C. Haldeman, II by Thomas A. Easton •   Review: The Time Travelers; A Science Fiction Quartet by Martin H. Greenberg and Robert Silverberg by Thomas A. Easton •   Review: The Hugo Winners, 1976-1979 by Isaac Asimov by Thomas A. Easton •   Review: Young Extraterrestrials by Isaac Asimov and Martin Greenberg and Charles Waugh by Thomas A. Easton •   Review: The Year's Best Science Fiction, Second Annual Collection by Gardner Dozois by Thomas A. Easton •   Review: The Future of Flight by Dean Ing and Leik Myrabo by Thomas A. Easton •   Review: Out of the Cradle: Exploring the Frontiers Beyond Earth by William K. Hartmann and Pamela Lee and Ron Miller by Thomas A. Easton • Brass Tacks by Stanley Schmidt• Analog: A Calendar of Upcoming Events by Anthony R. Lewis

    Some move toward the future heartened by what they learn from those around them--a tattoo artist, an invented medicine man, zoo animals, strangers, fellow outsiders. Deftly rendered, these stories abound with oddness and grace.In “Tattooizm,” included in The Best American Short Stories 2006, a young woman struggles with a promise that her boyfriend is determined to make her keep. In the Nelson Algren Award–winning “Space,” a reluctantly undertaken errand forces a young man to finally confront the death of his mother. And in “The Medicine Man,” hailed by the Times (U.K.) as “perfectly pitched and perfectly written,” a man recounts his manic attachment to his sister.Moffett’s closely observed stories are candid and complex, funny and moving. The world of Permanent Visitors is an idiosyncratic and generous one, its inhabitants searching for constancy in a place crowded with contradiction.

    R. James is best remembered for his ghost stories which are widely regarded as among the finest in English literature. One of James' most important achievements was to redefine the ghost story for the new century by dispensing with many of the formal gothic trappings of his predecessors, and replacing them with more realistic contemporary settings.According to James, a story must "put the reader into the position of saying to himself: 'If I'm not careful, something of this kind may happen to me!'"

    Each book in the series has been designed with today's young reader in mind. As the words come to life, students will develop a lasting appreciation for great literature.The humor of Mark Twain...the suspense of Edgar Allan Poe...the danger of Jack London...the sensitivity of Katherine Mansfield. Creative Short Stories has it all and will prove to be a welcome addition to any library.

    He is an extremely wealthy man, although no one knows where he or his money have come from. But Gatsby has a purpose: he is following a dream of love. Will his dream come true?

    

    In the eyes of everyone, he had it all; a successful ranch, natural good looks and a charming (if not a bit arrogant) personality. Why send away for a mail-order bride when he could have his pick of the eligible women in town? No one was prepared for Winifred "Winnie" McArthur. Outspoken, daring and unconventional, she was everything Lyle wanted and couldn't find in Pine Prairie. There was only one problem. While she gave her all to everything else, she kept a tight rein on her emotions, disallowing a relationship with Lyle beyond work. Are they destined to be nothing more than colleagues or is something greater in store for them? Please enjoy this family friendly, sweet historical romance novelette of 50 pages.

    Each volume’s series editor selects notable works from hundreds of magazines, journals, and websites. The guest editor then chooses the best twenty or so pieces to publish. This unique system has made the Best American series the most respected – and most popular – of its kind.This special e-book sampler contains eleven selections from the 2011 editions.From The Best American Short Stories® edited by Geraldine Brooks:Housewifely Arts by Megan Mayhew BergmanPhantoms by Steven MillhauserFrom The Best American Essays® edited by Edwidge Danticat:Chapels by Pico IyerThere Are Things Awry Here by Lia PurpuraFrom The Best American Mystery Stories edited by Harlan Coben:A Crime of Opportunity by Ernest J. FinneyFrom The Best American Science and Nature Writing edited by Mary Roach:The Killer in the Pool by Tim Zimmermann, Jr.The Whole Fracking Enchilada by Sandra SteingraberFrom The Best American Sports Writing edited by Jane Leavy:The Surfing Savant by Paul SolotaroffNew Mike, Old Christine by Nancy HassFrom The Best American Travel Writing edited by Sloane Crosley: My Year at Sea by Christopher BuckleyMiami Party Boom by Emily Witt

    This is the most complete and generous sampling of the first half of an indispensable American writer's career.

    Joining forces, they struggle to escape the ruins, only to lose touch after their dramatic rescue. In a chance meeting several months later, Anna Kaklis reconnects with her partner in survival, Lilian Stewart. Now on a journey of discovery, they forge a friendship that grows into the strongest bond either has ever known. Armed with the lessons of their underground ordeal, Anna and Lily unearth what is really important in their lives. Ultimately, Shaken is a story of challenge and courage, loss and triumph, love and family.