His carefully constructed routine includes tracking his most common waking time (7:38 a.m.), refusing to start his therapy sessions even a minute before the appointed hour (10:00 a.m.), and watching one episode of the 1960s cop show Dragnet each night (10:00 p.m.).But when a single mother and her nine-year-old son move in across the street, Edward’s timetable comes undone. Over the course of a momentous 600 hours, he opens up to his new neighbors and confronts old grievances with his estranged parents. Exposed to both the joys and heartaches of friendship, Edward must ultimately decide whether to embrace the world outside his door or retreat to his solitary ways.Heartfelt and hilarious, this moving novel will appeal to fans of Daniel Keyes’s classic Flowers for Algernon and to any reader who loves an underdog.

    He is a compulsive liar, a sickly weakling in a town famous for begetting brutish giants. Then Lucy accepts employment assisting the majordomo of the remote, foreboding Castle Von Aux. While tending to his new post as undermajordomo, he soon discovers the place harbours many dark secrets, not least of which is the whereabouts of the castle's master, Baron Von Aux. Thus begins a tale of polite theft, bitter heartbreak, domestic mystery, and cold-blooded murder.Undermajordomo Minor is an ink-black comedy of manners, an adventure, and a mystery, and a searing portrayal of rural Alpine bad behaviour, but above all it is a love story. And Lucy must be careful, for love is a violent thing.

    Private investigator, Jill Gooder, has been hired to find a serial killer because, as usual, the police can't buy a clue. Jill, the not so proud owner of a crazy, one-eyed cat, probably can't expect too much help from her PA/Secretary, Mrs V, who spends all day knitting. And just in case all of that wasn't bad enough, Jill's just about to discover she's a witch. ...break out the custard creams.

    DESERTER. COMMANDER. At 22, Commander Ellen Ryu is a little young to be "retired." Yet she’s planned—and bled in—more battles than veterans twice her age. And, well, she didn’t exactly retire so much as desert. Betrayed by her superiors, turned into a science experiment, and nearly driven insane, Ellen seized the chance for freedom when a shadowy organization offered her a ship of her own and an elite, all-female crew. She's got a new mission now: get revenge on the scientist who almost destroyed her. Nobody is going to get in her way this time. Especially not the merc who's just shown up at her cargo hatch, looking to hitch a ride. MERCENARY. CONVICT. RENEGADE. In the middle of an op gone wrong, cyborg mercenary Kael Sidassian gets stuck with a mission he can't refuse: carry a capsule to safety, the contents of which would bring the galaxy down on his head if anyone knew what was inside. But he’s also got damaged hardware inside his head and a plan to escape from the merc company that forcibly conscripted him over ten years ago. So when a humanitarian ship grants him passage, he thanks his lucky stars for a job that'll solve all his problems at once. That is, if the attachment he’s forming to the ship’s commander—one that goes way beyond duty and loyalty—doesn’t get in the way. As a new threat rises, the prodigy and the screw-up discover far more in common than they ever thought possible. Now both their missions will have to wait, because if they aren't audacious enough to work together, they'll never survive what's coming for them. For lovers of romantic space opera, Lois McMaster Bujold, and David Weber, THE EMPRESS CAPSULE is the first volume in the Audacity series.

    (Except secretly you really do you masochistic, beastly person you.) Illustrated, painfully funny and drop-your-jaw ridiculous, this is trivia from the cesspit of time that you won't be able to stop reading once you start.*To aid childbirth.**They exploded it with 100 times too much dynamite and rained blubber down on unsuspecting people and buildings.***Decency prevents us from answering this one here. You'll have to buy the book to find out.

    His outrageous monologues made him a legend on tv's The Kids in the Hall.  Now he's back--with the life story only he could tell."My goal is not to shock and horrify, but to tell the truth.  And if that truth shocks and horrifies, well .  .  .  maybe you should get out more."Spinning martini-fueled tales from his stool in his favorite gay bar, acid-tongued raconteur Buddy Cole became one of The Kids in the Hall's most beloved and enduring characters.  Now, brought to you by Kids star Scott Thompson with series writer Paul Bellini, Buddy Babylon takes you on a jaw-dropping tour of Buddy's flashy, trashy life, filled with tales of poignant, heart-wrenching romance, lurid sexual debauchery, the birth of synchronized swimming, and the ugly, never-before-revealed truth behind the Prettiest Feet in Quebec contest.Join Marco (Buddy's cosmetically challenged sidekick), Cornygirl (the loyal corncob doll who rarely leaves his side), and a cast of unforgettably offbeat characters as Buddy blazes a trail across the deep Canadian forest, through the darkest corners of the big city, and back to his signature barstool.  From his humble beginnings as the twenty-third child of poor pig farmers, to his moment in the spotlight in the tabloids, Buddy Babylon lays bare a lifetime of madness, chaos, and things your mother warned you about--the essential Buddy Cole.After Kids' six-year run on CBS, HBO, Comedy Central, and the CBC in Canada, Scott Thompson joined the cast of the critically acclaimed HBO series The Larry Sanders Show.  He is also a frequent guest on Politically Incorrect and The Late Show, and continues to do stand-up comedy, which includes performances in the character of Buddy Cole.

    In her debut collection of humor essays, Connie provides entertainment with hysterical stories about awkward workplace situations, ridiculous coworkers, and enough happy hour cocktails to make you question her life choices. From low paying high school gigs to “real world” marketing jobs in Chicago, Connie presents stories about life both in and out of the office that will have you laughing out loud in the break room.

    Her Santa Monica house staff takes care of everything, leaving Agnes to focus on her trophy-wife responsibilities: look perfect, adore her older husband, and wear terribly expensive (if uncomfortable) underwear.When her husband disappears, leaving Agnes and their infant daughter with no money, no home, and no staff, she is forced to move across the country, where she lands a job teaching at an all-boys boarding school in the Bronx. So long, organic quinoa bowls and sunshine-filled California life. Hello, processed food, pest-infested house, and twelve-year-old-boy humor—all day, every day.But it’s in this place of second chances (and giant bugs), where Agnes is unexpectedly forced to take care of herself and her daughter, where she finds out the kind of woman she can be. Ultimately, she has to decide if she prefers the woman and mother she has become…or the trophy life she left behind.Authentic and sharply witty, Trophy Life is proof that granny panties and mom coats might not be the answer to everything; they’re simply comfortable (if slightly unattractive) reminders of what happens when one life ends…and real life begins.

    The accident that ended her burgeoning acting career left her with excruciating, chronic back pain, a failed marriage, and a deepening dependence on painkillers. And now she’s on the verge of losing her job as a college theater director. Determined to put on Shakespeare’s All’s Well That Ends Well, the play that promised, and cost, her everything, she faces a mutinous cast hellbent on staging Macbeth instead. Miranda sees her chance at redemption slip through her fingers.That’s when she meets three strange benefactors who have an eerie knowledge of Miranda’s past and a tantalizing promise for her future: one where the show goes on, her rebellious students get what’s coming to them, and the invisible, doubted pain that’s kept her from the spotlight is made known.With prose Margaret Atwood has described as “no punches pulled, no hilarities dodged...genius,” Mona Awad has concocted her most potent, subversive novel yet. All’s Well is the story of a woman at her breaking point and a formidable, piercingly funny indictment of our collective refusal to witness and believe female pain.

    Like an alcoholic taking a sip of whiskey. But no. Nothing. I had a blissful night’s sleep. Didn’t wake up at all. And for once, no bad dream either. This morning I feel balanced. Almost sane, for once.Rhiannon is your average girl next door, settled with her boyfriend and little dog…but she’s got a killer secret.Although her childhood was haunted by a famous crime, Rhiannon’s life is normal now that her celebrity has dwindled. By day, her job as an editorial assistant is demeaning and unsatisfying. By evening, she dutifully listens to her friends’ plans for marriage and babies while secretly making a list.A kill list.From the man at the grocery checkout who always mishandles her apples, to the driver who cuts her off on her way to work, to the people who have it coming, Rhiannon is ready to get her revenge.Because the girl everyone overlooks might be able to get away with murder…

    But mostly, I’m just sat eating pickles and being nice to some dogs. Whatever strangers think of me is fine with me. How audacious is that? I can always take a joke, I don’t waste time worrying about things I can’t control. I embrace the reality that you just can’t please everyone, so you might as well put yourself out there and have a laugh. As my mother always said, "Katherine, if we all liked the same thing, we’d all be married to your father." I’m often asked how I developed my lurid level of courage and assurance and for tips on how others can match. The Audacity is my chance to share my blueprint for just that. You will learn:• How To Be the Most Popular Girl in School• How to Waste All Your Money on Designer Dogs• How To Attract Toxic Men… AND Keep Them Interested!And so much more… Secrets are my favourite things to be told and I figured I’d better tell a few juicy ones myself, too. Why not? No matter what I do, there will always be something about me that reads as simply, outrageously audacious.

    Although he has been with his wife, Starla, for over twenty years, Dale freely admits that he knows absolutely nothing about women and he has the stories to prove it including: Check Yes or No, Just Friends, You Will Love My Cat, With This Pre-nup I Thee Wed, My Eggs Are Rotting, and Big White Panties. Ladies, if you have ever wondered what your man is really thinking, Dale will tell you. Guys, if your lady has ever left you confused and frustrated, you are not alone. Dale has been there, too. To strengthen your relationship, sit on the couch with your soul mate, share a nice box of wine, and laugh out loud at Big White Panties. Dale Alderman lives in Chantilly, Virginia with his wife, Starla, and two sons, Chase and Logan. He graduated from Virginia Tech in 1984 and received a masters degree from Marymount University in 1995. For 19 years, he worked as a sales and marketing executive for large global corporations, and then he decided to get a real life and spend time with his family. An award-winning author, Dale has appeared on FOX & Friends on the FOX News Channel and has appeared on many nationally syndicated radio shows. Dale is the author of Everyday Dad, a collection of funny stories about fatherhood. He is also the author of The MegaDog Tales, a middle grade adventure about a cocker spaniel that becomes a superhero.

     When workaholic Eleanor receives an anonymous message that her estranged brother Dennis is dead, at first she doesn’t believe it. But when attempts to contact him fail, she puts her upcoming work project on hold and rushes to Finnick, Louisiana — the small, backward town where her brother lived. There, the locals tell her that Dennis committed suicide, although she isn’t so sure about that. Eleanor temporarily settles into Dennis’s creepy, turn-of-the-century house, intending to only stay long enough to pack his few belongings. But that night, Eleanor spots a young boy in the cemetery behind Dennis’s house, speaking to the gravestones. When she approaches him, Eleanor’s interruption of the boy’s ritual sets off a chain reaction of horror she could have never prepared for. The footsteps downstairs, the voices, and the shadowy apparitions are only the beginning. Dennis wasn’t alone in that house, and neither is she. Eleanor soon learns that the boy is being oppressed by a demonic entity. What’s worse, her brother Dennis had also interfered with the boy’s nightly ritual and incurred the wrath of the evil spirit. Now Eleanor must finish what her brother started — to rescue the boy from the clutches of hell before he loses his soul forever. But why is the demon so interested in the boy? What does it want? Eleanor discovers there are others in Finnick who know of the boy’s nightly visits to the graveyard and want them to continue. And they will do whatever it takes to stop Eleanor from ruining their carefully laid plans. The Gravewatcher is the debut novel from supernatural horror author Rockwell Scott.

    This is the story of one man's journey.Down on his luck and with his back against a wall, John Crussel would do anything to provide for his family. Even rob a bank out of desperation. But when he hears of how he can make money in a virtual reality video game called Alterlife, he walks away from the robbery and decides to give it a shot.Couldn't be harder than robbing a bank, could it?John's world is about to change as he finds that Alterlife is easier than it seems. But being a hotshot new guy that seems to have all the luck draws the attention of some dangerous people in Alterlife - ones that want what he has and are willing to do anything for it.Through a series of unfortunate events, John becomes the first to contract a deadly virus. Now he only has ten days to live. He soon finds himself tied to a sinister plot and realizes that his misfortune may not be a coincidence.The virus was designed to kill players outside of the game. And John was targeted to be the carrier.All John Crussel wanted was to make some easy money.He thought Alterlife was just a game...This high stakes novel depicts John's struggle both in and out of virtual reality. Fans of Otherland by Tad Williams, World of Warcraft, and Skyrim will feel right at home in Alterlife. "Complex, fast paced and filled with lots of intrigue, it's a page turner from start to finish." - William B.Grab your copy today!

    With full-color photo essays, the author guides readers past good taste, sense and even logic into the magical, mayhem-ridden world known as his life.