The world-famous psychiatrist and author of the classic works Attachment, Separation, and Loss offers important guidelines for child rearing based on the crucial role of early intimate relationships.

     If you were brought up in the Western world, you’ve been trained on fairy tales of love and relationships that are misleading at best, and at worst have you making mistake after mistake in starting relationships with the wrong kinds of people who will waste your time and keep you from finding a loyal partner. Science has the answer! Or at least a guide to save you the time and effort of discovering for yourself how many wrong types of romantic partners there are. Reading this book will help you recognize the signs of some of the syndromes that prevent people from being good partners. We’ll go through those syndromes and point out some of the signs. Those little red flags you sometimes notice when you are getting to know someone? Often they speak loud and clear once you understand the types, and you can decide immediately to run away or approach with caution those who show them. If you’re young and just starting to look for a partner, good news—the world is swarming with well-adjusted, charming matches for you, if you know how to recognize them. The bad news: you are inexperienced and you may not recognize the right type of person when you date them. Many people expect to experience an immediate sense of excitement, an overwhelming rush of attraction, and to fall in love rapidly and equally with someone who feels the same. This rarely happens, and when it does it usually ends badly! And expecting it will cause you to let go of people who are steady, loving, and attentive, if you had given them a chance. So once you’ve identified someone who makes you laugh, answers your messages, and is there for you when you want them, don’t make the mistake of tossing them aside for the merely good-looking, sexy, or intriguing stranger. If you’re older, bad news: while you were spending time and effort on relationships you were hoping would turn out better, or even happily nestled in a good relationship or two, most of the secure, reliable, sane people in your age group got paired off. They’re married or happily enfamilied, and most of the people your age in the dating pool are tragically unable to form a good long-term relationship. You should always ask yourself, “why is this one still available?”—there may be a good answer (recently widowed or left a long-term relationship), or it may be that this person has just been extraordinarily unlucky in having over twenty short relationships in twenty years (to cite one case!) But it’s far more likely you have met someone with a problematic attachment style. As you age past 40, the percentage of the dating pool that is able to form a secure, stable relationship drops to less than 30%[1]; and since it can take months of dating to understand why Mr. or Ms. SeemsNice is really the future ex-partner from Hell, being able to recognize the difficult types will help you recognize them faster and move on to the next. This book outlines the basics (which might be all you need), and points you toward more resources if you want to understand more about your problem partner. If you're wondering if the guy or girl you've been hanging out with might not be quite right, this is the place to match those little red flags you've noticed with known bad types. And by getting out fast, you can avoid emotional damage and wasted time, and get going on finding someone who's really right for you. Study all of the bad types and you'll detect them before even getting involved. Or you could be one of the few people who recognizes their own problems in one of these types. There are study materials and plans of action for you, too.

    For years, two major schools of thought have strongly disagreed about what the nature of that relationship should be. The humanists emphasized warmth and empathy. The psychoanalysts kept a neutral, cool distance. Recently, however, the beginnings of a reconciliation between these traditions have opened new possibilities for the way therapists relate to clients.In Between Therapist and Client, Michael Kahn shows why this new consensus is promising. Beginning with Freud's discovery of transference, Kahn traces the history of the clinical relationship from Carl Rogers' introduction of humanistic concerns through Merton Gill's theory and technique of transference analysis, to the pioneering work of Heinz Kohut, who has most successfully brought together psychoanalytic and humanistic thought. Using vivid examples from his own practice, Kahn shows how a coherent synthesis of these various approaches leads to the most successful clinical relationships.Completely updated with greater discussion of ethics and countertransference, the new edition of Between Therapist and Client is essential reading for those in psychotherapy both therapist and client.

    The authors, who have been practicing both mindfulness and psychotherapy for decades, present a range of clear-cut procedures for implementing mindfulness techniques and teaching them to patients experiencing depression, anxiety, chronic pain, and other problems. Also addressed are ways that mindfulness practices can increase acceptance and empathy in the therapeutic relationship. The book reviews the philosophical underpinnings of mindfulness and presents compelling empirical findings. User-friendly features include illustrative case examples, practice exercises, and resource listings.

    Porges’s decades of research. A leading expert in developmental psychophysiology and developmental behavioral neuroscience, Porges is the mind behind the groundbreaking Polyvagal Theory, which has startling implications for the treatment of anxiety, depression, trauma, and autism. Adopted by clinicians around the world, the Polyvagal Theory has provided exciting new insights into the way our autonomic nervous system unconsciously mediates social engagement, trust, and intimacy.

    For persons with this prevalent and difficult-to-treat dual diagnosis, the most urgent clinical need is to establish safety--to work toward discontinuing substance use, letting go of dangerous relationships, and gaining control over such extreme symptoms as dissociation and self-harm. The manual is divided into 25 specific units or topics, addressing a range of different cognitive, behavioral, and interpersonal domains. Each topic provides highly practical tools and techniques to engage patients in treatment; teach "safe coping skills" that apply to both disorders; and restore ideals that have been lost, including respect, care, protection, and healing. Structured yet flexible, topics can be conducted in any order and in a range of different formats and settings. The volume is designed for maximum ease of use with a large-size format and helpful reproducible therapist sheets and handouts, which purchasers can also download and print at the companion Web page. See also the author's self-help guide Finding Your Best Self, Revised Edition: Recovery from Addiction, Trauma, or Both, an ideal client recommendation.

    You may recall your childhood as a time when your emotional needs were not met, when your feelings were dismissed, or when you took on adult levels of responsibility in an effort to compensate for your parent’s behavior. These wounds can be healed, and you can move forward in your life.In this breakthrough book, clinical psychologist Lindsay Gibson exposes the destructive nature of parents who are emotionally immature or unavailable. You will see how these parents create a sense of neglect, and discover ways to heal from the pain and confusion caused by your childhood. By freeing yourself from your parents’ emotional immaturity, you can recover your true nature, control how you react to them, and avoid disappointment. Finally, you’ll learn how to create positive, new relationships so you can build a better life.Discover the four types of difficult parents:The emotional parent instills feelings of instability and anxietyThe driven parent stays busy trying to perfect everything and everyoneThe passive parent avoids dealing with anything upsettingThe rejecting parent is withdrawn, dismissive, and derogatory

    Yet the dynamic between therapist and client remains an enigma. In Tales of Un-Knowing, Ernesto Spinelli presents eight tales of a therapeutic approach that has proven highly effective in assisting troubled individuals in confronting the problems of everyday life. According to Spinelli, therapy at its most fundamental level involves the act of revealing and reassessing the life stories that clients tell themselves in order to establish or maintain meaning in their lives. The role of the therapist is not only to listen, but to help the client to explicate and reconstruct this life story.Tales of Un-Knowing presents the lives of eight individuals whose experiences illuminate a variety of dilemmas and anxieties that most of us encounter at different points in our lives. We meet a man who refuses to grow old gracefully, a woman who fears that she is only loved for her body, and an octogenarian who lives simultaneously in the present and in the past. We also meet Giles, whose obsessive identification with Einstein led him to theorize about his sex until it became a living mathematics full of enthralling permutations and combinations. In the course of the book Spinelli tackles head on the last great taboo of therapeutic practice--sexual attraction between therapist and client.Existential therapy, then, requires that the therapist experience life through the client's eyes. This frequently leads to challenges to the therapist's own ways of being, and the underlying values, beliefs, and assumptions that maintain them. The term un-knowing refers to the challenge to the therapist, who must force him or herself to remain open to new interpretations of that which is familiar, and to treat the seemingly familiar as novel, unfixed in meaning, and accessible to previously unexamined possibilities.

    Am I normal? (and what is "normal," anyway?) What's up down there? I really like girls, but I like boys sometimes, too. Am I gay, bisexual, or just messed up? Are we both really ready to have sex? Is it ok if I masturbate? I feel like I can't ever say no to my partner. What's the problem? Heather Corinna and Scarleteen.com have been providing sex education and information for young adults, parents, and mentors for nearly ten years. Whether you're straight, gay, sexually active, or just plain curious, S.E.X. spells out everything you need to know, including: A sexual readiness checklist Illustrations of female and male reproductive anatomy How to love your body, even when it's changing every day Tips on safer sex for body, heart, and mind An in-depth birth control breakdown How to create and enjoy the relationships that are right for you Popular mechanics of partnered sex: sexual activities explained, including pregnancy and STI risks STIs 101: what they are and how to keep yourself from getting them

    Invisible abuse is rarely talked about because of how hard it is to pin-point, even by mental health professionals. Fortunately, there is a growing wealth of information available, particularly around the term narcissistic abuse. After discovering the keywords and digging for answers, the next step is what to do about it now. It’s important to understand that leaving the abusive person and educating yourself about the abuse is not the same as healing. This discovery is the actually start of the journey of self-healing after narcissistic abuse. THE JOURNEY is a roadmap out of the suffering and struggle after narcissistic abuse. It is a comprehensive, holistic outline of the recovery process so you can measure where you are and where you want to go in the journey of self-healing. If you want to change anything in life, you’re going to need to measure it somehow. This structure will help you get to the next level and keep moving forward out of the gravity of the past so you can create a life of peace, joy, meaning and purpose.

    Abuse too painful to put into words does have a language, though, a language of coded signs and symptoms that conventional therapy fails to understand. In this luminous, deeply moving book, Rogers reveals how she has helped many girls find expression and healing for the sexual trauma that has shattered their childhoods. Rogers opens with a harrowing account of her own emotional collapse in childhood and goes on to illustrate its significance to how she hears and understands trauma in her clinical work. Years after her breakdown, when she discovered the brilliant work of French psychoanalyst Jacques Lacan, Rogers at last had the key she needed to unlock the secrets of the unsayable. With Lacan’s theory of language and its layered associations as her guide, Rogers was able to make startling connections with seemingly unreachable girls who had lost years of childhood, who had endured the unspeakable in silence.At the heart of the book is the searing portrait of the girl Rogers calls Ellen, brutally abused for three years by her teenage male babysitter. Over the course of seven years of therapy, Rogers helped Ellen find words for the terrible things that had happened to her, face up to the unconscious patterns through which she replayed the trauma, and learn to live beyond the shadows of the past. Through Ellen’s story, Rogers illuminates the complex, intimate unraveling of trauma between therapist and child, as painful truths and their consequences come to light in unexpected ways.Like Judith Herman’s Trauma and Recovery and Kay Redfield Jamison’s An Unquiet Mind, The Unsayable is a book with the power to change the way we think about suffering and self-expression. For those who have experienced psychological trauma, and for those who yearn to help, this brave, compelling book will be a touchstone of lucid understanding and true healing.

    At first he tried to forget about it, but soon something inside him started to bother him. He felt nervous for no reason. Sometimes his stomach hurt. He had bad dreams. And he started to feel angry and do mean things, which got him in trouble. Then he met Ms. Maple, who helped him talk about the terrible thing that he had tried to forget. Now Sherman is feeling much better. This gently told and tenderly illustrated story is for children who have witnessed any kind of violent or traumatic episode, including physical abuse, school or gang violence, accidents, homicide, suicide, and natural disasters such as floods or fire. An afterword by Sasha J. Mudlaff written for parents and other caregivers offers extensive suggestions for helping traumatized children, including a list of other sources that focus on specific events.

    But when life does not live up to our expectations, we end up with an Expectation Hangover.Expectation Hangovers happen when a desired result is not met, an outcome is achieved but it does not give us the feelings we thought it would, life throws us a curveball, or we simply do not feel we are living up to the expectations placed upon us (by ourselves or others). Expectations are pervasive in our lives; therefore, so is disappointment, which costs us valuable time and energy if not treated effectively.Whether you are facing a loss, going through a life transition, or want to learn how to stop setting so many expectations, this book gives you a treatment plan for how to process Expectation Hangovers on the emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual levels.Using powerful exercises, guided meditations, and inspiring true stories, Christine teaches you how use Expectation Hangovers as catalysts for profound transformation and doorways that open to possibility. You’ll understand why your Expectation Hangover happened and a clear course of action to pursue your goals while preventing future disappointment.

    Written by well-known and respected scholars, the book, in nine core chapters, provides an introduction to a set of disorders along with overviews of current research on etiology, treatment and prevention. Prior chapters give a context for the integration of Christianity and the scientific study of psychopathology, and articulate integrative themes discussed throughout the book, providing a foundation for the concluding vision for Christian health professionals and the church. This is a unique and valuable resource for Christians studying psychology and counseling, or providing counseling services, pastoral care, Christian healing ministries or spiritual direction. Though fully capable of standing on its own, it is also a useful companion volume to Modern Psychotherapies by Stanton L. Jones and Richard E. Butman.

    Marc Brackett, author of Permission to Feel, knows why. And he knows what we can do. "We have a crisis on our hands, and its victims are our children."Marc Brackett is a professor in Yale University's Child Study Center and founding director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence. In his 25 years as an emotion scientist, he has developed a remarkably effective plan to improve the lives of children and adults - a blueprint for understanding our emotions and using them wisely so that they help, rather than hinder, our success and well-being. The core of his approach is a legacy from his childhood, from an astute uncle who gave him permission to feel. He was the first adult who managed to see Marc, listen to him, and recognize the suffering, bullying, and abuse he'd endured. And that was the beginning of Marc's awareness that what he was going through was temporary. He wasn't alone, he wasn't stuck on a timeline, and he wasn't "wrong" to feel scared, isolated, and angry. Now, best of all, he could do something about it.In the decades since, Marc has led large research teams and raised tens of millions of dollars to investigate the roots of emotional well-being. His prescription for healthy children (and their parents, teachers, and schools) is a system called RULER, a high-impact and fast-effect approach to understanding and mastering emotions that has already transformed the thousands of schools that have adopted it. RULER has been proven to reduce stress and burnout, improve school climate, and enhance academic achievement. This book is the culmination of Marc's development of RULER and his way to share the strategies and skills with readers around the world. It is tested, and it works.This book combines rigor, science, passion and inspiration in equal parts. Too many children and adults are suffering; they are ashamed of their feelings and emotionally unskilled, but they don't have to be. Marc Brackett's life mission is to reverse this course, and this book can show you how.