What twisted, funny tales would it unleash upon the world?Each episode of Crackanory contains two 15-minute tales and is a master class in storytelling, combining some of the UK's best comedy writers and performers.Full author list: Nico Tatarowicz, Toby Davies, Kevin Eldon, Ali Crockatt, David Scott, Laurence Rickard, Jeremy Dyson, Simon Judd, Alex Carter and Holly WalshFull narrator list: Jack Dee, Sally Phillips, Rebecca Front, Kevin Eldon, Harry Enfield, Sarah Solemani, Sharon Horgan, Charlie Higson, Richard Hammond and Jessica Hynes.

    . . One batch of doughnuts . . . One ripple of resentment.Profit-hungry developers are swarming over Middleton, determined to see the local football ground turned into luxury flats. But they haven't counted on the spirited resistance of local baker, Bill Baxter, who vents his frustration at the developers' plans by neglecting to put jam into a batch of doughnuts. Unbeknown to Bill, a rogue jamless doughnut sets in train a ripple of irrational anger that grows, wave upon wave, until finally it threatens to swamp the entire nation, leaving careers ruined, fortunes won and Parliament in turmoil. But where will it end? And what will become of Bill and his beloved Middleton?Stand up comedian Dominic Holland delivers another slick slice of comedy that will have you roaring with laughter, rooting for the good guys and relegating the villains to the bottom of the table.

    It premiered 37 years ago, in 1973, and, after 31 series it finally came to an end last year – even though all its original protagonists – Compo, Foggy, even Nora Batty – are now dead. Remarkably, for a series of such longevity and international appeal, it is all about elderly people, has little action or plot, and is set and filmed in and around the small Yorkshire town of Holmfirth. Now, Andrew Vine, the deputy editor of Yorkshire’s daily newspaper, has written the definitive history of this television phenomenon. It covers the show’s inauspicious beginnings, with low ratings, its endless reinvention as participants like Bill Owen, Michael Bates, Brian Wilde and Kathy Staff retired or died, the appearance of a string of guest stars from John Cleese and Norman Wisdom to Thora Hird and Russ Abbott (both of whom soon found themselves fixtures in the cast), and the ingenious plot contrivances as the protagonists became too old and frail to attempt any of the slapstick stunts with runaway prams – indeed any outdoor action. Holmfirth is now a year-round tourist attraction, and endless repeats and new DVD box sets will ensure a readership for this book for years to come.

    Yes, she’s thirty-three, single, and has had to work as a waitress and children’s party entertainer since her social worker salary suffered from budget cuts, but she stays positive and manages to pay the mortgage on her flat. Her home is her sanctuary – until Tom moves in downstairs. Lucy and Tom quickly fall in love and into a serious relationship, which is complicated by Tom’s recent separation from his wife, who he has two young sons with. Lucy is heartbroken when Tom breaks up with her, saying that something has to give in his busy life. Encouraged/coerced/badgered by her friends into getting ‘back on that horse’, Lucy finds herself at a tacky Singles Night; dating Danny, a Justin Timberlake impersonator; and attempting a rendezvous with her ‘special friend’. Lucy’s quest to move on from Tom would be a whole lot easier if she didn’t have to hear everything he does. After all, how on earth do you get over someone when you can hear them peeing? Him Downstairs is relatable Chick Lit for readers 18+ who have dipped their toe into the world of modern dating and relationships. It contains adult language and humour, and is written in ‘British English’.

    A man not above faking his own death to sell more records, this is his not quite true story of romance, recidivism, country music, and an unshakeable belief in Marriage at First Sight.

    This crafty revision of English vocabulary posits that Platypus should signify “to give your cat pigtails;” that Flemish should mean “rather like snot;” and that Celtic is in fact a prison for fleas. With nearly 600 new definitions, this side-splitting resource pushes the boundaries of the English language to riotous new limits.

     All the best,Kerry and Kurtanp.s. Kurtan wants to make it clear that although this newsletter is in book format it does not make him any of the following:Book WormBook bummerBoffinNerd alertThe lion, the witch and the book wormp.p.s If you don't buy this newsletter that's fine, but we are getting a percent of the profits to donate to the Kerry Mucklowe eating fund, so if you don't buy it I'll basically starve. Which is fine if your conscience can deal with that utter headf***.

    A look at the absurdities of modern life.

    The bookshop is about to close, abandoned buildings line the canal and Potherthwaite’s residents seem stuck in a disheartened rut. Something has to be done, but what? And who will do it?When an unexpected tragedy shatters Sally’s life, she bravely takes on the task herself. Supported by a group of locals, including thrice-married Marigold Boyce-Willoughby, who is forever looking for love, and married couple Jill and Arnold Buss, who might both be falling for their new neighbours, Sally embarks on her ambition to bring the town back to life. But can one woman rally a whole community to save itself?David Nobbs’ much-anticipated new novel is a hilarious, heartwarming tale about what keeps our community spirits alive.

    

    Poems, sketches, cartoons, short prose pieces and doctored photos.

    BACHELOR BOYS: The Young Ones Book by Ben Elton, Rik Mayall and Lise Mayer

    Packed full of zingers and hilarious illustrations, if this doesn't put a smile on your face, nothing will. What's not to like:The other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my dressing room. I didn't know what to make of it. I'm against hunting. I'm actually a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox. I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one. Black holes. I don't know what people see in them. So I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first.' He went 'Baah' and I went 'Moo'. He said 'You're closest.' Velcro. What a rip-off. Black Beauty. He's a dark horse. I've got a sponge front door. Hey, don't knock it.

    Lover. Bon viviant. Cad. Ross O'Carroll-Kelly is many things to many people. But 10 years after he lifted the Leinster Schools Senior Cup, Ireland's most beloved rogue remains one of its most misunderstood figures.

    When the system begins to misfire under the workload, the ill-equipped representatives of God and the Devil tasked with managing the process are given an ultimatum. Fix The Afternet or go back to your previous afterlives. They begin an odyssey through the hordes of souls awaiting judgement and the oblivious living in search of a solution. Rich in comic detail and populated with characters real and imagined from throughout time, their quest is never going to be straightforward…