Observe. Ridicule.You run into them every day—the striped-shirt guy, the karaoke master, the dude with a pencil-thin beard, the guy who won’t shut up about his fantasy football team—characters who annoy, irritate, and incense us all. Based on the wildly popular essay on ThePhatPhree.com by Mike Polk, this book is a look inside the heads of the most infuriating douchebags on Earth. It’s the best of ThePhatPhree.com plus more than fifty all-new, hilarious pieces written by some of your favorite writers from this site.Everyone’s (Least) Favorite, The Striped-Shirt Guy…I will valet tonight! I will treat the valet with contempt and make sure that he knows that I am superior to him. I will tell him, “Take it easy on the brakes, champ”! When I do not hook up with a girl at the club, I will say that the place is “full of skanks” and wait in line at another bar, only to strike out again!Your “Cool” High School Teacher…Here are some things I allow in my class that other teachers don’t: eating, drinking,swearing, dancing, smoking, fighting, cell phones, Texas hold ’em, iPods, and sex. Like my Goo Goo Dolls tee? Anyone else here down with the Dolls? No? Me either. I’m just wearing it as a goof.The Guy with Amazing Taste in Music…Personally, I haven’t listened to the radio in fifteen years. If you have ever heard a band on the radio, then I can assure you, I am not a fan. I stopped listening to American music about ten years ago.

    The Complete Georgette Quinby Regency Romance Series Meet the Mad Heiress, Miss Georgette Quinby. Nearly a decade ago, when her fiancé jilted her, and married another, she threw herself down the stairs in a fit of passion. Or maybe it was a parapet or perhaps a cliff. The Ton isn’t too sure, but they certainly won’t forgive nor let her forget. Georgette is sure she will never love again. Now she is companion to her young cousin and chaperoning her coming out. She has no prospects herself. But one night in a garden, she smells cigar smoke and realizes she is not alone. Georgette turns to leave, but it is too late. He has seen her and knows her. Meet Charles, Duke of Eversley, and erstwhile British spy in the continuing war with France. The Duke swore never to love another after the tragic death of his first wife, and he is still haunted by her memory. Georgette certainly didn’t want to open that wound. Neither did the Duke, but a cipher in a potted plant, an English traitor, a young gambler and a pair of star-crossed lovers pull the jaded couple together. Now Georgette has overheard something of great importance and she and Duke the must join forces to catch a spy working against their beloved England. From the ballrooms of the English Aristocracy, to ices at Vauxhall, to gambling halls, and secret meetings at the British Museum, Georgette and the Duke will risk their lives and their hearts for King and country. Both have sworn they will never love again…but together they will find that even the most broken of hearts can heal. Enjoy the Complete Georgette Quinby Collection.

    For Helena Al-Khoury, life as an immigrant has been full of loneliness and despair. On the long road that has taken her from her family home in the Lebanon to the bustling port of Liverpool, the slums of Chicago, and finally to the Canadian wilderness, the struggle to overcome heartbreak, loss and cruel hardship has taken a heavy toll. Now, at last, with the constant support of Joe, her devoted lover, she has developed into a strong, independent woman.When unexpected circumstances take her back across the Atlantic to Liverpool, Helena is offered the chance to take over the family business, and to become a success in her own right. Yet with her love far away on another continent, she feels torn apart. Soon the tragedies of the past and the challenges of the future threaten to overwhelm her…

    It’s 1976, and while the country prepares to celebrate the bicentennial, Daniel Truitt’s family is falling apart. His father, Pete, has been fired from yet another teaching job, and his mother, Valerie, is one step away from leaving for good. But when Pete lucks into a crumbling mansion in the nation’s capital, he makes a bold plan to start a school under his own roof where students and teachers will be equals. Replete with the wry humor, human insight, and cultural resonance that characterizes Shreve’s critically acclaimed fiction, When the White House Was Ours will be a joy to anyone whose family has lived through an idealistic time and ended up in an era of compromise.

    A lifetime ago. Before the murder of her father. Before she became Kota Rani, the wise regent who rules over Kashmir with a firm hand.As invaders and immigrants disturb the tranquillity of her land, Kota must find a way to protect her people. But at what personal cost? Can she weather the political intrigues and power-play of the court? Will she succeed in preserving the splendour and diversity of her society? Will social hypocrisy and notions of what a woman should be keep Kota from being the sovereign she knows she is?Set in fourteenth-century Kashmir, The Last Queen of Kashmir is the sweeping saga of a civilization in peril. It is also the tale of one of the greatest queens of the land - one that will speak to the men and women of today.

    Valerie Steiker’s Belgian Jewish mother, Gisèle—who, as a child in Antwerp, was hidden from the Nazis—wasn’t a typical American mom. She spoke with throaty Belgian Rs and wore only high heels. Before her marriage, she had studied acting with Lee Strasburg and been a model in Mexico. With her vitality and elegance, she created a joyous childhood for Valerie and her sister. Together they tangoed through their vibrant Manhattan apartment, took in great art, and shared “women’s hidden secrets.” Gisèle’s premature death left Valerie (at the time a junior at Harvard) unmoored, but in grieving and in finding her own path to womanhood, Valerie would ultimately grow to understand Gisèle more profoundly than she ever had as a child. Beautifully evocative of a glamourous and now-vanished world, The Leopard Hat is an extraordinary memoir about the warm and indelible bond between mother and daughter.

    . .It’s 1981. Eleven-year-old Sadie adores her beautiful and vibrant mother, Connie, whose dreams of making it big as a singer fill their tiny house in Leeds. It’s always been just the two of them. Until the unthinkable happens.Jean hasn’t seen her good-for-nothing daughter Connie since she ran away from the family home in Harlow – or Pram Town as its inhabitants affectionately call it – aged seventeen and pregnant.But in the wake of the Royal Wedding, Jean gets a life-changing call: could she please come and collect the granddaughter she’s never met?We all know how Charles and Diana turned out, and Jean and Sadie are hardly a match made in heaven – but is there hope of a happy ending for them?Written in Joanna Nadin’s trademark dazzling prose, The Talk of Pram Town tells the story of three generations of Earnshaws and asks whether it always has to be like mother, like daughter . .

    But the wilderness conceals more than one perilous mystery. Where in Wisconsin's Northwoods did the notorious gangster John Dillinger hide $210,000 following a violent FBI shootout? And why do the local timberwolves incite so much rage among Natalie's neighbors? As predators circle and howl in the dark, Ginger, the bartender at the nearby Star Lake Saloon, draws Natalie deep into the secrets not only of Dillinger but of the ecologies of family, forest, and heart. With the reluctant support of her granddaughter and advice from a handsome wolf biologist, Natalie is forced to choose between adversity and adventure. Sara Rath continues her popular Northwoods saga in this affirming and often humorous tale of romance, betrayal, and danger.

    She and her mother and father might be poor, but they’re happy. Then one day, everything changes.Her father goes to the doctor for a simple procedure—the removal of a rotten tooth—but instead, his kidney is stolen and sold on the black market. Juhi and her parents are kidnapped and dropped in a New Delhi slum. Separated from her parents, Juhi must quickly learn to survive. Luckily, she has a rare skill that’s greatly in demand, especially in the slums: she knows how to read and write. At first, her quick wits allow her to thrive, but soon they attract unwanted attention, and she’s faced with impossible decisions and desperate choices.Meanwhile, in the United States, Kevin Whitman is dying. No American doctor can help him, so he ventures to India for treatment. He has no idea that in so doing, he’ll change Juhi’s life forever.