Laurie Notaro figured she had at least a few good years left. But no–it’s happened. She has officially lost her marbles. From the kid at the pet-food store checkout line whose coif is so bizarre it makes her seethe “I’m going to kick his hair’s ass!” to the hapless Sears customer-service rep on the receiving end of her Campaign of Terror, no one is safe from Laurie’s wrath. Her cranky side seems to have eaten the rest of her–inner-thigh Chub Rub and all. And the results are breathtaking. Her riffs on e-mail spam (“With all of these irresistible offers served up to me on a plate, I WANT A PENIS NOW!!”), eBay (“There should be an eBay wading pool, where you can only bid on Precious Moments figurines and Avon products, that you have to make it through before jumping into the deep end”), and the perils of St. Patrick’s Day (“When I’m driving, the last thing I need is a herd of inebriates darting in and out of traffic like loaded chickens”) are the stuff of legend. And for Laurie, it’s all true.

    Each story was specifically written for this anthology.The goal of the Cocktales Anthology is to raise funds to fight against obstruction of creative expression. Specifically, what we believe are obstruction attempts through the trademarking of common (single) words for titicular use in books / or as a book series (eBooks, print, and audio).*ALL* net profits will be donated to:1) Authors already impacted by creative-obstruction (10%), and2) Romance Writers of America (RWA) (90%) as a general donation intended for their Advocacy Fund.Disclaimer: This anthology is not being conducted on behalf of RWA, nor does RWA endorse this anthology or effort. They have, however, graciously agreed to accept the funds.Authors with material included (as they appear in the anthology):Nana Malone, USA Today Bestselling author – ForewordDylan Allen – 'Cocked and Loaded'Jana Aston, NYT, WSJ, USA Today Bestselling author – 'Double Cocked'Whitney Barbetti – 'Cocksure Grin'Author Sawyer Bennett, NYT, WSJ, USA Today Bestselling author – 'A Wicked, Cocky Plan'K.f. Breene, USA Today Bestselling author – 'Magical Cock and Bull'Ruth Clampett, Amazon top 20 Bestselling Author – 'Don’t Get Cocky'L.H. Cosway, USA Today Bestselling author – 'Illusionist Seeks Neanderthal'Mariah Dietz – 'Landmines'Amy Daws, Amazon Top 25 Bestselling author – 'Cock and Balls'BB Easton, Amazon Top 100 Bestselling author – 'Cocky BB: Two Boys, One Prom.'Jaymin Eve, USA Today Bestselling author – 'The Cockier the Dragon, the Harder They Fall'Emma Hart, NYT and USA Today Bestselling author – 'Tricky Bond'Staci Hart, Amazon Top 10 Bestselling author – 'Cockamamie'Jessica Hawkins, USA Today Bestselling author – 'Cocky Couture'Julie Johnson Amazon Top 100 Bestselling author – 'Culinary Cock-Up'Karpov Kinrade, USA Today Bestselling author – 'Crimson Cocktail'Adriana Locke, USA Today Bestselling author – 'Swag'Lex Martin, USA Today Bestselling author – 'Love & Hate at the Stallion Station'Aly Martinez, USA Today Bestselling author – 'Going Down'Katyi McGee - USA Today Bestselling author – 'Cocksure Co-Star'Corinne Michaels, NYT, WSJ, USA Today Bestselling author – 'Cockblocked'Liv Morris, USA Today Bestselling author – 'Getting It Up'Red Phoenix, USA Today Bestselling author – 'Her Cocky Russian'Daisy Prescott, USA Today Bestselling author – 'Confessions of a Cockblocked Wingman'Jessica Prince – ‘A Cocky Corruption Engagement’Meghan Quinn, Amazon Top 20 Bestselling Author – 'Fight or Flight'CD Reiss, NYT and USA Today Bestselling author – 'Cocky Capo'Penny Reid, WSJ and USA Today Bestselling author – 'Beard and Hen'Julie Richman, USA Today Bestselling author – 'The Color of Love'Aleatha Romig, NYT, WSJ, USA Today Bestselling author – 'Aligned'Kennedy Ryan, Top 40 Amazon Bestselling author – 'All'Kylie Scott, NYT, WSJ, USA Today Bestselling author – 'Short Story with Mal and Anne from The Stage Dive Series'Sierra Simone, USA Today Bestselling author – 'Until the Cock Crows'Tara Sivec, USA Today Bestselling author – 'Chocolate and Cockup'Kate Stewart, Amazon Top 30 Bestselling author – 'The Golden Sombrero'Leia Stone, USA Today Bestselling author – 'Cocky Alpha'Karla Sorensen – 'Tristan & Anna: A Bachelors of the Ridge short story'Rachel Van Dyken, NYT, WSJ, USA Today Bestselling author – 'Cocky Mafia'April White, Amazon Top 100 Bestselling author – 'Code of Conduct'

    Getting my son to wear pants is one; dealing with my snoozefest of a job is another. Then there’s the Beast, my freeloading brother who’s worn a permanent dent in the couch at my new place. And no fairytale would be complete without a smoking hot prince, of course. Too bad he’s a complete ass. Everything in me screams to steer clear of Nate Murphy. Because, if life has taught me anything, there is no such thing as happily ever after.Nate:I may not be a superhero, but I do my best to come to the rescue when I’m needed. And, hey, I just moved halfway across the country after a single phone call from my mom. But being back home and taking on the responsibilities involved makes me a bit cranky at times. Unfortunately, the one time I completely lose my cool is in front of the hottest girl I’ve ever met. I’ve got my work cut out for me if I’m going to fix this. But I will fix this. I’ll be anything Laney Monroe needs me to be … a superhero, a prince, or just a guy she might take a chance on.PLEASE NOTE: This product is a republication of the 2016 version of THE FIX. It contains special content and bonus scenes for an enhanced reader experience.

    I’m a college drop-out working a dead-end job, my best friend Carly’s dog gets more action than I do, and I have more bad dates in my diary than there are movie remakes. Not to mention I'm completely and utterly in love with Cain Elliott.The problem? He’s in a relationship. With a girl who’s so plastic she makes Barbie cry herself to sleep with jealousy. The second problem? He's my best friend.My shut-up-and-put-on-Harry-Potter, yes-this-is-your-shirt, help-I-have-no-power, crap-I’m-out-of-tampons, kinda best friend. And that’s all he can be, right?Right.(Being Brooke is a standalone romantic comedy. Hilarious, super-sexy, and possibly highly inappropriate at times, this is the perfect feel-good read!)

    Point is, she cost me my two best friends ten years ago. It’s payback time, and I’m going to make her life hell.When I’m not banging her silly and myself stupid.I need to get my head back in business, because getting off is great, but "He was a man who had sex, and lots of it, and in the worst locations, with the woman of his nightmares" isn’t the inscription I want on my tombstone.Even if it’s true.AmbrosiaThere are three things I hate:Bratwurst in any form, my neighbors boinking loudly like farm animals at 3 AM, and Chase Jett.Mostly I hate Chase Jett. It’s been ten years since he took my virginity—I’d make a bratwurst joke, but the unfortunate truth is that it would have to be a bratbest joke, and yes, it kills me to admit it—and now he’s not only a billionaire, he’s also my new boss.Turns out our hate is mutual. And this kind of hate is horrifically twisted, filthy, and banging hot.I just might have to hate him forever.MISTER McHOTTIE is 45,000 gloriously hilarious, hot, sexy words that your mother warned you about, complete with an organic happy-ever-after (or seven), a Bratwurst Wagon, ill-advised office pranks, and no cheating or cliffhangers.

    Megan Vandemeer meant to tell her parents about her broken engagement, but a month and a half later she finds herself boarding a plane home to her wedding. Having stretched avoidance to its limits, it's time to come clean--a terrifying prospect since her mother is sure to blame her rather than her cheating, emotionally frigid ex. A couple of drinks and two Dramamine later, Megan finds herself spilling her sob story to the tall, dark, and handsome stranger in the seat next to her. With only one week left to save his business, Josh McMillan boards a plane to Kansas City in a last-ditch effort, leaving the details to chance. An unexpected answer is delivered in the form of the beautiful brunette beside him. Though she’s completely loopy, her honesty, openness, and humor charm him. So when she passes out before landing, he helps her off the plane--a good deed that leads to a colossal misunderstanding. Her parents assume he’s her fiancé. In a twist of fate, the mix-up might help Josh save his business, so he plays along, figuring he can help Megan too. All he has to do is stage a public break up convincing enough to appease her mother. Josh is only supposed to be a substitute groom, but the more time he and Megan spend together, the more their pretend engagement starts to feel real…and the less they want to break it off. Can a relationship that began as a farce turn into happily ever after?

    Of course it did. I’m a professional fluffer. It’s NOT what you think. I stage homes for a living. Real estate agents love me, and my work stands on its own merits. Sigh. Get your mind out of the gutter. Go ahead. Laugh. I’ll wait. See? That’s the problem. My career has used the term “fluffer” for decades. I didn’t even know there was a more… lascivious definition of the term. Until it was too late. The ad for a “professional fluffer” on Craigslist seemed like divine intervention. My last unemployment check was in the bank. I was desperate. Rent was due. The ad said cash paid at the end of the day. The perfect job! Staging homes means showing your best angle. The same principle applies in making a certain kind of movie. Turns out a “fluffer” doesn’t arrange decorative pillows on a couch. They arrange other soft, round-ish objects. The job isn’t hard. Er, I mean, it is — it’s about being hard. Or, well… helping other people to be hard. Oh, man… And that’s the other problem. A man. No, not one of the stars on the movie set. Will Lotham – my high school crush. The owner of the house where we’re filming. Illegally. In a vacation rental. By the time the cops show up, what I thought was just a great house staging gig turned into a nightmare involving pictures of me with an undressed star, Will rescuing me from an arrest, and a humiliating lesson in my own naivete. My job turned out to be so much harder than I expected. But you know what’s easier than I ever imagined? Having all my dreams come true.

    She’s twenty eight, owns a bookstore, and is one determined, control freak of a woman. She’s decided to take the entire weekend off to have some fun. Except Anabel’s unapologetically single and perfectly uncomplicated life is suddenly upside down with problems! The cheating love of her life is back in town. Her family is meddling in her personal business. An adulterous wife of a good friend has gone missing. She’s been targeted for death by a homicidal serial rapist. An evil aunt has gone fanatic. Her sociopathic cousin has stolen her gun. The macho police chief is driving her nuts. And one not-too-tall, deliciously dark, and definitely not handsome stranger is enticing her to break all her ironclad rules on dating in the most intriguing of ways. Strange things are happening in Northfield, Minnesota. But Anabel’s never met the challenge she won’t stare in the eye while daintily spitting sideways in the dirt. Will Anabel begin to believe that life is never simple, some rules are meant to be broken, and a certain mesmerizing complication may be worth the trouble--even if it kills her? (Adult Content)

    This is a hilariously screwed-up love story.- This book does NOT have a typical happily-ever-after.- The hero and heroine in this book are NOT billionaires who look like supermodels. They are normal people, like you and me.Description: Laney Hill is screwed. On the bed. On the treadmill. On the hood of a BMW. And on her boss’s desk. Then she’s screwed again when she steps into the free clinic and finds out she has gonorrhea. That dirty prick gave her gonorrhea! She’s totally going to break up with him...until he breaks up with her...because he’s married!A night out drinking with friends leads to a fateful--yet awkwardly-sloppy--kiss between her and her best friend George Bratton. George has been single and pining for his ex-girlfriend ever since their breakup two years ago. When his ex invites him to her destination wedding in London, self-destructive George and gonorrhea survivor Laney make a deal to go as each other’s dates. It will make great material for Laney’s “Anti-Romance” blog and maybe it will help George finally get over his ex. Nothing could possibly go wrong, right?

    But William's been in LA for three years, and Neve's been slimming down and re-inventing herself so that when he returns, he'll fall head over heels in love with the new, improved her.So she's not that interested in other men. Until her sister Celia points out that if Neve wants William to think she's an experienced love-goddess and not the fumbling, awkward girl he left behind, then she'd better get some, well, experience.What Neve needs is someone to show her the ropes, someone like Celia's colleague Max. Wicked, shallow, sexy Max. And since he's such a man-slut, and so not Neve's type, she certainly won't fall for him. Because William is the man for her... right?

    With her mom in prison, and her father AWOL, Katie is sent to live with a squeaky-clean family who could have their own sitcom. She launches a full-scale plan to get sent back to the girls’ home when she finds herself in over her head...and heart. When Katie and her new "wrong crowd" get into significant trouble at school, she finds her punishment is restoring a historic theater with a crazy grandma who goes by the name of Mad Maxine. In the midst of her punishment, Katie uncovers family secrets that run deep, and realizes she's not the only one with a pain-filled past. Katie must decide if she'll continue her own family’s messed up legacy or embrace a new beginning in this place called In Between.

    It has one stoplight, one bar, and the one-and-only Trixie Mancinkus.Eleven years ago, Trixie graduated Harvard Law, turned down a job offer from one of the most prestigious law firms in Boston, and headed home to Whynot to open her own firm. Not only did she leave behind the big city, but she also left her boyfriend of three years. And just so we’re clear… that would be me.So what am I doing in Whynot at this very moment? It seems Trixie needs help with a legal case and for some insane reason, she called on me for assistance. I’ve been in town for five minutes, and I’m every bit as out of place as I feel. Trixie is all sweet, southern curves to my tailored suits and high-priced haircuts. It’s a culture clash of north versus south and about the only thing we have in common is our physical attraction to each other.But I have a new motto since coming to Whynot: When life hands you lemons, all you need is a little sex and sweet tea to make things better.

     But one look at Cade Hill, the sexy new sports director, and uptight reporter Rebecca Fieldstone is daydreaming about other things. Sex in his office… Sex in the on-set kitchen… Sex in the supply closet… She can’t stop thinking about the former NFL quarterback and how perfect he’d look between her sheets—except he’s an arrogant jerk with a huge… ego. He’s the last guy she’d ever have a one-night stand with. Cade Hill draws a thick professional line on office romance—until it comes to the hyper-focused Rebecca. He wants her, and he gets his wish when a chance encounter has them having the hottest sex of their lives. It’s just a hook-up, she says. When can we do it again? he says. With Rebecca determined to keep Cade in the friend zone, it’s going to be an uphill battle for Cade to convince her he’s the last guy she’ll ever want. THE LAST GUY is the first white-hot CONTEMPORARY ROMANTIC COMEDY from Wall Street Journal bestselling author Ilsa Madden-Mills and Tia Louise. It features Fireball-fueled hookups, Doritos Locos Tacos, attack monkeys, toddlers in tiaras, and one fabulous drag queen. Prepare for frantic clicking (or page flipping!) and smoking-hot sexytimes all the way to the out-of-this-world happily-ever-after.

    When she has to fill a delicate, embarrassing prescription the last thing she needs is a sexy-as-hell (and brand spanking new) pharmacist behind the counter. Johnson Fitzwell’s first day of his dream career also happens to coincide with the exact moment Dove needs her feminine meds filled. His glorious voice is way too loud–as in, he should be counting down the hits with Ryan Seacrest kind of loud. Thanks to Johnson’s handsome face and gorgeous jaw line, Dove dives headlong into her waking nightmare and asks for a vagina-scented cream. How could she not fall for him? Dove's only active goal now is to get Johnson to kiss her right on the lips. Either set. However, his horrible girlfriend is one of many obstacles preventing her from making that fantasy a reality. When Dove defends Johnson in the most unhygienic, unconventionally gross way in the middle of a crowded restaurant, their tender, slightly tantric relationship is off to a galloping, farting start. Each print copy of this book will be dipped in holy water by my mom, and glared at by my father as he purses his lips. Neither will help. So, drop your pants and turn to the left and cough. I hope you're not allergic to latex, because it’s time to fill your prescription. Anally.

    He's southern. And he won't stop showing up at my door half naked. Meet Elijah Jackson, my hot new neighbor...From the outside looking in? I’ve got it all. Prestigious job. Pretty house. And a perfect boyfriend who just proposed with the perfect ring.I should feel ecstatic—but instead, I feel suffocated. So I break up with my boyfriend, hop in my car, and head south.Charleston, South Carolina: home to stunning architecture, sultry accents, and—oh yeah—my perpetually shirtless neighbor, Elijah Jackson. As if his abs for days and inked up deliciousness aren’t enticing enough, he also encourages me to chase down my dreams. And the chemistry between us? Hotter than the kitchen at Eli’s restaurant. But I still have a life a thousand miles away. One I’ve worked really hard to build. And I don’t know if I can just leave it all behind.I have to choose. A choice Eli doesn't make any easier by inviting me out to his cabin for a long weekend. Just the two of us. And one bed. I swear to God this southerner is out to charm the panties right off me. Just this once, I might let him...SOUTHERN CHARMER is a slow burn, standalone romance with no cheating. It is part of the Charleston Heat Series, which is a series of interconnected standalone novels set in the steamy southern town of Charleston, South Carolina.SOUTHERN CHARMER: Oliva and Eli’s bookSOUTHERN PLAYER: Gracie and Luke’s bookSOUTHERN GENTLEMAN: Julia and Greyson’s bookSOUTHERN HEARTBREAKER: Eva and Ford’s book