The bookstore or library is half full of that kind of crap. What you're holding here is a collection of quips and observations with a refreshingly gloomy, sometimes twisted, always funny take on life. Or lack thereof.With illustrations by renowned artist Brian Andreas, this book is a glimpse inside the humorously askew mind of a writer whose witticisms have been featured on NPR, printed onto t-shirts, performed on stage in Germany, and posted online at the Washington Post, Wall Street Journal, and New York Times. He's been named one of the top funniest people on Twitter by the likes of Maxim, MSNBC and Mashable.

    It is the true story of the rise of one of the most violent and successful criminal gangs of the 90's whose reign of terror was finally terminated when the three leaders were brutally murdered in their Range Rover one winter's evening. On their way they had built the drug-dealing organisation that which supplied the pill that killed Leah Betts. They were responsible for a wave of intimidation, beatings and murder. Until, it seems, they took one step too far. Now there is compelling evidence that the men convicted of shooting the dead men are innocent. Which means the real murderers are still at large. Bernard O'Mahoney was a key member of what has been one of the most feared gangs of the decade. His inside account of their cold-blooded violence reveals that facts can be more terryfing than fiction.

    Since exploding onto our screens, Ferne has become one of TOWIE’s standout cast members and is widely regarded for her style and inimitable personality. Renowned for her straight talking attitude and unbridled wit, Ferne is a regular on TV and chat shows. She is currently working on This Morning as a showbiz reporter and her exclusive column in Star Magazine is the longest running celebrity column to date. Before Fern found fame, she was one of London's top hair stylists & colourist, which provided major grounding for her passion and talent for fashion and beauty.

    From her dazzling performances in the Carry On films to Russ Abbott's Madhouse, to her favourite character Maureen Holdsworth in Coronation Street to the green hills of Emmerdale, Sherrie's warmth and good humour won her a place in the heart of the nation. And now an adored presenter on Loose Women, which she joined eight years ago, Sherrie has become a friend and confidante to the millions who tune in for her naughty sense of fun, openness and quick wit.But behind the laughter Sherrie has been hiding a secret heartache. After 30 years of marriage, she is finally divorcing the man who cheated on her and squandered all her money, leaving her bankrupt, on the brink of an alcohol problem and suicidal. It has taken her nine years to reach this point; but Sherrie is now ready to share her story – and it's one that at times seems more fitting to a soap opera than real life.From living in a brothel to being ditched at the altar, to living in fear of her stalker to nearly murdering her Corrie co-star (by accident, of course!), to the on- and off-screen lovers, friends and foe, to struggling to conceive her much-loved daughter,Sherrie – a natural storyteller – always manages to see the funny side and tells it like it is with warmth and a cheeky smile.Brimming with brilliantly funny anecdotes and larger-than-life characters, Sherrie’s story will delight, entertain and, above all, make you laugh.

    And while they weren’t survivalists they survived, and even thrived, for months at a time in the subarctic wilderness without electricity, telephones, indoor plumbing or ready access to medical services. Sylvia, an attractive, strong-minded 14-year-old who loved the outdoors, came to Alaska with her family in 1934, hoping to escape the despair and poverty of the Depression years in southern Oregon. Although their first winter on a forested 160-acre homestead was spent in a log cabin without windows or a floor, it was still better than back in Oregon where things were tough. Three years later, while working at a fish cannery in Anchorage, Sylvia came to the notice of a good-looking, good-natured young man who had spent the previous two winters on the remote Yentna River with his older brother. Vernon was looking for a wife to move to the wilderness with him and immediately decided that she was the one. Six weeks later they were married and ready to begin their life together in a world that no longer exists—a world of sled dogs, moose meat, fresh trout, snowshoes, outboard motors and wooden dories. They worked hard and faced many dangers, but enjoyed their life depending largely on their own resources and on each other. While written for the general public, this book, as well as the other three in the series, is also suitable for older children who are interested in how families lived in earlier times and in far different circumstances than their own. The later books are written in part from the perspective of the children, as well as that of their parents.

    As a Uh-1 Helicopter pilot flying in the jungle highlands of South Vietnam, Warrant Officer Jim Crigler and the men he flew with were tested daily. Coming of age in the late 1960s and early 1970s was challenging for most young men of that era. Throw in drugs, free love, draft notices, the Vietnam War and a country deeply divided, and you have one of the most important books of this genre. This true story is a raw, bold, introspective autobiography where the author openly wrestles with his personal moral dilemma to find meaning and purpose in his life. He calls it his “Mission of Honor.”

    A time she never forgot. As a child there, in the 1950s, she contracted a rare muscular disease which led to her being confined in a wheelchair for the rest of her life. Not deterred by her disability, she went on to lead a normal life. She married Ken and had a daughter, Evelyn. Her spirits were not affected. In Green Are My Mountains, bestselling author Christine Marion Fraser continues the uplifting and inspiring story which began in Blue Above the Chimneys and Roses Round the Door. With her characteristic warmth and good humour, she conveys the joy of finding this little house. A home she and her family could live in with the surrounding beauty of the landscape. But it was a home that was full of problems, structurally. The leaky roof was a contention for them … the lack of a tank for water was another. There were mice … a constant presence. Tania, her beloved dog was her main companion during the day. Despite the problems that came with the cottage, Christine was determined to see her book, Rhanna, published. Her success as an author meant travelling and speaking, something she wasn’t all together prepared for, but Ken was her rock. As they settled into their new home, Christine’s self-discipline and hard work prevailed. She went on to write the sequel to Rhanna… not an easy feat when bound to a wheelchair in a problematic house. Christine shares the ups and downs she encountered during this time in her life. Her strength, her love of animals and her compassion took her through another tragic event that unfolded following their move to the new house. Praise for Christine Marion Fraser ‘Christine Marion Fraser writes characters so real they almost leap out of the pages… you would swear she must have grown up with them.’ — The Sun ‘Christine Marion Fraser weaves an intriguing story in which the characters are alive against a spellbinding background'— Yorkshire Herald Fraser writes with a great depth of feeling and has the knack of making her characters come alive. She paints beautiful pictures of the countryside and their changing seasons — Aberdeen Express Full-blooded romance, a strong, authentic setting — The Scotsman Christine Marion Fraser (1938-2002) was one of Scotland's best-selling authors. She was the author of the much-loved Rhanna series, a Scottish saga set on the Hebridean island of Rhanna. She also wrote the acclaimed King’s Croft series as well as the Noble series. Christine’s formative years were spent in the post-war Govan district of Glasgow and she spent her later life in Argyll with her husband.

    She is the former editor of Marie Claire, which sounds quite an achievement, but she was sacked three years in. A psychotherapist once told her, 'What you brood on will hatch', and she was right. Nothing Liz ever did in life ever worked out. Nothing. Not one single thing.Liz grew up in Essex, the youngest of seven children. Her mother was a martyr, her dad so dashing that no other man could ever live up to his pressed and polished standards. Her siblings terrified her, with their Afghan coats, cigarettes, parties, sex and drugs. They made her father shout, and her mother cry.Liz became an anorexic aged eleven, an illness that continues to blight her life today. She remained a virgin until her thirties, and even then found the wait wasn't really worth it; it was just one more thing to add to her to do list. She was named Columnist of the Year 2012 by the British Society of Magazine Editors, but is still too frightened to answer the phone, too filled with disgust at her own image to glance in the mirror or eat a whole avocado.She lives alone with her four rescued collies, three horses and seventeen cats. Girl Least Likely To is the opposite of 'having it all'. It is a life lesson in how NOT to be a woman.

     In April 2011, Lucy Rocca woke up in a hospital bed with no memory of how she had ended up there. After accepting that her drinking had spiralled out of control, she made the decision there and then to never touch alcohol again. However, the early days were a challenge, and Lucy began recording her journey in a blog as a way of helping herself move forward to a happy and sober future. For someone who defined herself by her love of drinking for over twenty years, letting go of the booze crutch was initially a challenge, but over time, Lucy began to realise how much happier she was living alcohol-free. Glass Half Full is the story of her journey from hopelessly devoted wine fiend to sober and truly happy for the first time in her adult life. As the founder of Soberistas.com, Lucy’s blog also provides motivational and inspirational support for those seeking an alcohol-free life.

    This book is full of my best stories – kickabouts with jumpers for goalposts with Bobby Moore, mine and Sandra’s disastrous honeymoon to Torquay in a dodgy car and my funniest ‘Mr Pastry’ moments – as well as my thoughts on the important things in life. I’m finally sharing what I’ve learned on and off the pitch: from growing up poor in Poplar to the heights of the Premiership and even lying in a coffin with a load of rats on national television. It’s everything I know about true team spirit, hard work, tough times, why family are so important and why everyone deserves respect no matter whether they’re royal or sleeping rough – and, of course, the real joy of a jam roly-poly.'

    It was a dream that would lead him into a nightmare of sexual and physical abuse from which he has still not recovered. Stewart was abused every day for four years by his junior football coach. He suffered in silence and embarked on a successful career that saw him play for Manchester City, Tottenham Hotspur, Liverpool and Sunderland, scoring in an FA Cup final and winning caps for England. Behind it all, he was a broken man – many times he wished he could end his life. He turned to drink and drugs as a way of coping with his devastating secret. In 2016, Stewart was sitting at his office desk one morning when he read a Daily Mirror story about a footballer who had been abused. His world was about to change… Paul Stewart: Damaged is one of the most powerful and emotionally charged football life stories you will read.

     He had never exercised and had zero energy but as a way of dealing with the pain and frustration of his separation, he decided to take up running. Or as he talks about in his book The Plant Based Runner: A Personal Guide to Running, Healthy Eating, and Discovering a New You, he started to 'put one foot in front of the other'. This book is raw and real. There is nothing in it that is not tried and tested by Cairns, and it has an authentic ring about it. This is a personal story, about his struggle to see his children in the face of a relentless, anti-father bias in the judicial system. He is running to solve problems, running to find solutions as opposed to running away from trouble. He takes responsibility for everything that is his. Straight-talking and funny, Jonathan takes you by the hand and chapter by chapter helps you to put your excuses aside and find a new appreciation for your body, your health and for the power of confidence. You feel like if you follow his steps you could do a lot more with your life. There are books that you will read that tell you how to live, or how to do something that will improve your life, and if you follow the advice, as you might for a time, it may work, for a while. And there are books that will leave you changed, transported to another place in yourself and in the world you inhabit because of the power of the story that you have read. Even if you are not a runner or a dad deprived of your kids, this is a read that has inspiration and hope.

    More than just an engaging personal account, it's a story about personal growth, coming of age, and the real power of punk and hardcore. Gain an insider's look at a truly influential underground movement.

    His abrupt style and zero-tolerance policy on nonsense have become the highlights of every series. But what is he like in real business?Single-Minded reveals the story of Claude's varied career and the turbulent years that shaped him. From being told at school that he would never amount to anything to his current status as a boardroom heavyweight both on-screen and off it, success has never come easy. Claude's complex, fascinating work has taken him into many different industries and countries, encompassing retail start-ups; knife-edge company rescue missions; the bruising rough-and-tumble of Premier League football; facing down French trade unions; taking on Texan oil barons in multi-million-dollar deals; and, in the private sphere, conquering life-threatening illness.Told with characteristic candour and disarming modesty, Single-Minded is an unflinching account of a remarkable career in the spotlight.