So many funny, punny punchlines. It was just screaming for its own book. To do this classic joke justice, we decided to gather fourteen of the best-known and most talented children?s book artists to illustrate their favorite punchlines. The results are wacky, zany, and absolutely hilarious. If you knock on Tomie dePaola?s door, beware! Is that a girl or a gorilla? Who?s knocking at Saxton Freymann?s door? Just a couple of talking lettuces. Talking lettuces?! One impatient cow can hardly wait to get through Laurie Keller?s door, and David Small has a surprise waiting for his intruding vampire.In this collection, you?ll recognize some of your favorite jokes and be surprised by new ones. But one thing is certain: Each time there?s a knock, you?ll want to answer the door!

    He was too poor to afford a real soccer ball, so he played with a ball of newspaper tied together with string. Yet he dominated the youth leagues and signed his first professional soccer contract at the age of fifteen. Within two years he was celebrated internationally, when he led Brazil to victory at the world cup. Known by his fans as -O Rei- (The King), Pele is widely regarded as the greatest soccer player of all time. But he's more than just an athlete: he also traveled the world as goodwill ambassador for UNICEF. Pele is the living symbol of a sport he dubbed -the beautiful game---a game that brings people together regardless of race or nationality.

    The Liverpool fans had grown used to French manager Gerard Houllier but he had been a fan of the club himself since his days as a teacher on Merseyside. A Spaniard with admittedly a wonderful record at Valencia was going to take over management of Liverpool's famous Boot Room and try and win over a disillusioned Kop. But in one season, Benitez's importation of Spanish players, coaching methods and diet has led to a revolution, even usurping Jose Mourinho's Chelsea, whereby the team has ended the season winning the ultimate trophy for any European club - the European Champions League. No fan will ever forget the comeback from a 3-0 deficit to a 3-3 scoreline, then dramatic success in the penalty shoot-out.This is the story of Rafa's remarkable success.

    In these days of oligarch owners, superstar managers and players on sky-high wages, the tide is turning against the big teams as fans search for football with a soul. Enter non-league football – the heartland of the beautiful game.Nige Tassell spends a season among the characters who inhabit this world. The raffle-ticket seller who wants her ashes scattered in the centre-circle. The envelope salesman who discovered a future England international. The ex-pros still playing with undiluted passion on Sunday mornings. One thing unites them: they are all dreamers.Tassell ventures all over the footballing map, from the giantkillers of Salford City to hungover cloggers on Hackney Marshes, interviewing obsessive groundhoppers, record-smashing goalscorers, dictatorial managers, ukulele-strumming fans and the captain of the Filipino national team. He makes extended stopovers at both new boys Tranmere Rovers looking for a speedy return to the Football League and the inhabitants of the ‘bottom corner’ Bishop Sutton, who are just trying to get eleven men on a pitch.Hope and ambition. Triumph and tragedy. Faith and despair. All human life is here in the win-or-sink drama of non-league football.

    The Reds became the first team in British history to hold the European Cup, Super Cup, World Club Cup and domestic league title simultaneously in a masterclass of free-scoring, full throttle footballing prowess.Journalist Melissa Reddy reveals the inside story of Jürgen Klopp’s astonishing revival of Liverpool, culminating in the club’s first domestic league trophy in thirty years. Featuring incisive and insightful reporting, and the thoughts of players, management and club hierarchy, Believe Us paints a vivid picture of this titanic sporting success. Reddy’s unparalleled access to the club brings interviews with everyone from fans and key backroom staff to players including talismanic captain Jordan Henderson, and of course Klopp himself.The perfect gift for any fan of the club or its inimitable leader, this is heavy metal football writing at its best.

    in his dreams. He can't even kick the ball! So Sergio decides to try playing another position--goalie! He isn't so good at first, but with hard work and practice, he's ready for the game against the big, bad Seagulls. Will Sergio become a true star?This adorable "everypenguin" (Kirkus) returns with a story about determination and finding your true talents, leading to a triumphant and hilarious outcome.

    A massive bestseller in Germany, this astonishing, fascinating and at times hilarious book relates a football career in which Lutz: Became the only person to have played professional football in all FIFA Confederations Was wrongly jailed for match fixing in Singapore spending 101 days in horrific conditions Signed for 25 teams (including Notts Forest, Wimbledon's Crazy Gang and Calgary) Stopped breathing three times after his heart stopped during a game Turned down mighty Bayern Munich to play in Malaysia Coached teams in such exotic locations as Norway, Namibia, Armenia and Cuba Kidnapped a Penguin! All this because he simply loved playing football and because, quite simply, goalkeepers are mad!"

    They include twenty-nine league titles, nine European Cups, seventeen Spanish Cups, two UEFA Cups and three World Club Championship titles.The story of Real Madrid is, however, much more than the mere sum of its achievements. The club has always attracted the biggest names in the game - the type of player more recently referred to by Los Merengues as 'galáctico'. And for every Figo, Zidane, Ronaldo or Beckham, there is a legend from the past.White Storm charts the history of the club from its foundations to the golden period of Di Stéfano and Puskas, through the 'hippy years' to the modern embodiment of Madridismo - Raúl. It ends with an analysis of the Beckham impact, the disintegration of the Florentino Pérez regime and a look at what the future might hold for the world's most famous club.

    There once was a town Called Abberdoo-Rimey, Where garbage was left To grow rotten and slimy.It never smelled fresh. The air was all hazy. But the people did nothing. They got rather lazy.But the townspeople are called to attention when a streak of green crash-lands in the town dump! It's not a bird, nor a plane, but a new kind of superhero--Michael Recycle, who has a plan to save Abberdoo-Rimey. . . and the world!Fresh and funny, Michael Recycle will entertain young and old while gently imparting an important message about recycling and environmental awareness. A special section of Go Green Tips (from Michael Recycle himself) encourages all kids to become environmental superheroes.

    His dealings with the glare of the media as well as his controversial role in the 2006 World Cup Rooney incident are covered here, as well as his role in inspiring United to the Premiership title and his PFA Player of the Year and PFA Young Player of the Year double honor. Love him or hate him, this is the story of a player who always provokes a reaction.

    . . until Princess Sparkle-Heart comes along. Soon, Amelia and Princess Sparkle-Heart are doing everything together: having tea parties, attending royal weddings, keeping each other's secrets.      Princess Sparkle-Heart may be an awesome princess doll—but is she any match for a jealous canine?      Look out, Princess Sparkle-Heart!      This witty parable of sibling rivalry has all the giggle-inducing visual detail and kid-appeal of the author's previous work, plus an unexpected twist that makes for a satisfyingly delicious ending.

    Why is sport so profoundly important to us? In a journey from the Olympic Games in Athens to the World Cup finals in Germany - via the Ashes, the Ryder Cup and Wimbledon - Simon Barnes ponders such matters as the intellectual genius of Wayne Rooney, the mythic nature of Steve Redgrave and the making of Andrew Flintoff.

    Over 16 action-packed years, from a trainee scrubbing the boots of the first XI, to a record-breaking 333 Premier League appearances, Ray Parlour’s never-say-die performances, curly locks and mischievous sense of humour have gone down in Arsenal history.Battling tirelessly on the pitch, often in the shadows of his star-name teammates, Parlour won three premier league titles and four FA Cup trophies with the Gunners. But he was also the heart and soul of the dressing room, the training ground and the after work drink. From nights out with Tony Adams, to teaching Thierry Henry cockney rhyming slang, from playing golf with Dennis Bergkamp to trading Inspector Clouseau jokes with Arsène Wenger, this wonderfully funny and candid autobiography looks back on a golden age of the beautiful game, reliving the banter, the stories and the success.Ray Parlour is an Arsenal legend. During his 16-year career he won 3 Premier League titles, 4 FA Cups and the UEFA Cup. One of the most underrated players of his generation, he was also part of Arsenal’s famous Invincible team of 2003/4, which went the entire Premier League season unbeaten. He is now a regular pundit for TalkSport and Sky Sports. He enjoys a short back and sides.

    A dark force has risen from long-forgotten lands, and has begun an onslaught that will ravage the world. Now the fate of Erdas has fallen on the shoulders of four young strangers. Hunted In the world of Erdas, only a rare few are able to summon a spirit animal in the way Conor, Abeke, Meilin, and Rollan have. But what if there was another way to create a spirit animal? And what if someone with selfish intentions was offered this gift? The four young heroes face a brutal confrontation against an enemy who will break any rule to defeat them. Blood Ties Erdas is a land of balance. The Conquerors are trying to destroy this balance. They're swallowing whole cities in their rush for power—including Meilin's home. Fed up and ready to fight, Meilin has set off into enemy territory with her spirit animal. Her friends aren't far behind. Fire and Ice Strange things are happening at the frozen edge of the world. Conor, Abeke, Meilin, and Rollan have crisscrossed Erdas in their quest to stop the ruthless Conquerors. While chasing down a lead in the cold North, the heroes arrive at a quiet village where not everything is as it seems. Rooting the truth out of this deceptively beautiful place won't be easy. Against the Tide Conor, Abeke, Meilin, and Rollan have traveled across the world, seeking a set of powerful talismans in order to keep them from enemy hands. Throughout their journey the young heroes have been hounded by pursuers, who always seem to know just where to find them. Now they know why. One of them is a traitor.

    A biography of Brazilian soccer player Kaká detailing his life and career.