While Matt is planning his lavish wedding to his model fiancée, James has vowed to have nothing to do with women ever again. So, when Great Aunt Milly dies and leaves her one-million pound share portfolio to whichever of the boys first marries and has a child, it's assumed the fortune will go to Matt. But add to the mix a sex-mad German, a gorgeous photographer, a matchmaking mother, and one very pampered pooch, and things don't run quite as smoothly as Matt would like ...

    

    i really mean it! IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED AND BELONG TO ONE OF THE FOLLOWING GROUPS, PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS BOOK: SCOTTISH, WELSH, NORTHERN IRISH, IRISH CATHOLICS, COCKNEYS, CHAVS, UPPER CLASS ENGLISH TWATS, RELIGIOUS CHRISTIANS, MUSLIMS, JEWS, HOMOSEXUALS, RESIDENTS OF WATFORD, THE ACTOR ROBERT CARLYLE, THE WORKING CLASSES, THE UNEMPLOYED PUB GOING DOLE SCROUNGERS, THE AUTHOR'S FRIEND DANIEL SKELTON, REPUBLICAN AMERICANS, SOUTHERN STATES AMERICANS, CHRISTIAN MIDWEST AMERICANS WITH TRADITIONAL VALUES, ANY AMERICAN, TRANSVESTITES, SUPPORTERS OF THE ENGLAND FOOTBALL SQUAD, IRANIANS, EX PRESIDENT OF IRAN MAHMOUD AHMADINEJAD, SYRIANS, BASHAR AL ASSAD, WAYNE ROONEY, BELGIUMS, AGATHA CHRISTIE, THE FRENCH, YAHOO MESSAGE BOARD COMMENTATORS, SOUTH AMERICAN CRIME CARTELS, PRIESTS AND REVERENDS, THE WRITER OF THIS BOOK, PALESTINIANS, ARABS IN GENERAL, OLD YIDDISH MEN, THE FICTIONAL OLLAWONGA TRIBE OF DARKEST AFRICA, THE WRITER AND READERS OF FIFTY SHADES OF GREY, THE CHINESE AND TONY BLAIR. IF YOU BELONG TO ONE OF THE FOLLOWING GROUPS WHO HAVE HAD A MORE THAN CAMEO MENTION/APPEARANCE IN THE NOVEL, PLEASE READ THE BOOK WITHOUT FEAR OF OFFENSIVE STEREOTYPING: ITALIANS. If you have got this far, then allow me to enlighten you about a secret so great that the general public has no idea about but every government in the world knows and they are involved in a consistent cover up to keep the horrors from you.. What are the Ethereals? Some say they are the personifications of iconic and stereotypical energies given life by our collective beliefs and imagination. Others say they started as humans and evolved for much the same reasons given above. Both viewpoints have a basis in truth. A decade ago one of the most fearsome of these beings 'The Englishman,' was banished from our plane of existence by a weeping Tony Blair who cut the throat of a small child in a necromantic energy ritual to do so. With such a price paid, the question has to be asked ... just how serious a threat has arisen from the Ethereal world that the British government's only option is to bring back the Englishman to save us!!!! Set in 2012 in the lead up to the US election ... welcome to the twisted world of Mad Dog and The Englishman. WARNING: The following piece of hack work contains levels of swearing, depraved activity and violent situations sufficient enough to have Jihadi John puking up his guts.

    She suddenly decides it can. So she's making a list, and checking it twice - but it's not about who's been naughty or nice - it's to help her plan the perfect Christmas. Not for herself, but for her widowed mum, Samantha. And Halleday believes that what will really make Sam's Christmas perfect ... is a man to share it with.Arranging a surprise party for Sam's forty-ninth birthday five days before Christmas, and finding a selection of single men to attend is easy. Persuading Sam to take time out from the family farm for a complete makeover will be more difficult. And that's not the only problem - Sam hasn't worn a dress for years and no one can remember the last time she went on a date.But Halleday is determined. She'll get her mum a new man no matter what it takes and, with the help of her gran, Ruby, and best friend, Jasmine, she's sure she'll pull it off. This Christmas will be perfect because Halleday's made the perfect plan. Sam will receive the gift of love this Christmas whether she wants it or not. But ... will she be the only one?

    

    Ellie and her twin daughters, Marie and Jessica, each have decisions to make as they forge new futures and let go of their past. They all know that the choices they make will impact on the whole family. Set in a beautiful Cotswold town these stories follow three contemporary women as they find their own way in life, maintain family bonds, and come to terms with change, endings and new beginnings. The Vintage Tea Room books contained in this collection: The Vintage Tea Room: end of an era and new beginnings When Ellie decides to sell the tea room she didn’t bank on her twin daughters showing up with ideas of their own. Ellie has been running the tea room for more than twenty years. Her daughters have both left home - Jessica is married and expecting her first child and Marie has built a successful career. She is ready for change and to leave the past behind however, her daughters are not. They still want the security of having their family home as a base to return to and yet seem reluctant to help with the day to day tasks of running the business. To complicate matters further Ellie meets Michael. She was not looking to meet a man but life occasionally throws in a few surprises. Maybe now is the right time to change more than just her work. Set in the beautiful Cotswold town of Cirencester the first book in the Vintage Tea Room series is a story of a mother ready to move on and forge a new future for herself and of her daughters who are not yet ready to let go of their past. If you enjoy reading about contemporary women finding their own way in life you will love this story of a family coming to terms with both endings and beginnings. The Vintage Tea Room 2: room for a small one Jessica is determined to put her stamp on the tea room by baking and offering a range of Artisan breads. She plans to launch the new menu before the arrival of her first baby – in less than one month. Jessica and Edward have recently taken over the tea room. Jessica soon realises that the customers love everything her mum has created – they do not want change - however, she wants to add something of her own. She decides that, despite having limited experience of baking, she is going to make bread. When her initial attempts do not turn out well it looks like she may have to rethink her plans. Even though Jessica has not yet prepared for the arrival of the baby she is convinced she still has plenty of time to get her new venture off the ground. Babies, however, have a habit of foiling even the best laid plans. The second book in the Vintage Tea Room series is a story of a young woman’s determination, with the help and support of her family, to make a success of her new business. The Vintage Tea Room 3: changing times and new opportunities Marie has a decision to make – take the job in Copenhagen and move away from her family or give up on her dream of being at the top of the advertising industry. When Marie arrives back in Cirencester for her mother’s wedding she can’t wait to share the news of her new job with her twin sister, Jessica. To Marie’s surprise Jessica is less than enthusiastic and gives her reason to wonder if now is the right time for such a move. Marie does not want to burden her mum with news of her job or the reason she is having second thoughts. She confides in Adam, the temporary chef at the tea room. Despite being unsympathetic he may have the solution to her problem.

    Good for readers in grades 1-3. Tyler has a monster called Eddie! He is a perfect monster at home- he is well mannered, helps Tyler practice his soccer skills and even cleans the house. But in public, it's a different matter! Eddie farts in public and doesn't seem to think it's a big deal. Not at all! Although Tyler pleads with him to stop, Eddie won't listen. It all ends in a way Tyler couldn't have imagined!

    She has no social life, hates her job, and lives in her parent’s basement with her cat, Charlie.With the arrival of Jared Moody, the new hire at work, Julia’s mundane life is suddenly turned upside down. Her instant (and totally ridiculous) crush on the new guy causes Julia to finally make some long-overdue changes, in hopes to find a life that includes more than baking and hanging out with Charlie.But when the biggest and most unexpected change comes, will the new and improved Julia be able to overcome it? Or will she go back to her spinster ways?

    Still smarting from the fact that her husband left her for a younger woman, she’s trying to cope single-handedly with a sick elderly cat, a sick elderly mother and a sick elderly car – to say nothing of two daughters who treat the house much like a comfortable hotel. And on top of everything else, she’s having trouble hanging on to her job.So why does everyone else seem to think turning fifty is the trouble? And why does everyone seem to think she’s losing her mind? She’s not really going crazy ... or is she?

    Spilling paint all over a stranger’s car was not part of her plans that morning. Luckily, things begin looking up when her best friend drags her to an art class taught by the unmistakably gorgeous Travis Hunter. Travis is your average, easygoing art teacher. His day is off to a bumpy start when he finds his parked car covered in grey paint. However, when a stunning brunette walks into his class later that afternoon, things don’t seem so bad. A hilarious love/hate situation forms as Erin and Travis unknowingly battle over the paint accident while simultaneously pursuing their budding relationship.

    Following an exposé in a national newspaper, his fiancée Poppy Dunlop has broken their engagement. Heartbroken at the thought of life without Poppy, Zach drowns his sorrows and, when his agent suggests that Zach becomes a contestant in a reality TV show, Jungle Survival, he reluctantly agrees. Plunged deep in the jungle, into a bizarre mix of talent and trials, Zach meets glamour model Cleo Petra, and the cameras go crazy. Will Zach survive and be crowned Jungle King? Or will his latest exploits push Poppy further away... Caroline's books are all stand-alone stories but some characters do make appearances throughout. You might also enjoy: Coffee Tea The Gypsy & Me Coffee Tea The Chef & Me Coffee Tea The Caribbean & Me Jungle Rock "Caroline is a natural story teller with a gift for humour in her writing." Finalist, The Write Stuff, London Book Fair

    Kristen Buckley takes readers into the little-watched-but soon-to-be prime time-life of TV junkie Parker Grey...with no commercial interruptions. When she isn't waiting tables, Parker Grey doesn't have much to do except watch reruns of her favorite medical drama and fantasize about its star. In fact, sometimes she feels like her life is one big TV show-one she'd channel-surf right past. But now Parker's roommate, Lil, has disappeared. Knowing she's a lot better at watching drama than creating it, Parker turns to TV for help. Inspired by the sexy star of "La Femme Nikita," she takes to the streets of Manhattan. To find Lil. And to start writing a whole new script for her life.

    And she hopes Jeffrey is watching from hell when she finds some long-haired biker dude and does with him what Jeffrey did with all those hookers. Besides, a guy she finds at a creepy dive bar will never, ever pop up in her upscale real life. Now, if she can only get the biker to cooperate… Dillon spots Country Club the moment she walks into the D.O.A. He’s always had a weakness for these debutante types. The last time he gave in to it, at fifteen, he and his housekeeper mom lost everything. But this woman is cute as hell and really funny—especially when she offers him forty bucks for sex, considering he’s a very rich man now. But her kind is the last thing he needs in his life. Tempting as she is, surely he’s learned something in all these years. Right?

    To say the least. She calls Sweet Meadow, Georgia, home, where she works for her father doing auto repairs. She also drives the tow-truck, although Sweet Meadow's rather colorful denizens tend to treat Bertie more like the local, free taxi service. You know, someone has to get to a doctor's appointment or pick something up at the dry cleaners. Bertie's favorite day of the week is Friday, when she leaves the wrecker with her father for the whole weekend and joins her friends at the Dew Drop Inn for a night of dancing. Her best friend, Mary Lou, sometimes fixes her up with dubious dates, although Bertie has to remind her friend not to tease her hair too high for those occasions. Like the time when they went to Carrie Sue's open house, and a ceramic cow with angel wings hanging from a ceiling fan locked its hooves into Bertie's big hair and refused to let go. She had to wear it all night, dangling chain and all. Bertie's nearly perfect life is about to take a downhill turn, however. It starts when her landlord, Pete, currently a resident in a nearby nursing home, starts showing up at her house. In his birthday suit. A very badly wrinkled birthday suit. And then she goes to her mailbox, a rubber large mouth bass, and finds a notice from the zoning commission saying she can no longer park the wrecker in her driveway. The notice is signed by George Bigham. But when she goes to the courthouse to take care of her little problem, it is only to discover George Bigham is deceased. And Mary Lou's pregnancy test just came up positive. Can it get any worse?