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I Am Funny Like That: A Funny Look At Life
Helen C. Escott - 2016
There are no granny panties in this drawer!He picks up a pair of my NASA engineered favourites and insisted, "These are granny panties."No they are not!" I protested, "Granny panties are cotton, with flowers all over them and come up to your armpits." I grabbed my daily favourites out of his hand, "These are a modern-day wonder! They hide years of not doing sit-ups every day, cellulite dimples, Big Macs with extra sauce and muffin belly! My grandmother never had panties like this!"Call them what you want. They are modern-day granny panties" he informs me.Putting them back in the drawer I thought, "I would have to join a gym if I ever gave these beauties up."Anyway it got me to thinking. So I made a visit to a lingerie store. Maybe my underwear drawer did need some updating.The walls of the store were lined with massive posters of girls who don't eat so they can wear lace without tummy control panels. Looking at their photo-shopped abs didn't inspire me to drop to the floor and do a hundred sit-ups it just made me want to hold them down and force feed them hamburgers.The 20 something sales girl came over with her size 0 figure and asked if I needed help. "I am looking to update my underwear drawer" I tell her, "I am looking for something that is comfortable but... sexy." I know in her head she's thinking "Sex at her age! Wow good for her!"First she shows me the wall of underwear designed to turn on perverts. "No, that's not what I am looking for" and we move along to the "School girl" underwear to turn on pedophiles. "That's not me either" I tell her. Then she shows me the "new" line just in that week with the red or black fur around the waistband. "Doesn't that show through your dress pants?" I ask her. "Oh, you don't wear anything over these ones." That ought to make my work day more interesting I thought to myself.Then she brings out the most dreaded, torturous devise knows to woman... the G-String!I tried a pair once and I looked like a summo wrestler. Even I laughed when I looked in the mirror. It brought back a memory to me. I was doing a two-day course at university. Before the course started the students were standing around the back of the class chatting and getting to know one another. I met this lovely lady who told me she was 60-years-old and was doing the course out of interest. When it was time to sit down, she sat in front of me and to my horror she was wearing low-cut jeans that revealed a tattooed pair of eyes above her butt cheeks but the worst part, she was wearing a silver thong.It was like a car crash, I couldn't look away. For seven hours the droopy eyes on her butt watched me, staring at me, scarring me for life. Every time she put up her hand to ask a question her hips shifted and her butt winked at me. The sliver G-string thread around her waist looked like a disco Hippie headband. I would never be able to look at a G-string without thinking of her butt eye balling me."I don't do fanny-floss" I told her. I need something comfortable. "Maybe you should go to Walmart" she says. "Maybe you should go to hell" I thought in my head.With her sales commission still in my wallet, I left and called hubby from my cell phone in the car."Ok I am willing to compromise. Wh
Ghost Park (Devil Barnett Detective Series Book 9)
Teddy Hayes - 2021
As a result he travels to Long Island New York to visit Ghost Park, which is a famous theme park where people can come and stay overnight to have an "Overnight Ghostly Experience." After Devil arrives he begins to see some things that cause suspcion. Firstly the family is a weird and complicated mix of personalities, and secondly the reputation of the dead man is littered with enemies who might have good reason to want him dead.Aside from that, Devil is faced with some unsavory business types who seem to have had shared secrets with the dead man, secrets that may have links to a very ugly past.The hardest part for Devil is to play it cool and find out all he has to without tipping his hand and showing his adversaries that when crossed that he is a very dangerous man. Ghost Park is the 9th novel in the Devil Barnett series and comes with a video clip of a poem performed by one of the characters in the book.
The Eden Paradox
Barry Kirwan - 2011
A new habitable planet is discovered within reach, but the first two missions have failed to return. This is the story of the third mission to Eden. What really awaits the crew of four as they make the long journey to this supposed uninhabited virgin planet, and what is the link to the secret 900 year old sect known as Alicians back on Earth? While Blake leads the Eden mission, a young researcher named Micah discovers a terrible truth that threatens the very existence of humanity. Editorial Reviews: A science fiction thriller with terrific images and revelations. SF Author Gary Gibson The reader is pulled into an all too real future, with memorable characters, leaving the reader craving more. Lydia Manx, Piker Press Amazon Reviews: ★★★★★ Superb, well-crafted, quality Scifi. I immediately bought book two in the series! ★★★★★ This is Orson Scott Card quality scifi at half the price! ★★★★★ Best science fiction of the year ★★★★★ Masterful science fiction, refreshingly original ★★★★★ I lost sleep over this book! ★★★★★ A breath-taking and truly epic series ★★★★★ A fabulous four-book set, full of imaginative new ideas ★★★★★ Six stars…brilliant…this series is addictive If you loved Dune, Foundation or Ender's Game, you'll love the first novel in this epic, galaxy-spanning series.
The Crazy Life of a Kid from Brooklyn
Bill Morgenstein - 2014
I was on the Stuyvesant baseball team, but because of my working hours, my playing time was limited. My first dream to become a corporate president by the time I was 35 years of age was fulfilled.Experience the ups and downs of a life well lived in Bill Morgenstein's compelling new memoir, The Crazy Life of a Kid from Brooklyn.While first reminiscing upon his childhood in Brooklyn during the depression, Morgenstein traces his life through times of war, peace, and everything in between.At times extremely funny and heartbreaking, The Crazy Life of a Kid in Brooklyn details Morgenstein's enlistment in the US Army, his days running a $55 million dollar company, his despair at losing it all to a scam, and much more.His chance encounters with such historical figures as Sergeant York, Cordell Hull, Sid Gordon, Jomo Kenyatta, and Vince Camuto provide amusing cultural touchstones that reveal a willingness to embrace everything life has to offer.Through all the successful, disappointing, dangerous, educational, and enlightening experiences that have shaped his life, Morgenstein remains philosophical as he explores the roles of ethics, honesty, and unfailing determination in shaping the human experience.
The Lion's Tail
Luna Miller - 2018
Gunvor Strom may be in her sixties, her hands might be too shaky to perform operations and her body complains every time she works out. But her mind is as sharp as her scalpel. And she embraces change. After the divorce, she moved from a well-heeled Stockholm satellite to the far-from idyllic, inner suburb of Fruängen. It gets a little lively, but she likes being in the middle of things. She’s smart, experienced and innocent-looking – all qualities appreciated by a detective agency. As the agency’s rookie, she gets a surveillance job. A straightforward case, they say. Typical domestic. A wife suspects infidelity. Just track the husband. But when the husband is attacked and viciously beaten, his wife calls off the assignment. Too late. Gunvor is on the trail. The agency aren’t paying her, but her free time is her own business. After intervening in an incident of bullying, Gunvor finds herself with two unlikely allies. David is a young, jobless waster who hangs about Fruängen tube station. 19-year-old Elin is shy and introverted, after spending too long in her bedroom hiding from her parents’ fights. Out of curiosity, the pair join forces with Gunvor. Who’s going to notice two young people and an elderly lady slinking around the Stockholm streets? Only someone who’s watching their every move, biding his time, waiting to pounce. Curiosity can be deadly. A story of violence, madness, passion and bravery. A cat-and-mouse game of life and death. Never play with the lion’s tail.
The Sight of Demons
Darin C. Brown - 2017
The terrifying shadows engulf him and everyone he knows—yet nobody else notices their presence.Hunter can’t escape them, so he sets out to understand them. Why do they follow him? What are they trying to tell him?In this first installment of the Master of Perceptions series, pre-teen Hunter discovers that every sensation the demons produce—whether it be sight, sound, texture, flavor, or smell—has a different meaning, and that by breaking this code, he just might be able to harness their power.
Western Song
Leigh Podgorski - 2017
The day after the accident, while going through Cod’s papers, lawyer Wynona Vasquez discovers that he had been secretly engaged to a Thai immigrant who is arriving by train that evening. Elected by unanimous decision to be the welcoming committee, Weston arrives at the train station prepared for anything but the lovely forlorn creature he finds waiting in the rain. Though appearing waif-like, Song Phan-Rang is anything but fragile. Her mettle quickly rises to the surface in her determination to remain in Y-oh-ming. Forced together by their circumstances, Weston and Song are explosive. Used to solitude, Weston is driven crazy by the obliging Song. But as Song shows her prowess not only as a housekeeper and cook, but as a rider and rancher as well, Weston discovers that against his best efforts (and damned if he'll ever admit it) -- he's falling in love. The morning after the Christmas Cotillion, where cowboys by the dozen lined up for a dance with the exotic Song, and Weston wrangled the last one, she discovers her visa has expired. Pledging her Uncle Thieu's farm in Thailand as a dowry, Song asks Weston to marry her. Swearing that this is not a good idea at all -- he does. Song blossoms in America. Weston's sister Olive, a schoolteacher, helps Song with her English, and introduces her to the ideas of the Founding Fathers, most notably Tom Paine. Firebrand and activist Wynona employs Song in her office. Her first assignment is working with Shoshone shaman MAD BULL and Bull's young assistant, Jack Deerstalker as they fight a referendum that would allow gambling on their reservation. As winter melts into spring, Song and Weston continue to profess their marriage is simply one of convenience, though it is obvious to everybody that the two are in love. Obvious to everyone that is, but Jack Deerstalker who has fallen for her himself. One night as Weston returns earlier than expected from a rodeo, he finds Jack in his living room, alone with Song. Enraged, Weston explodes, throwing Jack out of the house. That night a fierce winter storm blows. The creek rises and floods, endangering thirty head of cattle caught on the other side. Song springs into action, riding side by side with Weston. When a baby calf slips into the icy creek, Song plunges in after it. Together, Weston and Song pull the animal free. Weston is knocked speechless by her bravery. Later, as he warms her by a roaring fire, Song and Weston make love for the first time. A few days later, Wynona and Song are introduced to the case of illegal immigrant Thai workers, forced to toil as slaves in the garment industry in El Segundo, California. Song becomes deeply involved with the workers and their plight – the search for a desperate promise of freedom. With her work, she discovers the power true freedom holds. But her work and growing sense of the true power of freedom begins to tear at the budding love between Weston and Song. Meanwhile, the referendum Jack, Wynona, and Song fought so hard against has been defeated. There will be no gambling on the reservation. Jack organizes a rodeo to raise money for an investment deal for the reservation. Weston agrees to ride – on one condition. Jack gets the bull, Baby Face that killed Cody.The night before the rodeo, Weston finds a letter Song has written to the garment workers she is helping. “We are, every one of us, entitled to a life with dignity. To life with honor. There are those who would attempt to steal our dignity, to seize our honor. But it is only when we allow this deepest core of our being to be ripped from us that we become enslaved. Remember, you, too, have been touched by God.”The next morning, Weston leaves for the rodeo without her. At the rodeo, in an eerie replay of Cody’s accident, the bull throws Weston. Song nurses Weston back to health, but still torn between freedom's power and her growing love, Song knows she must ultimately choose. Several weeks later, with Weston well on his way to mending, Song and Olive host a dinner party at Snowy Moon to celebrate Weston’s recovery. Along with Zeb, Jack Deerstalker and Mad Bull are there to join in the festivities. But in the middle of the revelry, the phone rings: it’s Jenny Chang and it’s about the case of the immigrant workers.Song knows she must go.The next day, Weston drives her to the train station.Returning to the ranch, Weston, still suffering from his injuries, limps painfully to the corral, and saddles up his horse. He rides across the rolling plains to the waterfall where he and Song had spent so much time in happier times now long gone by. Watching the water tumble by like his lost hope, suddenly, Weston picks up a stone, and fires it into the tumultuous fall. He whistles for his horse, and throws himself into the saddle.Across the plains, the train continues to roll. Inside, an uproar arises among the passengers. Song forces her way to the window. Outside, riding like hell, is Weston.Song’s heart begins to pound.And suddenly, she knows….Finally, she knows.Song grabs her suitcase, and elbows her way through the crowd.Before the train fully stops, she is bounding from the platform…and rushing into Weston’s arms.
The Beagle and the Hare
Kevin Moccia - 2019
The Hobbs family farm, White House purveyor since 1897, is patrolled by fifteen and seven eights inch beagle, the seventh generation of its line. The beagle, born with a cannon ball thick scull, and teeth he honed on deer bones, is a canine assassin, who makes friends with his sworn enemy, a Flemish hare, a scholarly rabbit, tailored by nature in the worse fitting fur imaginable.
The Well House II: The Revenge
M.S. Matassa - 2016
Now, in the summer of 2015, the future looks great for Ben and Anne. Their son Taylor is married to his longtime love, Jenny, and they are expecting their first grandchild. Their daughter, Molly, now almost seventeen, is a beautiful, intelligent teenager.Life has never been better for the Carson family. But that is about to change. The disturbing dreams are back and Ben is terrified. The ultimate evil force has not forgotten what Ben took from him and he is back in human form seeking revenge with the help of a handsome young man who befriends Molly and infiltrates the Carson family. This sequel to The Well House takes the reader on another incredible journey through the depths of the underworld to the gates of hell. Familiar characters return to help Ben on his journey together with a wizard, a shape shifter and a Basque priest.Ben, together with his wife Anne, his dog and his friends encounter terrifying creatures on their arduous journey to defeat evil and save the family. The Well House II: The Revenge is part drama and part fantasy and continues the exciting, unique and thoughtful story of a man's fight against the ultimate evil. Will Ben be victorious again or will he and his family be destroyed?
The Vintage Coat
Chris Turnbull - 2015
One day whilst unpacking new stock Joe comes across an old military coat that he just can't resist trying on.Excited by the powers of the coat, Joe quickly takes it home where he discovers it allows him to travel between present day Alston, Cumbria and the same area during WWII. Joe soon finds himself in the midst of living a double life.However, one night an unexpected air raid hits town and everybody is thrown into disarray; and Joe is faced with standing up for the ones he loves, even if it could cost him everything.
Layman's Handbook, A journey to SELF
Aidan Mc Nally - 2019
Layman's Handbook to life as I see it of course. Self-help being primarily how to help one's self.Life can be strange and unusual for all of us. Is there something unique about any of us that can bring us to a place where no one else can understand? Is this just a feeling?Through some of my deepest and darkest moments in life I have been placed in situations where I felt there was no way out. Digging deeper inside of myself I found some simple techniques to clear my mind and allow an emotional freedom take precedent over my life. Layman's Handbook, shares with you some scenarios and techniques for a simpler life, a life that requires you to become content and dare I say it even Happy.I hope one day we can chat and discuss how our lives can become better using a few simple steps.
Everything Is Always Gonna Be Alright, Durban Frankenshooze
Jamie McHone - 2019
He's tired of being made fun of by all the other flying birds, so he sets off on a journey to find out who he really is. Along the way, he meets Maudry, a smart and sassy female bird, and Wainwright, a grumpy worm with a short temper. Together, the unusual trio goes through thick and thin to discover what it really means to be yourself.
Shutter Island
Dennis Lehane - 2003
U.S. Marshal Teddy Daniels and his new partner, Chuck Aule, have come to Shutter Island, home of Ashecliffe Hospital for the Criminally Insane, to investigate the disappearance of a patient. Multiple murderess Rachel Solando is loose somewhere on this remote and barren island, despite having been kept in a locked cell under constant surveillance. As a killer hurricane relentlessly bears down on them, a strange case takes on even darker, more sinister shades—with hints of radical experimentation, horrifying surgeries, and lethal countermoves made in the cause of a covert shadow war. No one is going to escape Shutter Island unscathed, because nothing at Ashecliffe Hospital is what it seems. But then neither is Teddy Daniels.
Vigilante
Claude Bouchard - 2009
. . the long, hot summer of 1996. . .. . . and in the dark of night, moving like a shadowy wraith, a vigilante prowls the city's streets.The targets of his bloody rampage: the worst of the worst.Murderers. Gangbangers. Rapists.Six months. Sixteen murders. The harried police are still without a clue . . .. . . until the day they receive an email from the assassin himself.Lieutenant Dave McCall, head of Montreal's Special Homicide Task Force, needs help to crack the secrets of the killer's taunting message. He calls on an expert--Chris Barry, who runs a security firm specializing in computer communications.Together, McCall and Barry launch a grim quest to track down a man who preys on predators--an urgent quest to bring this remorseless killer to justice.But whose justice will prevail: theirs--or the vigilante's?
Mourning Grey: Part One: The Guardians Of The Temple Saga
Marie Montine - 2021
When she sees visions of an ancient temple that defy the story told in the play, she is confronted with choices:. she either has to pick her destiny or her heart...as she is falling for the one whom she is enemies with.A vampire only known as Audray finds her new life as Lharkin's follower troubling; she must help the Empian find a way to convince Cassandra to join them before the human realizes who she really is. When Audray seeks comfort in the arms of the Queen's son, she struggles with the inevitable: that she must eventually tell him what she is.Mourning Grey is the beginning of a saga that explores the lives living under the Guardians of Light and Dark, and that some things exist in the grey, such as love.