Now I know why my dog likes her better. 2. I wish this were the worst thing she’d ever told me. About the book In “The Warlizard Chronicles”, Warlizard tells the tales of a misspent youth, from the story of his “dog-gasmic” ex-fiancée to the logic of serving as a German linguist in Iraq. The stories are light, fast-paced, graphic, and not remotely safe for work. You have been warned. Reader feedback: - “You tell all women that story? You should wash out your mouth!” - “I think I could listen to your stories for hours.” - “So you owe your marriage to the people who brought down the world trade center?” - “I have nothing else I can add or ask, except MORE STORIES.” - “Holy s**t. I wish I was you.” - “You slept with another man's wife and then lied to him about it, and can say with a straight face it was the right thing to do?” - “Godda***t, I spewed out laughter too loud at work, now I have to leave because everyone knows I'm not doing s**t. F*** this is hilarious, and disconcerting, at the same time.” - “He is the most interesting man in the world.” - “I feel like a failure reading these stories, they're awesome.” - “Your life experience makes me feel good. You good sir are somewhat of a new idol of mine. Nothing much you can do about that. Have a good day sir.” - “Warlizard doesn't always drink beer, but when he does, he prefers Dos Equis.” - “I just can't wrap my mind around the fact that not only a story like this exists but that a Reddit regular would be living it. And it kinda has this enthusiastic ‘and then it happened...’ moments in it that kinda style like you'd write fiction on the go.” - “This guy is either the most creative man in the world or the most interesting man in the world. Either way...”

    What began as a mutual interest in sneak-reading comic books in class evolved into a friendship which has outlasted a great many Presidents and a whole lot more, besides.Teddy and Ray, along with two other boys, formed the core of a group of kids who did everything together. As teenagers, they discovered that restaurants gave free coffee refills even if you didn't order anything else, leading to a lifetime's worth of bottomless cups and frustrated restaurant owners. Now in advanced age, Teddy and Ray still meet regularly to drink too much coffee and talk about the things old guys usually tend to talk about. In between, they flash back to various times and events which helped shape their lives.One of their once-close group, who has enjoyed a modestly successful career in Hollywood, comes up with the idea of making a movie about their youthful experiences together and what came after for each of them. This would, of course, include starring the surviving originals as the present-day versions of their cinematic selves. For some, however, facing their past, present and inevitable future all in one sitting proves considerably more difficult than it looks on the silver screen.

    Behind the toddler-proof gate of Santa Monica’s exclusive Garden of Happiness, it’s the grown-ups who are getting schooled.When new preschool parent Justine discovers that the man who broke her heart back in grad school is a dad in her daughter’s class, she tells herself she’s immune to the superficial charms of the ex she calls “the crapwizard.” But when his presence opens a time tunnel of potent memories from her life before motherhood, she must find a way to defuse her old attraction to him before it undermines her marriage.Then there’s Ruben, rookie stay-at-home dad and standup comic who quits his day job to pursue his TV-writing dream on his wife’s condition that he take her place among the “power mommies” on the school committees.And ruling the sand box with an iron fist is Margaret, whose ongoing divorce from her dentist-turned-New Age-surfer husband forces her to rely on her dubious people skills in order to keep the school that has become the cornerstone of her identity.When the new school year kicks off with a flight-risk rabbit named Ozone, a school secretary in desperate need of a social filter, and some double-barreled committee recruiting tactics, it’s not all juice and cookies for Justine, Ruben, and Margaret as they struggle to play nice.

    McQueen (no relation, unfortunately) seems to have a knack for bad luck. But a failed marriage, a stalled career, a judgmental ex-wife, a distant daughter, a horrid little studio apartment in the far reaches of the London suburbs-all these pathetic elements seem to pale in the chiseled face of his newest tormentor: the Twelfth Sexiest Man in the World, Josh Harper.Josh is the star of Mad, Bad, and Dangerous to Know, a biographical play about Lord Byron-and Stephen is his understudy. Not only is Josh fantastically, infuriatingly good-looking, internationally renowned, and remarkably talented, he's also frustratingly healthy. No matter how many all-night booze-and-coke benders Josh goes on, he always shows up at the stage door for his call like clockwork. Stephen doubts he'll ever get his chance to slip on the puffy shirt and tight breeches of Byron and tread the boards in the role that would certainly be the break he's always waited for.And just when Stephen's sure he couldn't resent Josh more, he meets Josh's witty, restless American wife, Nora . . . and discovers he likes her a little too much. Another man might curse his luck at finding that his potential dream woman is a rival's wife, but at this point, Stephen would expect nothing else. Caught between his stirring feelings for Nora, the demands of an insistent and secretive Josh, and his lifelong desire for a real career in show business, Stephen must make a terrible decision: Will it be the girl or the fame?A hapless, bumbling bloke in love, an arrogant megastar with a potpourri of addictions, a sexy married woman out of her element in the fast lane-David Nicholls brings them all together in this knockout romantic comedy.From the Hardcover edition.

    Instead he gets a zany assortment of characters, not one of whom lives up to his preconceptions.Diana craves excitement after ending a comfortable but unchallenging relationship. But is she heading for trouble when she finds herself irresistibly drawn to Dante Blackthorn? He's handsome, charismatic and a feckless alcoholic and compulsive gambler, though his devil-may-care attitude and hazy sense of boundaries mask a sensitive and complex personality. His dissatisfied ex wife Beccy still hankers after him and his self-centred but vulnerable daughter Lucy hates the idea of a new woman coming into her Dad's life!Best friends Lissa and Bethany are pagan teenagers who have their own coven but want to meet boys and have fun as well. Which is fine till Liss falls for someone and jeopardises the friendship.Meanwhile Jason, a delinquent eighteen year old, has been forced to play Aunt Sally by his Dad and Uncle, who hope being part of the team will keep him out of trouble. When Lucy and Jason are attracted to each other, things get complicated, especially as Beth has set her sights on him as well.Elderly widow Vera needs to put the past behind her. Will helping Jason fill a gap in her life and begin the process of healing?And Rashi's family owns the George and Dragon pub where the Aunt Sally Team is based. He thinks his future is mapped out until he falls in love and is pulled between the culture he grew up in and the expectations of his Indian family.With these and other characters thrown into the mix, the ensuing interactions and relationships become more and more entangled as the players progress through the season. From May Morning celebrations in Oxford to riotous Aunt Sally matches at idyllic Cotswold village pubs - with fun, drama, sex, romance and chaos along the way - by the end of the summer their lives will have been changed forever.

    She and her husband Jack have been trying to get pregnant for years throughout their rocky marriage. But before she can tell him the big news, Jack has something he needs to announce – he wants a divorce!Rather than split up, Lucy and Jack decide to live together as friends. This way, they can share expenses and parenting responsibilities. Co-parenting is a fine deal for Jack who is back in the dating scene by Lucy’s third trimester of pregnancy, but is a frustrating one for Lucy who has unfulfilled sexual fantasies about every man from restaurant delivery boys to puppeteers. Meanwhile, Lucy’s mother is taking over her life. The grand dame of Planet Earth, Anjoli frequently visits her daughter to share her own brand of maternal wisdom. As Anjoli leaves her Drama Queen bookstore to “help” Lucy with baby Adam, the new grandmother has an affair with baby’s pediatrician, hosts two weddings (including cousin Kimmy’s wedding to herself), and constantly frets about which kind of pie to serve guests. With a cast of family and friends from Lucy’s Jewish aunts to Junior League neighbor, Candace, Tales From the Crib is the story of how one baby can bring people together – so they can drive each other nuts!

    ever wanted to quit your job...?‘I’d Sooner Starve’ is the amazing true story of one man's quest to escape his monotonous nine-to-five existence and open a charming delicatessen and restaurant in a delightful market town.With honesty, humour and breathtaking naïveté, it records his steep learning curve, radical lifestyle change and the immediate revelation that the customer is not always right!Amidst tales of bulimia, public menstruation, endless abuse and hilarious customer encounters, this eye-opening story unveils what happens after you walk into the boss and say: “I quit!”‘I’d Sooner Starve’ is a shockingly comical tale of culinary highs, customer lows and one woman's unhealthy fixation with thigh-warmed Stilton…‘An absolute hoot!’ ~ Anonymous celebrity chef‘This hits the nail on the head so much I can't believe it! So much so, I can't possibly put my name to it!’~ UK chef‘I am delighted that Mark has written this book. Maybe now people will believe me when I tell them the stories!’ ~ Matt, co-ownerI'd Sooner Starve - the book the celebrity chefs were too afraid to endorse!

    Could any novel be ruder than IS HARRY ON THE BOAT? Possibly this sequel to that brilliantly funny cult novel about holiday reps in Ibiza.

    Well Karl Wiggins is an Agony Uncle who takes no crapEveryone has read these columns in the dentist waiting room, and I have to agree with Karl in that the majority of Agony Aunts or Advice Columnists are without exception patronising, condescending and pretentious, providing the same type of namby-pamby, wishy-washy band-aid solution for just about every dilemma; “I’m sorry to hear what you’re going through, but you know life is full of ups and downs, I’m sure if you give it time …….” In short, they are no help whatsoever. Not so Wiggins, for he has the Heaven-sent ability of being able to get right to the nitty-gritty in just a few sentences. His answers, however, are more often than not roll-on-the-floor hilarious. Karl makes it absolutely clear that he’s no marriage guidance counsellor, psychotherapist, priest or vegetarian, but his adequacy to hand out solid advice is confirmed as soon as you start reading this book. His advice is delivered in a humorous, occasionally impassioned and exasperated, yet always intuitive manner. Karl speaks from the heart and never, ever evades the issue. If you’re looking to read one of those family therapy books where the advisor hems and haws, and sits on the fence and tap-dances around the issue then stop right now. This is not the book for you. But if you’re searching for straight-talking guidance on dating, marriage, cohabitation, divorce, sensuality, lust, and sexual urges then look no further. This is the book you’re afterKarl Wiggins does not tread warily around any issue whatsoever – racism, under-age sex, religious extremism, sexual violence. And he does not mince his words; Just the opposite in fact. I’ve known Karl for several years and I’ll tell you he dances towards trouble with a huge grin on his face, which is why I call him the Rascal-Sage. He is in truth a laughing, joking Shaman. The court jester but with all the respect of a sorcerer, for there’s always an element of danger lurking about beneath the surface of his smile, and when he’s angry he is truly a site to behold (Maybe that’s what attracts the reader). Karl, thank you for being you, for not judging me, for seeing me as I truly am and for allowing me the honour of writing the forward to this book for you. But remember I’ve read the book and you are so naughty …. I’m going to pray for you. Yvette

    Here, featuring gloriously pseudo-scientific diagrams and the inimitable writing style that made footballcliches.com a smash hit, they are covered in all their glory.

    Packed full of zingers and hilarious illustrations, if this doesn't put a smile on your face, nothing will. What's not to like:The other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my dressing room. I didn't know what to make of it. I'm against hunting. I'm actually a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox. I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one. Black holes. I don't know what people see in them. So I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first.' He went 'Baah' and I went 'Moo'. He said 'You're closest.' Velcro. What a rip-off. Black Beauty. He's a dark horse. I've got a sponge front door. Hey, don't knock it.

    But I wrote a lot of good poems.”So maintains Anita Liberty, the caustically funny New York City performance artist who was going along happily healing her hurt by hating and humiliating her detestable ex-boyfriend on stage and in print until the unthinkable happened: she had a good date. And one good date deserves another. And another. And another. And, all of the sudden, Anita Liberty finds herself in a predicament. Getting dumped launched Anita’s career–Will falling in love finish it? Who’s more important: her devoted audience or her newly devoted boyfriend? And on top of everything, Hollywood won’t stop calling and Anita can’t figure out if It wants a serious commitment or just a little bit of no-strings-attached fun. From digging mercilessly into the minutiae of her new relationship to dramatically torching every professional bridge she crosses in L.A., Anita refuses to let a big load of bliss get dumped right in the middle of her career path.“He said that my work was amazing and hilarious and smart and that he can’t wait to see me perform.So I had sex with him.”“My boyfriend asked me to change my look.To something other than contemptuous.”{BARGAIN} Whatever Hollywood ends up paying me for the rights to the story of my life.“It’s easier to go back to fantasizing about perfection . . .than to accept that perfection is just a fantasy.”“Boyfriend thinks I’d rather be right than happy.Boyfriend’s right.But I’m not telling him that.”Through blog entries, film scenes, poems, and to-do lists, Anita Liberty documents the perils and pitfalls of dating, sex, relationships, artistic success, and the kind of true love that sucks the creative life out of you to the point where you just end up staring at a blank computer screen and thinking gooey thoughts about your new boyfriend even though you should be writing.

    Alexander Armstrong and Richard Osman, two of the world's foremost experts on Things Before Their Time[3] take you on a step-by-step journey through history.From the Big Bang to the Fall of the Roman Empire, from the Ice Age to the Evolution of Language, from Henry VIII to Last of the Summer Wine: all of civilisation is here. A publishing first, this thoroughly comprehensive and highly ambitious quest through Time and Space is interspersed with questions for all the family from TV's most popular tea-time quiz show, Pointless. This is Alexander and Richard's biggest book yet.The book no historian can afford to be without[4], it comes complete with introduction and footnotes[5]. [1] Highly selective[2] Largely cobbled together from what we can remember from school [3] That's not even a thing[4] Under no circumstances to be used for reference[5] Um...

    Unfortunately, that was before two dudes wielding high-tech gadgets made off with both his kegs and his brother. Now Clyde has to hunt down his sibling with only his most trusted lackey along to help. Will he manage to recover both his beer and Dougie? Will they survive the night as they unveil the mysterious secret of the kidnappers? Will the Earth be destroyed thanks to their bumbling incompetence? Probably that last one, but you’ll have to read it to find out.

    His slow descent into semi-madness is chronicled here, in The Office, The Scripts volume 2. Following on from the phenomenal success of series 1 voted Comedy of the Year at the British Comedy Awards the second series averaged over 4 million viewers, with a 25% audience share. This book features the scripts from all six episodes and contains over 500 picture screengrabs taken from the broadcast masters and available exclusively in this BBC publication. Original and accurate and painfully funny: it will have every office in the country twitching with spasms of recognition This is a gem. The Times