Like the bungling burglar who logged on to his own Facebook page at his victim's house - and forgot to turn the computer off when he left, or the stupid bank robber who made his escape in his own car - complete with personalised number plates, or the idiotic criminal who tried to hand himself into the police... in order to collect the reward. Award-winning writer Andrew Penman has scoured the country for this hilarious collection of those who are not just bad, but also dim very dim. 'Andrew Penman enjoys a laugh at the expense of Britain's most stupid burglars' - The Mirror 'Exploits so dim-witted it's surprising they ever managed to keep themselves breathing long enough to commit any crime' - Wales Online Illustrated with cartoons drawn by Neil Kerber.

    That is, he loves spending time with them when they come out to Palm Springs for weeklong visits, or when he heads home to Connecticut for the holidays. But in terms of caretaking and relating to two children, no matter how adorable, Patrick is honestly a bit out of his league.So when tragedy strikes and Maisie and Grant lose their mother and Patrick’s brother has a health crisis of his own, Patrick finds himself suddenly taking on the role of primary guardian. Despite having a set of “Guncle Rules” ready to go, Patrick has no idea what to expect, having spent years barely holding on after the loss of his great love, a somewhat-stalled career, and a lifestyle not-so-suited to a six- and a nine-year-old. Quickly realizing that parenting—even if temporary—isn’t solved with treats and jokes, Patrick’s eyes are opened to a new sense of responsibility, and the realization that, sometimes, even being larger than life means you’re unfailingly human.With the humor and heart we’ve come to expect from bestselling author Steven Rowley, The Guncle is a moving tribute to the power of love, patience, and family in even the most trying of times.

    Patrick McCloud wake up married. A quickie divorce is the most obvious way out—unless you’re the heir of a staunchly Catholic mafia boss with a draconian position on the sanctity of marriage.Stuck between a rock and a hard place, Will and Patrick don't like it, or each other, but they have to make the best of it until they can find another way out of their marriage. To ensure the trust fund Will's charitable foundation relies on isn't revoked by his mobster grandfather, he and Patrick travel to Will’s hometown of Healing, South Dakota, posing as a newlywed couple in the throes of true love at first sight.Complicating their scheme are Will’s unresolved feelings for his all-too-recent ex-boyfriend Ryan, and Patrick’s desire to get back to the only thing that really matters to him in life: neurosurgery. Will they fool everyone? Or will the mafia get wind that their marriage is a fake? Throw their simmering attraction into the mix and all bets are off!Approx. word count: 34KEpisode 1 of 6 in the Wake Up Married serial.

    His idea of the perfect partner, like so many other people’s, is a tall, dark, and handsome man. Preferably alive and breathing. Surely that’s not asking too much? Then an uninvited guest—a ghost, of all things—forces Alex to question what he’s always looked for in a lover and his definition of what makes a person so beautiful.

    Furious, he speeds away from the gates of his luxury home and life into the unknown. When he finds himself stranded on the side of the road in a remote village, his future looking bleak, his dreams wasted on a fairy tale that turned out to be a nightmare, he doesn’t expect the handsome but shaggy-looking bookshop owner, Nathan Marshall, to come to his rescue. A Divine Intervention if Charlie ever saw one.But the village is foreign land to glamour puss Charlie, who’s more at home in the bustling city, shopping for the latest trends. getting his hair coiffed and his nails buffed by his best friends, glamour girls Trinny, Kylie and Sasha than he is trekking through muddy hills in jeans and wellies. And Nathan’s never even seen the inside of a beauty salon, let alone considered having that tumbleweed on his chest waxed. How on earth can a queen even begin to craft himself into something fabulous in such dire circumstances?Hope seems lost until Charlie discovers that an amateur dramatics group are looking for budding stars to fill in two of their starring roles at the last minute. Could the village offer more than babbling streams, scenic moorland and the smell of horse manure? Could it offer a chance for Charlie to claim back the dreams he thought he’d lost? And, more importantly, could an unlikely romance be brewing on the horizon, even when the dark characters from this unlikely pairing’s pasts come back to make matters worse for them?A darkly comic look at love, death, dysfunctional family, emotional trauma and finding yourself, with a huge cast of characters. More than a romance. A story of self discovery. Gay romance. Gay romantic comedy.

    The finest boarding schools in England and the constant disapproval of his father haven’t been able to curb any of his roguish passions—not for gambling halls, late nights spent with a bottle of spirits, or waking up in the arms of women or men.But as Monty embarks on his Grand Tour of Europe, his quest for a life filled with pleasure and vice is in danger of coming to an end. Not only does his father expect him to take over the family’s estate upon his return, but Monty is also nursing an impossible crush on his best friend and traveling companion, Percy.Still it isn’t in Monty’s nature to give up. Even with his younger sister, Felicity, in tow, he vows to make this yearlong escapade one last hedonistic hurrah and flirt with Percy from Paris to Rome. But when one of Monty’s reckless decisions turns their trip abroad into a harrowing manhunt that spans across Europe, it calls into question everything he knows, including his relationship with the boy he adores.

    He talks to the models, he reads hundreds of filthy readers' letters, he organises the photoshoots and even gets to direct the action. He has, according to his non-porn friends, "the best job in the world". But Godfrey Bishop has a problem. Godfrey Bishop is going through the sex drought to end all sex droughts. He hasn't been with a woman in over a year and this knee-twisting frustration is magnified a hundred times by his daily grind. He feels like Billy Bunter put in charge of the cake shop, only to have the Atkins diet forced upon him at gun point. Chuck into the mix a twelve girl orgy, a stable of alcoholic co-workers, an angry argumentative feminist, a naked run from justice and an obsessive nutty reader who thinks Godfrey is trying to scupper his chances of marrying the magazine's centre-spread girl and you have Danny King's filthiest and funniest novel yet – according to the back of the book. Godfrey Bishop has "the best job in the world" – and it's doing his f*cking head in.

    After Ryan has a tragic collision with an opposing team's paintball, the rules of the game force the boyfriends apart.Boots is shattered without Ryan, so when his best friend Clemente Santiago suggests a daring, high-seas mission to find the island and reunite the pair, Boots jumps at the chance. They assemble a crack team to join them, including fashion model and mixed-martial-arts champ Colby Kroft, hunky-but-shy sea-captain Marcus Tumble, and Piper Pernfors, the ex who's aching to make Boots forget Ryan ever existed.HOMO ACTION LOVE STORY! is a lighthearted, sex-filled adventure from the author of THE CRANBERRY HUSH and THE PAINTING OF PORCUPINE CITY. It's a perfect storm of beautiful fishermen, murderous pirates, blossoming romances, and secrets that call almost everyone's motives into question. Land, ho! This page-turner is sure to float your boat.

    . . until Dottie’s given a free trip to Las Vegas. Second-grade teacher Dottie Gale lives in the tiny town of Quandary, Kansas, which is pretty much smack dab in the middle of nowhere. No mountains. No ocean. No life. Her ex-boyfriend and current school board member, Corbin Lane, cheated on her, making school functions more than a little awkward. But worst of all, a tornado named Maxine Westward rips through Dottie’s school as the new principal and has made her life at work a living hell. When Dottie is chosen to go to a teacher’s conference in Las Vegas, she knows her life is going to change. Driving from Quandary to Vegas, three strangers enter her life. Through a string of situations involving poppies, flying monkeys, and a life-size sculpture of an iconic rock star the four soon become inseparable. So, when Westward arrives on her broom in Vegas, Dottie is ready for battle. Her boss black mails her with stories of incarceration, thievery, and a steamy relationship with her travel companion, but Dottie knows that those who hurl insults shouldn’t hold secrets of their own. Editorial Reviews "I had so much fun reading this and spotting all the clever twists, it was very entertaining. In fact I’m tempted to re-read it, to find more of the subtle hints. I’ve also been to a few of the places mentioned in the book which meant an extra thumbs up for me. I would definitely recommend to readers who enjoy a modern take on a good original oldie." Roses are Amber

    This team is made up of the best of the best, and if it can’t succeed in this impossible mission, no one can. But no plan survives first contact with the enemy – especially when you can’t even find out who he is!Despite what a cluster the assignment is from the start, the six men try to get their act together to track down the rogue operative, and in the process they discover there’s more to life than the next assignment. Now it’s up to them to survive by working together and determining who the real traitor is: an unknown friend, a close-by enemy, or the Organization itself.

    After more than thirty years of being asked the same question—"Why don't you give us some good news for a change?"—veteran television news anchor Bruce Lindsay obliges us with humorous and heartwarming stories from the idyllic town that we believe we grew up in—or wished we did. Inspired from the stories found in real small-town newspapers, Bruce Lindsay introduces us to the down-to-earth, foible-filled characters from Parley's Grove—folks who can make the mundane mesmerizing and the absurd endearing. Warm, poignant, and always hilarious, these affectionate vignettes of small-town life will help you remember who you are and where you're from.

    Thus CHACHA CHAUDHARY was born in 1971.Tall and robust SABU, who is an inhabitant of planet Jupiter, gave Chaudhary an ideal company. A combination of wisdom and strength was formed to tackle any difficult task. It is said that " Chacha Chaudhary's brain works faster than a computer". Though both fight the criminals and tricksters, each episode ends with a touch of humour. The duo perform in lighter vein. The CHAUDHARY family consists of his wife Bini, a fat sharp tongue woman, Sabu, Rocket - the dog and Dag- Dag, an old truck who is half human- half machine. Chacha Chaudhary is the most popular Indian comics. More than 10 million readers enjoy this series regularly in newspapers and comic books in ten languages. A T.V. serial based on the comics has crossed 500 episodes and still continue to be telecast on premier channel "Sahara ONE".

    But his luck turns when he is asked to house-sit wannabe but talentless actress Fawn Farrar's $10 million Beverly Hills estate. Capitalizing on his new position, he is soon befriended by his all-time favorite star, Marina Stetson, a Janis Joplin-esque singer just out of rehab and trying to make a comeback -- and whose husband Jason secretly covets.Adding to the drama is Jason's ex-roommate, the incredibly pretentious Tricia Cox, whose struggles to make it as a talent agent take a wrong turn when she contracts her meal ticket, the talented and beautiful Violet Cyr, to a hip-hop sitcom called "Chillin' with Billy."When Billy turns out to be a talking goat, all hell breaks loose. The trashy, hip young heroes suffer through humiliations galore before they have a chance to make it -- but not before Christian McLaughlin has laid bare in hilarious detail all the foibles and fumbles of a group of happening young people in La La Land in their shameless pursuit of fame, fortune -- and sex.

    Will gets fired for letting fifth graders read Harry Potter, and Kenny finds his boyfriend and his sex toys in bed with a complete stranger. When Will knocks over Kenny's trash can—and strews Kenny's personal business all over the street—it feels like the perfect craptastic climax to the sewage of suckage that has rained down on them both.But ever-friendly, ever-kind Will asks snarky Kenny out for a beer—God knows they both need one—and two amazing things occur: Kenny discovers talking to Will might be the best form of intercourse ever, and Will discovers he's gay.Their unlikely friendship seems like the perfect platonic match until Will reveals how very much more he’s been feeling for Kenny almost since the beginning. But Kenny’s worried. Will’s new-found sexuality is bright and glittery and shiny, but what happens when that wears off? Is Will's infatuation with Kenny strong enough to stay real?

    Time to move up.When Donald was a kid in the late 60's on the South Side of Chicago, he had a Schwinn Sting Ray bike. Everyone did. But everyone else had a five-speed. Donald's was a three-speed. It was good enough, as was explained by his parents, just as their Ford Maverick wasn't the neighbor's Le Mans, but it was good enough. And that's the way Donald was taught to live his life. It was a three-speed life. It was good enough. He marries Emily because she's good enough. Emily marries Donald because that's what she had planned, and she is not going to experience divorce as did her parents. Donald opens a law practice with his two best friends and roommates from college because it's good enough.Then the Roths meet their son's future in-laws and everything changes. Donald wonders if, in fact, he could get that five-speed.In this hilarious and thought-provoking novel, the whole concept of morals and convention is turned inside out. Everything is perception. If you like Richard Russo, Tom Perotta, and Jonathan Franzen, you're going to love this book.