Try, "I was overcome by the urge to alphabetize my pets," or perhaps a simple "Had ninja trouble." Steve has used both these excuses, and here they are hilariously illustrated. He also has claimed to have become temporarily feral, accidentally sold himself on eBay, and gotten stuck in a romantic montage. An illustration of Steve with Darth Vader accompanies the inarguable excuse "I was seduced by the Dark Side." He also gets lost in his duvet, and discovers he has a rather unusual superpower.

    Parties, excessive drinking, and financial instability add to the commotion. Drawn in a beautiful minimal style with delicate two-color printing.

    Illustrated and presented by one of the leading artists in modern fantasy, this title gives us some of the great songs and folktales of the English, Irish, and Scottish traditions, re-imagined in sequential-art form, in collaboration with some of the strongest fantasy writers.

    It is also a passionate testimony to the Lord's eagerness to cleanse and heal those who turn to Him. And it is a fervent appeal to God's people to own up to the sin, brokenness and shame in our midst and to extend to each other the same persistent, healing grace that Jesus extends to us.

    You'll also discover: - How to Treat a Radioactive Spider Bite - How to Design and Build a Costume - How to Swing from Building to Building - How to Maintain a Secret Identity - Hot to Take On a Gang of Henchmen Plus a few skills that would benefit all the Peter Parkers in the world (such as How to Deal with a Nightmare Boss, How to Live on a Meager Income, and more). Complete with colorful step-by-step illustrations, "The Spider-Man Handbook "is essential reading for all your web-slinging needs!

    It was first announced by church president Gordon B. Hinckley at the worldwide General Relief Society Meeting on September 23, 1995.Doctrinal assertions * All human beings are created in God's image. * Gender is an essential part of human identity before, during, and after life on Earth. * "In the premortal realm, spirit sons and daughters knew and worshiped God as their Eternal Father and accepted His plan..." * "Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples [of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints] make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally."Items of counsel * Sex is sacred and must only take place between a married man and woman. * Parents have a serious responsibility "to love and care for each other and for their children." * Happiness and success come through following the teachings of Jesus and through "faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities." * "...fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families." * "Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children." * "...fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners."Warnings * Those who commit adultery or "abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God." * Disintegration of the family will bring "calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets".For more information, visit our website at: StandardWorksApp.com/Kindle

    Tobias is obsessed with two things: God and girls. Mostly girls, of course. But being a Baptist preacher's son, he can't escape God. When his father is blinded in a bizarre accident (involving hard cider and bird droppings), Tobias must ride the rails to Texas to recover a long-hidden stash of money. Along the way, he's initiated into the hobo brotherhood by Craw, a ribald vagabond-philosopher. Obstacles arise in the form of a saucy prostitute, a flaming boxcar, and a man-eating catfish. But when he meets Sarah, a tough farm girl under a dark curse, he finds out that the greatest challenge of all is love.

    In The Grrl Genius Guide to Life, stand-up comic and Grrl Genius Club founder Cathryn Michon explains why she is a genius and demonstrates how you can become one, too, by following her easy twelve-step program.The first step in the program is the most important: Admit that you are a Grrl Genius. Acknowledge that you are beautiful, intelligent, and talented and that you are the only person in the world who can decide just how great you are. In subsequent steps, you will learn to embrace the domestic arts, love your Grrl Genius good looks, celebrate your sexuality, appreciate your Grrl Genius mother, and pass the Grrl Genius message on to others!Filled with little-known facts about such unacknowledged Grrl Geniuses as Mozart's younger sister Nannerl and Einstein's wife Mileva, as well as hilarious, embarrassing stories from Michon's own life, The Grrl Genius Guide to Life is a must-read for Grrl Geniuses and Enlightened Males everywhere. Michon shares her most humiliating memories -- singing show tunes at her aunt's funeral, crying uncontrollably in an airplane bathroom and holding up the flight -- as well as her moments of triumph, like attending the birth of her niece (a future Grrl Genius) and getting liposuction that not a single human being noticed. This is an uproarious roller-coaster ride through the life of a self-declared Genius -- in which Michon writes about everything from doughnuts to divorce, from physics to push-up bras -- and a comic inspirational guide for those aspiring to Grrl Geniushood.Cathryn Michon is a genius -- just because she says she is. Read her book, and you will become one, too. As with any twelve-step program, becoming a Grrl Genius takes work. All your life you have been telling yourself that your butt is too big, your ideas are too small, and your love for creme-filled doughnuts is inherently evil. With the help of The Grrl Genius Guide to Life, you will learn to recognize your own brilliance, shamelessly proclaim it to the rest of the world, and eat all the Krispy Kreme doughnuts you want. In case you need inspiration, Michon has included numerous Grrl Genius slogans and Little Pink Post-it Notes; in case you get hungry, she has included her recipe for the best chocolate chip cookies in the world. So go on -- take the first step. Read the book that is guaranteed to change your life forever (or at the very least to make you laugh yourself silly) -- and declare your Genius to yourself and the world!

     Essential oils hold great wellness benefits.Kathy Heshelow makes it easy for beginners or dabblers in aromatherapy to walk away with a good understanding of how to USE THIS FOR THAT. You'll get great info, recipes, applications and tips to keep you and your family well.

    Here is the plan. The plan is illustrated. The plan is quite complicated. But not too complicated. I think you will be thrilled by it. I am certain you will be thrilled by it.No need to read massive volumes or use the internetJUST READ THISONLY THIS

    By night, she lives them.MG Martin lives and breathes geek culture. She even works as a writer for the comic book company she idolized as a kid. But despite her love of hooded vigilantes, MG prefers her comics stay on the page.But when someone in LA starts recreating crime scenes from her favorite comic book, MG is the LAPD’s best—and only—lead. She recognizes the golden arrow left at the scene as the calling card of her favorite comic book hero. The thing is…superheroes aren’t real. Are they?When the too-handsome-for-his-own-good Detective Kildaire asks for her comic book expertise, MG is more than up for the adventure. Unfortunately, MG has a teeny little tendency to not follow rules. And her off-the-books sleuthing may land her in a world of trouble.Because for every superhero, there is a supervillain. And the villain of her story may be closer than she thinks…

    In The Revenge of Anguished English, this "Abbot of Absurdity" (as People magazine has dubbed him) leaves us limp with laughter at how the innocent, the negligent, and the pompous mangle the English language. True to the code of this super-duper blooper snooper, all the fluffs and flubs, goofs and gaffes, and blunders, botches, boo-boos, and bloopers are genuine, authentic, certified, and unretouched. Nothing has been made up!* Student blooper: The four gospels are written by John, Paul, George, and that other guy.* Science blooper: Elephants eat roots, leaves, grasses, and sometimes bark. * In a church bulletin: Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.* A headline howler: DENVER CHAPTER WILL HAVE SENATOR FOR BREAKFAST * On a frozen food package: Defrost your frozen food before eating.* Misplaced modifier: Children should not drive golf carts under the age of sixteen.* Spelling error: The driver of the car was cited for wreckless driving.

      With bright, quirky, and colorful line drawings, Jacobson brings to life actual and imagined items found in the pockets and purses, bags and glove compartments of real and fantastical people—whether it’s the contents of Oprah’s favorite purse or Harry Potter’s duffel bag, Amelia Earhart’s pencil case or Bernie Madoff’s suitcase.   How many self-tanning lotions are in Donald Trump’s weekender? What’s inside Martha Stewart’s hand-knit fanny pack? What kind of protein bars does Michelle Obama hide in her tiny clutch at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner? Carry This Book provides a humorous and insightful look into how the things we carry around every day can make up who we are.

    

    Eight years, four cats, and three moves are chronicled in this gorgeous hardcover omnibus, which includes a foreword by Raina Telgemeier (Smile, Ghosts). Hirsh and Ota's charming reverie about new adulthood will appeal to fans of Kate Beaton, Bryan Lee O'Malley, and Jeffrey Brown along with anyone who's just winging it."