In the London office my new boss Victor tells me I shall be working in a regional office - and he wants me to drive there. I am to deliver Victor's shiny Jaguar: his pride and joy. The office is in Calcutta. This all sounds like fun to me. A month long holiday. How bad can that be I think and decide to invite my friend Douglas to come along for the ride. This will be a road trip to die for I tell him. Victor's P.A. Shirley is the all seeing eye. Nothing gets past here. I have to report in on my progress at key points on the route. Shirley is going to be watching me. 'If you so much as scratch it you're dead.' I laugh, what could possibly go wrong....? well just about everything. We were OK up till Trieste; then a goat got in the car - after that it was downhill all the way to Calcutta.

    Gaimon gathers the best of his popular Q&A column—and pokes fun at his younger self.Despite the howling protests from his peers, no one’s ever been more willing to spill the beans on what it’s really like inside the pro cycling peloton than the sarcastic scribe Phil Gaimon. Building on the outrageous success of his hilarious 2014 debut, Pro Cycling on $10 a Day: From Fat Kid to Euro Pro, Gaimon gathers the absolute gems from his monthly Q&A feature column in VeloNews magazine into his new book, Ask a Pro: Deep Thoughts and Unreliable Advice from America’s Foremost Cycling Sage, adding a dose of fresh commentary and even more acerbic and sharp-eyed insights. With six years of material to work with—including his incredible rise into the pro ranks, the devastating loss of his contract for 2015, and his bold return to the Big League—Gaimon covers every possible topic from the team dinner table to the toilet with plenty of stops along the way. Gaimon offers wise-ass (and sometimes earnest) answers to fan questions like: · How much chamois cream should I use?· I’ve started shaving my legs. How can I be accepted by my friends?· What do you do to protect yourself when you know you’re about to crash?· How many bikes does my husband really need?· What’s the best victory celebration? Do you practice yours?· In women’s cycling, what is the proper definition of a pro?· What do you say to someone if they honk or almost hit you?· Do you name your bikes?· What do pros think when they see a recreational cyclist in a full pro kit or riding a pro-level bike?· Can you take your bike apart and put it back together?· How bad does the weather have to be to call off a training ride?· How do you know when it’s time to change a tire?· When you’re in a breakaway all day, do riders form a future friendship?· Riders keep complaining about "unsafe" weather at races. When did pro cyclists turn into such wussies?· How do the pros define a "crash"?Gaimon wields his outsider’s wit to cast a cock-eyed gaze at the peculiar manners, mores, and traditions that make the medieval sport of cycling so irresistible to watch. Ask a Pro includes new resources from Gaimon, too, including his Cookie Map of America, dubious advice on winning the race buffet, a cautionary guide for host housing, Phil’s pre-race warm-up routine, and a celebrity baker’s recipe for The Phil Cookie.

    Yes, it is really that good." "This is going to be my 'go to book' when I've had a bad day!" Please Note: Some profanity, not for children!

    Like the bungling burglar who logged on to his own Facebook page at his victim's house - and forgot to turn the computer off when he left, or the stupid bank robber who made his escape in his own car - complete with personalised number plates, or the idiotic criminal who tried to hand himself into the police... in order to collect the reward. Award-winning writer Andrew Penman has scoured the country for this hilarious collection of those who are not just bad, but also dim very dim. 'Andrew Penman enjoys a laugh at the expense of Britain's most stupid burglars' - The Mirror 'Exploits so dim-witted it's surprising they ever managed to keep themselves breathing long enough to commit any crime' - Wales Online Illustrated with cartoons drawn by Neil Kerber.

    husband, her boyfriend's wife and a man in Mexico. All this before her twenty-fifth birthday.Sentenced to thirteen years in Mexican prison, she escaped and is still at large with an active murder warrant biting at her ass.This story has been featured on Unsolved Mysteries and Discovery I.D.'s Deadly Women series. (Episode-"Born Bad").

    In this book I have set out prove that statement is completely untrue and in fact with customers like these then maybe the opposite could be said. So sit back, grab your self a drink perhaps an alcoholic one if you feel that way inclined and enjoy some of the strangest, ridiculous and most outrageous complaints and statements from all walks of life. The second volume is out now and is much longer and in my opinion even better than the first, though i would say that.

    Mostly from the USA and UK, they bring into sharp focus the extent of the abuse of our critical life-saving services.With cartoons to depict calls and hyperlinks to take the reader to the original audio (some of them released in the public domain by the police and ambulance services in order to show the world how badly a minority of individuals will misuse valuable resources), this book promises to amuse and shock every right-minded person who understands what these services are here for.The author and illustrator are professional front line paramedics, so they know a thing or two about the subject; and from calls to the police for directions to 999 rants about the lack of buses, they have experienced their fair share of such stupidity.You won't believe some of the calls that have been made in the name of personal crisis. You simply won't believe what some people think is an emergency!

    and a bike called Reggie. Secondary school teacher Andrew Sykes moves out of the classroom, climbs onto his bicycle and sets off along the route of the EuroVelo 8, from the southern tip of Greece to the Atlantic coast of Portugal.However, this is more than just a cycling tale of border crossings and big hills, as our would-be adventurer perspires his way through a hot and sticky mix of Mediterranean landscapes, life and culture.Join Andrew as he travels Along The Med on a Bike Called Reggie: an inspirational and light-hearted travelogue for cyclists and non-cyclists alike.

    She is addicted to the feeling of being on stage, looking out at expectant, up-turned mouths, waiting for the first laugh to hit. A first laugh that will not happen unless she creates it. But Brenda is clueless. The on-off girlfriend of a prolific comedian, it is only after she realises his best stage material consists of recycled versions of her own restless, smart-arsed energy that she begins to wonder whether she might be better off keeping her jokes for herself - and so she finds herself making her very first walk to the mark on stage in front of a bare brick wall, with just a spotlight and a PA system for cover, wondering what we all wonder from time to time: am I funny? A book as much about the thrill of performance as it is about what goes on when the microphone is switched off, Brenda Monk is Funny is a blackly humourous and devastatingly candid snapshot of the reality, the brutality and fragility of the comedy industry from an exciting new voice in fiction.

    A platoon trapped on a faraway world. Bloodthirsty aliens who will stop at nothing to bring humanity to its knees. Eric was happily retired. His consciousness resided inside the body of an advanced android. He had two beautiful female companions, a platoon of war hero friends, and the entire floor of an apartment building to call his own. He had paid his dues, having saved the world during his previous stint in the army, and now he could live out the rest of his life in peace and quiet. As an android, he expected that life to last a very long time. And then the army came knocking at his door again. Soon he and his platoon find themselves dispatched to an alien world. Piloting Devastators, mechs equipped with enough firepower to take down a small army, Eric and his platoon are scouting the planet ahead of a planned human invasion. When things start to go very wrong, and the platoon finds itself cut off from support and surrounded by enemies on all sides, Eric begins to wonder if it will truly be humanity doing the invading, and not the aliens. Book one of a standalone military science fiction trilogy, Reactivated ends in a cliffhanger. Book two, Reforged, is available now.

    Yes, she’s thirty-three, single, and has had to work as a waitress and children’s party entertainer since her social worker salary suffered from budget cuts, but she stays positive and manages to pay the mortgage on her flat. Her home is her sanctuary – until Tom moves in downstairs. Lucy and Tom quickly fall in love and into a serious relationship, which is complicated by Tom’s recent separation from his wife, who he has two young sons with. Lucy is heartbroken when Tom breaks up with her, saying that something has to give in his busy life. Encouraged/coerced/badgered by her friends into getting ‘back on that horse’, Lucy finds herself at a tacky Singles Night; dating Danny, a Justin Timberlake impersonator; and attempting a rendezvous with her ‘special friend’. Lucy’s quest to move on from Tom would be a whole lot easier if she didn’t have to hear everything he does. After all, how on earth do you get over someone when you can hear them peeing? Him Downstairs is relatable Chick Lit for readers 18+ who have dipped their toe into the world of modern dating and relationships. It contains adult language and humour, and is written in ‘British English’.

    The spate of murders in 1993 touched many more lives than just the three victims. All of Melbourne was gripped with fear, as Frankston and surrounding suburbs were flooded with police hunting the serial killer of three young women. It began on June 11 when Elizabeth Stevens was murdered on her way home from the library. On July 8, Debbie Fream who'd left her 12-day-old baby with a friend while she dashed out for milk, was abducted and killed. Three weeks later, Year 12 student, Natalie Russell, was brutally murdered on her way home from school. When Paul Denyer, an odd young man, was arrested the day after Natalie's body was found, the police and public were shocked by his lack of emotion. Denyer, who was only 21-years-old, spoke of the three young women with contempt as he described their final moments. Their deaths had simply fuelled his bloodlust. Eleven years later, just as the public's memory of the Frankston murders began to fade, convicted serial killer, Paul Denyer, made front-page news with his quest to become a woman. The Frankston Murders: 25 years on details the shocking crimes and explores the lingering effects of what Denyer did. Now 25-years-old, Debbie Fream's son Jake speaks for the first time about the loss of his mother. And Carmel and Brian Russell share their dream for Denyer's ongoing incarceration, as the killer of their child will be eligible to apply for parole for the first time in 2023.

    The problem is that some of those secrets are very, very dirty...Detective Amber Smith of Liar’s Island PD knows uncovering the resident’s dirty secrets and ensuring those behind them see justice isn’t easy. The insular, secretive inhabitants of the island don’t like spilling what they know. Lucky for Amber, she’s a master of disguise.Her latest undercover job: a night attendant at Kelley’s Gas Station, where her eccentric friend Ray Kelley has suffered a break-in that has cost him several thousand dollars in theft and damages. While evidence points to an inside job, the locals are convinced that one of the island’s troublemakers—or former troublemakers—is to blame.Missing security recordings and a laundry list of suspects—from disgruntled employees, hellraising teens, and even Ray himself— weave a tangled, mysterious web for Amber to unravel.Despite the grand island tradition of constantly hiding or muddling the truth, Amber is intent on getting to the heart of this mystery without getting stuck in island dramatics. If she gets it wrong, an innocent person will have their life ruined. But if she gets it right, she may end up losing one of her best friends on the island.

    The curvy woman is in Sheridan, Wyoming to visit her best friend. But when Juniper gets sick, Bess decides to enjoy a night on the town, only to end up in the arms of two handsome cops with muscular bodies and filthy tastes.Brandon and Ben are boys in blue who walk on the wild side. Yes, their job is to lock up scum from the streets, but when they encounter an especially sassy woman during a police sting, pure male instinct takes over. Soon, they’re engaged in the ultimate forbidden act with the curvy girl. But what happens when she ends up with their baby in her belly?This book is a follow-up to Filthy Twin Cowboys and First Time Escort. All books may be read as standalones, although you will see some of your favorite characters re-appear in cameos! Put on your seatbelts because Brandon and Ben Cartwright have a special type of ticket for sassy girls who never learn. Special bonus: A double wedding at the end with lots of kids and lots of kisses! No cheating, no cliffhangers, and always a HEA for my readers.

    But as a penniless and partnerless house-painter with an expired lease on her flat and a twelve-year-old daughter, she could hardly turn down her parents' offer to take them on a once-in-a-lifetime trip to the Caribbean. She'd just have to put up with her sister Theresa (making no secret of preferring Tuscany as a holiday destination) and brother Simon (worrying that there might be some sinister agenda behind their parents' wish to take them all away) with their various spouses, teenagers, young children and au pair. In a luxury hotel, with bright sunshine, swimming, diving, glorious food and friendly locals, any family tensions should have melted away in the fabulous heat. The children should have been angelic, the teenagers cheerful, the adults relaxed and happy. But...some problems just refuse to be left at home.