Damn, now I sound stupid, too." -Bomani Jones, ESPN "It's great, and I have no idea what just happened, but Jerry Jones dick exploded and that's enough for me." -Spencer Hall, SB Nation "The only parody Twitter account worth following" -Deadspin.com "This is the least influential book of anything I've ever read. I hated it." -Adolf Hitler In what is being hailed by many, probably, as the best, funniest, most gut-shittingly poignant literary work since The New Testament, PFT Commenter takes you on a realistic-fiction journey through the backdoor politics of today's NFL. Set in the 2014 offseason, Roger Goodell and President Barack Obama become locked in a mano a mano battle over the future of the Dallas Cowboys, culminating in a literal fight to the death. Starring NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, Barack Obama, Mike Ditka, Joe Biden, Michael Vick, Peter King, Ron Jaworski, Dan Snyder, Robert Griffin III, Danny Woodhead, J.J. Watt, Jerry Jones, Russell Wilson, Pete Carroll, and many more of your favorite NFL stars and media personalities; "Goodell vs. Obama: The Battle for the Future of the NFL" will take you on a journey that any NFL fan is sure to love, or at least not hate. WARNING: Told through the narrative eye and screaming mouth of an uneducated internet commenter, this book is filled with grammatical errors. It was written by a someone who was raised on scorching hot sports takes, light beer, and an undying love for Roger Goodell. He cares about TELLING, not about spelling. If that's going to be a problem,, there's the door.

    You may find it for free on the web. Purchase of the Kindle edition includes wireless delivery.

    She is spiritual. She is powerful. To become a detective was her passion. Honey is working with the most famous and intelligent detective in her city. Through a quirk of fate, she ends up investigating a case of human trafficking. Her interactions with the victims are thrilling and terrifying. Working on this case she comes to know how deep, barbaric and inhumane the web of powerful people is. Will she be able to solve this case? Can her spirituality help her make sense of this dark world? ENCOUNTER WITH SOUL Rasbeen is intelligent, smart and ambitious. She has dreams to fulfill, but her father has something else in mind for her. His negative pressure and attitude hold power over her life. Will she be able to survive? One day, she has an encounter with her soul. Can the soul lift her from her deathbed and make her a confident girl?

    Hoyle is about to learn that his photographs were not without consequences, and whether he survives the night will depend on what exactly he witnessed through his camera's unflinching eye. This short story was first published in Robert Randisi's "Greatest Hits" anthology in November, 2005. It subsequently appeared in "Best British Mysteries" and was short-listed for the CWA Short Story Dagger.

    Complete with a giant octopus, a hungry shark, and dolphins to the rescue, this Magic Tree House book delivers an underwater adventure kids can dream about. Ghost Town at Sundown Morgan le Fay has promised to make Jack and Annie masters of the tree house if they can solve four riddles. In Ghost Town at Sundown, the Magic Tree House whisks Jack and Annie back to a ghost town in the Wild West of the 1880s. There, they meet a mustang herder named Slim as they search for the answer to the second riddle.

    forever.Before you walked into my life, all I did was survive...you made me rediscover what it means to be alive.HICCUPS is a tender love story that leaves you with a happy feeling. The story revolves around the life of the protagonist, how he struggles through life as a student taking care of his mother; paying for his engineering expenses with scholarships and awards. Enclosed in a wall of priorities doing well in his studies was paramount to him.What transpires when he meets a beautiful, witty and intelligent girl with a penchant for the good things in life? Destiny brings the two of them together under the unlikeliest of circumstances. What follows is a fascinating journey that will change their lives forever.

    One spring night, while at home on a break from college, the threesome embarks on a night of adventure and experimentation, driving recklessly through the Connecticut Valley. Stopping at the French King Bridge, David -- full of hubris and hallucinogens -- dares to jump, mistakenly believing he'll be able to swim ashore. With this one act, he sets in motion an inexorable chain of events that indelibly alters the lives of everyone involved.Told through the alternating voices of Kay, Michael, and David's father, Kevin, The River Road is a closely observed and psychologically penetrating narrative of the accusations, murder investigation, and courtroom battle that follow.

    But there is one little girl who begs to be different. They call her The She-Devil. She absolutely adores them. So much so she keeps them as pets…to torture later. But behind the wall, fugitive house spiders Bateman, Parker and Carmen have bigger problems. They must take on the vicious Spider Army, led by the sinister General Raimi, and attempt to take back their home… With no plan, no help, and absolutely no hope whatsoever. Everything you thought you knew about spiders is about to change forever…

    They have chosen their own surname, O’Malley, and have stood by each other through moments of joy and heartache. Their stories are told in CBA best-selling, inspirational romantic suspense novels that rock your heart and restore strength and hope to your spirit.Danger in the Shadows (prequel):Sara is terrified. She’s doing the one thing she cannot afford to do: fall in love with former pro-football player Adam Black, a man everyone knows. Sara’s been hidden away in the witness protection program, her safety dependent on staying invisible—and loving Adam could get her killed!#1 The NegotiatorFBI agent Dave Richman from Danger in the Shadows is back. He’s about to meet Kate O’Malley, and his life will never be the same. She’s a hostage negotiator. He protects people. He’s about to find out that falling in love with a hostage negotiator is one thing, but keeping her safe is another!#2 The GuardianA federal judge has been murdered. There is only one witness, and an assassin wants her dead. U.S. Marshall Marcus O’Malley thought he knew the risks of the assignment . . . but he was wrong.#3 The Truth SeekerWomen are turning up dead, and Lisa O’Malley has a habit of walking into crime scenes, curious. She’s a forensic pathologist, and mysteries are her domain. U.S. marshall Quinn Diamond has found loving her is easier than keeping her safe. Lisa’s found the killer, and now she’s missing too.#4 The ProtectorJack O’Malley is a fireman who is fearless when it comes to facing an inferno. But when an arsonist begins targeting his district, his shift, his friends, Jack faces the ultimate challenge: protecting the lady who saw the arsonist before she pays an even higher price.#5 The HealerRachel O’Malley works disasters for a living. Her specialty? Helping children through trauma. When a school shooting rips through her community, she finds herself dealing with more than just grief among the children she is trying to help. One of them saw the shooting, and the gun is still missing.#6 The RescuerStephen O’Malley is a paramedic who has been rescuing people all his life. His friend Meghan is in trouble: Stolen jewels are turning up in interesting places, and she’s in the middle of it. Stephen is about to run into a night he will never forget—a kidnapping, a tornado, and a race to rescue the woman he loves.

    Purchase includes a free trial membership in the publisher's book club where you can select from more than a million books without charge. Chapters: Still Life With Woodpecker, Villa Incognito, Fierce Invalids Home From Hot Climates, Jitterbug Perfume, Even Cowgirls Get the Blues, Skinny Legs and All, Another Roadside Attraction, Half Asleep in Frog Pajamas. Source: Wikipedia. Free updates online. Not illustrated. Excerpt: Still Life With Woodpecker (1980) is the third novel by Tom Robbins, concerning the love affair between an environmentalist princess and an outlaw. As with most of Robbins' books, it encompasses a broad range of topics, from aliens and redheads to consumerism, the building of bombs, romance, royalty, the moon, and a pack of Camels. The novel continuously addresses the question of how to make love stay. The story is sometimes called a post-modern fairy tale. The book begins in "the final quarter of the twentieth century," at a year never specified, presumably in the early 1980s. It revolves around a family of deposed European royalty living in a small house in the suburbs outside of Seattle, under the protection of the CIA. They consist of: the father, King Max, a former gambler and poker player whose prosthetic heart valve makes a loud scraping noise when he gets excited; the mother, Queen Tilli, an opera-lover with a strong foreign accent and a fondness for saying "Oh, oh, spaghetti-o"; Gulietta, the non-English-speaking maid (and, as it turns out, Max's half-sister) and the daughter, Leigh-Cheri, a redheaded vegetarian liberal princess and former cheerleader, having pulled out of classes after being asked to resign from the cheer squad after having a miscarriage while cheering at a football game. Leigh-Cheri proclaims herself celibate, withdraws from public life and cloisters herself in her room, only to emerge to ask her parents for permission to go to the Care Fest, a lib...More: http: //booksllc.net/?id=217300

    Your child will delight in reading this funny tale over and over again as you learn different colors and sizes. The bright illustrations and easy to read words will have your child reading along and chanting "I'm still hungry!"

    It spans three centuries and five countries as it tells the story of a violin and its many owners. The film was an international co-production between companies in Canada, Italy and the United Kingdom. The film tells the story of a perfect violin known as "the Red Violin" for its rich red colour. At the film's beginning, the violin is being auctioned in Canada. As the bidding starts, the violin's history is revealed, showing that the violin has been in existence for over 300 years, having been made in 1681. Its history is told in five stories set in different locations around the world-Cremona, Vienna, Oxford, Shanghai, and Montreal. These stories are told in chronological order except for the Cremona and Montreal stories, which are intersected into the others with each change of location and as the tarot reading and the auction develop.

    They’ve got LOOKS. And they’ve got FAME.Now they want to settle down and work on that happily ever after with the women they adore.But they’ve got baggage too.And just when they think they’ve put it all behind them… everything and everyone they hold dear is in danger.You will fall in love with their town, and their girls, and their kids. This box set contains five full-length novels and two novellas:1. Tragic2. Manic3. Panic4. Ford (contains the books Slack and Taut)5. Spencer (contains the books Bomb and Guns)

    Naomi Evans, the ordinary kindergarten teacher, a devoted mother of two and wife to her loving husband, Tyree, never would have imagined falling for a fine ass street king.Naomi and Tyree have been together since their freshman year in college and he is all that she knows. Three years of marriage to the love of her life seemed perfect… At first. She made the money, he stayed at home with the kids. To many it seems that they are living the New American Dream and to Naomi there is no greater feeling than being with her family.However, that all suddenly changes once she meets a sexy thug named Marquise who desires Naomi from the very moment he lays eyes on her. With just the flash of that million-dollar smile, his cocky attitude and irresistible lips, Naomi becomes intoxicated in Marquise and lets him seduce her on the very first night of their meeting. Ashamed and guilty for stepping out on her husband, Naomi tries her best to forget her encounter with Marquise, but as life continues to throw him in her path, she finds him harder and harder to resist. Marquise suddenly opens Naomi’s eyes to a world of pure ecstasy that she never knew existed, as he pushes her beyond her limits. Limits that Tyree could never dare to reach. Naomi is now torn between the only life that she’s ever known and the life that she has now become so addicted to. And to make matters worse, she begins to drift away from her family in order to get her daily fix with her new addiction. But that isn’t even the best part… Her new addiction has no idea about his competition waiting for Naomi to come home every night. So how will he react to finding out that Naomi Evans isn’t the sweet, single, innocent but freaky girl she made herself out to be?Only time will tell…

    Clark is always scared of the dark! With the help of his mom and a new friend, he will overcome his fear by going through a hilarious journey. He will discover that there is nothing to be afraid of in the dark. With cute illustrations and funny situations, this book is designed to entertain children and parents. (Age recommended 2-8)