From stress and anxiety to real loss, booze was his magic elixir that made it all disappear. But the constant blackout nights brought with them even more trouble. Despite the perpetual cycle of drunken mistakes and continued escalation in drinking, he found new ways to rationalize his self-destructive behavior. Drinking was a part of who he was. And an existence without it seemed inconceivable. He takes you through a life where nights with missing pieces of time were the norm. And how there was a haze that overshadowed everything, even his happiest memories. He shares how far he fell before finally willing to change. And the long road back in recovery that required him to completely shift his perceptive in order to remain sober. He also explains what he discovered about the many reasons he drank so much for so long. And how he was ultimately able to come out better on the other side. This is a memoir about overcoming the grip alcohol can have on us. About learning to live life again after the bottle and facing the world with sober eyes. And finally discovering one’s true self. This is a story that will resonate with anyone who has struggled with addiction. And will give hope to those looking to change their lives for the better.

    We also know the original lead investigator, Goncalo Amaral’s, counter-narrative, now a legally defensible matter of public record. The questions that arise from these opposing narratives are dead simple: Which narrative is more credible? Which narrator is more credible? What was the motive behind all the publicity? Neither Madeleine nor her abductor ultimately benefited from the ongoing media barrage, so who did? True crime maestro, Nick van der Leek, plumbs quagmires of confusion and a thicket of thorny inconsistencies to probe what lies beneath: the psychologies. What is the significance of "doctors" as suspects? Did it matter or mean anything that the McCanns and their cabal of friends in the Algarve were mostly doctors? Peeling away the gossamer threads, over the course of just four days [April 29th – May 2nd], van der Leek intuits that very little was routine: not the weather, not where meals were eaten, not where or when they slept and not what they did as a family. But what were their routines when it came to other, murkier things, like sleeping patterns, cell phones and sedatives? Drawing intangibles out of the darkness, van der Leek sews the vexing loose ends from several conflicting stories into a definite - if not definitive - end-result.