We have your favourite table ready and waiting and a selection of tasty and unusual dishes for your delectation and delight (but do bear in mind that the kitchen closes shortly as the Chef needs to go to his second job, rodding out blocked sewers). We have a few choice 'nostalgedy' stories for Starters, some meatier ones for your Mains, a selection of 'curmudgeonly rants' or keen observations (you take your choice) for Dessert, and something unspeakable to go with your Coffee and Mints.Philip Whiteland tickles your fancy (it's not a crime yet) once again with this compilation of stories, often with a food-based theme, from today and yesterday. Pull up a chair and tuck in!

    Packed full of zingers and hilarious illustrations, if this doesn't put a smile on your face, nothing will. What's not to like:The other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my dressing room. I didn't know what to make of it. I'm against hunting. I'm actually a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox. I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one. Black holes. I don't know what people see in them. So I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first.' He went 'Baah' and I went 'Moo'. He said 'You're closest.' Velcro. What a rip-off. Black Beauty. He's a dark horse. I've got a sponge front door. Hey, don't knock it.

    Seen by tens of billions worldwide, these are the unforgettable Onion Magazine covers that altered the course of human history and radically redefined your trivial life anew every weekend. Profound philosophical questions, the thoughts of leading cultural luminaries, harsh truths of existence, remorseless personal attacks -- you will encounter full-color graphical representations of all of these within this handsome volume. Whether you are a connoisseur of pretty pictures or are new to looking at images, The Onion Magazine: The Iconic Covers that Transformed an Undeserving World is sure to give you, the feebleminded consumer, far more pleasure than you have any earthly right to experience.

    The history ceases to be predictable-and dull." From the author of "The Shortest History of Europe," acclaimed historian John Hirst, comes this fresh and stimulating approach to understanding Australia's past and present. Hirst asks and answers questions that get to the heart of Australia's history: Why did Aborigines not become farmers? How did a penal colony change peacefully to a democracy? Why was Australia so prosperous so early? Why did the Australian colonies federate? What effect did convict origins have on national character? Why was the postwar migration programme a success? Why is Australia not a republic?

    Peter Cosgrove, the former 'Australian of the Year', looks back over his respected and decorated military career and his personal life with wit and warmth on top of the steel that made him one of Australia's most popular and widely recognised military leaders.

    (Can supply own time travel machine if required.)When Horace Tweed places an advertisement in a national magazine, the last thing he expects is to be commissioned to travel back through time in search of the long extinct Holey* Snail.But this isn’t just any old snail. The helix pertusa is possessed of an extraordinary and highly desirable property, and Horace’s quest leads him and his co-adventurers to Ancient Greece and a variety of near-death encounters with beings both mythological and not so mythological.Meanwhile, Detective Chief Inspector Harper Collins has her hands full trying to track down a secret order of fundamentalist monks whom she suspects of committing a series of murders – the same monks who are determined to thwart Horace in his... ...Quest for the Holey Snail. (* This isn’t a spelling mistake. The Holey Snail is so called because there are hundreds of tiny holes all over its shell.)PLEASE NOTE: Quest for the Holey Snail is not part of Rob Johnson’s Lifting the Lid series.

    She's just flown in from Dublin ready for the start of school, but not at all ready, as it turns out, for what the year holds.A scandal at Matt's father's work plays itself out in the media. Matt feels his family changing, his life changing, the certainties of his world slipping away. Meanwhile, Monica Bloom finds trouble of her own, and Matt finds that he can't stop thinking about her. A funny and beautiful story about the power of first love and memory, expectations and change. About Nick Earls' novels: ". . . poignant and perceptive" Cleo ". . . warm, funny and deeply moving" Courier Mail ". . . written with verve and intelligence" The Bulletin

    Ten years later, he's finally going to find out why. Ever since he staggered out of the darkness into a crowd of police and press reporters, Daryl Elliot has been afraid of something he has absolutely no memory of. Afraid of whatever happened to him in those two missing weeks. Now sixteen, Daryl has grown up a loner, with few friends, fewer ambitions, and a burning desire to go unnoticed by the rest of the world. All that changes, however, when he begins to manifest telekinetic powers during gym class. Daryl begins to uncover the secrets of his lost two weeks, and just how far from average he truly is. A threat is coming. The biggest threat the Earth has ever faced. Galactic warlord, the World Killer, is bringing his death-planet to our solar system, intending to strip our world bare. And Daryl is one of just three people with the power to stop it. With days to go before the attack, Daryl must learn to work with two super-powered strangers, master his own abilities, and prepare himself to lead the others into battle. But, with a shady government agent hunting them down, a mentor with little regard for human life, and the world's most famous (and arrogant) teenager rounding out the team, it won't just take hard work to get them ready for war. It'll take a miracle. World Killer is a standalone young adult science fiction adventure from Barry J. Hutchison, author of the internationally bestselling Space Team series.

    He treats a meerkat with a broken tail from Great Ouseburn, a lame horse next to Almscliffe Crag, a Wagyu in Topcliffe and a Clydesdale horse in York. These and many more adventures are contained within...

    Hawke - Australia's 23rd and oldest living prime minister - has welcomed Derek Rielly into his home to share fine cigars and irreverent conversation. On a sun-soaked balcony, the maverick young writer and the charismatic old master talk life, death, love, sex, religion, politics, sport ... and everything in between.On other days, to paint his subject's enigma from the outside, Rielly interviews Hawke's Liberal MP rival John Howard, Labor allies Gareth Evans and Kim Beazley, wife and lover Blanche d'Alpuget, live-in stepson Louis Pratt, and friends - diplomat Richard Woolcott, economist Ross Garnaut, advertising guru John Singleton, and longtime mate Col Cunningham.The result is an extraordinary portrait of a beloved Australian - a strange, funny, uniquely personal study of Bob Hawke ruminating on his (and our) past, present and future.

    Moody adopted him and called him Horrie. More than a mascot, Horrie repeatedly saved the lives of the thousand-strong contingent.The little dog' warning ritual of sitting, barking, then dashing for the trenches had the gunners running for cover before they even heard the enemy aircraft.Horrie accompanied Moody through the battle zones of the Middle East and beyond. As Japanese forces spread across Asia, Moody and his mates joined the fight, smuggling Horrie onto a troop ship for the harrowing back to Australia. Once the war was over, Moody brought Horrie out of hiding to raise money for the Red Cross and the brave little dog'a story became widely known. When quarantine officers pounced, demanding the dog be put down, there was a public outcry. How could a cruel bureaucracy heartlessly kill this little four-legged hero? Was Horrie condemned to die or Moody devise a scheme to save him?

    Along with Paul McDermott and Richard Fidler he was part of the edgy, provocative and very funny Doug Anthony All Stars (DAAS). In 1994 they were at the height of their powers, performing in a season at the Criterion Theatre on Piccadilly Circus. The three mates, who began busking on the streets of Canberra a decade earlier, had achieved their ambition to become the self-styled rock stars of comedy.Then, all of a sudden, he woke up one morning and his whole left side wouldn't work. He'd had a lurking suspicion that something was wrong and after more episodes he went to a doctor thinking he'd be told to change his diet and get more sleep. It wasn't so simple. An eventual diagnosis of multiple sclerosis (MS) meant an end to the frenetic, high-energy life he was living.Carry a Big Stick is a chance for Tim to tell his story. He wants to make people laugh but also give inspiration to all the people doing it hard. A lot of people keep MS to themselves because it's invisible. In Tim's case, he has the stick. 'It's such a visible sign that something's happened; it's just easier if people know.'Carry a Big Stick meanders through Tim's life, and explains how the boy who went to nine schools in 13 years got used to saying, 'Hi, I'm the new kid'. It will detail his ambitions to become an actor and how the Doug Anthony Allstars were born and went on to become what Rolling Stone called 'The 3 amigos from hell'. Diagnosis changed a lot of things but Tim s quick wit and sense of humour weren t affected. This inspiring memoir shows us that you can laugh in the face of adversity.

    He has no children, two friends and one dog. His life is perfectly routine until he loses his wife, job, dog, boat and even his freedom all in one spectacularly hard year.He also didn't plan on falling in love with vet tech named Parker Cool.Float Plan is a contemporary novel featuring a chainsaw attack on a gazebo, a basset hound named Dean and a life-saving mozzarella stick. At its quirky, serious heart, the story is about what happens to a young man who steers himself toward love, forgiveness and happiness. Or close enough.Float Plan is also a love letter to Annapolis and Baltimore - and to fathers and mothers, old friends, dogs, boats and second chances.

    Have these knots in my stomach. But drinking isn’t an option. Maa is sleeping with me. Baba in Lalitaji’s room. And she on the sofa. Want to step into the toilet, take one swig, and then go directly to sleep. How the hell will Maa know? I mean she’s sleeping like a log. No, no, shouldn’t. What if she wakes up? She’s a light sleeper, after all.11.30 pm: No wine. Or vodka. Terrible, terrible night. When will they go back to Kolkata and let me be?11.32 pm: Chhi . . .Chhi . . . How selfish am I? My parents, one with a heart condition, spent thousands on flight tickets and landed in Chennai. Why? Because they wanted to spend time with their widowed daughter. And what does the daughter want? To sneak into the toilet and take one good swig of wine. Shame on her! Okay, now I’m being over-dramatic.Meet Madhubala Ray a thirty-year-old brand-spanking-new widow in Chennai.She lives with her seventy-year-old mostly-silent MIL—whose name she can’t remember, teaches Social Science to bratty teenagers, and suddenly has a life filled with unpredictable men, catty colleagues, a bisexual best friend, and . . . heart-wrenching memories of her late husband.How does she deal with all of that?By baring it all, in her diary. Join this oddball-widow who always keeps it real as she gives an honest account of a young North Indian working woman in Chennai, who tries to survive a tragedy through wine and vodka, her quirky sense of humour, and refuses to give up on love. Despite its oddities. The question is: does she survive and find love, again?Secret Diary of an Incurable Romantic is a story that is brutally honest, funny, romantic and liberating. It’s a slice of life, you wouldn’t want to miss.

    Three friends: a nationalist, a unionist and a couldnae-care-lesser meet for a pub crawl down Edinburgh’s historic Royal Mile. Can Ian convince Euan to vote for independence or is he just gambling with all their futures? Will Euan’s defence of the union break Ian’s resolve, or is he just hanging on to another struggling marriage? Does Stuart even care? And how can a travel writer have a fear of flying? And who is the mysterious ninety-five year old man in the red tartan trousers? The Mile is an entertaining alcohol-fuelled stagger down a street that has a lot more to it than tartan rugs and cashmere shops. Join our friends, their hangers-on, and their pursuers, as they take in 300 years of Scottish history. And a skinful of beer and whisky… REVIEW "This is a much-needed injection of booze-soaked banter and comedy into the independence debate. Assured and heartwarming stuff." Doug Johnstone "A witty comedy with a big heart and surprise waiting at every pub stop, The Mile is a whirlwind of laughs, loss and love. If that isn’t enough to get you reading, then you may never find out how Scotland is like a millionaire’s shortcake … " Karyn Dougan, Glasgow Review of Books