Book picks similar to
How to Love by Gordon Livingston


non-fiction
psychology
self-help
relationships

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff in Love: Simple Ways to Nurture and Strengthen Your Relationships While Avoiding the Habits That Break Down Your Loving Connection


Richard Carlson - 1999
    And for people who’ve been together for years, there’s the problem of simply taking each other for granted, and not putting enough energy into keeping the relationship vivid and alive. Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff in Love shows couples how to live together with revived passion, how not to let the little everyday irritations get to them, and how to appreciate each other in new and exciting ways.In one hundred beautifully written but very practical essays, Richard and Kris Carlson show readers how not to overreact to a loved one’s criticism, how to get past old angers, how to let go of your top three pet peeves, and how to choose peace over irritation. They include such helpful advice as thinking before you speak, learning to cast away jealousy, avoiding one-upping, and not confusing your own frustration with a problem in the relationship. Essays such as “Try Not to Treat Ordinary Stuff Like Front-Page News” and “Become a Low-Maintenance Partner” will spur discussion with your spouse that will shed new light on even the longest-term relationships.Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff in Love is the book that will help make you and your partner’s life together more peaceful, less stressful and more fun.In Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff in Love, readers learn how to improve their relationships by following Richard’s and Kris Carlson’s best personal advice:Learn to Laugh at YourselfDon’t Come Home FrazzledDon’t Make Your Partner Walk on EggshellsBe Sensitive When You Use SarcasmDon’t Sweat the Occasional CriticismBecome a World-Class ListenerLook Out for Each Other- and much more.

Social: Why Our Brains Are Wired to Connect


Matthew D. Lieberman - 2013
    It is believed that we must commit 10,000 hours to master a skill.  According to Lieberman, each of us has spent 10,000 hours learning to make sense of people and groups by the time we are ten.  Social argues that our need to reach out to and connect with others is a primary driver behind our behavior.  We believe that pain and pleasure alone guide our actions.  Yet, new research using fMRI – including a great deal of original research conducted by Lieberman and his UCLA lab -- shows that our brains react to social pain and pleasure in much the same way as they do to physical pain and pleasure.  Fortunately, the brain has evolved sophisticated mechanisms for securing our place in the social world.  We have a unique ability to read other people’s minds, to figure out their hopes, fears, and motivations, allowing us to effectively coordinate our lives with one another.  And our most private sense of who we are is intimately linked to the important people and groups in our lives.  This wiring often leads us to restrain our selfish impulses for the greater good.  These mechanisms lead to behavior that might seem irrational, but is really just the result of our deep social wiring and necessary for our success as a species.   Based on the latest cutting edge research, the findings in Social have important real-world implications.  Our schools and businesses, for example, attempt to minimalize social distractions.  But this is exactly the wrong thing to do to encourage engagement and learning, and literally shuts down the social brain, leaving powerful neuro-cognitive resources untapped.  The insights revealed in this pioneering book suggest ways to improve learning in schools, make the workplace more productive, and improve our overall well-being.

Modern Romance


Aziz Ansari - 2015
    We meet people, date, get into and out of relationships, all with the hope of finding someone with whom we share a deep connection. This seems standard now, but it’s wildly different from what people did even just decades ago. Single people today have more romantic options than at any point in human history. With technology, our abilities to connect with and sort through these options are staggering. So why are so many people frustrated?Some of our problems are unique to our time. “Why did this guy just text me an emoji of a pizza?” “Should I go out with this girl even though she listed Combos as one of her favorite snack foods? Combos?!” “My girlfriend just got a message from some dude named Nathan. Who’s Nathan? Did he just send her a photo of his penis? Should I check just to be sure?” But the transformation of our romantic lives can’t be explained by technology alone. In a short period of time, the whole culture of finding love has changed dramatically. A few decades ago, people would find a decent person who lived in their neighborhood. Their families would meet and, after deciding neither party seemed like a murderer, they would get married and soon have a kid, all by the time they were twenty-four. Today, people marry later than ever and spend years of their lives on a quest to find the perfect person, a soul mate.For years, Aziz Ansari has been aiming his comic insight at modern romance, but for Modern Romance, the book, he decided he needed to take things to another level. He teamed up with NYU sociologist Eric Klinenberg and designed a massive research project, including hundreds of interviews and focus groups conducted everywhere from Tokyo to Buenos Aires to Wichita. They analyzed behavioral data and surveys and created their own online research forum on Reddit, which drew thousands of messages. They enlisted the world’s leading social scientists, including Andrew Cherlin, Eli Finkel, Helen Fisher, Sheena Iyengar, Barry Schwartz, Sherry Turkle, and Robb Willer. The result is unlike any social science or humor book we’ve seen before.In Modern Romance, Ansari combines his irreverent humor with cutting-edge social science to give us an unforgettable tour of our new romantic world.

The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did)


Philippa Perry - 2019
    Yet for so many families, these relationships go can wrong and it may be difficult to get back on track. In The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and Your Children Will Be Glad that You Did), renowned psychotherapist Philippa Perry shows how strong and loving bonds are made with your children and how such attachments give a better chance of good mental health, in childhood and beyond.She'll help you to:- Understand how your own upbringing may be impacting upon your parenting style- Contain, express, accept and validate your own and your child's feelings- Understand that all behaviour is communication- Break negative cycles and patterns- Accept that you will make mistakes and what to do about themAlmost every parent loves their children, but by following the refreshing, sage and sane advice and steps in this book you will also find yourselves liking one another too.

Anatomy of a Secret Life: The Psychology of Living a Lie


Gail Saltz - 2006
    But we can never know for certain, because what really goes on inside another’s head and heart is essentially a secret. How do you know if that secret is something that will hurt you? Your husband turns to face you in bed. Is he thinking about you or your closest friend? Your boss shows up in another new outfit. Did she get a raise or is she a compulsive shopper who is stealing money from the company? Your teenaged daughter is upstairs in her bedroom. Is she doing her homework or chatting online with a man twice her age? Anatomy of A Secret Life will take you inside the minds of secret-keepers and show you how secrets start, how they’re kept, and how they exact their devastating emotional and social toll. Using contemporary case studies and historical examples, Dr. Gail Saltz shows you how to spot—through subtle behaviors and clues—and safely stop the potentially dangerous secrets that someone, even you, might be concealing from the world.

It Takes One to Tango: How I Rescued My Marriage with (Almost) No Help from My Spouse—and How You Can, Too


Winifred M. Reilly - 2017
    So when couples can’t agree on how—or whether—to make their marriage better, many give up or settle for a less-than-satisfying marriage (or think the only way out is divorce). Fortunately, there is an alternative. It Takes One to Tango is a groundbreaking guide that shows how one determined partner—acting alone—can spark lasting, significant change in a marriage, often accomplishing change that cannot be made any other way. It doesn’t matter how short-fused, argumentative, or seemingly impossible your partner can be—or how long you’ve been stuck. Marriage and family therapist Winifred Reilly has this message for struggling partners: Take the lead. Doing so is effective—and powerful. Through Reilly’s own story of reclaiming her now nearly forty-year marriage, along with anecdotes from many clients she’s worked with, you’ll learn how to: -Focus on your own behaviors and change them in ways that make you feel good about yourself and your marriage -Take a firm stand for what truly matters to you without arguing, cajoling, or resorting to threats -Identify the “big picture” issues at the basis of your repetitive fights—and learn how to unhook from them -Be less reactive, especially in the face of your spouse’s provocations -Develop the strength and stamina to be the sole agent of change Combining psychological theory, practical advice, and personal narrative, It Takes One to Tango is a fresh and engaging guide that will empower those who choose to take a bold, proactive approach to creating a loving and lasting marriage.

The Danish Way of Parenting: What the Happiest People in the World Know About Raising Confident, Capable Kids


Jessica Joelle Alexander - 2014
    What makes Denmark the happiest country in the world--and what are the secrets of Danish parents for raising happy, confident, succesful kids, year after year? This upbeat and practical guide brings together the insights of a licensed psychotherapist and a mom -- a Dane and an American married to a Dane, respectively -- on the habits of the happiest families on earth.The book delivers fresh advice on how to:- Encourage free play- Foster authenticity and confidence - Nurture empathy - Emphasize teamwork over power struggles- Celebrate togetherness  Filled with practical takeaways and inspiring examples, The Danish Way of Parenting will help parents from all walks of life raise the happiest, most well-adjusted kids in the world.

Bonds That Make Us Free: Healing Our Relationships, Coming to Ourselves


C. Terry Warner - 2001
    Our relationships with friends, spouses, colleagues, and family members can be wonderfully rewarding. They can also bring heartache, frustration, anxiety, and anger. We all know the difference between times when we feel open, generous and at ease with people versus times when we are guarded, defensive, and on edge. Why do we get trapped in negative emotions when it's clear that life is so much fuller and richer when we are free of them?Bonds That Make Us Free is a ground-breaking book that suggests the remedy for our troubling emotions by addressing their root causes. You'll learn how, in ways we scarcely suspect, we are responsible for feelings like anger, envy, and insecurity that we have blamed on others. (How many times have you said, "You're making me mad?") Even though we fear to admit this, it is good news. If we produce these emotions, it falls within our power to stop them. But we have to understand our part in them far better than we do, and that is what this remarkable book teaches. Because the key is seeing truthfully, the book itself is therapeutic. As you read and identify with the many true stories of people who have seen a transformation in their lives, you will find yourself reflecting with fresh honesty upon your relationships. This will bond you to others in love and respect and lift you out of the negative thoughts and feelings that have held you captive. You will feel your heart changing even as you read. "It would not be accurate to describe this book as supplying the truths upon which we must build our lives," writes author C. Terry Warner. "Instead it shows how we can put ourselves in that receptive, honest, and discerning condition that will enable us, any of us, to find these truths on our own." Finding these truths is the key to healing our relationships and coming to ourselves, and Bonds That Make Us Free starts us on that great journey.

The Minimalist Way: Minimalism Strategies to Declutter Your Life and Make Room for Joy


Erica Layne - 2019
    The Minimalist Way will help you take it one step at a time with simple exercises and activities. Ease into minimalism at your own pace and learn how to let go.Filled with practical philosophy and easy-to-use strategies for removing unnecessary distractions and stress, this is the essential guidebook for anyone looking to clear out their physical, mental, and emotional clutter.The Minimalist Way includes: MINIMALIST PHILOSOPHY—outlines the principles of minimalism and shows you how to define the practice to fit your life. THE MINIMALIST LIFESTYLE—teaches you how to apply minimalism to your spending, food, clothing, family, leisure time, work, and more. REAL SOLUTIONS—that help you spend time and energy wisely, including checklists, activities, and troubleshooting tips. Live simpler. Live better. Live minimalism.

The Committed Marriage: A Guide to Finding a Soul Mate and Building a Relationship Through Timeless Biblical Wisdom


Esther Jungreis - 2003
    In The Committed Marriage, Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis, esteemed teacher, counselor, and matchmaker, helps even the most pressured modern couples find harmony and unity, guided by the timeless wisdom of the Torah. Starting with the first stagesof finding a soul mate, and continuing through the challenge of learning to communicate with compassion and understanding, whether debating parenting issues or how to grow old in harmony, these real-life success stories reflect the practicality and endurance of traditional values. The anecdotes and true-life stories will speak to your heart and mind, while the Rebbetzin's faith and depth of understanding will inspire you and strengthen your marriage.

Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason


Alfie Kohn - 2005
    In this truly groundbreaking book, nationally respected educator Alfie Kohn begins instead by asking "What do kids need — and how can we meet those needs?" What follows from that question are ideas for working with children rather than doing things to them. One basic need all children have, Kohn argues, is to be loved unconditionally, to know that they will be accepted even if they screw up or fall short. Yet conventional approaches to parenting such as punishments (including "time-outs"), rewards (including positive reinforcement), and other forms of control teach children that they are loved only when they please us or impress us. Kohn cites a body of powerful, and largely unknown, research detailing the damage caused by leading children to believe they must earn our approval. That's precisely the message children derive from common discipline techniques, even though it's not the message most parents intend to send. More than just another book about discipline, though, Unconditional Parenting addresses the ways parents think about, feel about, and act with their children. It invites them to question their most basic assumptions about raising kids while offering a wealth of practical strategies for shifting from "doing to" to "working with" parenting — including how to replace praise with the unconditional support that children need to grow into healthy, caring, responsible people. This is an eye-opening, paradigm-shattering book that will reconnect readers to their own best instincts and inspire them to become better parents.

NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children


Po Bronson - 2008
    In a world of modern, involved, caring parents, why are so many kids aggressive and cruel?  Where is intelligence hidden in the brain, and why does that matter?  Why do cross-racial friendships decrease in schools that are more integrated?  If 98% of kids think lying is morally wrong, then why do 98% of kids lie?  What's the single most important thing that helps infants learn language?NurtureShock is a groundbreaking collaboration between award-winning science journalists Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman.  They argue that when it comes to children, we've mistaken good intentions for good ideas.  With impeccable storytelling and razor-sharp analysis, they demonstrate that many of modern society's strategies for nurturing children are in fact backfiring--because key twists in the science have been overlooked.Nothing like a parenting manual, the authors' work is an insightful exploration of themes and issues that transcend children's (and adults') lives.

Inner Peace for Busy People


Joan Borysenko - 2001
    Through story and science, spirituality and humour, readers are given simple skills to help them change their lives and attitudes to recover inner peace, one week at a time.

Small Victories: Spotting Improbable Moments of Grace


Anne Lamott - 2014
    It’s an approach that has become her trademark. Now in Small Victories, Lamott offers a new message of hope that celebrates the triumph of light over the darkness in our lives. Our victories over hardship and pain may seem small, she writes, but they change us—our perceptions, our perspectives, and our lives. Lamott writes of forgiveness, restoration, and transformation, how we can turn toward love even in the most hopeless situations, how we find the joy in getting lost and our amazement in finally being found.Profound and hilarious, honest and unexpected, the stories in Small Victories are proof that the human spirit is irrepressible.

Single On Purpose: Redefine Everything. Find Yourself First.


John Kim - 2021
    After a series of failed relationships and a painful divorce, John Kim realized he had never truly been on his own. He knew that to move forward, he had to build a relationship with himself, to embark on a journey from alone and lonely to alone and fulfilled.For John, it took donuts, barbells, and a motorcycle. For the thousands of clients he’s helped as the Angry Therapist, it was yoga, or salsa dancing, or finally speaking their truth. In Single. On Purpose., John takes his signature “self-help in a shot glass” approach and shows readers how to own their shit, break their patterns, and find a grounded sense of self.Single on Purpose is for people who have never been involved, people who have jumped from partner to partner, and those who have lost themselves in their current relationship—anyone who needs to learn that there’s more to life than who we choose to love.